Omg i was singing this song the whole time i was working on a painting of me and the man who’s been love bombing me all year. I didn’t realize how much that song resembled my situation. No wonderrrr… ;(

“Candy necklace” to Lana is “Hay Charm” to Elliott Smith (a noose) imo

My trauma is similar to yours and i mean, messages of love and hope can be cringe when I’m in that low of a state but it’s a billion times better than someone saying “death is your choice”. Even tho that statement is true, you have to be really careful who your audience is when you say it.

Waaait I’m sorry i know your intention is good, but if i were to read this in a very suicidal state, i would just read the first sentence and that would push me over the edge.

The messages of hope and love when I’ve been extremely suicidal we’re the only things that kept me here personally.

In a not suicidal state your comment is fine but i personally feel that’s such a dangerous thing to tell someone who’s in a very sensitive state of mind,

Amazing

Aww this did make me feel less alone and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much and good job!

Oh god 💔 i hope not. But i have those same nightmares too!!

Yes! I even have prophetic dreams… sometimes about something serious, other times the most random unproblematic thing.

Your words have helped me so much! Thank you!

Honestly I’ll be stuck 24 hours sometimes.

First of all I’m so sorry.

I wonder this all the time too and i can’t figure it out. I guess it’s good we don’t understand and don’t have brains like that. But it’s like maybe if i understood i could fix it and prevent it?

Labeling it Narc abuse helped me at first to even admit that it was abuse.

Now that I’ve accepted it as abuse i no longer need to label it Narc. But i think that’s the purpose it serves for a lot of people. When you’re gaslighted so badly your entire life, it’s really hard to not gaslight yourself. A little label like that can help put things into perspective but i can see why that’s problematic as well.

Covert abuse can be a good replacement word.

Woe very well said!

Exactly same. Literally just laughing during the event because I’m already so dissociated.

I’ve had some weeeird experiences with devil symbolism too even though I’ve always identified with atheism/ existentialism.

Do you think there’s something symbolic about falling asleep at dusk. Like falling asleep while the sun is up and waking up in the dark? I always wake up feeling some sort of demonic presence, pretty much every time.

Also, i had a friend pass away recently due to suicide. Our entire relationship we bonded over dreams. The first time i met her she gave me a stone and told me to put it under my pillow and she’ll astral project and come visit me because i think i mentioned i was having a lot of nightmares or something.

One dream i had recently she told me when i die, don’t go up or down, shoot out towards space. I thought that was interesting.

Interesting, I’m experience something so similar but different in the details. It sounds like there’s something generally off. Maybe it feels like figuring out why your friend is doing what they’re doing will help you either mend the relationship or feel better about walking away. Perhaps you want the problem to be something is wrong with them because they have made you feel the problem is you by not talking to you. That sounds really painful and it sounds like you need to find support elsewhere. Maybe there’s psychological games at play, maybe there’s not but regardless you deserve support and love and it doesn’t sound like this friend/ group is going to be a safe place to receive that. I might be projecting because that’s the conclusions I’m coming to right now. I’m having to find a completely new support system and that’s a scary journey to take on when you’re in a vulnerable place but the outcome is going to be a lot better than trying to make it work with people who bring me so much uncertainty and confusion. I hope my perspective brings some sort of help.

As far as self diagnosing goes, i thought i had almost every mental diagnosis in the book before coming to terms that I’m struggling with CPTSD. It can be helpful to look into possible diagnosis’s and then ruling them out with a professional, that’s what i had to do. If someone i know seems to be self-diagnosing, id just be happy they’re looking into what’s wrong versus acting like it’s nothing. Hopefully your friend figures it out but if it’s causing you harm, it’s perfectly okay to distance yourself.

I used to and then medication/ supplements helped pull me out before i became physically dependent like my sibling did.

I’m obsessed with dreams, but the longer I’m in therapy I’m starting to feel like that obsession was a maladaptive coping mechanism. I was living in my dreams more than i was in real life.

I’ve theorized that dreams are actually alternate realities and that’s helped me cope with a lot of pain. Every possible reality exists in a different dimension, so if you lose someone you love in this reality, there’s a version where your doing everything you can imagine with that person in another reality. There’s also realities where you never knew them at all, which makes me appreciate the one I’m currently in.

Someone has suggested to me joining a group where you discuss dreams because I’m so fascinated by them. I learned to lucid dream really early in life and I’ve astral projected before too. Now that I’m in therapy it seems my dreams have turned into a way to release a lot of pain and not just a different reality to exist in cuz i can’t cope with my current one.

I know what you mean! It took a year for my therapist to convince me i was worthy of support, after a lifetime of gaslighting i started gaslighting myself. Those voices are finally quiet almost gone now.

It’s a trap. I still fall for it sometimes still even after a lifetime of it. 😫

Woe i just checked out her vids and she’s super informative. Thanks for commenting!

I feel a clicking in my forehead when i have certain intrusive thoughts and then i have subtle muscle spasms through out my body. It freaks me out that i might have a brain tumor or something? but i just did a ton of jaw massages and felt so much tension and release. Thanks for mentioning that.