NTA. A therapist that specializes in SA would never tell you to have sex before you’re ready. A marriage counselor very likely is under qualified for dealing with SA. Add that he told you to have sex in unconscionable. Get a new therapist and a new husband while you’re at it.

NTA. Your friends are insecure. If it was me, I would leave after being called a slut. No one has the right to disrespect you.

NTA. Fellow smoker and brisket eater here so I may be biased. She needs to pay-up. I would also refuse to smoke anything for her because I’m petty.

YTA. Do you even like your kids?

RN NAH. Have you ever sat down and talked about who does what after the baby? It sounds like you need to reevaluate your division of labor. I have chores I do exclusively because I feel they have to be done a certain way (like laundry and cleaning the bathroom). I know I will do it my way if my husband tries himself. If you know you’re going to do it anyway then switch chores.

Obviously if these are the only chores he’s willing to do then he would be TA.

As for needing a break, that’s about justifiable if you’re responsible 90% of the time. I’m again assuming you mean while you’re both home? Or do you WFH? Because there is no break from the baby while also being at home.

NAH. Why can’t you apologize? You’re a parent. Not a perfect oracle that predicts the future and makes every best decision for everyone. Sit down and talk to him about the choices you had and your feelings about them. Then discuss his. Tell him you are genuinely sorry that you didn’t do as he asked because you also want to be buried next to her. He is old enough to have an adult conversation.

It is possible to be buried on top of her in some cemeteries. That could have been a possibility.

Edited to add judgement.

ESH (except the baby). Claire is NOT adjusting well. You are not parenting her. Your wife, even out of anger, should not have said the things she said to a child.

NAH. You’re not the right person for your friend to vent to. You desperately want children and that is clouding how you perceive your friend’s comments. She is having a hard time and is venting. I think her wishing to be childless sometimes is triggering to you because you feel 100% differently. In this instance your feelings are getting in the way of any empathy for your friend’s situation. You can either step back from this friendship or stop judging her for what she says to you about her life.

NTA and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

All that detail and he forgets about the car.

ESH. Gross

YTA. How are you even confused about this. One year for your daughter, who was a child, and then moved away. You now just confirmed everything her mother said about you during the divorce.

Did you leave your car running the entire time you cleaned the dishwasher?

You are NTA. Your child, your rules. It’s great you came to an alternative title It’s very sweet you’ve already discussed this with your stepmom and are trying to stay in front of it.

We have a very similar set-up with our children’s grandparents. I adore my stepmom and even more after I had children. She sits and plays with them. On the floor! They love her. In my eyes she earned the title of “grandma” or “grammy” that my eldest calls her.

We also have an extensive network of fictive aunts and uncles, some of whose parents are referred to as “grandma” and “grandpa”. There is room for them all.

I think the new pill is safer but they do recommend having someone with you to monitor you. I think people are still required to see a sonogram and also wait in some states. In others it’s kind of seen as unnecessary as it’s a personal choice. It kind of runs the same vein as having to get permission from the spouse or bf.

I’m in GA but a transplant from a more liberal area. It’s just been a weird experience the last 20 years here. Thankfully my SO had a vasectomy too so we won’t have to go through this. It is terrifying.

If she’s in the US chemical abortions are about the only thing you can get in some states. The pills use was recently upheld by the Supreme Court and is almost the only access woman can get in anti-abortion states. OBGYNs will prescribe the meds and then they can be filled through the mail. It is seriously nuts.

NTA. Do you really want to be with someone that dismisses your feelings and blames you for this situation?

NAH You’re both under tremendous amount a stress. Apologize for snapping at her. You both need to sit down together and talk it out and come up with a better plan to get through the pregnancy. You also need to tell her the extra requests are causing difficulty. Just communicate and apologize when you speak out of anger.

I’m not really sure there is a way to tell your family this without some sort of extreme backlash. You may be better off leaving and finding a new place to stay. Otherwise this cycle will continue since you do not own your home. Presumably you don’t have exclusive rights to it either.

Do you think you can have this conversation? If so, try to establish some boundaries.

If not, and If you’re in the US, look into state or federal programs that can provide assistance. Each state is different with their programs. Ask for help from any source you know of so that you can get housing for you and your child. There are shelters, religious organizations, and other entities that can offer assistance. Basically, you need an escape plan or a find a way to make your home “yours”.

Also do you have a job or financial means start getting yourself into a better environment?

Edited to add question.

Thanks. I’m NC with her. I don’t know if it will ever improve. Just wish things were different. Good luck to you.

Yeah, no. I’ve been married 22 years and I’ve never spent 5 years pleading with my spouse to stop doing something that made life difficult. Any time I said something about a behavior, like leaving socks all over the place, he picked up his socks. He goes out of the way to correct things, not intentionally exhibiting unkind behavior. This guy…she’s watched for 5 years slip back into tightening jars knowing it bothers her. Is she supposed to just keep asking and being frustrated? At best he is an inconsiderate jerk. 5 years says it’s a pattern. 5 years says it is intentional.

Good for you for going straight to personal insults. Just say your piece without making it personal. No reason to be unkind.

This is about control and making you seem crazy. It’s not about the lids. At least that’s how it sounds to me. Others have said it’s for sport. Considering he gets better after meltdowns but always reverts, it certainly seems that way.

I did see you said you have to stay in contact with your dad. Have you tried grey rocking? It is tremendously helpful and certainly limits the amount of info related to your mom. All the best to you! And you’re not crazy and you are dodging a bullet.

That definitely makes sense and is advice I’ve been given. I know my nmom wrote many letters. However she was never in counseling and would nearly always send her letters. She did find loads of help in AA until she started drinking again. Then found help with CODA group. Still not one-on-one therapy so maybe she missed the part of working on herself and not sending the letter.

Yes. It is completely fair, TO YOU, to go NC. Anyone that makes you relive trauma just so they can “authenticate” and “verify” and then somehow make it about them should be a person you run from. People that love, trust, and believe you will never make you relive your trauma. My mom does this but only so she can either pretend to be the hero or to weaponize it to assert control.