My nfather got into this habit of doing the “ba dum tsss**” noise whenever I would say “Um”

I am a nervous speaker and stutter sometimes in person, I use “um” like most people as a place holder indicating I’m thinking of how to say what is in my head. His use of that noise or calling me out for saying “um” which was not often to begin with, would inevitably lead to me being so overwhelmed and embarrassed that I would cry, use “um” more, and just stop talking.

I wear them till I can’t see anything, and wipe clean on my shirt, towel, paper towel (after running under water). 😅

the cleaner for glasses gives me a migraine so I cant use that, and I’ve never managed to hold on to those little clothes for more than a couple hours.

You don’t have to tell anyone, however, I have also found that for those who “cannot” see it they choose not to see it.

I usually respond with “Well ADHD, like many mental health disorders, has a varied appearance and impact based on the person. Well it may seem like I just “worked hard” to get my good grades and do well in life, it has been 10x harder for me to actually push myself through those same struggles as you or any of my peers. Just because you “cannot” see how its a valid diagnosis for me doesn’t mean its not true. If you would like to dispute this topic further by all means go to/back to school for 7+ years for a master’s or doctorate in a related medical field. Other than that, if you love me I suggest you read up on invisible disabilities along with recent ADHD studies and look for ways you can support me in my journey. “

My N-father (bio dad, narcissist) is the reason. All of my fidgeting had to be done in a manner that wouldn’t trigger him, usually that would be drawing, tapping my toes inside the shoe, clenching/unclenching muscles. I also had to maintain good grades as well because his image was everything. He makes up some of the same reasons why my mom didn’t get diagnosed until recently as well.

My nfather loves dogs, because they are exceedingly loyal, love unconditionally, and obedient.

The problems for him lay within the fact that the dogs we had while I was growing up didn’t bond with him. They would listen but he knew they were not “his” dogs.

My first dog, Wrinkles, was attached to my mother and I was his girl. He would always choose us over my nfather. And nfather hated that with a passion. Our second dog, Winston, bonded to me and was my dog. Again, nfather hated that. To the point when I was a little bit older Winston had bitten me, I told my nfather, and he didn’t do anything about it (Wrinkles did, he put Winston in his place).

When my nfather was trying to convince my mother to not divorce him, only a couple of weeks after mom and I had to let Wrinkles go over the rainbow bridge, my nfather came home with a new dog. 8 months old, German Shepard, Rottweiler, Doberman mix named Buddy. Nfather got him thinking that he would be loyal to him and be able to manipulate mom and I with him.

Buddy immediately bonded with me and nfather never bothered to acknowledge him again.

I forget to fill weekly organizers, I found a set of pill bottle tops that have a timer built in to when the bottle is opened/closed - it has saved me more times then I can count 😅

very similar tests for me along with interview/discussion with a second questionnaire… my clicker test was so hard because my test room was directly below a bathroom and I could hear ALL the water going through the pipes, and the floor lamp they had I could hear the electricity going through it 😭😑 it was horrible

I equate my brain to having a thousand internet tabs open, 5 or so are playing ads, another 7 or 8 are playing music, but I don’t know which ones are doing what/when.

And my thoughts are like having the Alt + Tab keys pressed and just hoping from one thing to the next in an almost seemingly un-connected manner. It’s all connected but in the most obscure way possible because of the word and thing association connections my brain has made.

To me it doesn’t feel like racing thoughts, that is my normal speed. Which is extremely frustrating when my husband or someone else cannot keep up with what they refer to as “leaps of faith logic” that usually turn out to be right.

Abigail (Abby), she answers to Abbers, fluffer nutter, fuzz butt, Poopin’ da Turd (Shin Chan joke), and this: “AAAAAAAAAABBBBBYYYY! AAAAaaaaaAaaaaaabbbbbyyyy! Daylight comes and I wanna go home!” (it has to be the whole thing and sung or she ignores it)

I have a hamster on a squeaky wheel…. and sometimes I hear a thump 😅

NTA - even with using the term “affordable” there are a ton of factors that going to the cost of medication even from one individual to another.

I’m going to assume this is in the USA, if she had the name of the med to be able to ask a dermatologist about it, she could’ve checked with her insurance to see what the approx cost could be to her. Given its about $140 I’d say it’s either a tier 3 med or name brand or not covered by insurance. However, if its something she really wants to try to even see if it’ll work for her she can ask her doctor if they have any samples. Like you mentioned she could also check out goodrx, or even go to the manufacturer website to see if they have a coupon card/discount card (I did that for my daily inhaler, knocked about 50% of the cost).

Laundry is laundry in my mind, I don’t think it’s wrong that I was supposed to help with it. It was the expectation of perfection, and the consequences of not meeting those expectations that I have issue with.

As for the dishes, yes I agree that was abuse. It was only my nfather though, and he only ever made me do it when my mom wasn’t in the house. She never knew what he put me through, he was always very careful to make sure she didn’t know. I understand that now, because if she had known he knew she would take me and leave. Its a long complicated story, but he made sure that I wouldn’t/couldn’t tell her.

this comment resonated so hard my bones started shaking 😅 thank god I found a med bottle with a timer so I can see how long it was between opening it

I would recommend checking out the r/raisedbynarcissists sub - there are a lot of great resources and advice for setting and maintaining boundaries

It also sounds like you might benefit from not feeling so alone with what you’ve grown up dealing with, and are now trying to extricate yourself from.

medication can do wonders if you and his drs are patient and monitor his progress. I’d also say that I’ve met a lot of folks who think medication solves everything and don’t continue to get their children specialized care for learning strategies and techniques that will work to help them manage other parts of adhd that medication helps with but doesn’t solve.

of course! I hope it works for you! It really was a game changer for me.

There are two that stand out, I folded my nfather’s underwear wrong, and I didn’t scrub the bottom of the copper pots/pans correctly. Would make me refold the laundry and berate me for being a moron. Then the pots/pans would make me stand at the sink and hand scrub them with bar keeper’s friend till they shown like a mirror. I have super sensitive skin and texture aversions. Bar keepers friend, scalding hot water, and almost an hour’s worth of scrubbing my hands would be raw and irritated. And I couldn’t even sooth myself after because “I did it to myself for not doing it right the first time,” I was obviously faking the physical toll of that on my body, and the mental toll for forcing myself to continue to do the task, but my hands would be so raw I couldn’t even stand to touch/hold a book or turn a page to read.

Guanfacine 1mg and Adderall XR 25mg the guanfacine I take at night and it binds to the receptors in your brain to make the Adderall work better (it felt like I had doubled the dosage of the Adderall even though I hadn’t) I also don’t have to be as strict with when I take the Adderall in the morning, because the side effects of it leaving my system are lessened

Guanfacine 1mg and Adderall XR 25mg the guanfacine I take at night and it binds to the receptors in your brain to make the Adderall work better (it felt like I had doubled the dosage of the Adderall even though I hadn’t) I also don’t have to be as strict with when I take the Adderall in the morning, because the side effects of it leaving my system are lessened

My dosage was a little too high, but the benefits outweighed the flatness of my emotions, so we actually added a non stimulant that helped mitigate those effects. It was like night and day, I get the effectiveness of the stimulant and retain my emotions ☺️

Its natural to worry. I worry all the time, I was able to semi function for a long time, but it was so draining not knowing or understanding what was wrong with me and why I couldn’t seem to keep up/stay on things like my peers all through school and even in my early career (I’m early 30s now). The last couple of years have had it to the point where I almost committed myself to a psychiatric hospital, because I just couldn’t function and thought I was going to loose my job, house, husband, everything. I now have an official diagnosis and I’ve been working with my PC to find the right combo of meds/dosages and its been working. I’m nervous as hell that I’m going to have to stop because of med shortage or someone will come along and say “nope, you don’t actually need these” and I won’t be able to feel like I’m staying above water. I’m nervous to be back in that place where I was before getting diagnosed. I’m scared that the meds even being taken as prescribed are only a temporary solution and that Im going to become dependent (in the abuse of meds sense) if they stop working or my drs stop working with me.

I’m also so thankful that I know its not just because “I’m lazy,” or that its “all in my head.” I know the why and I can get help. And knowing is 3/4 of the battle. You can always change doctors, pharmacies, etc, but you know where to start now.

I’m in WI, and my primary care inly requires a check-in every 6mo I think this may be your dr in particular, or clinic, or hospital network

had something similar with a PTSD diagnosis because it has a lot of overlapping factors ADHD. My therapist said that she thought it was reasonable to say I had both but that starting an ADHD specific medication would be the proof in the pudding so to speak. Started meds, and confirmed I have both!