Introverts are 50% of the population. It just seems like we're the minority because everyone is masking in order to make a living. In America, many extroverts mistake themselves for introverts because even they are so exhausted with this constant pressure.

Also, America has been 'fortifying' food with artificial B-vitamins for 30 years, which has a massive impact on mental health, and not in a good way, so a huge percentage of the population is on psycho drugs just to put up with the effects of bad food, and too much stress stemming from insane cultural pressure. Most Western nations don't do this stupid food fortification, and they have less mental issues. Not that they're that they're perfect, but it's easier to be an introvert in Germany than in America.

American business and advertising culture of the early 20th century promoted extroversion as the ideal personality. https://usmfreepress.org/2019/04/28/extroversion-as-the-american-ideal/

And because schools cater to industry demands, teachers came to consider extroverts to be their ideal students. And next thing you know, group projects, open plan offices became a thing, and now all women are supposed to look and behave like the Kardashians, testing to discriminate against introverts in jobs is legal, and if you don't grin and extrovert enough, you boss will brutally micromanage you.

If anyone has an idea how to flip this trend, please, please, please enlighten me. Halp!

INTJs are okay with his abrasiveness, but turned off by his rambling, teenage girl filler phrases, and low insight to time investment ratio.

Oh, cool!

I'm INTJ and super introverted, and if I don't pay close attention to my face, people will think I'm pissed at them when I'm merely zoned out (hello trauma response), and I don't even notice people are busy misinterpreting what I think is my neutral facial expression. I know I'm about as warm as a computer and as trusting as a feral kitten.

And I wish I had been aware of the ENFP's need to feel welcome before accidentally repelling an ENFP in my church. She now thinks I hate her because I once looked really pissed off after the death of a relative. She's been avoiding me for months, I'm not even getting an opportunity to explain my face.

Draw whatever conclusions you wish from this :-) But I wish you the courage to occasionally ignore the vibes from others and bring your own into the game next time. Your contribution might be exactly what others need. <3

So, I think to myself, how can someone else not do the same?

This need many pwNPD feel to always serve others 100% is also known as 'people pleasing'/fawning, a trauma response, and one reason narcissists often struggle to have a sense of their own identity.

So perfectionism is a trauma response, not a way to live as a human. You are a human with human needs and wants. An healthy adult will meet some of his own needs, and some of the needs of someone else, and we get there by communicating and negotiating our needs and wants and boundaries. We want other people in our lives because we cannot be 100% perfect all the time. We're not supposed to be perfect. We're supposed to be vulnerable -- and confident enough to allow ourselves to be imperfect.

(Cue Nicholas Cage's monologue in Moonstruck:
"Love don't make things nice, it ruins everything. It breaks your heart, it makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. Snowflakes are perfect. Stars are perfect. Not us. We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and and get in my bed.") https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHY33IwKXyo

Once you're healthy enough, do look into subreddits for personality typologies (mbti, enneagram, socionics) to get an idea of how many different human natures there are. Currently, all of the other personality types are invisible to you because splitting dismisses them as inferior. (Out of the 9 types of enneagram, only type 2 feels this desire to serve others. And out of the 16 MBTI types, only ESFJ feel this need to serve others before themselves. So about 15% of the population who have people pleasing tendencies.)

I have phases where I am so absorbed in some topic I ignore social issues, and then I'm more involved in the corresponding forums, like birding or DIY. Those are quite restful times when I'm doing no psychological work, and accordingly, making no progress.
I'm only confronted with my social inadequacies when I'm struggling with relationships, and the pain forces me to grow.
So, what problems do you have that confront you with yourself but do not involve other humans? Serious question.

A society geared less against introverts would be more like Germany, or Finland, where you are not considered a potential school shooter just because you are not over the top outgoing and cheerful at all times.

8s will test your ability to stand up to them. They detest anything wishy-washy.

My husband did it all the time, and I had no problems debating and shredding him on the spot, while brushing my teeth or cooking. He was also amused how impossible it is to insult or provoke me. I found it rather amusing once I understood why this is: His otherwise rather weak father was a sadistic fuck who would deliberately humiliate him infront of total strangers. So of course he was constantly questioning the loyalty of the people closest to him.

I'd warn against blaming anything on 'toxic masculinity', this will make it hard to understand what is actually going on.

You got it rough here as a 6w7, and it's actually rather unfair because I've found 6s to be the most loyal friends currently available on this planet. Anyway, do let the 8 know where your boundaries are. The 8 needs to see that you're not some weak, slimy character who will backstab him because you have no other way to assert yourself.

Your search terms: How to reset your emotional range.
I did it by microdosing psychedelics. It's actually nice to be able to smile again.

if i slept fine. and my partner will have a bad dream. ill have the overwhelming urge to hurt myself in some way to make it fair

If you have a partner, or a child, or a pet, your number one responsibility is take care of yourself as best as you can so you can be there for them. And you owe your partner the honor of taking care of yourself when you are not feeling well. And if you don't have a partner or a pet at the moment, you owe it to your future partner or pet.

It's sad how many people are living with this guilt. I feel guilty whenever I allow myself to feel something good -- food, hugs, sex. And I have a really silly boot camp mentality. Took me forever to figure out that I am hurting my loved ones if I am not being kind to myself first and foremost, because then I'll also lack kindness towards others.

You are worth that pretty skirt. And that nice body lotion after a shower. And any tasty cookie that life offers you. Because you will pay it forward by smiling, and by being kind to others. <3

I understand that most Americans just want to take pills, but do consider getting good quality B-vitamins (not the synthetic stuff). Like from nutritional yeast. Detox from the synthetic Bs in enriched flour -- takes about half a year.

Good grief, enmeshment is one of the worst things a mother can do to her son. I'm sorry so much of your life was stolen that way.

You might like the children's book, The Tale of Despereaux, and in particular the character Roscuro ;-)
My husband, himself very much like Roscuro, had narcissistic traits, and part of his self-made cure was reading children's books and adopting scruffy kittens.

Detox from the synthetic B-vitamins that are in fortified food. Takes about 5 months. My anxiety just vanished.
Magnesium, whichever form you handle best. For me, epsom salt baths are good enough.
Microdosing psychedelics helped me learn to smile.

Depends. American culture is much more brutal than German culture, for instance. German culture makes much more room for explicitly introverted needs; the Gegenparty (counter party) in the kitchen where all the exhausted introverts meet during a party is a cute example.

In America, it's legal to discriminate against introverts and use testing to exclude them from a job, unlike in Australia. There are no job descriptions for introverts in America, and many teachers consider the ideal student to be extroverted. Group projects and open plan offices are very American things.

I'm not upset about verbal communication, but constantly have to act over the top happy and enthusiastic is exhausting. People are so loud here. If you are not, you are considered a potential school shooter. If you sit in a coffee shop and write, people assume you are writing about them, as if you didn't have enough interesting thoughts of your own.

This is the third culture I live in, and the most hostile one to introverts.

I changed my first name. Now hearing my name makes me smile.

Maybe it's just me but I find any words in German for any affection, and all German words for body parts involved in sex ridiculously corny and weird. Could be because of the abuse I was subjected to. I changed my name when I moved America. My first name, too. I never heard them say it with anything other than disgust or hatred.

I don't remember ever hearing anyone tell their children that they love them. Certainly not my parents. I got two hugs a year, from my grandma.

I'm an insanely quiet person because the words seem strange to me, and I don't feel the feelings, and I am not certain I hear my own voice when I talk, and I am insecure about my pronunciation because I am not a native speaker.

Someone on this (or some other NPD reddit) mentioned addressing himself by a different name in his pep talks. That gave me the idea of practicing what I want to say by typing it first, and having a TTS voice read it to me until it feels right to my ears. Or at least not totally weird.

Thank you so much for explaining this from an NPD perspective. It helps me understand that sweet narcy romantic interest of mine. We're not so different.

Them only doing to family makes it impossible to get help because nobody believes you.

Na you just needed me to upvote you again, you fluffy thing XD

Ask open-ended questions. Throwing some fun shit into the room works nicely with INxxs.
I'd love more ENFP in my life but each time one tried to get me to talk, they wouldn't let me talk. Just kept yapping on forever, I didn't get to ask any questions or offer a story of my own.

Also, don't initiate physical contact. Invite it, but then back off. That little feral kitten might love touch, but it'll probably need some time to get used to it. Wait til it comes for cuddles.

Also, many introverts have sensory issues. Don't be too loud, it drains their social battery. If the feral introvert learns to see you as someone who protect them from their most dreaded flavor of overload, it will probably follow you home.

:-) Please no offense? I'm aspie enough to have to point out teh obvious TM

Become aware of the precise nature of the situations where your battery drains. It probably doesn't in one on one discussions.

For me, noise, and feeling crowded will do it almost instantly. Noise I define as information without any value, reflection, fidgeting, hyperactive kids. Being forced to listen to people's stupid phone calls. I feel like I'm the worst anti-social asshole on this planet, but the point is, I am not anti-social, my brain just can't handle the constant sensory onslaught. Part of this is controllable, by avoiding synthetic B-vitamins (in fortified food and drinks, for instance), and with keto.

The RBF I got under control by microdosing psychedelics, at least partially. I do smile more often now.

Also, headphones and happy party music, whenever I can get away with wearing them. Yeah, that makes me come across anti-social again, but it helps me protect my brain from overstimulation.

That is real abandonment.

Fear of abandonment is constantly worrying that Peter will leave Ted despite Peter never did such a thing to Ted, shows no indication of planning to do this, wouldn't dream of doing it. But Ted is scared of it nevertheless, bases decision on this fear, and accuses Peter of being about to leave Ted, even when Peter really needs to go poop for a couple minutes, and says he will come back after wiping his butt.

I once took a love interest to the park for 30 minutes. We didn't even kiss or something. His mother had a meltdown over it, and both didn't talk to me for half a year after this incident. Poor man, he'll never get laid.

Interesting how you got downvoted for perfectly reasonable answers.

I upped all of your answers just because.

But also because I know a male nurse in his 50s, single, never, married, attractive, who I believe is deeply unhappy because he never had proper male guidance in his life. He's enmeshed with his mom, apparently didn't have a father when he needed one, all his teachers were female, and almost everyone he works with. He's the single most insecure and avoidant man I ever met.
Always puts on a happy face, even when I know and he knows that I just accidentally hurt him. I can't shake off the impression he's close to removing himself from his pane of existence way too often, precisely because everyone else buys his happy lab puppy face.

I'm not in a position to do much about this, but maybe keep an eye on this issue. Men's mental health should be taken seriously, and it starts with sh!t like this, you getting downvoted and told you're paranoid for noticing.

INTJ considering falling in love with an INTP friend. He is the one bending over backwards to help others, even people I think are exploiting his generosity. I'm starting to feel weirdly protective of him.

In other news, I am relieved to see people are the same everywhere <3

So I am not the only one. I have a reputation for my boot camp attitude towards life, my brutality and asceticism against myself. I have a problems allowing myself to enjoy anything.

I had to learn to hide any and all desire from my parents. Whenever they found out I liked something, or someone, they'd deliberately take it away from me. Things I wanted they'd dangle in front of me for years, like a library card, or that old record player that was collecting dust in the basement, they said I'd get it if I did more of this or was more like that, kept my room cleaner, whatever. They did this shit my entire childhood and youth, shifting the goalposts. All stick, no carrot. I didn't get the record player, I didn't get the library card.
I have to make an effort to enjoy things, but I am more prone to just hoarding them instead. Whenever I am tempted to enjoy something, food, sex, doesn't matter, I feel so guilty.

I got myself friends who are a bit more sensual, that is helping a bit. But I still feel like I don't deserve anything good.