I am 49 years old. My wife is 48. We have been married for 23 years.
When I first met my wife in college, she was energetic, fun, and simply radiant. Her love of life was infectious. We would go hiking, eat at restaurants, go to theme parks, take walks on beaches, and everything else. We both loved the outdoors.
About three years after we got married, my wife started changing. Instead of going out, she began to become something of a couch potato. She gained weight, started sleeping less, stopped cooking, and frankly became kind of a slob. I put up with this for years. I started cooking on most nights, and I had to hide vegetables in her food for her to eat them. I started doing the dishes every night because I knew she wouldn’t. When I went grocery shopping I abstained from buying my favorite unhealthy foods because I knew she would devour them within hours. I tried to encourage her to start taking care of her health.
Nothing changed. Ten years ago, I finally reached my breaking point. I sat her down and gave her an ultimatum: "Start taking care of your health because if it falls apart, I’m not going to be here to take care of you." She was very upset with me, saying “In sickness and in health my ass” repeatedly, but I told her I didn’t care.
Again, nothing changed. I’ve stayed active. I go jogging every day and maintain a healthy weight. But over the past five years, she has reached a point where she frankly kind of disgusts me at times. It takes her five minutes or more to get up from her typical position of lying down on the sofa. She has started waddling hunched over. She’s 48 but she honestly looks 10 years older and acts 25 years old.
A month ago, I finally got her to go to the doctor (another one of her reckless behaviors is never going in for check-ups). They discovered that she’s on the verge of type 2 diabetes, has a mild case of non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, and her blood pressure is concerningly high. Naturally, after receiving such news, on the way home from the hospital she swung by a fast food restaurant to get some food and a shake.
The other day I sat her down and told her that I simply refuse to be a caretaker for someone who’s not even 50 yet. I told her I would be filing for divorce, but left how we do it (either through lawyers or through a cooperative splitting of assets) up to her. She’s absolutely furious with me, and my parents seem to be on her side.
Am I really the asshole here?