mostly not worth the trouble, I have seen situations where there is DOCUMENTED mental trauma, attested by multiple psychological professionals and STILL the Judge balks at taking children from Mom.

and in this one case I know pretty well the Dad has paid well over 200k in legal/psychological services - and STILL no justice... why? because the act takes kids away from a Mom, there is no positive way to spin that fact

yes and Unicorns walk in the forest every day

CPS is very busy in every jurisdiction in every state, every city

While your ONE experience seems to be "immediate" there are 1000s of other reports, calls, pleas that are not johnny on the spot

It's like saying you saw a rainbow today, so rainbows always happen right? everyday all the time do they?

refi with what the half of a house or half of a car?

usually not an option because of poor credit

yeah

CPS will not do a "surprise inspection" or any such thing, so that's out

I mean really how many "reports" like this do you think CPS gets? "Oh it's a report from a divorced mother on the father"... oh boy that's high priority right there forget all the child neglect cases at foster home cases we need to drop everything for this MOM!

I'm sometimes extremely shocked as to the naive advice that is given out on Reddit this is nearly number 1.

It's possible but highly unlikely

The evidence the plaintiff seeks must be extraordinary for a request like that to be granted. And I mean millions would have to be at stake. If it's standard fishing "I think spouse did dirty deed at XYZ location and I need GPS to prove that", I think the judge will not grant.

Typically Family Court does not really agree to discovery outside of finances and children.

I think this is a very good story to illustrate how nearly impossible it is for courts to rule custody for Fathers. I have said many many times, outside of Felony conviction or mental hospitalization there is no way a court will separate kids from the mother. Does not matter how terrible mom is. Does not matter what the kids want.

You appear confused about the Ad Litem's view, So I'll explain the rationale. Firstly minor children's wishes just don't matter. It is assumed that one or both parents will influence the kids so their desires really are no factor. Absent DOCUMENTED abuse, that is medically validated and reported to authorities with a validated by a Child Services investigation... there does not exist abuse. Also courts do not recognize "mental abuse" in most cases.

So let me illustrate the math

mom is mentally abusive say kids = zero influence = mom is normal mom in courts eyes

kids don't want to be with mom = zero influence = mom is normal mom in courts eyes

everyone hates mom = zero influence = mom is normal mom in courts eyes

you get the picture

might want to man up a bit in general

I would stop contact in any situation you may meet the boy toy. This is pretty much required if it's conflict that seems to spill over with step-dude.

What the dude did is pretty much piss on the mailbox and mark his territory. There is no reason to put yourself in a situation for a repeat put down.

It's a common dramatic scene, new boy toy shows ex "who's boss". Well boy toy may not be around next month, next year, next decade. You as the father will be around. Your kids will need your stability while you ex interviews step-dads.

And don't ask boy toy for any favors, as you have discovered it does not work out. The parent who has possession is responsible for transportation.... if it's ex's time she figures it out.

welcome to family law lawyers not knowing crap about contract law!

There is no way for you to be "off" of a note you are a signatory on. (yep believe it!)

The only way to "getting off a loan" is for the note to be paid off or refinanced if your ex is not so good with money... yep you are ALWAYS on the note.

(good luck having the ex do anything to help you)

that's why you use paper serving services, they get paid to do this thing

what do you do? Assume your instincts are correct that she is having an affair.

This belief will help you have clear conscience when you file divorce.

This belief will mentally prepare you for the near certain eventuality she moves in with a new man a little too quickly to be coincidence.

It's very rare for any spouse that starts saying they want a Divorce to NOT have a plan B waiting in the wings of your Drama Theater. Just best to assume this is the case. Because even if it's not technically a reality right then it WILL be much more quickly than you can imagine.

I would communicate via counsel that you believe further litigation is against all parties interest

work with your lawyer to think about the situation post deposition (given that your hubs may stick to his position at mediation) (highly likely)

let's say that you have indication you might be able to trap him say he says asset X is worth 100k and you know it's 500k and have an appraisal that says 500k (or whatever)

Guess what? let's me save you a trip to the Judge. He'll say it's worth 300 or 350 and move on to next contentious issue to settle for YOU TWO what you two adults should do yourselves.

What I'm getting at is neither "The Judge" or the "Deposition Fairy" is going to magically make the hubs statements go away or being found out whole cloth lies.

So if you say to hubs, hey if you admit that stuff is worth a reasonable amount, that bills are amounts and disclose this... then we know what the pie is and we cut it 50/50.

One way or another there will be an agreement made (by you two) or (by judge)

It's highly likely that you two can settle this faster and with more assets left over for kids than spending 100k and buying new BMWs for your lawyers.

I think it's time for you to take a step back a bit.

Maybe spend some time with your lawyer discussing some way of resolving things. Because right now you are fully speeding with full throttle to a court hearing. A hearing that likely will cost what 50-100k (for just that) and likely split assets and determine income as your soon to be ex asserts NOW. (read that again you spend 50k+ just to get what you are likely to get NOW) (oh AND you get to wait an additional YEAR to resolve your divorce due to court dockets being full)

And frankly if your lawyer is enabling you to think anyone cares about what you consider "lies" about kids and adultery, then you might want to get a new attorney. Because your attorney is already picking out their new luxury car paid for by your fees.

Setting aside "lies about kids and adultery" - again because no one in a legal sense cares.

You most likely have an issue with discovering truth about Bills (debts) and finances (assets).

right now you have a big bill coming if you go to court that's probably around 100k of legal fees you both can save! That's right! you can get 50k in the legal lottery if you just start to negotiate!

50k is worth some thought right?

The thing is for your spouse to be encouraged to disclose the true finances (debts and assets) by not saying "liar liar pants on fire about kids/adultery" but rather say "hey soon to be ex we SAVE some serious coin if you just disclose the finances straight up and I am reasonable and split the assets have you pay generous child support and we all go our separate ways without being 100k poorer and only get to ride in our lawyer's new BMW after the court case"... So ex-honeyboo how about we NOT buy our lawyers new BMWs this year huh? Please?

I may be wrong but I was always told that a Green Card holder with permanent residency in the US is considered a US person

and at least I didn't have to report contact with a US person, I asked this numerous times

not a US citizen using the term US Person which I think is still the term

it's a reporting thing your Dad needs to take care of, a daughter inlaw is a foreign contact.

But if she really has a Green Card (do hope you have VERIFIED that btw) then she is considered a US Person and it's different reporting

I think your Dad is saying that dating a foreign national is impactful to him, you should be VERY serious about this girl if you want to wife her up.

And no his Job would never be at risk unless you brought mom and dad from China back to US and forced them to live with your dad or something crazy like that.

OH AND DO NOT BRING UP THIS TOPIC WITH GF OR ANY FRIEND/FAMILY OF GF. Your Dad does office work somewhere you are not really sure what he does... don't blab.

it would be incorrect to say that an IP address can be "forged" especially in a transaction

if they have forensic evidence then most likely they know EXACTLY what you did or didn't do down to the millisecond

If technical evidence is gained that leads to a termination legal/security/HR are all involved and if there were any questions of the 100% proof you would most likely have not been terminated

I think you need to move on and try and not do or associate with anything like this again.

been there done that got the tee shirt

All I can say is if you want to study law to further your career in technology DONT.

I have legal training and tech training. I too thought it would be kinda neat to have a legal background in technology. Only a few people in my company know I have legal training and while I am occasionally contacted by in house attorneys it is not about a matter of law. Usually I am contacted about phrasing a technical argument in legal parlance.

I also disagree that an Engineering degree is a requirement for Patent Attorney as I have never worked with any Patent Attorney who has had an Engineering degree. And I have filed many Patents.

Is it good "in general" to have knowledge of the law? sure. Is the professional polish that Legal writing conveys a positive in a tech field? maybe

But if anyone came to me and said "I want to do what you did Tech and Law" I would strongly advise against it and suggest an MBA if one wanted to go "wild and crazy" in academic training.

NOOOOOOO

Don't take the internship. Save your time and money for the strong possibility that you may have to work less to complete the last 2 years of labs and coursework.

EE is very hard. Don't cheat yourself from getting the degree to get some internship that probably won't pay much more than you make now.

low hassle personal relationships

I know a 4 Billionaires and 6 near Billionaires, a glimpse into their life is pretty stellar on the accessibility to luxury and complete chaos on the personal relationship side.

They have to have a detail around them to prevent people from pitching hare brained ideas 24/7. When you go out with them or attend a party some friend of a friend who some dude just invited will pitch that great investment to them. Of course to punish the friend who brought the pitch man is to lessen one's circle of friends. So yes you keep them on the invite for big parties but not the small parties. And NOW you gotta find a new buddy!

Everyone can't be rich right? But just having hassle free personal interaction with some people not trying to leverage you is nice and mentally healthy. Yet it is very hard to make happen in practice.

So a good service for Ultras would be an anti-pitchman shield

she hasn't found someone else; she had a single moment of infidelity

I'm going to gently remind you that 10 guys going through my divorce groups have said the same thing in the last 2 years. ALL have come back later and said "you were right, she had a lover the whole time and now he lives with her".

I know it is hard to take this directly. We "want" to believe that someone who says "I only cheated once! promise! I'm telling the truth now!"... it's highly likely it's not the truth.

Think of it this way. Your spouse has lied about THAT one thing. What else are they capable of deceiving you about?

she talks about the future being unknown

my spouse said that then started living with another like a month later. Apparently the unknown part would be the size and shape of the bedwarmer.... because the spouse certainly did not want to have sleeping arrangements to be "unknown" very long

Which is a good thing to be prepared for. Exes WILL likely end up with a bed companion very quickly. Might as well get mentally prepared for that.

I don't think your spouse is a reprobate. What you describe is pretty normal frankly. What is abnormal is how some spouses are left aghast at the behavior of someone so close to us after marriage. The behavior should be looked at through the lens of... They are acting that way because Mentally/Physically they have a year head start on ending the relationship.

The KEY thing to realize is that usually ONE spouse was mentally and perhaps physically preparing the exit before the Divorce word was mentioned. And any "alone time" or "decision time" or "need space" was really time for the spouse to get their exit plan in order NOT to actually consider reconciliation or repair the marriage.

To be a pilot you need to have logged hours of flight

It takes a minimum of 1500 hours (in the air logged) to get the Air Transport Pilot certification

500 of that will be long distance CROSS COUNTRY flying, Most airlines will not hire you with less than 2000 hours or so of multi-engine time

So while pilot training is expensive. The cost of flight time on a multi-engine aircraft is the really killer and why most people give up with less than 300 hours.

YES most people give up their dreams to fly around the world due to needed hours to get hired (degree mill "pilot schools" don't tell you this fact)

So yes most people who don't own their own plane and can pay their own gas and insurance will join the military. But here again it's very much a lottery. MOST airforce pilot slots go to Air Force Academy grads. So if you do ROTC or similar you most likely will not be flying Navy or Airforce

Army does have aviation. Some can try that but it's mostly helo and not really "multi-engine" or "cross country"

nope not a clown you still love her, well more correctly you love the her who you thought she was

spouses don't normally drop a sure thing like marriage without a backup plan

Likely the spouse's "kid time" in "Romania" was probably to secure that plan B.

Sooo it's 99.9% certain that spouse is coming back. Let's set aside Divorce/not Divorce for a moment.

The reality is that you are dealing with TWO issues. One the loss of the current relationship. Two the fear of the unknown AFTER this relationship is declared dead.

These two fears are driving you into a bit of irrationality. You irrationally believe that reconciliation will answer both these fears. IT WON'T. The relationship/marriage is over. I know it's a kick in the gut but your spouse has moved on and found a new situation.

What you want at this point is irrelevant. You have to now work on that second fear make it manageable and get over your ex-spouse by getting someone else under you.

there are two kinds of people to date

• The Married kind
• And the Single kind

If a person is not Divorced then that person is MARRIED. (do remember this)

While I'm sure this "separated" "neeeearly Single" person is all on the up and up.

I have seen too many people get sucked (ha!) into relationships with people that by definition ARE NOT fully available.

This person you are seeing/texting/messaging should be able to define for you what their status is. In effect WHEN they will be fully able to date (that is NOT married anymore). If the person balks at that due to "spouse is not responding to court" "phase of the moon" "mercury in retrograde" then you are going to constantly be in "waiting for Godot" mode. And Godot never appears.

This is the Way

you don't need advice from rando internet

you NEED advice from an Attorney IN YOUR AREA, find attorney tell story, hire attorney, listen to advice