A few years ago my mother said I had psychosis, narcissistic personality disorder and my memories were 'distorted' when I confronted her about her behaviour. Now this:

Her message (TLDR 1: the gist of it is that she is saying I am bipolar/borderline):

Always remember that the real you is an incredibly kind, loving, fun, joyous, intelligent person. The you that always had empathy. I have not been able to express myself or be me with you because of the explosive rage and extreme reactions that I understand is difficult for you to navigate when you interact. Nevertheless it inflicts a heavy cost on your own well being and on those who love you. In the past I used to get stuck in my own pain due that explosive anger and was fearful of speaking my mind for that reason. Now I try to move beyond that pain to try and understand what is going on for you, with all the emotional dysregulation. risky behaviours, possible promiscuity, compulsive behaviors, explosive rage, isolating those who love you, relationship difficulties and it points towards an illness that is heritable. But it is so debilitating unless you take the appropriate help. I yearn to see you but I fear deeply that anything I do or say when we meet wil be misinterpreted if you have not sought treatment for bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder ( I believe you may have one of these). Unless you seek treatment for that. Unless and when you are ready to have these conversations and be treated for this, you and your relationships are not going to heal. I know you were not born this way, you had and have a clean ‘operating system’ and this is a genetic virus that has found its way ( if it is bipolar disorder), it has to be treated. I am aware that this may throw you into a rage again or disappear on me. But I would rather take that risk if there is even a minute chance to get you to seek help for this because the most painful fallout of this is the intense pain it causes you and the struggles with your own life. Know that I love you. I am here to support you. And meeting with you before you get treatment for this may not help you and me as well as we may get emotionally wounded again. So I am proposing that we meet when you are ready to get treated (maybe you already have) or have these conversations for me and you to feel mentally safe to speak with each other. That means regulating emotions when interacting. I would not want either one of us to have an emotional outburst on my birthday. That means we need to start having healing conversations and being emotionally regulated before we meet. So that is the real reason behind my decision. Remember, within you is this kind and beautiful person. We all have broken parts. Mental health issues are no longer a taboo or something to be ashamed of. I love you. Mum

--------end of her message

My response (TLDR 2: I think she's crazy):

Explosive rage?

Says the woman who put her hands around papa's throat.

Says the woman who beat the life out of her kid son for having anxious ticks

Says the woman who screamed like a hyena at a boyfriend who flirted with other women instead of just leaving. And didnt you meet this man when he came in for counselling to fix his marriage with his ex wife?

Says the woman who dragged her 12 year old daughter on the floor by the hair

Says the woman who fought with all her boyfriends kids, including a 4 yo, because she can't stand the idea of not being centre stage in her relationships

Says the woman who diagnosed her son, ex husband and daughter of narcisstic personality disorder, psychosis and now bipolar

Says the woman who harassed her 80 yo father about how much money she was going to get from him in the will while he was ALIVE because the thought of her sister getting more was intolerable.

Says the woman who tried to coerce her completely normal bodied daughter to get her stomach stapled.

Says the woman who obsessed over her weight and diet for so long and forced her teenage daughter to as well so she could have someone to project on.

Says the woman who practiced as a psychotherapist for years with a qualification in hypnotherapy and got angry when clients snooped around to find out about her qualifications.

Says a woman who brought children into an already failing marriage, cursing us to years of discord because that's what she thinks is normal.

You're insane. The only reason you can't be 'you' is because your constrained by the boundaries I've set up that prevent you from wrecking my life.

I didn't want to talk about my mental health because you won't like the diagnosis.

It's PTSD. From growing up with parents that never thought about whether they were fit to be parents and brought us into their miserable marriage.

We all need to keep a steady job and aim for something in life so I am obviously going to do whatever it takes to pay the bills, depressed or not. My friends are my family.

I don't need to diagnose you of any disorder to know why we are estranged. Nor do I have to rely on one to make excuses for the past.

This was a mistake. Back to no contact we go. I'm relieved we are not seeing each other. Honestly, who needs enemies with a mother like this.

-------end of my message

I've been in therapy for 5 years now and I always think I'm over her but it never really ends.

TLDR 3: She's been 'diagnosing' me since I was born. No therapist I have seen has ever mentioned bipolar but she's always making me question reality.

A few years ago my mother said I had psychosis, narcissistic personality disorder and my memories were 'distorted' when I confronted her about her behaviour. Now this:

Her message (the gist of it is that she is saying I am bipolar/borderline):

Always remember that the real you is an incredibly kind, loving, fun, joyous, intelligent person. The you that always had empathy. I have not been able to express myself or be me with you because of the explosive rage and extreme reactions that I understand is difficult for you to navigate when you interact. Nevertheless it inflicts a heavy cost on your own well being and on those who love you. In the past I used to get stuck in my own pain due that explosive anger and was fearful of speaking my mind for that reason. Now I try to move beyond that pain to try and understand what is going on for you, with all the emotional dysregulation. risky behaviours, possible promiscuity, compulsive behaviors, explosive rage, isolating those who love you, relationship difficulties and it points towards an illness that is heritable. But it is so debilitating unless you take the appropriate help. I yearn to see you but I fear deeply that anything I do or say when we meet wil be misinterpreted if you have not sought treatment for bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder ( I believe you may have one of these). Unless you seek treatment for that. Unless and when you are ready to have these conversations and be treated for this, you and your relationships are not going to heal. I know you were not born this way, you had and have a clean ‘operating system’ and this is a genetic virus that has found its way ( if it is bipolar disorder), it has to be treated. I am aware that this may throw you into a rage again or disappear on me. But I would rather take that risk if there is even a minute chance to get you to seek help for this because the most painful fallout of this is the intense pain it causes you and the struggles with your own life. Know that I love you. I am here to support you. And meeting with you before you get treatment for this may not help you and me as well as we may get emotionally wounded again. So I am proposing that we meet when you are ready to get treated (maybe you already have) or have these conversations for me and you to feel mentally safe to speak with each other. That means regulating emotions when interacting. I would not want either one of us to have an emotional outburst on my birthday. That means we need to start having healing conversations and being emotionally regulated before we meet. So that is the real reason behind my decision. Remember, within you is this kind and beautiful person. We all have broken parts. Mental health issues are no longer a taboo or something to be ashamed of. I love you. Mum

--------end of her message

My response:

Explosive rage?

Says the woman who put her hands around papa's throat.

Says the woman who beat the life out of her kid son for having anxious ticks

Says the woman who screamed like a hyena at a boyfriend who flirted with other women instead of just leaving. And didnt you meet this man when he came in for counselling to fix his marriage with his ex wife?

Says the woman who dragged her 12 year old daughter on the floor by the hair

Says the woman who fought with all her boyfriends kids, including a 4 yo, because she can't stand the idea of not being centre stage in her relationships

Says the woman who diagnosed her son, ex husband and daughter of narcisstic personality disorder, psychosis and now bipolar

Says the woman who harassed her 80 yo father about how much money she was going to get from him in the will while he was ALIVE because the thought of her sister getting more was intolerable.

Says the woman who tried to coerce her completely normal bodied daughter to get her stomach stapled.

Says the woman who obsessed over her weight and diet for so long and forced her teenage daughter to as well so she could have someone to project on.

Says the woman who practiced as a psychotherapist for years with a qualification in hypnotherapy and got angry when clients snooped around to find out about her qualifications.

Says a woman who brought children into an already failing marriage, cursing us to years of discord because that's what she thinks is normal.

You're insane. The only reason you can't be 'you' is because your constrained by the boundaries I've set up that prevent you from wrecking my life.

I didn't want to talk about my mental health because you won't like the diagnosis.

It's PTSD. From growing up with parents that never thought about whether they were fit to be parents and brought us into their miserable marriage.

We all need to keep a steady job and aim for something in life so I am obviously going to do whatever it takes to pay the bills, depressed or not. My friends are my family.

I don't need to diagnose you of any disorder to know why we are estranged. Nor do I have to rely on one to make excuses for the past.

This was a mistake. Back to no contact we go. I'm relieved we are not seeing each other. Honestly, who needs enemies with a mother like this.

-------end of my message

I've been in therapy for 5 years now and I always think I'm over her but it never really ends.

She's been 'diagnosing' me since I was born. No therapist I have seen has ever mentioned bipolar but she's always making me question reality.