That's totally understandable and pretty normal to feel all of these things. It takes a while for most people to get back to normal (especially those who don't make a living off our bodies like influencers).

I'm 2 years postpartum and have still struggled with the weight, but I am more fit now than in years. Six months after I stopped breastfeeding, I felt ready to run regularly again, so I did that and found a jogging stroller on FB marketplace.

We also did some calculations and chose to join a gym (LO was 1.5y/o) that has childcare and studio classes. It's been a game-changer. I am home with our daughter 7am-2pm, my husband does second shift. The gym has changed our world!

The older your kid gets, the easier sleep tends to get, and you can hopefully get full rest and recovery overnight.

I think keep realistic, small goals, and you'll feel more satisfied if you can reach those first before your long-term goal! You can do this! One day at a time, little by little. You've got this.

Good bot

Not exactly in your situation but I may be ... we'll see. I'm entering my last year of my PhD program with a 2-year-old, and we're hoping to conceive #2 this summer (fingers crossed). I'm 35, for reference.

My first child was planned pretty well, meaning we set a date for when to conceive, conceived on the first try, and had her as I finished up my 2nd year coursework. I had a 12-month GAship with 6 weeks of leave and spent the summer (she was born in May) working remotely. Then had a fairly easy course/work schedule that 3rd year. We do all daycare at home and my full-time spouse takes the evening shift most days so I can work and study.

Once you have a kid, you have a whole other person with needs to attend to and I found that I still had a spouse and dog to attend to as well. Not much time for me. It's a lot more demanding than I anticipated and has affected my PhD experience because my mom hat became just as important (and sometimes more important) as my PhD hat. Tradeoffs abound once you have kids in any type of career setting, especially if you're the breastfeeding one. My parents fly out once a quarter to stay for 1-2 weeks to help during periods of stress (QEs, finals, proposal, etc.), which is a HUGE help.

Related to your situation, just yesterday my department chair was like "I should have had my child during my program because it was so tough during my post-doc." She then went on to say having her 2nd child as a professor was actually easier because she had more control over her schedule.

I realized that I should take advantage of the freedom that being in the ABD realm affords me. I'd rather have my 2nd kid during the later end of my dissertation phase than when I'm in a new position, fellowship, or post-doc because I literally make my own schedule right now. My spouse can float us for the extra few months that I'll be unemployed during ABD, and I'll be able to spend valuable time at home with an infant (if all goes to plan).

To directly answer one of your questions -- some post-docs might be flexible with when you start. I know some of my classmates negotiated more time to take care of their family before going into the role, but it all depends. I think relocation with an infant is doable if your family is willing to travel to help out from time to time.

In summary, there's no "perfect" time to do this and you're at a stage where you do have some flexibility with what comes next and could possibly negotiate the terms of a post-doc to favor you with an infant. I'd wait to disclose pregnancy until much later so you can have more leverage than a hypothetical baby. I'll emphasize again--a baby is a new person in your life forever, come what may. So, as much as you can plan, sh*t happens and you'll have to adjust your life plans along the way ... that's just how it is. So I recommend you go for it! :)

Honestly, there's really not much you can do now, except take it as a learning lesson. I freaked out because I took Sudafed in my first trimester because I misread the fact sheet about colds. I chatted with a nurse on Mother-to-Baby who put me at ease. (Have a healthy 2y/o now and TTC a sibling.)

I'm a public health researcher. Clinical recommendations for pregnant women are hard to make at times because not much research is done experimentally with pregnant people for obvious reasons. You'll expose your fetus to a lot in pregnancy unwittingly. It can be tough to overcome the guilt you may feel. The way I tried to look at it was that one exposure probably wasn't the be-all end-all of my baby's development. Just try not to do it again, aka be more mindful of certain risks at certain times.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Deep breaths! Check out the Mother-to-Baby chat line and talk to your doctor about this fear at your next appointment. Don't let them brush you off. Instead ask them to explain how they determine the threat of an exposure like overheating so you understand their thought processes. (I hate when doctors just glossed over a fear without telling me why they found it trivial...)

https://mothertobaby.org/ask-an-expert/

This was me. I didn't know the distinction before I matriculated and quickly realized I was describing myself incorrectly!

You're making your 3rd baby, that's impressive and beautiful. Congratulations!

I'm sorry it's not shaping up the way you'd hope, especially since you were able to be so fit at the beginning. That's frustrating. I only have one kiddo but am TTC #2 at a higher weight, which isn't idea nor my plan but life happensl.

I try to be kind to myself and say "Yeah, you're at this weight but look at all the things you're crushing in life right now." To give myself grace and recognize that my weight doesn't define me as a human or provide my beauty. Your whole self does. And your kids see mommy in all her beauty, not just her weight.

Fill up on proteins, focus on labor and delivery fitness so that you can be as strong in the postpartum period, and maybe avoid mirrors or the scale for some time if it becomes overwhelming. And recognize that ultimately it's a bigger self-love goal you may be after (I'm also reminding myself of this!).

Solidarity xx

I think you can definitely tone your arms while swimming. I did a few years ago. It depends on where you start. It's more of toning than strength muscles, I'd say. But it's sooo good for you and sooo soothing. Definitely recommend!

Ooh, good luck! It is tough to start, right? But it does get a little more routine and easier if you can overcome the power of your brain (and it's addiction to sugar! Lol).

My doctor encouraged me to fill up on protein more and gave me a set 80g/day goal. I allow myself yummy and creamy fats (cottage cheese, heavy cream in coffee, more cheese) when I'm craving sweets or wanting to treat myself. I find this has helped during the first week or so to get over the hump.

Also the daily weigh in and ketone pee sticks really do keep me focused! You can do it! :)

Thanks so much! I'm closer to dirty keto than clean keto since I'll have the occasional carb balance and truvia-sweetened drink. Since I have a short timeline in mind, I find it easier to power through some of the laziness. But once I'm pregnant, I'll be curious how my hormones will tempt me!

How is your keto journey going?

Same boat as you, more or less with the weight goal and exercise rate.

I'm sorry for your losses. That can be stressful. I've been under tons of stress, and I think that my cortisol levels have been pretty high. My doctor saw nothing wrong but encouraged me to eat more protein and do more weight lifting/ strength training. And focus on more mindfulness activities to help with stress.

We're planning on trying for baby two next month, so I've switched to keto eating to help jumpstart weight loss even more. I've been doing intermittent fasting 8pm to 11am to avoid snacking. I'll let you know if any of this works!

Yeah, can't think of anything that was what I expected.

Especially her looks -- she came out with a full head of very dark hair and we're both light brown/blondes!

With my 1st, I was keto and intermittent fasting for 2 months beforehand. Got pregnant on my first cycle (at 33y/o).

Proud of you!

Grapes, cucumbers, caesar salad kits, more grapes, pickles -- probably for the sodium! Good luck and hang in there!

Also, you're able to recognize that your toddler is just a normal kiddo who is just triggering you. You're exhausted, sore, and spent. It's really tough to be in your shoes. It's OK to tap into your entire network right now. Like send your toddler away for a couple of weeks while you heal and rest. Do whatever it takes! They will be OK in the long run if you are as well.

(+1 to other advice received here already)

I have had a lot stomach bugs over the years...no one questions that!

I let my daughter play in the sink ...gives me about 15 min. Trickling water and lots of cups. I also give her a bowl with a little water, flour, and oats. She makes cakes for about 15-20 minutes. Makes a mess but it's fairly well contained and easy to clean up!

Just actually trying to lose some weight before we start trying next month. My cycle starts tomorrow. Just wanna feel a little better about myself before the end of next month!

I had something like this but it was definitely a negative pregnancy test over 2 weeks of testing. Look up pseudocyesis...our minds are very powerful over our bodies sometimes!

I'm so impressed that you dropped so much weight within 10 months! Any tips or advice for someone 2 years pp with 20lbs to go? :)

It's okay! You're a student. Shit happens. They know!

That's a great idea

What the fuck is wrong with that kid?!

I've had this fear, too. It's healthy to remember that while I desperately want a second, they're a whole complex human being that I will have to care for in sickness and health (mine and theirs). I have been finding more peace in the fact that I'll again have almost 10 months to prepare... solidarity, friend.