Would I be the AH for cutting my mum off?
Sorry but it's a long one I'm a 25 year old female and I don't know what to do in my situation with my mum, I've been going over this in my head and idk what to think I'm wondering if it's the right choice to do it or not so let me know
When I had my daughter my mum was(and still is) a very controlling, manipulative and narcissistic person. My partner and I told both of our parents that they have 1 chance with our daughter and if they messed up they'd be cut off from our lives ( both of us didn't have the best upbringing and had people in and out of our lives and we don't want that for our child)
Now onto the story
My partner (26M) and I have been together for 9 years and when my MIL (his mum) passed away we got a bit of money in an inheritance (not saying how much) now my mum wanted to borrow a big amount of money to buy a car and we said that she could but she'd have to pay it back as it was for our child (8F) future schooling fees or for whatever she needs for school in the future. Now my mum(47 yr old) said she'd take full responsibility for paying it in full as she borrowed it when she was married to my step dad (64M), now she's trying to back pedal and say that both her and my step dad are responsible for paying back the amount by going halfs in it but when we told her that she took it and said she'd be the one to pay it back as she borrowed it (from me and my partner) my mum than bought a car off FB market place anyway when mum split from my step dad she kicked him out of the house and kept the car for herself as it was in her name and her responsibility. She wouldn't let my step dad borrow the car at all as she said it was hers not "theirs" so she said no to him but now she's not even paying back the "loan" that we gave to buy said car she's paid a very small amount in 2 years not the point but still it was a lot of money that we gave her. About 18 months ago she told me she had sold the car for $1,800 cause of the transmission or something other and she couldn't afford to fix it so my mum sold the car and kept the money for herself (didn't give money to start paying my partner and I back) than took the money and moved to another state to be with her new boyfriend and his kids didn't tell anyone where she was for 1 month eventually she only told her kids (myself and 2 of my siblings) where she was cause we said we'd call the cops so mum told us. Anyway when I try to talk to her about paying us back she says that she is going to pay for half of the "loan" and my step dad would have to pay back the other half, mum only caused myself and my family distress when she said this now I'm trying to get her to understand that she needs to start paying more often and not just $20 every 4 months. I've tried to tell her that it's unacceptable and mum won't accept the fact that my partner and I aren't going to be pushovers and take her crap anymore so she threatened us with lawyers to try to get out of paying it. Mum is acting like an absolute child and not even having an adult conversation with me about the "loan" and acts like she has all the time in the world to pay it back but it's not the case it's been 2 years and we've received maybe $350 off her. I'm not one to post about my crap on social media but the pain and hurt that mum has cause not only me and my partner but our daughter over the years isn't on.
I'm trying to act like an adult in this situation but she's not making it easy on me so I've decided to cut her off from our lives (but kept her on messenger so she can tell me when she's paid) but hasn't been acting like the mum I grew up with. Mum is a different person and acting very selfish and I don't want that in my daughters life it's heartbreaking to see my mum act like this. Mum went on a rant calling me selfish, self-centred and stagnant in the way I'm acting towards her but I'm trying to be civil and be an adult about this whole thing but mums not making it easy.
So I'm wondering if I'm the AH for cutting her out of our lives and wanting nothing to do with her and her new "family"?