This is indeed true. Also, some parents have a babysitter for a few hours in the afternoon instead of BSO on some days. Sometimes combined with BSO on other days. And then the babysitter will take the child(ren) to activities. 

NTA. What a weird thing to be mad about. At 20 you are allowed to feel however you want about kids. At 30 or 40 as well. As long as you don’t string along your partner (telling them you want children when in fact you don’t want children at all). And even then it is not something others can be mad about. It is your life and yours only. 

I have children and I have always known I wanted them but then there was a short period in my early twenties when I wasn’t so sure anymore because I was working on my career. And then a year or maybe two later I knew again I would really love to have them one day, but when I was a bit older. Not knowing something is totally fine. And knowing you do or don’t want them is totally fine as well. Nobody can decide this for someone else.

NTA.

I would have thought Dameyune would be pronounced as Dame Yune (June) as in a fancy Lady, named June… oh well…

You sound like a great grandparent! 

My grandparents also were like this to me/ us, but then something with my niece happened. I didn’t let her rent my appartment for free because I couldn’t live without the money and my niece has gotten a lot of money and spend it all so I didn’t feel like giving her an appartment when she didn’t need one. And then my grandparents told me because they did a lot for me when I was younger I needed to do this for my niece. So we didn’t have a relationship for 2 years and now they finally saw my niece for who she really is, and now they have no contact with her (again, my niece did this in the past a few times). 

It was sad to lose my grandparents for 2 years but I am glad I finally saw them for who they really are. Our bond is not like it was before. 

Well if someone spells Polly as Spolly it still says Polly somewhere in the name, but it doesn’t mean it is correct.. 

Zee is the Dutch word for sea.. 

The name Aelias makes me assume someone didn’t know how to spell the name Elias. 

True. The Netherlands and Germany don’t have an approved list but there are certain rules. And the registrar will say no if the name is against one of the rules, but this might be open for interpretation since the rules are a bit wide.

In the Netherlands and Germany it is more difficult to have a tragedeigh name (not entirely impossible though). Names like Abcde (absidee) are not allowed. There are certain rules one must follow. 

Agreed. He did everything wrong he could do wrong…

I am so so so sorry for you after reading your story. Your father is not worth your time or anything from you at all. He is stupid for putting her above you all the time. Maybe because he thought he did not have to win you over because you are his daughter and he did want to win her over to be approved and he just went WAAAAY to far… anyway, not sure what his brain said to make this alright. Because it is not. I hope you can live your life without these people in your life. But it is okay if it hurts. Those feelings are valid. Hugs from across the globe. 

Also, NTA.

Well then it makes no sense at all. So weird he replaced that photo of you two together. Might be harmless, but most of the times things like these aren’t harmless and there is something going on. Not saying he is cheating but she is definitely not a platonic female friend. Maybe he has/ had some feelings for her (and she does not feel the same, or maybe she does). Anyway, for me this would be a dealbreaker because he puts her above you and will probably keep doing that. Putting others above your spouse is the wrong thing to do but especially here. He replaced you with her. 

ETA: I am sorry for you because whether something might be going on or not the insecurity about it is just awful. 

Were you two on a break? Or was it something else why you were away for a month? Because if it was a break he might not be on a temporary break but more a definite one.. 

Anyways, you are not the AH but you might want to look at your relationship with him and the relationship he has with her. 

It does not have those words (or similar to those words in it) but when I was younger we sang “pepsi cola”. It was handjeklap (clapping with your hands).  It goes like this  Pepsi cola (clap clap clap) Wie er lacht (clap clap clap) Krijgt een opdracht Wie beweegt (clap clap clap)  Krijgt er twee Een twee drie 

And then you had to stand still and not move. We also had a version where you could hit each other , but softly. Mostly ended in one of us yelling “that is not fair, it was way too hard”. 

Maybe you could google handjeklap liedjes (handjeklap songs) for other versions that might sound similar..

There is also a song for children where you sing “my daddy is bus driver” (mijn papa is een buschauffeur) and then you say tuut tuut (like a car honk) and you push your hand against your nose. 

I looked it up online and I found this (Flemish website though): https://immaterieelerfgoed.be/nl/erfgoederen/handjeklap-op-liedjes

In Rotterdam there is stichting Zilver and they do a lot of good work. They adopt from just a few shelters in some countries. Maybe you could ask them for help because they know a lot about the Dutch legislation and things you need to do and they also have a big network of people that might be interested in adopting. 

Yeah you’d think that… some people never cease to amaze. And some people are really good at digging holes and they just keep digging.. 

But she didn’t mess up. well.. at least that is what she thinks. In her eyes the comment was more than justified and OPs reaction was a massive overreaction. We all don’t agree with her, but she thinks she is in the right. Some people are just like that.

Agreed. Couldn’t have worded it better.

 I had a boyfriend once (emphasize the had). When a study friend of mine died at the age of 21 (I turned 21 a month later) he was so deminishing. I was at his place (his parent’s house) and he had a football (soccer) game playing on the television. I was talking to his mom about the death of my friend (very sudden and not expected at all). He said something about the game and then said something like “oh but you are not watching” in a certain tone. I had to go home because I wanted to smash his head through the television. A few weeks later we broke up and of course it was painful but I was happy as well because I reminded myself life was too short to be with people who belittle important happenings in your life. Even the sad ones. Or mostly the sad ones. Because then you know who people really are. 

OP, I am so sorry for your loss. 

It would be. But I thought OP was Northern European. UK is (like the Netherlands) West Europe. But Dutch, Danish, German all kind of sound alike. We have the same sounds (like the specific g-sound or sch-sound). But later I read OP is from the USA and not Northern Europe itself. So it is a different story then. 

The name is not Dutch as well, but also not uncommon. I think this might also depends on the place you are living. Mispronouncing names is just a pain. I later read that he lives in the USA so it is a different story I guess

I really like Aurelia. Has such a beautiful sound if you’d ask me. 

I really love your name. I am Dutch and I have heard the name here before. Does not sound like a difficult name to pronounce to me, but maybe because the sounds in our languages are probably a bit the same (since you are from Northern Europe and I am Dutch, so probably similar sounding languages). 

Agreed. I always tell my stepson (and would do this to my own son, but he is barely 2) that they should not keep secrets for others. Especially not when they get a negative feeling because of it (or tummy ache). They are only allowed to keep secrets about (birthday) gifts they want to give to someone else (this came up as a question so I told him it is okay if he keeps the gift he bought someone else a secret until he gives it to the person but it is also okay if he wants to tell someone). But children should never keep a secret for someone else. Nobody should ever ask that of a child. 

I agree. I work in law myself (criminal law). But it is a difficult world, especially criminal law. 

Also like to add that for a lot of legal jobs you must have a masters degree in law here. Especially for jobs like prosecutors (you need a masters degree and then you have to become a prosecutor by applying to the job and doing a elaborate study while working for the OM (Openbaar Ministerie, the Dutch Prosecutors office). Besides, you do have to speak Dutch to be a Dutch prosecutor since it is the language spoken in our courts (next to Frysian in courts in Friesland). So I don’t think being a prosecutor is an option at this moment for you, OP.

Jobs that are available with a bachelor’s degree are jobs like paralegal for an attorney. But then you have to look for that specific job and there are not a lot of paralegal jobs in that specific area of criminal law. Maybe you could work for international organisations indeed, like jarreddit123 mentioned. Or slachtofferhulp (an organization for victims) or Comensha (an organization for victims of human traffic) or maybe even the IND. 

Good luck with finding a job! I know how frustrating it can be. 

I agree. Growing up I had 3 grandmas. My mother’s mom passed away when my mom was 19. And then when my mom was 29 she got me. In the meantime my grandfather was married (a few years after my grandmas death). So growing up I called both of them my grandma (or oma in Dutch, where I am from). My mom explained later to us (when we were old enough to understand) that oma was not her mother but she was our grandma. My mom was too old for her to really be a parental figure for her, but oma is still family to her. But she was there to be the grandma for us. The title is not only given to people with a blood connection. And children can definitely have more than 2.