My dad went to prison when I was 20. He was my idol, had been a great dad (at least I thought) until it all came crashing down.

I had to learn how to redefine my relationship with him. Is it a bit surface level? Yes. But when you only get a handful of visits and phone calls, you do what you can. It also minimizes his chances to be manipulative.

The fact is, having a parent in prison is hard. Your dad has so much to adjust to--the world has changed a lot since he went inside.

All you can do is protect yourself. Set your terms for the relationship, and stick to them. It will hurt, but it will keep you from getting dragged down into trouble.

You'd be surprised how many teens still enjoy arts and crafts, especially if you make it age appropriate. Coloring sheets from grown-up coloring books (they have several for manga/comic book characters), stuff like that.

But I agree with the idea of trying to use the computer to your advantage. Maybe make sure they know about your downloadable options, like Libby or Hoopla. They may be more open to reading if they know they can listen to audiobooks while playing games, or can switch up fonts on an ebook.

I prefer summer reading programs that go off of time spent reading, not number of books read. That way you don't punish slow readers or readers who prefer thick books. It evens the playing field, while allowing kids/adults to be comfortable reading whatever they like (such as graphic novels).

A surprise ending is always a pleasure.

First I thought Dad was in the pinata. Then the babysitter. So you got me twice!

This is a hard one to deal with. I have no real advice, but I do think it is worth pointing out that BO is not always due to poor hygiene. There are also medical conditions that can cause it. I went to school with a pair of brothers who simply always smelled. They were clean, but had a condition that they couldn't do anything about.

So I am pretty hesitant to argue for policies that involve kicking people out for BO.

Besides, if you do that, do you also kick out the lady wearing too much perfume? Or the patron we had who smelled so strongly of essential oil (sandalwood, I think) that it lingered in the computer area after she was gone. I got a headache every time I was around her, and a coworker had to go in the back whenever she was around because their asthma could be set off by it.

Basically saying all of that to say that whatever policy your library follows, it is important that it is followed equitably no matter the odor.

ESH

I hate the notion that you can only gain knowledge of dealing with kids as a parent.

I can acknowledge that there are things about my niece and nephew that I am spared because I am not their parent. We almost always have a great time when we hang out. But I can also say with confidence that I hear and relate to them better than their mom most of the time. Part of it is that we're just a lot of alike. Part of it is that my sister gets caught up in her own stuff and just doesn't always have patience to talk to them the way she should.

I can also allow a little grace for the fact that your brother is filling his head with all of the academic psychology stuff that helps you learn a lot about human behavior and what makes us tick. It is really easy to take that knowledge and the best practices and not realize that the real world is a lot messier.

He shouldn't have been braggy and judgmental, you shouldn't have been defensive and should have paid him for stepping up when you needed him.

Wait until after the event and give your emotions a chance to settle. Sometimes I find it helps to write a letter first, even if you don't intend to send it. It helps get things out of your head, and for you to figure out what you really want to say to them. Once you've worked through it all (though I would say try not to wait longer than a week or two) approach your son for a talk.

It might also help to start that you understand the limitations on space, but that you were confused and hurt by not being a priority. Give him a chance to explain--this will also help set the tone of the conversation. If he gets angry and defensive, you know you need to back off with all the free help. If he is apologetic and open to communicating, you will have a path forward.

NTA

But there is a difference between dismissing her feelings and not validating her fear. Telling her to calm down or that she is being irrational doesn't help. She needs to learn that shouting at you while driving is not safe, and you need to learn how to support her properly (like how to talk her through her anxiety).

It might be useful to allow extra time for travel, so that if necessary you can pull over to talk her through it. Asking her why she is afraid, and then calmly (and not condescendingly) address those fears. She's afraid you'll go over a cliff--okay, but there isn't a cliff here. She's afraid you're going too fast? The speed limit is x and I was driving y.

Eventually she will need to learn to recognize the voice in her head does not always speak the truth. And obviously therapy would be useful for this level of anxiety.

It sounds like no one has ever coached SIL through her errors, and have instead faced it with a shrug and "well what do you expect" approach. This leads to the same asshole behavior as anyone else who is never held accountable for their actions.

NTA

I wish I could adopt everyone out there who ever felt unwanted or unloved by their parents. Even if it was just as an aunt. I would make them gifts and feed them like I do my crows.

You deserve better. And I'm sure great-grandma is proud of you and hopefully haunting your parents fussing at them to do better.

I went to a piano performance there for a class in college somewhere around 2008. Was warned that while they wouldn't turn a visitor away for wearing pants, it would be best if we wore dresses.

Stop cleaning up his messes. They are saying its "not so bad" and to "suck it up" because it isn't causing them the same amount of pain it is causing you.

Let them experience the full scope of the damage.

Another tactic might be to point out that the socialization and exercise he will get at puppy care is to his benefit. Puppies are like children--they don't magically grow out of bad behavior, they have to be taught. And dogs who are destructive are almost always doing it from a sense of understimulation. He's tearing into everything because he's bored.

Two things to consider: is it custom in his culture for the oldest son to care for their parents as they age? Because if so, you will never be rid of her interference.

And second, are there concrete plans to move in together? 9 years is a long time.

I wonder if she has increased her social media consumption as she has become more isolated. There are so many toxic pockets of the Internet and it is so popular to hate on things and people.

A sit down, serious conversation needs to happen. At the end of the day, just remember that sometimes people change and grow apart. There is nothing wrong with your feelings.

NTA

This kid sounds like she's one step away from hiding them in your food to "prove" your allergy either isn't real or isn't as serious as you're making it out to be. And when she does she'll cry and play the victim and how it was "just a joke" and she didn't think it was that serious and her dad will say oh well she didn't understand she's just a kid.

Meanwhile you'll be dead.

NTA

Your dad, on the other hand, is such an asshole that I feel the ass has collapsed back in on itself. Can he not see what a horrible thing this was to do to her? Instead of creating a (fake) bond, he set her up for a lifetime of feeling excluded and wondering why she wasn't good enough for her "mom's" family. I honestly feel bad for the girl, because this is an amazing mess for some therapist to sort out later.

Pain creates change. It's time to bring the hammer down. As long as there are no consequences, why should they stop?

The difficult part is when do you separate a biography or memoir and when does it stay in nonfiction?

One library I worked at had the policy that if the book was about someone famous--someone that people would seek out a book about--it went in biography. If it was a story someone might seek out for the subject matter--a story about someone with a particular illness, etc--it went in nonfiction. But this becomes subjective extremely quickly.

Memoirs are incredibly popular, but often get lost in general nonfiction. At the same time, biography sections can easily bloat and get cramped because no one wants to throw out one of the ten books about Abraham Lincoln.

I can see how some libraries might find it easier to just not separate them out, especially if they don't have a dedicated cataloguer.

This is REALLY hard to judge without knowledge of the individuals involved and a broader context. So many things can be read one way on the page but in reality have a whole separate meaning.

My only real concern might be with perceived wrongdoing on the staff member's part. It is extremely easy for adults (especially males) to be accused of things based on nothing more than the perception of inappropriateness. If an adult patron chose to complain about these interactions, could that be an issue?

That would be my only advice to your coworker. If an unrelated adult overheard these conversations and complained to a higher power, could it damage his reputation?

I do think there should be a strict "no social media following" rule before the patron is over 18, but that seems like more of something that has to be unwritten.

YTA

What would be the point? What is your end goal? The only one I can think of is to cruelly show how "crazy" she is to everyone you know. When the fact is, it is none of your business.

Unless she is actively seeking to do harm with her profiles, there is no point in exposing her other than being petty. And you won't be doing yourself any favors either. People won't look at this and think you're so clever for figuring this out. They will think you are equally pathetic for getting so wrapped up in someone else's social media life.

Not if you aren't using them.

Libraries use check out stats to determine what items need to be weeded and what is used enough to be purchased. Checking things out just so they aren't sitting on the shelf does not help anyone. And unless you are in the library every day, you are likely missing when these items are checked out. Kits often have a short checkout period, so they could be coming and going and you not realize it.

It's one thing to check out a book and not get around to reading it. But please don't check out items just because you think it might help the library. We want to know what you REALLY use, so that we can keep making the library better.

I asked him if there’s wiggle room or what happens if I change my mind to not wanting a child. He said he didn’t know because he’s really not after the person, he just wants the family. If he isn’t going to get that, he needs to find someone that will.

He is being pretty clear with you. He doesn't care about the mother of his children. He just wants children. Or a "perfect" old fashioned family.

What happens if you can't have kids? Is he willing to adopt? Or would he leave you for someone who could have biological kids?

What if you want to keep working? I can guarantee he will not be supportive. He will try to wear you down until you concead to his wishes

His politics don't matter. The whole voting thing is a red flag but ultimately doesn't matter. This is basic relationship question stuff that long term partners need to be on the same page about.

Only you can decide what is a deal breaker for you. Just remember that even the worst criminals in history had people who loved them. You don't have to stay just because he does what you would expect any decent partner to do.

Think practical and durable. Lightweight is good too. Think about it from a perspective of having to carry your entire world with you. Every inch and ounce of space is key.

Duct tape crafts might be an option. I also think the repair ideas are useful too. But I would definitely talk to your homeless patrons and community partners to see what they think.

YTA for not telling them that you were taking your stuff home over break. I can understand why you did, but you should have communicated. Maybe one of them would have wanted to buy it off of you in order to keep it in the house.

The only way I see taking it home making sense is if you might be in different housing when you come back.

“The first thing I realised after I died was I’m still fat.”

Ugh, this hit me in my soul.

Because I've always hoped/believed that in the afterlife we will be our "ideal" self--or at least, perhaps a reflection of how we see ourselves, or wish we were. I can imagine the disappointment of believing such a thing and then after dying realizing that no, I am stuck in a form that doesn't feel like me and that I am ashamed of forever.

I used to use acetone to get rid of sticker residue on library books when we replaced stickers or spine labels. Most plastic covers are just slip covers folded around (and maybe glued or taped) the paper cover. Some libraries glue the covers down to the book, but they can usually be pried up without ripping if you are careful.