I (28F) am conflicted because I don’t know if my best friend (29F) is a bad friend or if this is just a me problem. My family’s restaurant of 25 years recently got shut down and I’m afraid I may just be going through a rough time. But also, so much of what she does triggers me. Please be honest. ——-
I met my friend Sarah in martial arts class when we were both 20 and we connected immediately. We were the type of friends that didn’t really hang out much outside of class, but whenever we did get together it awesome! She was like the first and only irl friend I made in my 20s and we both call each other “best friend” since we met. We text every single day.
Recently, I’ve felt like I no longer want to see her. I first felt this about 2 years ago when her other friends and I were helping her move. Sarah got pregnant when she was 23 and I didn’t find out until she was 8 months in and planning a baby shower. She said she didn’t tell me about it because she didn’t want anyone in our martial arts group to know and wanted to keep it secret. Understood. During the move though, I witnessed her other girl friends reminiscing with her about how excited they felt when she told them about her pregnancy. They were showing off the ultrasound photos and everything. This stung a bit.
I had a falling out with another girl friend of mine back in 2019. I was the one that introduced Sarah to her. I unfortunately learned that my past friend was talking about me and my family behind my back. Sarah still hangs out with her to this day despite that and they travel/post Instagram pics together. I’ve explained to Sarah how that friend basically ghosted me and is out here talking about me. I just recently found out that friend is the SAME person that was there when Sarah gave birth. I don’t see their friendship changing anytime soon.
My family’s restaurant is vegetarian. We were struggling to stay open this past year, and I’d see Sarah posting pics of herself eating at other vegetarian restaurants in the area. People are free to eat where they choose, but I must admit I was upset since she could’ve supported my family’s restaurant instead. My family even offered her a place in our restaurant to put up her crochet designs when she first got started with her business. Sarah has text me about going to eat at other vegetarian restaurants and in the back of my mind I’m thinking, “Are you dense… first off my family and I are struggling for money here! I can’t even afford to go out and secondly why would I want to support competition?” This pissed me off.
Fast forward 2024. When Sarah and I hang out these days, it’s mostly because she needs my advice on a guy/needs to vent. I don’t mind this as I love giving advice to those in need, but I just want the same support system for myself, especially during this rough time. She allows me space to vent, but I just don’t feel fulfilled after our convos, more drained. When we text there are so many misunderstandings. All these little things I wrote about above are getting to me and I just want to stop connecting with her. Do you think I’m being dramatic? Would I be an a*hole if I distanced myself from her over this stuff?