AITA for bringing my daughter on a three month long vacation every year?

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

Because my daughter said that she's felt the same way for almost a decade and she felt isolated up there and sad.

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

YTA, so to summarize…

I ignored everything my daughter said and dismissed everything she felt, I continue to do this into her adulthood because I want to feel like a good parent and control the narrative.

The biggest thing I learned with my daughter was to shut up instead of shutting her down. Taking the time to understand what and why she was feeling like she was and finding constructive solutions is why we have the relationship we have, I get the feeling it’s the same for you, we both earned what we currently have.

YTA- you basic forced your daughter to do what YOU wanted to do every summer, you robbed her of her social life and tried to say “oh just make new friends” when obviously she was miserable. Tbh OP you sound selfish and it sounds like you completely disregarded her feelings about it.. do you even understand how important socialization is for teens?

YTA. For years, you dragged your daughter for full summers to a place that you liked but she didn't. Then you isolated her from her friends back home. "I like it here so she must" is a really pathetic justification. For you it's a vacation; for her, it's a prison sentence for something she was never guilty of.

The most amazing part of this story is that your daughter hasn't gone no-contact with you, now that she can. The one reason I can guess at is that you're still financing college for her, so she can't afford to, yet.

YTA. "Just make new friends" is ridiculous advice. "walk for an hour in order to get 10 minutes in the phone" is beyond ridiculous. You dragged her away all summer every summer and didn't really let her stay in contact with people she knew. That's miserable. And your attitude reeks of disregarding her in favor of what you wanted.

YTA have you been a teenager before or did you just forget what it’s like ?? Friends are the core component of their existence and you removed that from her for three whole months repeatedly 😒

YTA - Wow... talk about taking away her childhood. Instead of getting to spend time with her friends, you held her hostage. 3 months away is HUGE. And it sounds like even now you are complaining that she only comes for 10 days. Thats ALOT. She has her own life to live, not one you think works for her.

YTA. You said it yourself.

| But I don’t trust her and I find it astonishing that she thinks I held her captive…

You did keep her captive. She had to go every summer. She constantly, year after year, complained how she wanted to be home. Now here she is, 20 and blaming you. You can’t force someone to like something that they will see for only 3 months out of the year. She lost friends knowing them for 9 months of the year. What makes you think she would keep friends she knew 3 months out of the year? This is the equivalent of a child who moves in the military. No where to call a permanent home. Sounds like you loved being there so much that she just had to deal with your entitlement or else you would ground her for it.

Your lucky she is even taking to you. If I was in your shoes, I would say I tried doing what was best as your mother, I thought I was giving you a gift but I was wrong for punishing you for not liking it. Maybe then, you can restore the damage you caused.

YTA - three months straight is a long time at that age and she’s right it probably did hurt her friendships. She’d likely have enjoyed it more if you’d gone 2-3 separate weeks, or 2-3 weeks straight and/or some weekends. Then it would be a treat rather than being so isolating.

I’m a mother of kids ages 14-20 and reading this I’m appalled if it’s real. Your poor daughter. You’re lucky she comes now for 10 days!! I’m surprised she comes at all.

YTA, a huge one. Summer is a huge time for socializing, and you basically took her entire summer away from her for most of her teen years so you could go to the beach for the entire summer. Of course she's going to lose contact with friends, if they are all hanging out and having lots of bonding experiences without her, and she can't even text them??? That's seriously not normal, a month sure, but forcing your daughter not to have any time at home with her friends during the summer is cruel, and also the amount you grounded her and the making her walk an hour just makes you sound very controlling. I hope you see reason at some point and take responsibility for your extremely overbearing parenting. You deprived her of the ability to be a normal kid, frankly the thing that surprises me is that she still even talks to you at all. If I were her I would have cut contact with you on my 18th birthday.

YTA. Although a vacation is nice... All summer? Every summer? Kids need to socialize, and dragging them away isn't going to help. She had friends! And because you dragged her away, and limited her contact: She lost those friends. Lack of contact and communication is a major feat in maintaining relationships. Summer is the time for kids to enjoy themselves. Especially with their OWN time whenever they get older. Maybe like.. a few weeks vacation is appropriate. But the ENTIRE summer is just ridiculous. So is the walk for an hour JUST for 10 minutes? An hour for 10 minutes? That's ridiculous :/

YTA.

She expressed her displeasure with this forced family fun for many, many years. And expressed that she was losing out on valuable social interactions due to these long trips. It's not like you were taking her on fabulous vacations every year to experience travel and new cities and new places. You were taking her to Alabama. And then when she didn't comply with your idea of fun you grounded her and cut her only contact with her friends. She also listed all of the things she missed out on during these trips and you refuse to self-reflect on what you could have done differently. You are lucky she shows up for 10 days at this point.

Plus she couldn't stay home alone as a TEENAGER while her dad worked? Really?

YTA

Your daughter views herself as a prisoner because of your parenting. Its wild she's in her 20s and you're still whining about this.

YTA

Your daughter told you for YEARS that she didn’t like it, she told you want she wanted repeatedly and not only did you not listen, you punished her for trying to maintain friendships using her phone. Please go back and read what you wrote, you were controlling, this wasn’t the amazing family treat you seem to think it was. You are still dismissing her feelings when she tries to tell you how this has impacted her instead of being accountable.

YTA. You stole every one of your daughter's summer breaks. You never cared about anything but yourself. You just hoped she'd start supporting what you want and didn't care when she didn't or how it affected her. You didn't care about the bonding experiences with her friends she missed out on.

My daughter and I still argue that she claims I isolated her from all of her friends and especially because I would ground her a lot so she couldn't even text.

Does she also "claim" that the rises in the morning and sets in the evening? Because YOUR OWN description of the events matches with that. God fucking knows what you're leaving out.

I suspect "ruined her life" is you being hyperbolic about her complaints so you can dismiss them. You absolutely did hold her captive and harm her friendships.

why does she not reflect on herself?

Why don't YOU? Why are you so incapable of listening or reflecting on the basic things she's told you?

Given your general attitude here, she should probably have just cut contact with you by now. I doubt this is the only instance of you being selfish. I suspect the only reason she hasn't cut contact already is because she grew up with you around so you got to normalize your selfishness and she doesn't realize what is actually healthy supportive parenting.

Info: Why didn't you allow some of her friends to go too?

YTA you didn't even think to compromise as she got older? Hmm good luck with seeing her as she moves through adulthood now!

You are being ignorant to the circumstances your daughter had to deal with.

She was a child and during the summer months when she should be able to hang out with her friends and do kids things, you swiped her away from that and wanted to force her to make new friends in a different region altogether. What do you think was going to happen? Did you think that your daughter was going to find other kids to be friends with for 3 months and then they'd be great pen pals and see each other the next summer and have long lasting long distance friendships?

It's hard for kids to make friends and IMO you were forcing a vacation lifestyle meant for adults onto your child.

It's really sad that you never saw that, or took the time to understand a perspective different than your own.

YTA.

YTA, she was a kid/teen, she is right that her friends forgot about her after not seeing her all summer. And not even letting her text freely? Why?

you basically dragged her along with you. and it doesn't sound like you planned anything fun for the two of you to do, you just expected her to go because you wanted to. you didn't plan any fun activities or places to go, or ask her if there was any place she might want to go, you just moved to another house for 3 months and did.....what? and you grounded her while you were on vacation? and took her phone away, but gave it back to her for 10 minutes only if she earned it by walking for a freaking hour? and then you wonder why she lost friends? she wasn't even allowed to talk to them on their time. she was in jail on vacation, basically. and about taking friends, being more worried about an accident than your kid having fun on vacation < your kid having fun on vacation. i'd be mad at you too. YTA.

You ignore everything she was telling you. Why did you go away for so long every year?

YTA good for her for finally getting some distance from you and a life of her own

What the hell did I just read?

So even after years of disdain, you’re still too dense to realize she did not like what you did “for” her but rather to her?

It sounds like the only person who needs to do some “reflecting“ is you, otherwise I don’t see your daughter continuing to put up with your manipulation much longer and leaving your life. YT massive AH

Why couldn't she stay with your parents or your ex's parents? 3 months is excessive, and it's no wonder she withdrew. 1 month is reasonable as it's a vacation, and on top of that, 3 months isn't enough time to form a lasting relationship with people you'll only see 3 months out of a year. INFO NEEDED

YTA. She's not a daughter to you. She's an accessory that has no more value to you than a little pocket dog you drag from place to place.

You destroyed her social life and punished her for not being happy, licking your hand, sitting at your feet, and thanking you for objectifying her.

You were not her mother. You were her prison warden. You punished her for having feelings. Good lord, how can you look at yourself in a mirror?

YTA - Teens at that age have an almost a herd mentality & want to hang out with their friends. You prioritized your wants & convenience above your daughter’s. So, you took her away from her friends every summer for years. Then imposed your rules on her throughout the summer.

No wonder your daughter has revolted as an adult. Instead of asking her to reflect on herself, perhaps you should do the same.

YTA. Mate, let your daughter live her life. She’s an adult, If she tells you something bothered her, believe her. Don’t seek redemption from strangers on the internet, listen to your own flesh and blood giving you feedback.

YTA.

My I ask why you cling so tightly to a vacation that drives your family apart and makes your child miserable? Why was forcing this so important to you?

YTA

So, to ensure you had 100% tyrannical control over your daughter, you physically isolated her for months at a time, removed her method of communication, separated her from her pet, forced her to perform certain activities to be permitted contact with people, constantly remind her that you don't trust her, and ignored her clear symptoms of depression and distress.

That sounds like imprisonment to me. I am genuinely shocked your daughter still speaks to you. The physical and emotional damage that you inflicted upon her during the most important socialisation period of her life will stay with her forever. And I guarantee that she's going to cut you off at some point. This is some terrible 'parenting'. Take your own advice and reflect on yourself.

YTA

You monopolized her entire summer for years against her wishes.

My daughter and I still argue that she claims I isolated her from all of her friends and especially because I would ground her a lot so she couldn't even text. I also had a rule that she had to walk for an hour in order to get 10 minutes in the phone because shed stay in bed all day and complain about wanting to go home.

This is borderline abusive and your daughter is right. You take her out of her life and circle of friends a quarter of ever year and don't even allow her to stay in touch with friends. YTA. I can't even say any more on it, except that I hope your daughter goes no contact with you. You're a horrible and selfish parent.

YTA why did your wants of pretending you don’t have kids and living your beach life our way the need of your child to keep friendships?

YTA

But because she was 14-16 we didn't want her staying in the house by herself when he was at work.

But I don't trust her

why does she not reflect on herself?

I don't know why you didn't and still don't trust your daughter. You haven't given any info as to why you think she's incapable of being alone at home. It sounds more like you wanted to go on this vacation each year and you're mad at your daughter for never being excited about it. You're the one that needs to do some self-reflection.

YTA, I get wanting to spend time with your kid but my word that was not spending time with her if she was absolutely miserable. You do not get to dictate your daughters feelings.

When we go away for spring break, we always take my daughters best friend with us granted, it’s only a week and not three months, but there are parents who will allow you to take their child across state lines. I took one out of the whole country.

My older two kids had to go see their father for six weeks every summer and they lost out on a lot of time with friends, building relationships and having fun. Until the year they said that is the last time and are now no contact with him and have been for 5 or 6 years.

"But I don't trust her and I find it astonishing that she thinks I held her captive up there every year and I ruined her life"

YTA. You held her captive up there and ruined her life, and you ruined your relationship by being so rigid.

YTA

You don’t care about your daughter. You even stuck her in a one bedroom condo! You ground her when she doesn’t bend to your will, force her to walk, separate her from her friends and thoughtlessly tell her to make new friends in a place where people come and go.

You don’t even know who your daughter is as a person. You don’t listen to her. All you do is order her around and punish her.

I bet she’s sick of you. Yes, you are to blame for her losing friends, priceless irreplaceable childhood friends.

And you’re the one who needs to do the self-reflecting, so you can stop being so closed hearted to your daughter.

Good grief OP, YTA big time.

YTA. i was also isolated by my mother (homeschooled/noschooled) and it did significant damage to my social skills and ability to maintain friendships. I’m 26 and still healing. Maybe she will forgive you but she will never get over it

YTA! My dad did the same thing to me, even said you can make friends anywhere. How the hell is an 11-17 year old supposed to make friends when they don’t go to the schools in the area? How are kids that age supposed to participate in summer/fall school activities if they are gone the entire summer? You absolutely isolated her and she probably felt constantly on the outs with her friends group back home because she couldn’t hang out in the summer and be in on the inside jokes. Think about whether you as an adolescent would have been okay with this.

YTA. Or were the AH. Since she is now an adult, maybe you could try to enjoy it when she joins you.

YTA. It sounds miserable. She did not even have her own space and her only enjoyment you took away. I am surprised she even talks to you at all.

I’ll try and be civil, but oh my lord are YTA. Let’s see, you bring your daughter on a long vacation for a big part of the year, which is during the time that she should be out with her friends and developing healthy relationships, especially in high school! I dunno if you realize how much social development goes on during those years, but I would not be surprised if you notice her being more introverted as she grows up. It honestly seems like you invalidated her wants and needs, all with the mentality of “I’m the parent, I know what’s best”. Not to mention that your reasoning was just what you assumed she would do! Clearly her behavior during those trips showed just how much she loved being there, along with her not going as soon as she was able to! I hope your future will bring better things for her relationship with you, but you really showed how you had to be in control and didn’t actually care about your daughters well-being as she was maturing. Im surprised this sub even crossed your mind for this situation, because it looks like it’s obvious to everyone else except you. I can’t even begin to comprehend the audacity you would even have to consider writing that last sentence too. Of course you’re to blame for her losing friends! You consistently separated her from all of them for entire summers, and then asks why she doesn’t reflect on herself! She had no say in going there every summer, so how exactly would it be her fault for not being able to keep those friendships? I seriously think you must know that you’re in the wrong here, and are just trying to grasp onto the off chance that maybe another person could share your views on parenting and can put you in a better light. I’m sorry, but honestly, shame on you for how you handled this entire timeline of events. YTA

Sounds like you held her captive in a terrible situation.

YTA

YTA

You went out of your way to make sure your daughter only got to socialize at school. You robbed her of most of her summer vacations which she’ll likely never have again until she retires. You still expect her, as a college student in a long term relationship, to spend the entire summer under your thumb. You’re manipulative, controlling and selfish.

YTA - you took her away from everything she liked and expected her to be ok with it. School was cool but summer is where you really expand your friendships and hobbies and you took that from your daughter… something she’ll never get back.

YTA, you destroyed any chance for her to have any type of friendship. Even if she made friends during the summer there, she wouldn't be around them during the school year, so she wouldn't be able to nurture those friendships either.

I would have absolutely hated you if you were my mother. The 2 weeks we went on our family vacation I missed so much with my friends. I felt so left out I couldn't imagine the WHOLE summer.

YTA

I'm just horrifyed by you honestly.

An hour of walking is absolutly enough. Lets say she walked two hours everyday. Then had 20 min. on her phone. And what was she supposed to do?

Walk entire days on end for 8 to 9 hours to be allowed 1 1/2 hours on her phone in the evenings?

Why are you not self reflecting? You took her away for month on end where she didn't want to be, didn't let her have contact with her friends and now are whining "she doesn't want a relationship with meeee"

Let me put it this way:

You knew your daughter wasn't enjoying the "vacation" (and it was not one to her, let's not kid ourselves) and if she didn't pretend to enjoy it exactly as you expected her to, she was punished. You punished your child for not enjoying 3 months away from home, and now you're surprised that she spends less than 10 days a year at the place where she spent 18 months of her life miserable. YTA

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I have one daughter and when she was around 11 we bought a condo in another state (Alabama) right on the beach and we would go as soon as school let out, until the week it started back up. Around end of May to the end of July or early August.

She never really seemed a fan of it but I thought she would grow into it. The next and following years she would be going outside and to town with us for a week or so, and then eventually would stop going outside and complaining that she wanted to go home and see her friends. I told her to make friends there and she would argue with me. She would just stay in the bed and go on her phone asking to go home everyday.

When she got into high school she got a boyfriend, they're still together, and would be even more hesitant on going away for so long and would try to do everything to go home and not stay as long and would try to go home with her Dad when he'd go back for work.

But because she was 14-16 we didn't want her staying in the house by herself when he was at work. It got to the point where I saw texts from her boyfriend saying it was ridiculous too and nobody should be staying that long.

My daughter's 20 now and hasn't gone on our full vacation ever since she was 17, that's when we gave up and allowed her to stay. When she comes up to the condo now with her boyfriend they stay less than 10 days.

My daughter and I still argue that she claims I isolated her from all of her friends and especially because I would ground her a lot so she couldn't even text. I also had a rule that she had to walk for an hour in order to get 10 minutes in the phone because shed stay in bed all day and complain about wanting to go home.

I don't think she would've done anything back then besides stay in bed at home too though. She claims she would've hung out with her friends, wanted to learn how to drive, see her cat, see her boyfriend, study her hobbies, etc. But I don't trust her and I find it astonishing that she thinks I held her captive up there every year and I ruined her life. She said a lot of in real life friendships died down because they never even saw each other unless it was during school.

Like am I the one to blame for her loosing friends? why does she not reflect on herself?

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YTA. I could kind of understand for the first couple of years, but after that there was just no reason to make her stay that long when she could have gone home with her dad. I don't understand why you didn't want to leave a teenager home alone while he worked. Does he have frequent overnight work trips? Even that should have been manageable once she was 16 or so if she agreed to check in a couple times a day and stay reachable.

If you just couldn't bring yourself to do that, why couldn't you have made the trips shorter? Split the summer so she could still have some of it with her friends? She wasn't enjoying herself and it doesn't sound like she was fun to be around. What was the point of keeping her there? I'll bet if you had listened and made a compromise she might even have been happier while she was there and at least tried to have some fun, just because she felt heard.

You say you think she's only in contact with you now because you pay for college. If you want any chance of her staying in your life after she's independent, you need to talk this out and admit to her you could have done better. Tell her you're sorry. And listen to what she has to say, during that conversation and going forward. Otherwise you most likely will not be part of her life or the lives of any potential grandchildren. Is that what you want?

YTA.

You did isolate her for years. You also damaged her friendships in the process as a result. The only one needing self-reflection in this scenario is you. Clearly, that's not going to happen since the only person , thoughts, and concerns that matter are yours and there's no possible way you could be right. You're lucky your daughter bothers to show up at all, let alone stay for ten days. Get over yourself before she stops doing that as well.

YTA. Having kids is not about trying to make them like the things you like. It's about making space for the things they like. She told you what she wanted and you told her to want something else instead. She's a person and she's been a person with valid preferences that should get respect since long before she was 11.

YTA. Well, you ruined literally every summer for her throughout her childhood. You forced her to be away from her friends and you wouldn't even let her talk to them most of the time. You knew she didn't want to be there but you ignored her feelings. You were happy to hurt her because you're selfish; you made it clear that you didn't give a crap about what she felt or wanted.

YTA. you must be holding something huge over her head for her to be coming down at all, let one 10 days.

YTA. How are you even questioning it? You ignored every wish of hers and now play the victim.

You are the asshole, and an entitled one at that. When you take a child or ANYONE from an environment and force them into a new one, you are removing them from there HOME. From what THEY like and what THEY love, not what YOU love. Not even talking about this, the multiple red flags in this post say enough. If she doesn't want to go, Not to mention some of these BS rules '

'I also had a rule that she had to walk for an hour in order to get 10 minutes in the phone because shed stay in bed all day and complain about wanting to go home.' First of all, how fragile do you have to be for punishing someone for missing there home? Second,

You forced her to separate from HER home and HER life, what do you expect? If I suddenly put you into a cage for three months, would you talk about how pretty the cage was, or be upset that it was a cage?

For fucks sake, apologize, hug her, tell her it's your fault because it truly is. I honestly don't even hope for you two to make up because you're too blind to see how you're at fault. I hope she cuts you off and rebuilds all the relationships she's lost due to you.

If someone did this to any child I were to have, I would be in jail.

You are the asshole.

YTA

YTA

I find it astonishing that she thinks I held her captive up there every year

... because you did

YTA.

This condo sounds horrible. I would have hated having to be isolated all summer in a hideous hot hellhole state with an awful, uncaring parent.

yeahhh YTA- do you even have any reason not to trust her? or are you just assuming that she would just stay at home. she clearly doesnt like it to at least let her stay less time. its hard to connect with friends when you are invisible for 3 months except for 10 minutes. it is ridiculous for you to ask her to walk for one hour for an exchange of just 10 minutes on the phone. its not even worth it at that point and honestly its very very controlling and probably made her hate going on that trip even more. Especially at 16 when those rules shouldnt really be that harsh.

also i do go away for summer but it doesnt bother me because all my other friends do the same as its just how it is for us. Also I actually have fun and dont have everything controlled.

YTA. You literally robbed your daughter of her childhood summers. That is just awful. She must have been so lonely and bored every summer. YTA completely.

Also, stop dismissing and diminishing your daughter's feelings, you talk about her with such condescension. She has a right to be hurt and I'm actually really surprised she even bothers still talking to her prison warden....sorry I mean mother.

YTA. She was held captive. You sound incredibly controlling and rigid. She had to walk an hour to get 10 minutes of phone time? Her phone was her only lifeline to her friends. This was a nightmare to a kid her age.

YTA no wonder your daughter has limited contact with you.

YTA big time!

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

You unilaterally decided that she'd spend all Summer doing something that made her miserable. You didn't listen to her wishes at all. Friends/home is so important at that age.

Sounds like soon she'll go LC/NC with you.

YTA because you are SO dumb that you never let your daughter socialize so now she is probably anti social

OP, YTA!

You have been doing nothing but punishing your child. You're complaining about the mote in her eye while blithely ignoring the redwood sized log in your own. Pathetic.

You basically made your daughter stay away from everyone she knows (except you) for the whole of her summer holidays yet she needs to reflect on herself ? YTA

YTA. How can you possibly be so obtuse? People like you being allowed to vote horrifies me.

YTA, its the punishment for not doing what you want her to do for me. She tells you her feelings and you wonder why you guys aren't close?

YTA

I’d maybe understand a week. But three months??? In fucking Alabama???? That’s hyperbolically child cruelty…

You are lucky she even acknowledges your existence. YTA big time

YTA! You're selfish and dismissive of your daughters feelings on the matter. She told you how she feels about it and you think she's wrong? Not only did you force her to go and stay as long as you did, you also forced her to do things she didn't want to do. What kind of vacation was that for her?

My sister and I went every summer to my grandparents in another state. We decided how long we stayed. We as in the kids. The adults listened to us. Well for the most part. It also depended on if the adults had anything going on too. My mom would drop us off and stay a week and then leave. Repeat when time to leave. And no we didn't always have other kids to play with.

That's a vacation and not what you did. That wasn't a vacation for daughter. For your daughter it was more like a prison.

It's hard to make friends, it's harder to maintain relationships when you have no control over where you are. Is it the worst thing a parent has ever done? No. But it's a shitty thing to do, especially cuz it doesn't sound like you made an effort to keep her entertained besides mandatory exercise. It's boring hanging out with your parents when you're a teenager, and constantly being up each other's ass makes all those moody teenage things way worse, cementing the miserable memories well into adulthood. The world doesn't have to revolve around her, but a little bit of care towards her interests in feelings go a long way, especially when you so openly talk about not trusting her. Was she a bad kid? Was she into drugs or drinking? Were her grades okay? If she wasn't doing too many terrible things then you're behavior was ridiculous.

When you first started going there you should have put her in day camp or something. She never had a chance to make friends there. Pretty sad.

yta and a terrible parent. no wonder she wants nothing to do you

It's crazy that you're genuinely asking if YTA . Yes lol you completely are. You're definitely to blame for EVERYTHING she's blamed you for. She didn't like it and you dismissed her feelings. I could understand every couple of years but you basically imprisoned her every year for the couple of months she was supposed to relax and have fun with friends. I'm surprised that she still has contact with you at all.

YTA

You forced her to go on vacation to a place she didn't want to go to for 6 years. Most of her friendships died because of your selfishness and inability to listen yo her. Her anger is justified and her reasons make sense.

Let me reiterate, for six years you forced your kid to do something she hated and cut people she liked off for your own selfish reasons. You're a horrible and selfish parent.

YTA.

When I was younger and still living with my parents, they always asked me where I wanted to go or if I’m okay where they decided we were going.

And for 3 months. Did you even do something she liked to do? Or you just forced her to be there?

YTA i was staying home alone when i was 11 years old because my dad trust me not to hurt myself and to get into trouble.

YTA

A week or two is reasonable. Making her sacrifice her ENTIRE summer break for something YOU wanted and then punishing her when she was reasonably upset over it is the epitome of assholeness. What exactly should she be reflecting on herself over? Having a selfish ass parent who disregarded her wishes and needs?

So for her entire adolescence she missed out on any summer activities with her peers because you wanted her to be held hostage in a one bedroom condo in Alabama of all places? Eesh, yes, you are the asshole.

YTA as you did isolate her in her childhood from her friends. All children look forward to having the summer experience with friends outside of school, hanging out, going to the mall, parks, swimming, just being a child/teen. You took this from her and made it clear her opinions didn't matter. It almost sounds like she rather school not end than to deal with the isolation you created for her.

NTA. You were under no obligation to change your holiday plans because a petulant teenage sulked about them.

I’m going against the grain on this one and going to say NTA. She was a moody teenager. She would have likely been a moody teenager even at home. If the worst thing that’s happened to you is your parents taking you to the beach all summer, ever summer, you’ve lived a pretty good life.

That being said, OP should have made every effort to make the place more enjoyable to her daughter (invite friends, find activities near the beach to help her make friends, go home for a week midway through the summer, etc). But she shouldn’t have had to change their entire plans on the account of a moody teenager.

NTA - Although your daughter is 20 she has not yet outgrown her adolescent mindset where the peer group has an outsized importance. At this stage of development, the adolescent/young adult has a tendency to blame parents for anything and everything. Don’t argue with her and stop being resentful she perceived the summer beach trips differently from you. When the topic comes up, be honest and calmly explain how you thought it would be a nice experience and you regret she did not enjoy it. If she continues to gripe, let her air her grievances but don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your daughter is ungrateful, it’s just a very common and well documented developmental stage where they feel the need to break away from family and forge an identity within their peer group. Had you stayed at home every summer she would have found some thing else to complain about.

Gonna get downvoted but: NTA

Probably not the ideal to go away for all of summer 'vacation', but not the end of the world either. Sounds like a lot of "teenage angst". With luck, she will grow out of needing so much peer approval and gain better reflective insight. Doing things like requiring exercise and limiting social media access is pretty healthy (though as this is being posted on a social media forum that opinion probably won't be appreciated ;-) ). I can't speak for your intentions, that is yours to evaluate, but if you did this in love for your family and not out of selfish desires, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

NTA - They obviously weren’t real friends if they couldn’t handle her going on vacation. She’s better off without them. When she was 17 you respected her space. Not sure what more she could ask for tbh

Edit: I will not be responding to any more comments from people seeking validation from me about their parenting beliefs. If you downvote this comment, move along. This isn’t a debate subreddit. Write your own comment to OP instead of demanding I change my opinion because you don’t like that I have a different idea. Have a great day!