My ex-wife, Jen (38F) and I (42M) were married for 8 years before divorcing during the pandemic 4 years ago. We have 2 kids together (13M & 10F) who we share custody of and coparent well together. At her suggestion, I got a vasectomy after our daughter was born. I got remarried about a year ago to my new wife, Cari (34F). Cari does not have kids but has always wanted a family. After many discussions prior to our engagement, I agreed to reverse my vasectomy to try to start a family with Cari. I had the reversal procedure done just after our wedding.
Cari and I found out about a month ago that she is pregnant. She is currently about 15-weeks. We have not told anyone about the pregnancy until recently. I wanted to wait until I had an opportunity to tell my kids in person that they are going to have a younger sibling. Now that they are done with school, I had that chance this past weekend.
Both of my kids were very excited and happy to hear the news. They get along great with Cari and are excited to have a new baby bro/sis. After I told the kids, they wanted to call their mom and tell her about it too. I was a little apprehensive because I didn't know how Jen would react and tried to convince them to let me tell her first, but my son ended up telling her via text before that.
Jen sent me a text a few minutes later basically asking me WTF I was thinking. I texted her back saying that I would prefer not to have this conversation over text and asked if she was free for a chat. She said she wasn't and sent a flurry of texts asking me a bunch of questions. I again told her I would prefer to have this conversation in person or on the phone.
She finally called me later that night and was not happy. She told me that I should have told her I reversed my vasectomy so that she could talk to our kids about it. I told her that my body and my life with Cari is not her business and that neither of our kids even know I had a vasectomy, let alone know what a vasectomy is. I've never told them I had one so why would I tell them I reversed it.
She told me that since this is going to have a huge impact on our kids' lives that I should have told her about it first. She said that it is her business when it will directly impact our kids. I told her that it is my body and that my health choices are of no concern to her anymore. The conversation started getting heated and I ended the call before things got too far.
Jen has since calmed down and did send a text congratulating me and Cari. But she still maintains that I should have notified her of my decision to reverse my vasectomy before things got to a point where Cari is pregnant. She thinks that she had a right to know since it will impact our kids.
I think she has no right to any information regarding what I decide to do with my body unless it is life-threatening. My marriage and life with Cari is not information that my ex-wife has any right to.