I can tell that you're young. I'd guess (hope) <30, buuuut I've been meeting more and more extremely immature men at 30+ these days. It's like an epidemic. Hollywood is Hollywood...movies are just an art firm for entertainment. But unfortunately, it seem that sooo many people have a Hollywood expectation for what love is. You think it's a feeling? Feelings change. When people 'fall out of love', yeah, their feelings changed for some period of time. Values matter. Friendship. Compatibility. If you have these things, you're doing better than most married couples. Or if you're just set on being single, stay that way. 🤷‍♀️

I could've written this a few years ago. And then every time we've repeated the same cycle because we keep bouncing back to each other like boomerangs. Carve out space for yourself. You'll never know what was going on in their head. And it'll always hurt a bit, but time definitely helps.

Hey. You should just tell her exactly what's up. I'm sure she loves you too. Have a little more faith in her. Complete honesty can be incredibly healing. Like I know you don't want to hurt her. Of course not. And maybe something you need to get honest about will hurt. Give it a chance. You may come out on the other end with something you couldn't imagine today. Honesty can be incredibly healing.

What?! No, no, this is over. I'm so sorry. Cut your losses, get some therapy, and GO! Someone calling you names (even something like referring to you as 'vanilla'...it's insulting) because they're into some extremely weird shit is not ok. He has a very odd and specific fetish. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with YOU! He's the one with the problems here. Just the fact that you tried to roll with his weird shit makes you a freaking treasure imo.

Trust. 10000% Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that can cause serious harm.

Yeah, but I'm sober too, so no probs. I don't require sobriety in dating, but it's cool if it's not a big difference between us. I don't care if people drink around me (at all), but there are definitely some lifestyle differences that I've run into they can become tricky.

If someone asked me to changed what I was reading based on their preferences or some warped world view, there would be no need to have further conversation 😂 I mean, I read freaking sci-fi and fantasy and am not over here trying to shoot laser beams outta my eyes. 😂

I don't. And I miss it.

I'm f in my 40's, and think you're a gem. I've always felt this way, but have only met the hookup type over the past 5 years. I'm not into the whole hookup/casual sex life, so dating has really sucked. Honestly it feels utterly hopeless at this point because I think I've accumulated too much relationship trauma/baggage to date at all anymore. But seeing something like this is like a little beacon of light. I wish there were more people (men and women) who had your values. There's NOTHING wrong with your approach. But there's something very wrong with the things we accept as 'normal' today.

No, I would not date that person. Things like this never used to bother me. Until I started dating again ~5 years ago. Now I have plenty of personal experience with porn addicts, players, liars, and cheaters. It's not black and white and everyone is different, but it would absolutely be a red flag to me.

I would marry Adolin. He's my favorite character.

NO they're not dumb. They're smart. Knowing yourself and what you need in order to feel comfortable is good and absolutely healthy.

I bond intimately through sex. I will not try to shit down my feelings or capacity to feel love in order to have casual, meaningless encounters. Not everyone need agree...it's cool. But I know what works for me. Don't compromise yourself and your values to try to get accepted by the lame ducks out there.

2 hours is nbd. 3-4 I would do IF the interest was extremely high and obviously mutual. I've had 2 hour daily commutes to work, so it's literally nothing to me. Last person I had an encounter with (can't quite call it dating) had some weird hang up about the fact that we lived an hour away from each other. I thought it was extremely odd and just assumed it was some sort of lame ass way of saying he wasn't interested. But I've also traveled a lot in my life and lived abroad. What I consider normal would probably vary from someone who has never left Western Pennsylvania. I'm also looking for someone who is worth it / wants someone who is worth effort. If I were going through some shallow hookup phase, 30 min max. If that.

I have the time and never read this one. I know Sanderson gets a lot of hate here, but I love his books and really just wanted to see how he handled a series that he didn't start.

Not at all! She whines, sniffs, and pulls her braid. And is obsessed with a guy that she had very little interaction with. By book 9, no change. So, I'd be happy to be done with her.

Wheel of time. I'm stubborn as hell and am PAINFULLY making my way through book freaking 9 and it has yet to get me remotely interested. I straight up despise every character. Especially the women. They're all extremely flat/superficial, I have found zero depth anywhere...I absolutely don't understand the appeal - at all. But I respect that some things resonate with certain people. I just hope nyneave is offed soon...most obnoxious female character in fiction.

I've seen Stone Sky listed here and I really enjoyed it. Not one of my favs, but definitely a nice surprise (to me). And Dark Tower is probs one of my top 3 series favorites and I've also seen that listed here. In that case, I definitely understand the criticism (some) as it's so freaking bizarre at times. But damn, it made me laugh. It's ludicrous, but I actually loved the characters. Some things just hit differently. So as much as I hate WOT, I'm happy that there are people out there that love it.

Agreed. Another Sando shock that I wasn't expecting. I'm not mad about it though...it was brilliant.

YES!! I was SO pissed about the Oy/Jake death. I cried, but it was a mix of shock/devastation/and major anger at SK for doing such a horrible thing.

Vin AND elend in mistborn era 1. Gotta say, I did not see it coming at all.

His Dark Materials for reason #1. I didn't expect to like it so much, but it's a damned gem. Stone Sky for being surprisingly novel.

Recommended by fans of Wheel of Time. I've never hated a series that I spent such an absurd amount of time on, ever. Until WoT.

Interesting. And I wholeheartedly agree as I have the same reading experience - if I don't care about the characters, I don't enjoy the book. This was my problem with Wheel of Time. I know there are diehard fans out there and love that they find value in the work, but I got zilch from it.

But I do find Sando to be entirely different. I don't see the characters as a list of qualities. Shallan isn't selfish. She has very serious mental problems from a seriously traumatic past. In fact, she tried to help everyone. Those chapters of her and her brothers and the little ways she planned to help pull them back from the brink...holy hell, my heart broke for her! it was the only way she could be a hero as a little girl with no support network, and she did amazing imo. Just surviving and being able to still smile is amazing imo. And anything she does as her awkward ass self later in life...I understand. She's just like any of us, trying to do her best, fit in, find her place, and sometimes she's a bit of an idiot about it.

Kaladin is a dick. Cmon, often in the early books, he's a completely self-centered racist (eyes not skin in this universe, same mentality) he's the selfish and self-centered one. But he makes decisions (takes him awhile sometimes and he definitely screws up along the way) to learn and move beyond his limited way of looking at things. He's still, often, an idiot. He needs Syl and the people around him to call him out on his BS. I'm calling him a dick, but I can also relate to Kal and Teft the most. I do understand PTSD and the lasting effects that combat can have on the mind/soul. We never quite come home all the way. It's mental torment and can feel like spiritual hell. Depression is only part of the experience. And Sanderson captures it like he actually knows. I'm pretty sure he is no vet, but he's gotta have friends like me to write it so well.

Anyway, I find him to be anything but paint-by-numbers, but we bring our own experiences to the books we read. Who knows how I would've felt 20 years ago. 🤷‍♀️ it's ok to vibe with whatever you vibe with. 😊

No idea why you were downvoted. I agree with you. I mean, I'm definitely a GRRM fan, but agree that 'simple' does not mean 'bad', poorly written, or shallow.

I'm absolutely a Sando fan, so I lean toward blind adoration. I did enjoy mistborn era 2 more than 1. The characters were more engaging to me. Stormlight is one of my favorite series, BUT I do agree with one of the comments. At some point (Mistborn Secret History - still in Cosmere) the magic system becomes so complicated that I stopped paying attention to the details and did lose some engagement.

I cared a lot more about the characters in Stormlight, but understand he's not writing like Steinbeck. His books are fantastic in world building and I personally love / relate / have strong feelings about the way he understands and represents debilitating complex PTSD. I have zero personal experience with some of the other elements he presents (DID, paraplegia, etc) but he writes them so well that I care / empathize with the characters, but definitely don't see them as victims (thank you, Sando!). As someone who has had life altering anxiety and depression due to unmanaged PTSD for decades, I LOVE that he does not victimize the individuals who struggle. He focuses repeatedly on the idea that the strongest of us are ALL broken at some point. He writes about the self-loathing of a drug addict, the recovery (that part is quick, but he hits the main points), and importance of identifying purpose. Idk, there's a lot that he doesn't spell out, but he doesn't have to imo.

I'd classify as:

Mistborn Era 1: plot and world building ❤️, characters 'meh'

Mistborn Era 2: plot 'meh', magic additions became overwhelming to me (like I needed a chart to understand wtf powers someone could have at this point, but some are better at keeping track than I) characters ❤️

Warbreaker: characters ❤️, plot above 'meh' - strong like

Stormlight: ❤️❤️

Glad to see someone listed Skyward! I also loved Skyward and Starsight and second the comments. Very fun read. HATED Cytonic, but found the first two very fun/fast/engaging reads.

DOOMSLUG!!