I’ve known this girl for about a year now and she and i have go in and out of talking, i really love and care about her but i do NOT want a relationship with her due to how different we are emotionally, she keeps persisting and pushing for one but i’m really scared of hurting her, but no matter how much i tell her no, she doesn’t listen, and when i do tell her how i feel, she acts like i hate her, i’m in so much emotional pain right now, i dont know how to solve it
AITA for not wanting to be in a relationship cause i dont want to hurt her?
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Well.. (was saying Y T A... but another post convinced me), not super harshly.. but you know what needs to happen and you don't seem to be willing to do it.
You're hurting her either way. You keep saying "I don't want to hurt her".
What you've _been_ doing is just continuing the hurt. And if you keep doing what you're doing you're going to continue hurting her.
You need to just end this friendship/relationship/whatevership this is. YEah.. it _will_ hurt her, but .. its then over and theoretically she can move on, and have something to actually get over and heal from.
So.. I'm not putting this all on you. As you describe it, she's just keeping up hope that you'll come around, despite you repeatedly telling her "this is not going to happen". But the more you stick around, the more you're feeding into that hope (irrational that it may be).
edit - ESH... she is being selfish in this as well.
I want to let her go so bad but you don’t understand, she WILL make it a big deal, there’s no way of me getting out of this without a few metaphorical bruises
I get it... so .... and thats why you are also the asshole here. I get it, its going to suck. But you can't be all "I don't want to hurt her, so I'm just going to keep hurting her. This way I won't hurt her. But I have to hurt her by saying I don't want to be in this relationship. ". You're trapping yourself in this ridiculous circle.
And yeah, I also get that she's holding you hostage. Thats why she's also the asshole.
Sorry to be harsh here but ... so whats the plan, Stan? You've got three options that I can see
1) you bend to her will and be in a relationship with a girl that you don't want to be in that will be filled with guilt and argument ? Maybe you'll be stuck with her for 10 years until the eventual loathing of each other hits a fever pitch and you finally get out. Or you stick with each other out of this bizarre sense of guilt until you die of old age and turn to dust.
2) you continue as you are, she waiting just waiting for you to finally see her as your one true love (that will never happen) and you her emotional hostage, with neither of you are able to have any sort of fulfilling relationship until you die of old age and turn to dust.
3) you bite the bullet and end this now, allowing both of you to be free of this toxic relationship you have and can actually move on with your lives and potentially meet someone and have an actual loving relationship