Because this is a life altering opportunity for him, and you are in the initial stages of a relationship. His logic is not unusual.

How long have you 2 been together?

NTA i understand where your mom is coming from but she needs to stop. Being force to play happy family with people that have shown time and time again that they dont want you is messed up.

You need to have a serious conversation with her, and tell her you are done. You can be civil with them and treat them like extended family that you see once a year for holidays, but this keep forcing and pretending that there is a relationship that is not there is harmful for all of you.

Its been 17 years, they are adults that live independently and nothing change. Enough is enough.

Edit to add: just because you share blood with someone that doesnt make them family

Im sorry you got roten luck in the fathers lottery. You need to accept that no one changes unless, they acknowledge their mistakes and take action to improve themselves. Your dad is 63 and has never done this, even now that he open the door for the conversation, he refuses to admit fault.

Your dad is who he is, he doesnt really want to change and you cant make him change. Now decide what relationship you want with him.

Hope you had/have the support to deal with a traumatic childhood.

YTA therapy goes first

NTA she should have asked you first if you were ok with this, her mesages to you are awful. Are you sure she is truly a friend?

NtA she needs loads of therapy... this is a messed up life she wants to live just to get more money? Its not like you are struggling, she wants to go right back onto that shit show of a family so she can be rich again? Some people would play her game, to me it looks like a very messed up and sad life she is looking for.

With her logic your future children will have to dance to their grandparents tune also or no inheretance. Where does it end? Your gf needs therapy...

NTA So your sister is the typical evil stepmother... those poor children

YTA you clearly favor your nephew, your son knows this, he already gave up... also, being emotionally repress is not something to brag about, you being unable to see the damage your actions are doing to your own son shows the consequences of having a low EQ...

This and also therapy... sounds you are dealing with some things that a therapist can help you navigate.

NTA This ILs shouldn´t be welcome back to your house until they pay for a full house deep clean... I can´t even imagine having the gal to vomit all over someone else´s house and just walk out...

NTA So he brought nothing to the table and he wonders why no one is giving "Best Dad of the Year" award? Can you explain to yourself why are you still friends with this human being?

I´m sorry you are going thru this... Be careful when having sex with her... the way you tell it, it feels like every time you´d ask her to get a job she would get pregnant, there are ways around birth control (lying about taking BC, poking hole into condoms, etc.). She has never been a SAHM, she has been a stay at home wife... always getting outside help to do the child care and house keeping, and not partial help like anybody would need but full time... She is riding on the back of real SAHM and their back breaking efforts of keeping a household and raising children.

I know this is heartbreaking, but you need to be smart about it. Cry your eyes out, let it all out and start moving. You need to get a job like yesterday and get a lawyer. Is there anyone in your family/friend circle that can help you? This is super abusive on your wife end and you have let her walk all over you in the last few months and she keeps pushing it further. Wake up or your life will get a lot worst.

Well said

Ya, 100%

Invite her to your home and pay all her bills. Like you have to do for your ILs

NTA You SHOULD be mad at your mom, she has failed as a mother to all 3 of you. Your brother is an mooch AH, but your mom ENABLES him... Who is going to look after your mom if she gets sick? Who is going to pay the bills if she can´t work anymore? I´d sit your family, or maybe just your mom and younger brother, down and have an open conversation and set expectations of what the future will look like. When your older burns thru everything that your mom leaves him, he will live in the streets. You are NOT going to support a grown ass man. Your mother is setting all of you for a miserable life after she passes away.

He is telling you he wants an open relationship, he is already cheating on you. Now you have to decide, do you want an open relationship? If so, sit together and set down the rules. If not, then dump his ass and move on.

NTA Share this post with him. He failed as your father growing up, if he wants to have a relationship with you then he needs to acknowledge that and do better.

You are justify in how you feel and the distance is the best thing for your mental health.

NTA for what you want, yes YTA for how you reacted. I can see you were not mean spirited about it, but if I were you I´d apologize for your knee jerk reaction.

NTA But this are some BIG RED FLAGs from your partner. She is super comfortable about lying and thinks is ok to pretend to be someone else to get other peoples approval, are these behaviors you are willing to accept from a partner/future mother of your children? If the ILs truly looked down on you for your profession, then you´d also have ILs read flags~ I´d use this as a wake up call, to remove the rose color glasses and take a serious look at your relationship... is this what you want long term?

NTA Like everyone said, go the legal route, and also share this information with the AP husband. This scummy people trying to take advantage of their legal partners always blows my mind, who they think they are?

NTA She started to date your uncle, creating drama in your life and clearly making you uncomfortable. She can't be that stupid to asume that this wouldnt impact your relationship with her. This is not a random 40ish man, this is your uncle...

You NTA for being upset, your parents are punishing you for something you didnt do. But DONT move out for being upset, living on your own is expensive and you dont need to add more to the pile of debt you are already getting yourself into.

Try a semester? A year? And if things are still bad, move out. But dont make this rush decision with long term consequences, do the numbers and see how much more into debt you will be if you move out now instead of doing college living at home.