I'm feeling so broken and useless. Esp right now, I am having a really hard time letting go of a few rejections and a new one today just hit me too hard. I'm sure it's just the easiest outlet my depression and anxiety are choosing to allow them to win the fight. I am running out of fight. (sorry for upcoming the big text wall)

I was laid off by a job that I thought had amazing potential (in a start-up) in June after I brought up that I wanted more responsibility and some solid projects to work on. A lot of what I was doing wasn't senior level despite my title and I wanted to start the conversation about how to get me there over like the next 5-6 months (at the time there was a big push for a pilot run of the tech and I was ok where I was and just wanted to open the conversation). Instead, 2 weeks after, I was laid off because my role wasn't needed. I should note, it's a 10 person company so the CEO would usually talk to you about that decision at some point, even if only afterwards. But she hasn't spoken to me since before I opened the conversation with my then director. It felt like a massive betrayal of all the values she said she believed in. I even reached out later asking if she could talk with me so I could learn from what happened and do better in the future. I don't care what they team said, when you lay someone off in a team of 10 while still frantically hiring, it was personal and I wanted to know what I'd done wrong.

I thought I was recovering from that, but I went to a local professional event and found out the CEO was one of the panelists. She touted her values again and how she helps her people, etc. Even just seeing her again brought all the pain, rejection, betrayal and bitterness roaring back with a vengeance.

Next rejection (ish) is that I just started a new job at a significantly lower position, because now I've had 3 jobs in 3 years and I'm pretty much not attractive to companies. Lots of rejections in my job hunt, which was like a bunch of emotional paper cuts, and I finally kind of took what I could get still within the type of company I want to be a part of (sustainable tech). I feel like I should be able to focus on it being a good opportunity but all I can think of is that I'm so useless that I had to go backwards in my career to get technical knowledge enough to advance properly somehow and that I shouldn't have had to get a new job and that I just want to give up.

But now that things settled down, I realized I hadn't set up the next round of sessions with my therapist. My stints of proper sessions have always been kind of patcy, and she hadn't mentioned this was a problem before. But when I reached out today she sent a really abrupt response that hurt like hell:

"No, sorry. I cannot see you in such a patchwork way. I am not available for crisis. I Can refer you to Psychology Today Website or Therapy Matcher.

I wish you well, and wish you could have managed therapy visits differently."

I hadn't intended to imply I was in crisis, I'm wasn't particularly, tho now I'm completely broken. I feel like a failure because I couldn't manage therapy well enough because I'm too broken to do it 'right' and so she lost respect for me and didn't even waste her time being gentle with me. I broke down at my new job and had to hide in a shower room for 20 minutes before I could pull myself together. I wish I could turn myself off and back on again like a computer because I feel like I can't do anything right and every choice I make now is wrong. Everything is a jumbled mess in my head and heart.

I could really use help to stop feeling so crushed and find some hope again.

I am having a really hard time letting go of a few rejections and a new one today just hit me too hard. (sorry for the big text wall)

I was laid off by a job that I thought had amazing potential (in a start-up) in June after I brought up that I wanted more responsibility and some solid projects to work on. A lot of what I was doing wasn't senior level despite my title and I wanted to start the conversation about how to get me there over like the next 5-6 months (at the time there was a big push for a pilot run of the tech and I was ok where I was and just wanted to open the conversation). Instead, 2 weeks after, I was laid off because my role wasn't needed. I should note, it's a 10 person company so the CEO would usually talk to you about that decision at some point, even if only afterwards. But she hasn't spoken to me since before I opened the conversation with my then director. It felt like a massive betrayal of all the values she said she believed in. I even reached out later asking if she could talk with me so I could learn from what happened and do better in the future. I don't care what they team said, when you lay someone off in a team of 10 while still frantically hiring, it was personal and I wanted to know what I'd done wrong.

I thought I was recovering from that, but I went to a local professional event and found out the CEO was one of the panelists. She touted her values again and how she helps her people, etc. Even just seeing her again brought all the pain, rejection, betrayal and bitterness roaring back with a vengeance.

Next rejection (ish) is that I just started a new job at a significantly lower position, because now I've had 3 jobs in 3 years and I'm pretty much not attractive to companies. Lots of rejections in my job hunt and I finally kind of took what I could get still within the type of company I want to be a part of (sustainable tech). I feel like I should be able to focus on it being a good opportunity but all I can think of is that I'm so useless that I had to go backwards in my career to get technical knowledge enough to advance properly somehow and that I shouldn't have had to get a new job and that I just want to give up.

But now that things settled down, I realized I hadn't set up the bext round of sessions with my therapist. My stints of proper sessions have always been kind of patcy, and she hadn't mentioned this was a problem before. But when I reached out today she sent a really abrupt response that hurt like hell:

"No, sorry. I cannot see you in such a patchwork way. I am not available for crisis. I Can refer you to Psychology Today Website or Therapy Matcher.

I wish you well, and wish you could have managed therapy visits differently."

I hadn't intended to imply I was in crisis, I'm not particularly, tho now I'm completely broken. I feel like a failure because I couldn't manage therapy well enough because I'm too broken to do it 'right' and so she lost respect for me. I broke down at my new job and had to hide in a shower room for 20 minutes before I could pull myself together. I wish I could turn myself off and back on again like a computer because I feel like I can't do anything right and every choice I make now is wrong. Everything is a jumbled mess in my head and heart.

I could really use help to feel better and figure out how feel hopeful again.

Hello all,

(plz let me know if this is the wrong sub for this!)

I am a materials & process engineer who is likely going to be making the transition into electrochemistry, specifically molten salt for now, though room temp is also an option. I was working at room temp electrochem with a company and just starting to learn there, but was laid off recently. The companies I'm speaking with now are almost all also electrochem. I'd like to start getting educated for where I end up.

Can you recommend reading or videos I can watch that will give me some starting places or primers on electrochemistry and its applications?

I'm looking for a place I can get a pdf or ebook of lots of crosswords/sudoku/wordsearches/puzzles in one book. Basically looking for a digital version of those activity books/crossword books for adults that I used to buy for plane rides.

I know a lot of places that I can compile puzzles one at a time myself but would like to skip that at least this once. I can't even find anything in the Kindle store because they're skewed to novels in search results rather be than actual activity books.

Can anyone point me in the right direction?