If he’s not just a cruel liar, he’s likely listening to the red-pill podcasts. As a woman, I actually feel badly for these young men because their minds are being completely warped under the guise of protecting them and making them “alpha” men; a realty of fiction is what they’re being trained to expect and demand. Then young women like OP have to deal with a lifetime of gaslighting. We can’t fight the red-pill, but we can certainly teach young women that this awful behavior they’re brainwashing young men with is specifically designed to damage young women. As a woman, you must get away from this behavior as quickly as possible. It’s designed to break you down.

You might want to reframe how you view his not wanting intimacy as often as you do. If I’m reading your post correctly, you correlate his lack of wanting to something lacking in you. If he’s being honest (and you would know) that it’s down to gym effort, his lower drive, etc., then you’re greatly misattributing his intent as a reflection of your worth. Never, ever look externally to validate your worth. If though, it’s a matter of your physical needs not being met and you’d rather move on, that’s a different story. If it’s about believing this is a reflection of your desirability though, I would suggest working on reframing that, period, either if you stay with him or if you leave. That will only ever lead to a self destructive path.

My father always said the deadliest weapon you’ll ever possess is your tongue. One comment can change your entire life.

That’s not promising. She’s done. Women walk away one step at a time. She’s walking.

I have a life rule in that I never take advice from someone who cannot use basic punctuation properly.

Bit of an aside; if she’s snoring that loudly (VERY young for that), and your gut is reacting that badly (and you’re eating that late), maybe a health regimen could be in order? Is everyone exercising frequently and concentrating on gut health? Maybe that could help bring you both back together into the same bed.

Plus if she’s insecure she’ll never think she can do better.

He said it during a very intimate moment because he wants you to be at your most vulnerable when he strikes. He sounds jealous and is worried you can pull someone else. He’s 30, and you’re 24; that doesn’t seem like a large year gap, but it’s a large life gap. He’s manipulating you, and putting you down so you’ll feel terrible enough never to leave. Do you want that for the rest of your life?

I didn’t say you were a senior; I said you will be in ten years when you’re 60. You’re middle aged. Young women want young men. The only ones willing to break their biological programming come from broken backgrounds. That means searching for the broken ones is creeping and preying.

You’re 50 years old. Ten years from now you’re technically a senior citizen. Young women aren’t attracted to that. It’s just natural biology they want young, vibrant men. Leave them alone; let them enjoy such a fun time in life without middle-aged/nearly senior citizen men hoping to creep on them.

Becoming a mother means there is no more clubbing, and the rest of the carefree fun childless people her age are having. This is her choice, and it’s also her responsibility. You’ve done your part, and in fact you did the part your wife needed you to do in her stead. Now you’ve earned the right to find a companion again and do some things for YOU. Frankly, your daughter not seeing what a predicament she’s placed on you with this underscores how young and immature she still is. Have a very frank conversation with her about what you will and will not be doing. She needs to mature, and quickly. That baby needs that to happen above everyone else.

My mother loved to tell a story of putting me in my crib on a particular day and shutting the door as I sobbed for hours. She finally had enough and took a full pitcher of cold water from the fridge, walked it down the hall to my crib, and threw the full pitcher of cold water in my face. She’d laugh and laugh about how I jolted back out of fear and cold. One of her favorite stories. If you’re an adult who gets off on a power trip over children sobbing for hours, you’re sick and shouldn’t have had them in the first place.

A 13 month old doesn’t realize Mom and Dad, a few doors down, can get to them before the “monsters” can. We’re biologically programmed to crave the safety of our parents. Our ancient ancestors didn’t plop their young into adjoining caves so Ma and Pa could get some solid sleep. Lying in a dark room, exposed, with no one there to protect her, and 250,000 years of survival fear pumping through her is doing nothing but stressing this child for hours, and prompting intense abandonment distress. He’s really the big man, panicking a 13 month old to break her primal need for love and protection, just to prove his point.

I think I’m so far removed from her mindset I can’t even fathom why she’s thinking it should be about her son. Is it his birthday too and she thinks it should be a joint celebration?

My Ántonia

NTA by far. Curious, what does your partner say when his mother demands this?

NTA to say the least. This immature young woman may be going through the throes of it, so you can almost excuse the bad behavior as naivety, hormones/exhaustion and possibly some grappling over her choices. Your husband though? Oh boy. Has he made it clear in the past that your job/career is meaningless, or less important than his? Because if not, he’s letting you know big time now. I’m not sure it’s sexism, because he’s sure fine with daddy’s girl not having to stay home and watch her own baby. It feels more like a them against you. The “blood” family against the outsider. Please be looking for signs you may have glossed over previously that make it clear what your best options are moving forward.

NTA. My brother would have driven to the vet to be with me, no matter the evening he had planned. Your sister needs to do better as a person. And Cheese is GORGEOUS!

One element really stood out to me; you stated looking back she very rarely was one to initiate, or to reach out physically to show love. Understanding that fundamentally that’s who she is. She’s remained the same; you’ve changed. There’s nothing wrong with changing, just remember you’ve accepted these rules of the game for at least 15 years(?), so in changing the rules it might take her quite a bit to work through it. She’s as she’s always been and now she’s demoted to unacceptable. Just a perspective to keep in mind if you choose to work through this; she likely won’t have a sudden change, if a change it to be had. It will be a slow evolution as you hope that she becomes someone she’s never been.

Sometimes it’s just genetics. Elements come into play though: muscle mass, smoking and drinking (and age and extra weight as you’ve mentioned). Cellulite is actually a latticework formation under the skin; while you won’t change that structure, you can change the magnitude of the appearance of it. What are you doing at the gym? Cardio or weight training? You can’t spot reduce fat, but you can grow muscle in the area of concern. If it’s hitting your ass, consider glute training (highly recommend Dr Bret Contreras’ regimens). If you’re smoking/drinking, then know that’s influencing the degree to which this shows.

This is tragic all around. Ultimately though, you can’t sacrifice yourself for all of this. Not for him. Not for her. You need to take care of yourself first here. I’m thankful he was there for you before, as I’m sure you have been for him. Cheating (no matter the impetus why) demolishes trust and most relationships don’t survive it. What about you seeing a counselor to start talking this out before you make a decision?

Every other Sunday the three oldest are with their bio-mother. That gives them every other Sunday to have the “bio family” outing she wants. Seems odd that isn’t enough.

“Kids, you stay home while the real family in this house goes and gets dinner together.” YTA. Christ on a bike.

Met her on Unhinged maybe? I hope you ran and keep running. Brings you to her room and then is mad you were prepared in case she brought you to her room? Having one on you is responsible and completely defendable.

I know one can be hanged for even breathing this now; but, don’t Moderna and Pfizer both acknowledge the vaccine does not reduce transmission? Flu shot conversely most definitely will reduce transmission.