I am a married woman expecting first child. I have been married for 7 months now to my husband. I have 3 cats that were here when he moved in. Overall, all has been okay. The oldest cat is a female and about 14 years old now. I adopted her alone 7 years ago. 6 years ago, I went through an extremely serious, life-threatening illness. I was largely alone when this happened, most of my family/friends did not show up for me. My cat (she was the sole cat at the time; the males followed after I recovered) stayed by my side and was my only real companion/source of comfort through it. So yes, I love this cat very much and want her to live out a happy life.
The cat has not handled my pregnancy well. I think she is stressed by the big changes. She has messed outside the litter box, began eating non-food items, started antagonizing my husband and the male cats, etc. We have tried many methods to help her - a self-cleaning litter box, cat pheromone sprays and diffusers, treats, etc. Everything the cat behaviorists recommend, but little luck. I don't think my husband helps matters because he will physically discipline/strike her when she messes up - I don't really believe in that and keep trying the behavioral methods.
Initially, my husband said he would defer to me on what to do with her because of my long-existing relationship with her. I held out a lot of hope she'd improve, but no luck. Finally, I accepted that she would benefit from finding her a new home, away from this stress. I am working now to either rehome her directly with a good, calm home through message boards/websites and contacting local no-kill shelters to try to arrange a safe surrender. I do not want to take her to the direct intake kill shelter near us because I worry at her age, they will slate her for euthanasia immediately.
My husband has reached the point of demanding that I just do an immediate surrender, regardless of the shelter's status. I have begged him to give me time to find a safe home. I feel like I owe her a safe home. He has threatened to take her in himself. Today, he told me I care more for a cat than our baby and said I need to choose between the cat and him. I told him I can't love him if he forces that choice, the marriage will end. AITAH for this? I just don't want the cat to die.