I knew there had to be another gym in the building when I first saw the photo leak. Absolutely ridiculous

Enough unpaid tickets and they become free labour for the state

Damn my last place was right across the street

If she was appointed as the executor and in charge of her will, there should have been a stipend guaranteed to her. The consideration that as both the sole heir and executor of the will, she receive nothing is absurd.

He just kicked it under the register

The butchers in the grocery store I worked at called it plasma. But they also pissed in the scrap meat buckets, so I’m guessing you’re correct

At this point Drag Queens might be our best option for educators. Evenings off (to perform), second income to supplement the low pay, Summers off means availability for Pride Month events

It’s not too different from wrangling and feeding kittens

I don’t hate a butler’s pantry but why the hidden doors when staff are going to be coming around the corner? Just a waste of cabinet space.

He’ll probably get another job in law enforcement in a different county/state

It looks better shaved. You seemed tempted to grow in the goatee. Don’t. Keep it short

Fuck Nike. They create great shoes that they don’t release widely in to the market, but guaranteed they will pump out generic garbage.

When my girlfriend was 30, she coughed too hard and threw out her back. Had to call in sick and lay on my couch with a heat pad for 24 hours.

When you go from Street Fighter II to street fighter “Oooooo”

Do I use this as a finger bowl before my meal?

How do you get mad when you shave your business and your boyfriend says he likes it? I don’t think there was any answer she would have liked.

My friend worked a similar job. He loves golfing and was making good money but every time he talked about it, it sounded like he hated it.

I was an NDP supporter, but after Jack Layton died, there wasn’t a single Canadian political leader worthy of sniffing his jock strap

Why wasn’t he wearing his sweet-ass Oakley sunglasses?

I just shove the entire burger in my mouth, that way the first bite is also the last bite. 911 has blocked my number but I think it’s worth it

Well some things never change

His signature looks like a failed polygraph

This is very important! If a gay man dances with a heterosexual woman, he will combust into flames and that may ruin the celebration

Well my female doctor fondled my balls and seemed to know which part was swollen and why. I really hope she knew what she was doing..

Edit: This is not sexual innuendo

My dad stopped using them because, “His pain was so bad they stopped working for him.” He was just addicted to opiates and his tolerance had gone through the roof.