I've recently started neurofeedback, and I'm curious if there is any relation to neurofeedback having an effect on inducing memory or an emotional type flashback. Ex: I was driving and the smell of smoke ( wood fire) specifically triggered an intense emotion from a traumatic period in my life. I didn't remember the exact memory or detail, just the feeling. It's like something clicked, where as before the smell and memory was never activated.
I hope so. I'm especially hard on myself and while it was under the influence of medication in the end it was still ME that made choices and expressed words that were conerning and I can't take any of it back. It's something I'll have to discuss with her in therapy ( if i can bare to show my face) after this.
I’m reading back through emails I sent while I was going through that rough patch this morning.
It’s embarrassing. Full honesty I take ambien. I woke up early from a nightmare and had taken another ambien to get back to sleep it’s an extended release so…. When I woke up in the morning there were lasting effects. My emotional instability, memory …etc, I wasn’t in the right head space. I don’t remember much of what I emailed her, but it was hard to read, dark and I feel terrible for putting her in that position. It was completely out of character for me. I don’t know if this will soften the blow… but I sent her an email apologizing this evening, assuring it won’t happen again. So much that I don’t think I can face her next week. Maybe I need a week off to let things cool off. I went down a rabbit hole though and other people had experienced similar situations where eventually there became an ultimatum, I’m hoping this doesn’t become true. I don’t have the time to do an outpatient program right now, I’m a stay at home mom with two 5 year olds and my wife works and travels. Phew * remind myself to breathe* it’ll be okay.
I’m glad to hear outpatient day programs were a positive experience for you. Minus the group therapy ( we are identical) when it comes to those :)
I now see that she made the right/ethical decision to not have a session. But man it felt brutal in that moment. To go from years of not allowing myself to feel, to feeling 100% was a lot to take in.
I have a history of inpatient hospitalizations and residential treatment programs since the age of 11. It always felt like no one could ever “fix” or help me, it felt like I was always being handed off to the next set of hands. As an adult I now see that the root of the problem was my home and my father. I think this is where my fear stems from. I have a huge fear of mental health facilities due to my own experiences which were terrifying and abusive. She assured me that she wasn’t giving up on me and that she wants to continue therapy with me whether or not I decide to try out the day program, but her assurance wasn’t getting through to me and at this point whatever she said “ wasn’t enough”. It wasn’t an ultimatum but in my head that’s how I perceived it. I was in a downward spiral of negativity.
Breaking point
I reached out to my therapist for a check in. I’m struggling, there are feelings of helplessness, crying spells ( which I never experience) I felt like I could use the extra support. I had sent her an email and it was in the midst of my “breakdown” I guess if you could call it that. I was overwhelmed with emotion, anxiety, shame…etc. we had initially agreed to a phone call however the conversation took a turn- I had admitted to self medicating and she didn’t think a check in would be beneficial if I had alcohol in my system- which I understand now, but it stung nonetheless. She suggested my thinking about a day trauma program that had more intervention and support other than 1-2 hours a week. I took this as rejection, her giving up, like I fucked another relationship or she couldn’t handle my traumas and all the mess that comes with them. While she reassured me that wasn’t the case and still wanted to work with me, how do I move past this? I’m embarrassed, ashamed- and everything within me wants to run.
Easier to run
Have you ever felt like you want to run away from the life you’ve created? If so, how do you convince yourself to stay? In my situation I have two tiny humans at stake and my wife. I’m exhausted and it’s all just…so heavy, like I just don’t know how to juggle it all anymore. I’ve had multiple crying spells over the last day, chaotic emotions that I can’t make sense of- how to manage. I’m usually so disconnected that I can manage them. I’ve managed to self sabotage a check in session with my therapist-who ended up suggesting a day treatment trauma program, because she thinks I may benefit from more intervention. I took this as abandonment and rejection? I had my first NFB qEEg which I’m not sure if it it’s exaggerating the things I’m feeling or the therapy is finally beginning to work - allowing myself to get in touch with what I feel. Either way, how do you manage it all when you feel so alone - like only you can get yourself through this pivotal time.
I usually fill with Publix here in TN and their manufacturer for Zolpidem ER 12.5 recalled. I had to transfer my prescription back to my old local pharmacy that previously had a back order.
At the time I confronted my mother I was in a head space where I expected a certain response. When I got a response I didn't want to hear I was very disappointed and I felt that all that bravery went out the window. I felt rejected and gas lighted. Years later I now realize that- her answer is still the same, while she's apologetic there's no accountability. My brother had it worse and she had no idea my father did the things to me that he did. Now I realize that it's not about me, it's about her.
Trying to be ok with shame
I told my therapist about a childhood memory that recently surfaced. There’s a lot of shame that evolves around it. It was my choice to tell her and I felt comfort in e-mailing her about it but I also feel exposed and that she’ll look differently at me. I’m scared to face her this week in person Trying my best not to cancel my session this week due to embarrassment. Has anyone felt something similar?
I feel exactly the same way. I've been in and out of talk therapy since 2007. I've lasted each time a year or two and I've kind felt like it was beneficial, and that I made progress, but it just wasn't enough. While I take accountability for some of this being ME holding myself back, I'm also thinking okay this just isn't working. What am I missing? What's missing? I keep waiting for an " AHA" moment where something clicks and I finally begin to understand why I'm there - but I've yet to feel this. Since this is my 5th time in therapy and I feel like I've exhausted my options I began to look more into different types of therapy, one being Neurofeedback. I'm hoping in addition to talk therapy ( which I still think can be beneficial) with the help of something else. Maybe you need something in addition to therapy?
I'm stuck in a spot where if I were to say " I want to look at you but I can't" feels weak and I immediately begin to think what's the point of saying something like that. I know this stems from childhood and I've been trained to think/feel a certain way- that being the ONLY way. But you're right and I agree that's a good first step/approach.
Also, I didn't know that about babies. That's interesting. It also makes a lot of sense.
I struggle with eye contact. I feel like it's part of what's keeping me from connecting in therapy. It feels almost... violating.
Shame & TherapyAdvice
How do you handle the shame and telling your therapist something traumatic that happened to you when you were a child. It presented itself as fragments and the feelings of it keep intensifying. After having told her I feel this enormous amount of embarrassment. Wishing I could take it back and wanting to cancel my next session due to embarrassment. Has anyone else experienced something similar?
Nightmares and Emotional FlashbacksQuestion
Has anyone had any success with neurofeedback and nighttime/nightmares and emotional flashbacks? I'm beyond exhausted, I haven't slept a whole night in 6 months. Wondering if NFB is something that could help?
qEEG Neuro Feedback for CPTSD ?Question
Has anyone tried this type of neurofeedback and had positive results?
My main concern has been, that I’ve always done talk therapy, CBT / DBT, psychodynamic…and while I’ve had progress it never felt like enough, or that the issue wasn’t the type of therapy it was “ me” and my inability to connect/trust etc…. I’m not sure in what ways I expect NFB to help in therapy since im still not educated on NFB. Does NFB help someone express themselves/connect within therapy? I feel like if it could it would be a game changer for me and I’d finally see and feel the progress, really be able to work on my history and childhood trauma. All I know so far based off their website is that they do qEEG. I’m going to call Monday for a consult.
One of my main issues with therapy has been dissociation and really in general with my day to day life. I don’t remember any of my childhood either. If ketamine causes dissociation that would be a red flag for me.
I’ve never heard of BAUD, but at this point I’m open. I do like that my therapist would collaborate with the other team members since it’s within the same practice. I don’t think they offer BAUD.
I’m looking for a longer lasting result. I’ve read the issues with ketamine relieves short term. Which was a concern for me. Thanks for the input! It was helpful
I think talk therapy has been beneficial, but it's just not enough. There's something missing. My therapist always encouraged NFB but i've always felt apprehensive, not sure why. I hope you have good results with your NFB.
I don't know too much information yet. It's qEEG. I think starting off it's 1-3 times a week.
New to NF and CPTSDQuestion
I’ve been in therapy off and on since 2007 but recently for 6 months now. They offer neuro-feedback at their practice and I’m wondering if I should try it? To help with anxiety , depression, emotional flashbacks, nightmares insomnia…. I feel like I need a little extra help besides talk therapy. I was going between ketamine infusions or neurofeedback
Thanks for your words. Sometimes listening and feeling heard makes a world of difference.
This is what I was thinking more along the lines of. That my brain is finally " turned on" in a sense, it's doing it's job after ALL these years. That this is what it feels like to finally be activated and correctly functioning.
NFB and Memory
Neurofeedback