My therapist is always just super compassionate and tells me to give myself grace. She tries to help me uncover how I feel about certain things. She rarely criticizes me. It’s something I’ve experienced a lot with different therapists..Sometimes I feel like I’m just being coddled, idk? Like, I understand it’s not helpful to be overly critical of yourself, but with my current therapist I wish we would do more techniques and focus on practical steps to take that could help solve my issues. And I get that therapy is a journey. I’ll probably be in therapy for like the rest of my life I just have so much to unpack and process. But I just wanna be able to fit it all into one session. Being kind to myself and my inner child, connecting with my feelings, AND being practical and taking action.

I have good moments. I’m more just ok most days. But I have many, overwhelmingly bad, days too. How am I going to connect with other people when I’m just trying to survive most of the time? I’m so burnt out and numb that it’s rare that I have the energy and motivation to even do hobbies.

With the history of this country (America) I try to be understanding of what past generations of my ancestors had to experience but like at the same time there’s so many black families that are solid.. so idk where to draw the line when it comes to looking at it from that pov 🤨

With the history of this country (America) I try to be understanding of what past generations of my ancestors had to experience but like at the same time there’s so many black families that are solid..so idk where to draw the line when it comes to looking at it from that pov 🤨

With the history of this country (America) I try to be understanding of what past generations of my ancestors had to experience but like at the same time there’s so many black families that are solid..so idk where to draw the line when it comes to looking at it from that pov 🤨

I was looking through my profile at some of the posts I’ve made over the years, from when I was still a teen, unmedicated, and still living in abusive environments..and so much shame came up. While I acknowledge that I was at least brave enough to share all that I have, and I’m happy that I can look back on stuff, at the same time it’s so raw and vulnerable (and UGLY). I can’t help but feel embarrassed. I’m sure so many people have looked through my profile and cringed. They probably thought I was an unhinged basket case. Well, ig I am 💀

And I can’t undo the past.. but I wish I would’ve been in a safe enough space to just write it all in a journal instead of pouring my heart out to anonymous internet strangers. But who knows. Maybe, at least some of it was able to help someone? Even just one person. That’d make it worth it for me.

Looking for suggestions. Ideally things that don’t involve doing something with other people since I’m alone, lol.

I’m working on reducing my cortisol levels. It’s been elevated my entire life probably, but especially since 2016/2017. I always get discouraged when people recommend things because I feel like it just doesn’t have the same effect for someone with CPTSD. For example, I’ve had past therapists recommend coping skills (square breathing, grounding techniques, etc.) and it just didn’t work for me. My body and nervous system is just beyond screwed up

It’s my birthday today. And right before, the day before, my car was towed. Tow company said the property manager had it towed and it’s going to be $245 to get it back. Despite me having my permit sticker visible on my car and it being registered. Contacted the police and was told it’s a “civil matter” so they can’t get involved. I’m just exhausted. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Why can’t I just exist without people fucking with me? My property manager hates me. I know it. He literally opened my apartment door before without my permission while I was in the bathroom. And he weirdly always has an attitude with me. It sucks because I really like it here and I want to renew my lease. And finding housing where I live is so difficult. I don’t want to go through the stress of moving. I’m also on my period today, and have been for like two weeks (thanks pcos). ITS SO OVER.

Thankfullyyyyy after talking with someone from maintenance who was then able to talk with the actual owners, I got my car back free of charge. Still, the start of this birthday was the worst I’ve ever had. Happy birthday to me ig.