Thank you for your input! It is very helpful!! Life is complicated, people are complicated, and if I’m made to be a clown in the future I’ll send you $100 for being right!

In the meantime, I’m going to keep living my life the way I want to.

I couldn’t get past the first paragraph where you say how he’s treated you. Immediately no. Nobody gets to treat anyone like that. Your story isn’t unique and that should give you hope that there are resources out there to help you leave this abusive relationship. Divorce.

This is a loss and the only way to move forward after a loss is to grieve. Cry, journal, go for a walk, make your favorite food, feel the feelings as you feel them (step away if it’s not situationally appropriate).

If there is regret to be had, let it be her who decides if it’s worth having.

Kids are overwhelming to me. I had my tubes removed at 26 :) as others have said, it’s ok not to enjoy the company of children. Just don’t be an asshole or mean to them. If it’s hard to empathize, think of yourself at their age and how you wanted to be treated.

As I’ve gotten older my tolerance has gone up and my excitement to see them has increased. I still don’t want any of my own but all of my friends have them now so, like anything, I’ve adapted. My brother and SIL just had their first baby and my word a switch flipped in me and I am so in love with that little baby. Still don’t want any of my own & we’ll see what happens as he gets older 😂

I told my boyfriend that I don’t think nose rings, especially septum’s, look good on men. He got his septum pierced anyway - because he wanted one. I got used to it. He also has mullet right now. I love him and don’t really care what he does with his hair/body.

Hair, piercings…these things are not necessarily forever. What ive learned is that If you really don’t like something, ask them how they feel about it first.

I used to also say “I won’t bother my partner with housework in the evening. He just worked a long manual shift and needs to rest. Forgetting that I had also just worked a manual 8 hour shift and done all the dog care.

Then I found out he had spent our rough years cheating on me. While I Made his ass dinner he was texting people and calling me his grumpy roommate. And I realized that all that time I had spent babying him was wasted. And I should have spent that energy on myself. To my boyfriend’s credit he has thrown himself at my feet and discovery was unfortunately the fat slap across the face that he needed to realize how much damage he’d done. He began doing all the things I’d been asking him to do for years. He took me for granted and when our relationship was not a given he finally realized what he was about to lose. To my credit, I think of myself first and him after the dogs now. I love him, we’re doing pretty well, I’m literally about to walk into therapy lol.

You’ve got enough time between now and the baby coming to reset expectations and that starts with YOU. Not everything can get done when only one person is doing everything.

Your ONLY priority right now is keeping yourself healthy. That’s the only priority. Because if you keep yourself healthy, you keep the baby healthy. He sounds like a deadbeat because he’s acting like one. Acting like his father it sounds like, repeating old cycles thinking there’s nothing wrong. Unfortunately it will take a 180 from him and he may not realize it, no matter how many times you tell him, until you’ve finally left him.

Seconding this. His behavior is sinister and damaging. The kids know he hates them and one day they’ll wonder why you kept them around someone who hates them.

Just thinking of all the stories of parents trying to hide their hunger as they feed their kids the only food in the house.

Whenever I hear stories like this I think of my grandmother. My father had to call the fire department once to break down her door. She’d been having terrible and vivid auditory and visual hallucinations believing one of her neighbors was listening to and recording her. She once pointed to my mom’s van out the window when they were at a restaurant and said, “that’s him. He followed us”

Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo. Unscented.

Reminds me of the baseball diamond at my middle school. Except that was peagravel and crushed slate. Tiny. Very good at breaking skin. Still have a little piece of it in my knee from when I fell on it during track and field day.

You’ve been babytrapped. OP, please be very careful. Being pregnant puts you at a greater risk of domestic violence. Fact sheet on domestic violence and pregnancy

How much longer can you live in an 80/20 marriage?

Oh also, if you don’t have a customer facing job? Podcasts and audiobooks :) Spend time in your head thinking about thinking. Sometimes you just have to accept that you’ll need to try again tomorrow. Just a lot of accepting that things are not in your control. Once you’re settled, then you can start observing your coworkers like you’re David Attenborough and that’s where the fun begins 😉

Damn you know times are tough when you have to raid your state quarter collection.

I’m sure she was a delight to be married to.

Hoooooboy. Ok. You say you’re young and new to being a corporate girlie? Part of it is accepting that it’s sucky and will not ever end for like 40-50 years. It took me until like 26/27 to finally accept that I have to work for living and that my job is pretty cushy and I should just learn to ride things out. Being young, everything ends eventually. Working doesn’t end, like the closest we get to a sort of break is Christmas time and everyone probably puts too much on the holiday because we’re all just waiting for that one week.

So a lot of it is mindset, a lot of it is that last little bit of teenager being squeezed from you in your 20’s. And a lot of it is how you find ways to prevent your job from sucking your soul out.

Do you feel like the people you work with day to day are reliable and honest people? Do you feel like your manager tries to understand you? Are you being micromanaged? Does the commute suck? If the answer to any of these questions is no, then it’s gonna be tough and you’re going to have a difficult time being the person you want to be at work.

For me, I have rituals I’ve built over the 6 years in my job. As soon as I get in I go upstairs and get coffee and breakfast (we have a Starbucks and a cafeteria in the building). At lunch, I sit in my car and read. When I get home I walk my dogs and feed them.

Some days I am straight up fiending for that first toke of the evening and it scares me. Some days I hit a blinker before walking in. Accepting that every day requires you to get to the next, definitely allows any shame to just flow through me.

So, at the end of this ramble I want to say this: you’re at the very beginning of a long journey. You’re likely going to spend the next decade tinkering with your life, and the decades after that lovely doing the same. The food you eat, the routines you try to get into, the routines that do stick, the things you want from your life - these are all a moving targets and you just have to keep listening to your body to know what’s needed next.

I’ve gone through periods where cannabis was all I had to look forward to and I’ve had periods where it wasn’t so necessary.

So, to answer your question, I get through it because I love my home and my family. It’s the only reason I work, so I can keep this life. If you’re a goals kind of person, I think trying to find a mentor might be wise to help you progress in your career. If not, just ride the wave and never give them a reason to doubt you.

Also maybe a big respirator mask 😷

I’m assuming you’re female presenting?

Yeah, I would tell my boyfriend that if he wants to do this then I will also be out of town those days.

You’ve told him your boundaries and he still assumes you will yield them. If my partner assumed that for me I would put them on notice.

Commenting again after your second edit: this is literally the type of man who would leave you as soon as you got a bad diagnosis. He does not care about you, only what you can do for him. I would ask him where he learned this mindset from - or why he feels that it is morally sound.

Wasn’t there a post here recently where someone was prescribed a controlled substance, got their MMJ card, and then couldn’t get any more prescriptions for their controlled substance due to the MMJ card?

I use Cakes nipple covers for this type of stuff. They work really well and just need to be washed gently with soap and water to get their grip back.

You want desperately to trust your own judgement and I really think you should. Whatever this relationship was no longer exists. You might want to scroll /r/survivinginfidelity if you want to see how her actions are pretty in line with other cheaters.

Hey, he literally just told you he only sees women as incubators. Run. Fast.