There is the stability that can be found beyond the small self.

Check out Loch Kelly. He's pretty accessible. https://lochkelly.org/what-is-awake-awareness

I disagree. You can have experiences of deep insight that align with a Stream Entry in the buddhist traditions. The problem is the stability of that view born from the insight. That's where meditation can come in.

If that seems like too much, try to questions the beliefs you have about making mistakes and expectations being broken. You can try to practice loving kindness for yourself with Loving Kindness practice and Tonglen. You can be aware of the expectations you are setting for yourself and others and intentionally try to make those intentions more flexible, more broadly defined.

That's good insight. It points to two things happening:

1. Your expectations of yourself or others not being met, your reaction to that expectation not being met, you feeling bad about that reaction.
2. You interpret an experience as you making a mistake, you judge yourself, you react to that judgment, and you feel bad from that reaction.

So here are few ways out but this is what I think may be most relevant to you:

1. Use Byron Katie's The Work to investigate your beliefs.

For working with specific thoughts I've found Byron Katie's "The Work" as a really good way to step out of thought loops. When doing the work it is best to be embodied and patient with the answers that come to you. You start with a worksheet to clarify what's going on in your view of the experience and what your needs are.

Here is a worksheet to do the work: https://thework.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/jyn_en_mod_6feb2019_r4_form1.pdf

Here is a walk though of how to do the Judge your neighbor worksheet. If your thought is about yourself, then instead of being a judge of another have yourself as the neighbor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqjj7nvqczo From there, on each section, you apply 4 questions to inquiry more deeply into what is going.

1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who or what would you be without the thought?

To see how to properly apply the 4 question's here is another video. This is really important to watch so you can see how to engage with the questions beyond an intellectual processing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf1SMXLgbRI&t=14s This can be a deep practice and there are full day workshops.

<3 Yes :)

I tried that and I went from depressed to angry, which was an improvement. I felt a bit meth-y.

Diet, exercise, sleep, Vitamin D, meditation, socialize, less fixation on what I cannot change.
Quitting my job, moving, traveling, be around good kind people.

You are a ghost driving a meat covered skeleton made from stardust riding a rock floating through space. Fear nothing.

How do you feel in your body and what thoughts do you have before the dysphoria arises? I assume there is some thought or feeling in the body you respond to and that makes you miserable.

If you have a Tonglen practice you can modify it. You can try doing Tonglen for the version of you who is suffering at work. You can take on whatever weights them down and offer whatever antidote they need.

You can try to do parts work for the you who suffers from work. You can ask what that version of you why they are miserable, what they need and how you can help.

Also, you can try to get another job. That's possible your job is objectively shitty and it may be time to move on.

Kettle bells?

Midlife salvation!

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ea/Thats_all_folks.svg

Golden retriever GF <3

I think the therapy is feeling things not running away.

Cool. Nice hack.

Wouldn't playa clog that in an afternoon?

Thankee, sai

If it could be indistinguishable from a living human? Yes.

I'd like human but I'm pretty old and the human the last few years of dating seem wildly disinterested have left me believing that there is no hope. I'm happy alone and investing time in anyone feels like a risk of getting hurt.

All of what you mention can support going deeper into practice. And being less deep can be more grounding. I don't think they want you spiraling out in emotional turmoil, becoming untethered or getting lost in your head.

If you want to keep doing retreats other traditions can be much kinder and softer and more grounding. I found the chanting in zen retreats releases the pressure, as does eating dinner.

I have found that with the 10 day most people burn out and aren't consistent with practice because it's too intense and personally I don't think it's necessary, and most likely harmful to the untrained. I'd never suggest a 10 day as a first retreat.

There is one here if you want a reference:
https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/Pantheon_of_Discord

For me it didn't dissolve my fixed beliefs. That tradition doesn't cultivate insight or compassion for me.

Working with a Zen teacher doing 1:1 instruction was what I needed to point me to the right direction. Doing Tonglen and gratitude practices helped with compassion.

What was the root of the instability for you?

I found one thing that the 10 days did for me that I had to undo was being very tense in my practice. I needed to be super concentrated. An antidote was to do progressive body relaxation when sitting and focus on calm abiding. Also adding in a body exercise, like yoga, can be really grounding.

Yes. He feels some more much whole, like an actual person rather than a character. He's like an anti 13. He was loving, angry and fearful in this episode.

Apparently Sutekh has a rich and robust back story in the Dr Who audio content:
https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/Sutekh