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You should talk to him about it and if you want to see his honest reaction call him “babe” or any other pet name or something insinuating that you guys are dating when she is in call. You don’t have to take this advice if you are uncomfortable, but I don’t like when others get ideas. HOWEVER, you must bring it up since this matters to YOU this it matters to the RELATIONSHIP. Okie?
You are not the asshole, but honestly I would have lied to prevent stress on your pregnant wife. Remember, giving birth is life threatening. Women still die while giving birth ( a lot more than you think) so she probably see the situation as possible death for her too. Now the question is horrible to ask, but 1) she is PREGNANT ( hormonal imbalances ) 2) she is scared. So try to at least acknowledge her feelings and maybe that will get you guys somewhere. Btw good for you on taking care of your mom
Hello OP, I want to say you can do anything you want to do. A partner should be supportive and loving. I want to clearly state that your partner doesn’t have your best interest at mind atm. - Complaining about working and comparing the work load is a POWER move to make you feel small (Like you OWE him) - when you try to SOLVE the problem by WORKING he shuts you down and make you feel small. How does he do this? By telling you YOU can’t do something. You can. He will lose bragging rights and that’s not more important than your freedom and your happiness.
I believe you should work, because you may need it. If working is a way for you to feel more comfortable and stronger in life… Go for it. It’s always good to grow and become a better version of yourself big or small.
NOTE: If you get a job watch how your partner move. How does he treat you etc. he comes off controlling, condescending, and emotionally manipulative. IF he truly LOVES you he will support you and believe in you. If he doesn’t he will make you pay for more than you can afford… maybe. Or he will complain about the quality of the relationship of some sort and possibly blame you. Be careful. Be smart. Do you.
I noticed everyone is harping on the whole mother in law situation. After reading everyone’s comment I can see the perspective, but please be understanding because not many people get it. I didn’t get it. The 2nd harp is the delayed action on pulling the plug on a relationship that isn’t working. You guys know how you can be blinded by love and others have a hard time on letting go. I say this because he is coming for advice. It does sound like he is giving up, but coming here is probably his last attempt. Considering everything he has said outside of those 2 points, I can kind of see his side. Assuming it’s true. I think he is feeling like his feelings and thought don’t matter since he is the only one that is compromising. OP I’d like to ask if this feeling became a huge issue during the pregnancy? Because you might be feeling the pressure yourself.
YOU GUYS PLZ!!! READ HER PREVIOUS POST ON THIS RELATIONSHIP ITS BAD!!! OP you are in danger emotionally. You don’t owe him your everything when you get the bare minimum. Plz don’t waste your good years w this person. You can’t change person and it’s not your job to wait and find out. I hope you care about yourself more than him. Picture your 10 year old self watching you. This guy is nuts.
To OP the relationship is bad and I am glad you are out of it. To EVERYONE who is on her case about the SLAP should read through op comments. It was self defense. He PUSHED her into a corner, he PREVENTED her from leaving, and was SCREAMING in her face. If this happened publicly this would be considered self defense. No one would allow that either. Considering the fact that he is GUILTY of breaking the trust and MENTALLY unstable, and his response was aggressive. This is all major signs ppl look out for in emotional and domestic abuse. His wrongs doesn’t outweigh hers and op already apologizing for defend herself is more than enough. Fixating on this part doesn’t help much when there are other parts of the story. Idk how strong he is but he is an adult male and she is a female (not saying women aren’t strong) , but this is concerning when guys typically have more strength naturally. Plz do not diminish her safety and fears.
For someone asking the public whether or not you are the ass hole, you are sure dismissive. You reply w more ass hole comments and refuse to challenge your ideas and step out of your own shoes. You will probably continue to be an ass hole if you refuse to mature a little. It takes a village to raise a child.
Trashy or not we don’t know her story. She is already dealing w kids alone, so I don’t think she need to be kicked down any further w judgement. That’s just bullying.
I don’t think it’s silly. Would it matter to ME? No. However, it matters to you. You told your bf about it and he knew the requirements for you before hand and you guys made plans for this to happen for the BOTH of you. HOWEVER, he CANCELED on you( which I believe should be in the post since I read this in one of your comments) NOW he made a big trip out of it w his friends and THEN decided to invite you without considering how you would feel about it. So you told him no. I get it if it’s mainly his friends you might get overruled on what you wanna do or you might not (maybe talk to him about this, maybe it’ll make a difference in your decision) however, I believe you’ve taken the right steps, and he kind of blew it unintentionally. He PRIORITIZED his friends over your ORIGINAL plans. So no it’s not silly, but if you can compromise and you still get what you need and want try and see. However, if not it’s fine. I don’t think you are being unfair, it would just suck not to go w your partner. But I am probably being biased. I hope this helps.
I think you should remember that she is your daughter. Not your enemy. She has never complained about helping out w watching her siblings. Her boyfriend is no stranger since she has been w him for 2 years. Long enough to know whether he is bad or not. You trust your daughter to look after her siblings then you should trust her to make decisions. I understand your concern about her bringing someone over with out permission. It’s still your place and you need to know who is around your kids in your home. However, your reaction to your child sounds very vindictive. You want to get mad and punish her, but this is more than punishment. This is exploiting your child’s weakness financially. Something I believe parents would like to protect their children from. You should instead go over your rules and boundaries with your child. It seems like you feel your daughter has crossed one of your boundaries which is inviting people over while babysitting. I believe you should think about this and discuss it w her. Remember you are the parent so how you react matters more than how you feel sometimes. You are older so you have to be more mature. Especially in this situation. Going down this route will only cause resentment and lack of trust in your family. Your opinion matters and so does your daughter. This is your relationship you are talking about here . I hope this helps.
I think you should remember that she is your daughter. Not your enemy. She has never complained about helping out w watching her siblings. Her boyfriend is no stranger since she has been w him for 2 years. Long enough to know whether he is bad or not. You trust your daughter to look after her siblings then you should trust her to make decisions. I understand your concern about her bringing someone over with out permission. It’s still your place and you need to know who is around your kids in your home. However, your reaction to your child sounds very vindictive. You want to get mad and punish her, but this is more than punishment. This is exploiting your child’s weakness financially. Something I believe parents would like to protect their children from. You should instead go over your rules and boundaries with your child. It seems like you feel your daughter has crossed one of your boundaries which is inviting people over while babysitting. I believe you should think about this and discuss it w her. Remember you are the parent so how you react matters more than how you feel sometimes. You are older so you have to be more mature. Especially in this situation. Going down this route will only cause resentment and lack of trust in your family. Your opinion matters and so does your daughter. This is your relationship you are talking about here . I hope this helps.
I’m sorry this happened to you guys. Hopefully, things are different for OP since it seems like this child is definitely loved and taken cared of. This is scary.
However, in the meantime you can put your headphones on top of your monitor. It’s bit neater if you don’t have a hanger for your headphones
WHY would you want to tell her? What are the results you are expecting.
I don’t think OP did anything wrong here in terms of introduction. He told his friends and family, not the entire neighborhood. If they ask he will say something. However, it sounds like no one asked him directly therefore he didn’t say anything out of respect for his son. It’s not wrong to expect your spouse to be truthful because they’re suppose to be a team. So she failed the team by lying this hurting his son. It’s also not uncommon to have poor judgment for the ones you love and expect them to do right. He already had a planned worked out as well in respect for the son. So I don’t think OP was leaving the work to his wife but trusting his wife. As far as I can see I think he is stepping up. Just hesitant and nervous because he doesn’t want to make it worse for his son. However, I see your point. I think it is also weird to explain yourself to people who are not your family, especially if they didn’t ask him. Neighbor strangers are not entitled to it.
Despite how you feel, and despite your good intentions, you are still wrong. Your niece is your niece. Not your child. You can’t make decisions for other people because you want to. Sometimes you have to let things go when it’s not in your control and if it’s not your responsibility. I get that your niece is having a tough time but it’s not within your right to solve it. Final decisions falls on the parent. The only time you should intervene and make harsh decisions is if your niece life is in danger or extreme situations. What you did was more self serving and immature.
That’s cool and all, but what about the real problem here. Wrong is wrong. I know you mean well because every one should continue to put effort in their looks to still woo their partner, but this is clear betrayal. If he felt that he must convey it ( not like we know what they are doing on their end). However, this is crossing a line and going against their commitment to each other. Looks is very important, but trust and commitment comes first.
I know you are hurt by this. You being hurt by this is a clear boundary for you. If you were to marry this person this will happen again and in worse situations. You could have died. Normally one would fear out on missing time and spend it w you. I would have cried at the thought of my partner potentially dying from this accident. Yet she abandoned you in your time of need. Then voiced her emotions about her own needs. You want to marry THAT?
My gf (f/25) didn’t see me for two weeks after I (f/31) got hit by a motorcycle while walking and she went out playing volleyball and drinking with coworkers during that time instead; she thinks it’s justified but what do you think?
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