‘While I’m on annual leave, what will really help me relax, darling, is if you work full time plus do all the housework and chores. Would that be ok?’

I lived in Glasgow years ago and they definitely know how to do a doner in naan. Absolutely massive they were.

Wish I had somewhere that does red doner near me, looks tasty!

Total Recall is great. So many fantastic scenes.

Did the top fall off the pepper shaker?

Is that a whole tin of tomatoes?

It’s a cheap sausage, deep fried or not.

Beautiful. I have a tribute in tobacco burst finish. Fantastic guitar.

A disc of black pudding would improve it for me. Apart from that, can’t fault it!

Looks good. Never been on board with tinned tomatoes on a breakfast though.

These spoons were discontinued a lot later than 1979.

Best exercises I can do at home to build shoulders? I have barbell and dumbbells.

I’ve tried a few of the supermarket tinned curries. Surprisingly decent for something out of a tin.

Some tinned food staples for me: tinned fish (sardines, mackerel, anchovies), baked beans, soup, tinned tomatoes.

Have also been know to have the occasional ‘all day breakfast’ in a tin.

‘I know someone who eats an entirely tinned diet’

Fray Bentos pie, tinned potatoes, tinned peas? Ok if you’re an OAP I suppose, but I presume your friend isn’t? Why no fresh food?

I’d start with a good quality overdrive pedal like a Boss SD-1. You can get a surprising amount of sounds out of it. Then if you’re craving something more dirty you can add a distortion pedal or something more ‘Metal’.

Maybe I’ve watched too many films, but I imagine his first thought would be to steal a mask and go on a killing spree.

100%. This has to be trolling. Surely OP is not that lacking in self awareness?