I think if more people focused on themselves, their own behavior and being the best representation of Christ then we would be a lot more fruitful for the Kingdom. Instead people are hyper focused on everyone else and I supposed it makes themselves feel better? If someone wants to go to the Philippines to date the go right head. If someone wants to be single forever then go right ahead. If someone wants to only date black/white/asian people then go right ahead. I do my best to focus on myself and my own behavior. I find that it gives me more peace and allows me to self reflect every day to weed out bad behaviors that don't reflect Jesus.
I mean a vast majority of men on this sub admit to being like 35+ and have never been on a date so many of them very clearly have no idea how to interact with women and somehow equate them being 35+ and dateless to women's fault... Likewise I see many women on this sub saying similar things about men.
It seems people here would rather be bitter and have others share in their misery rather than work on themselves to be a better version of themselves. They almost demand that men/women date them where they are at without having to improve themselves and absolutely hate when people have preferences. For men on here they get butthurt when women have height preferences and women get butthurt when men have weight preferences...like who cares people have their preferences. Move on and find someone else that wants you where you are at lol. If no one wants you where you are at then look inward and self improve.
I come on this sub when I am bored at work because, honestly, it is entertaining sometimes. It sounds bad but it is sort of entertaining when I see someone post something like "I went on a date with a girl and she texted me and said she isn't interested. Should I send flowers to her work"...I embellished a tad but in all seriousness I see posts similar to this and I think "no way do people think like this"...but also I am able to give men blunt advice about how to interact with women and date. There are a lot of people on here, thanks to church culture, that have no idea how to interact with the opposite sex. It is rather sad.
As far as the creeps..it's the internet theyre everywhere. It doesn't excuse the behavior but you can't be shocked when you came to an anonymous reddit sub where probably over 50% of the male users here are 40+yo men who never dated and are likely heavily addicted to porn. It is a breeding ground for pervy dudes
She is referring to me but fabricated what actually happened to make herself look like a victim. if you want the actual TRUTH to what happened this is what went down:
1) She commented on a post from a woman asking for dating advice who had mentioned she is worried she will date a man who is secretly a hardcore red pill content guy, and told her to avoid men who are attracted to younger women, dont pursue overweight women, dont like face piercings and don't go after older women because they are red pill men.
2) I responded and said those are normal preferences for men to have and it doesn't make them "red pill men"
3) The comment thread went back and forth for a few comments until she decided to berate me and condescend me by calling me "sweetie" for no reason..the comments seemed rather civil IMO until that.
4) I eventually stopped responding only to notice I had a DM
5) She had DMed me AFTER I stopped responding to continue to berate me calling me sexist, a redpiller, telling me there is a reason my wife left me and no one wants to date me and then started accusing me of being someone else. Completely unhinged
6) At the same time she went to some of my older comments on my profile and commented on them to troll me.
7) I let the mods know who also let me know she had been previously reported by multiple other men for berating them over DMs. They wanted me to send screenshots however I never even responded to her 5 paragraph long rant over DM and deleted the chat instead. Apparently she went to the mods already I guess to defend herself...most likely lie about everything like she did here.
8) Almost positive the Mods either temporarily banned her for a few weeks or told her to leave me alone because that was over a month ago I believe and she hasn't commented on any of my comments or DMed me again.
What I am saying is it seems weird to you because you aren't used to dating someone who genuinely loves the Lord and is secure in who they are. That weirdness is them being secure in the Lord and being themselves w/o caring what others think. You are used to dating people who put on a facade. You are used to being "secure" in something that is truly insecure. That is not what God wants for His sons or daughters.
People who are extra comfortable with the physical intimacy are likely numb to the emotions that come along with it because they have been physically intimate a bunch. Take me as an example, I got saved at 21, lived a depraved life before that and could be intimate with someone without feeling any emotions even after I got saved...I would feel conviction but not emotions with the other person. Like "it's JUST sex" is how I thought because that is what the world says.. I have had to relearn the correct way and that only came through sincerely following Jesus. I struggled with not being intimate with girls when I first got saved. Took a while to get out of that and it has caused lasting damage. I am in a better place now but sin causing lasting damage. You want someone who is okay with being somewhat physically intimate w/o it making them feel weird. But a true virgin, who has been truly celibate, will always likely be weird with physical intimacy until they get married and they practice with their wife/husband which is how the Lord wants it.
Bottom line is you are attracted to something that you will likely only find in men who can be physically intimate without feeling much emotions. Men who have likely lived a depraved life before which gives them confidence. Experience = confidence in ALL aspects of life. Even in dating/sex. That is a fact
It is not giving the cold shoulder it's just having self respect. She rejected you..when women reject men they are essentially saying "you are not worthy enough, in my eyes, for me. I think I can find someone better than you"..idk how men can sit there and say hopefully they can be together in the future at some point. Like nahhhh good luck out there girl but we will never be together again.
I am not a virgin but my girlfriend is. Sometimes it is a little embarrassing how awkward she can be. Mentally I wrestle with some of the immature things she says/does but she also grew up in church so it's kind of expected. She has a pure heart and loves the Lord though so I feel secure in this. I am used to dating nonChristians and being more comfortable with them with all the trauma that comes along with it, even though I have been saved for 10 years and have been going to church every week since, so this is completely new to me to be honest but deep down I know it's what is best for me. I think I was always used to women hiding who they really all when dating them...like they would act so perfect. It is different being with someone so genuine. It is hard to get used to it.
The 2nd guy respects you physically and shares the faith but you don't feel the "chemistry" (not Biblical) because he isn't a great kisser and you worry he may not be able to satisfy you physically when you are married? Sound's like you want a man who is celibate but also experienced in sex which makes no sense. A celibate man, especially a virgin, is likely to lack a bit of confidence aaaaaand be nervous about doing anything physically. If him being weird about doing physical things isn't turning you on, which is what you mean by "chemistry", then I think you need to do some work on yourself before putting yourself back out there. Sounds like you want it all but perfection doesn't exist. Pick and choose what is truly important to you.
Truth = downvotes on this sub where people would rather bask in their bitterness and breed their misery with others than fix the issues that prevent them from having dating success.
I met my now girlfriend on Upward. Had some bad experiences on it thought before meeting her. You take a lot of punches and deal with a lot of garbage on dating apps though. Got to be able to handle it if you want to use them as an avenue to find someone.
Firstly, "She said she prayed that I find another girl quickly"...means that she is talking to a different man and wants you to find another girl as quickly as possible so that she feels less bad about breaking up with you. I have dated enough women to understand female lingo and what it really means. I have heard this one before too and 2 weeks later I found out she was with another guy.
Secondly, when a girl breaks up with you NEVER tell her you will always be available to her in the future. She immediately loses respect for you and you are just affirming her decision to break up with you. When women break up with you your only response should be "sounds good" or "okay" with 0 emotion shown. A woman who is breaking up with you does not deserve your emotions. Then you move on and act like nothing ever happened between ya'll.
You will find another woman who actually wants you bro. Hang in there.
Yea. Can be something casual. "hey I am going to go for a walk at the park after service if you want to join". I man who has dating experience will pick up on some hints like a girl constantly coming up to talk to him at church and whatnot but a guy who never dates will have no idea. Most men in church have never dated which is why women need to be proactive as well.
Mature Christians understand the temptation of the flesh. They have been together for 5 years. A Christian man, in this day and age, who is not actively engaging in sexual activities with his girl is not going to wait 5 years to marry her. He would be wifing her up within a few years or at least being getting engaged to her. Therefore, it is more probable than not, probably a 99% chance, that they are engaging in sexual activities which would answer her question as to why he aint marrying her. Or we can just all pretend like, 5 years in, they are still celibate and give her pointless advice that wont actually help her situation..which is that she is having sex with her BF therefore he has no reason to rush marriage with her.
No "inviting a guy to a social thing", where there will be other church people, is not a hint. This is what I am talking about. Women's hints are the LEAST obvious hints in the world. I have women at church invite me to things all the time. It could mean something and it could just be them being friendly. Not a hint worth risking my reputation over. Doubtful this man gets the hint based off your invitation to a social event
You know the saying "don't poop where you eat?". Going after a woman in your church is doing exactly that. I am opposed to going after women in church for various reasons:
- every levi and sarah in the church thinks your relationship is their business and your girl will have no problem airing your relationship business to the other women
- if she rejects you everyone will know because women love to talk
- If you go on a date everyone will know because women love to talk
- if you break up everyone will know because women love to talk
- if you breathe wrong everyone will know because women love to talk
- if you don't like rain everyone will know because women love to talk
....see what I am getting at here? Women have no idea how to respect the privacy of their own relationship. A mature man doesn't want to deal with his friends at church knowing every detail about his relationship because his girl told suzy who told brenda to told sally who told jim who told bob who told greg... Nor does he want the older men/women constantly on his butt about the relationship. Aside from this, upon initial rejection, which happens 99.9% of the time to men, women have no idea how to not make it weird. Almost always the man is made to feel like a creep for even existing after that. Try and say hi to her in passing and she puts her head own or looks the other way because she doesn't know how to act. Couple that with her telling her friends that YOU are being creepy for simply existing after she rejected you and now you have half the young adult female population at church side eyeing you for literally no reason.
Which brings me to my next point..if you are rejected you have immediately lost your chance with any other woman. Since men are rejected 99.9% of the time pursuing a girl in church is not a fruitful way to find a wife. Bottom line women is that if YOU want a man you need to make it so dang near obvious that you are interested in him that he knows without a doubt that you want him...because most men would agree losing your church reputation over a girl aint worth it the risk of pursuing her. And no, interest is not looking at him from across the sanctuary and it is not saying hi in passing. It is going up to him, talking to him and inviting him to lunch. Not hard. Yall have made the bed you are currently sleeping in so if you want out you have to come up with different ways of doing so. Doing the same thing over and over again will only make it worse.
Ya'll are likely having sex so you already act like a married couple so why would he marry you? There is your answer.
No it is not direct at all. You are not telling them what needs to be said and that's that you are not interested. Then stop going to that group. Confusion is not of the Lord. Be direct and if things get weird then leave the group.
I was married to a woman for 4 years who would say this at least once a week. I follow Jesus, go to church twice a week and read Scripture daily so my aim as a man my whole marriage was to love her sacrificially. Her needs before my own. Whenever she would say this I would ask her what she needed me to do to make her feel loved. a week or 2 later the goal posts would move and it was the same thing "I don't feel loved" or "i am unhappy" then she would say something else that would make her feel loved. Then it would change again and again and again until I realized that she doesn't know Jesus. My efforts were frivolous. True contentment and joy comes only in the Lord..not what your spouse is or isn't doing for you. PERIOD
After 4 years of this endless cycle she divorced me and it turns out she had been having a 3 year affair on me. What she was doing, by saying "i dont feel loved" endlessly, was destroying my self esteem by consistently making me feel like I wasn't good enough. She would use this to accuse me of things I would never do such as cheat, when she was the one cheating. She wanted SO bad for me to screw up to give herself a justifiable reason to leave me so that her affair wouldn't be exposed and so she could save face. I think part of her constantly saying "i don't feel like you love me" and "i don't feel loved" was, in a weird way, her trying to look for things for me to do so that she could gain attraction for me so that she could stop her affair..but at the end of the day she loved her affair more than our marriage/family and me doing what she needed actually frustrated her because it didn't give her a justifiable reason, in her head, to leave. Afterall the people in our church community wouldn't react well to hearing that she just left me, when we have a daughter, w/o explaination. Also her affair could never be exposed because then her reputation would be ruined.
What I am saying is be veeeeeeery careful if your wife is consistently saying this and don't believe for 1 second that she wouldn't have an affair. She is a human too who is just as susceptible to succumbing to temptation. Every man thinks "yea but my wife would never do that to me" until he finds out she has. If she is consistently saying this it is either because she is fed up with your behavior and is unhappy, she doesn't know Jesus is has no contentment or she is wrestling with inner demons from sin in her life, that you don't know about, and it's making her angry at you because she is stuck with you. All you can do is the right thing under the Lord though. Everything else is out of your control. Just do the right thing and pray that the Lord works on her heart.
Stagnation can kill marriages. I get it he is tired from working and then getting home and hanging out with his son but you are also his wife and he needs to make an effort with you. If he is too exhausted to have a conversation with you then he needs to communicate saying "I am sorry honey I am so exhausted right now and can't give you the attention you need. How about after the baby goes down we talk for 30min?". You are being a good wife and he is being a good husband, no one is in the wrong, ya'll just need to figure out a way to schedule quality time. At the same time you need friends to talk to. Your husband should not bear the sole burden of keeping you entertained and that time with other women is good for you.
Women RARELY take rejection well and a vast majority of the time, in church, they make everything awkward after they reject and you are left trying to figure what to do and what not to do so that she doesnt think you are a creep. Also you immediately have to deal with every other woman at church knowing you asked the girl out because she will tell everyone not caring what is does to your reputation and your chances with any other girl.
So then her ex is a "her" not a "he"...just because I say I am a cat doesn't make me a cat. Just because you put tusks on a bear it doesn't make it an elephant lol. We are in the world but not of the world therefore we should reject this blatant effort on Satan to confuse children and enslave them to sin
If you are consistently having bad "luck" in dating then you need to look inward at what you may need to fix about yourself. If you are having bad "luck" in person you will likely have bad "luck" online. That being said, having apps is another way to meet more women and gives you another line of options so it wouldn't hurt. Just get ready to be played with mentally and emotionally lol.
I don't understand why Christian men and Christian women act so far behind in the maturity level for their ages. It is wild how some "adults" act in church around the opposite sex. You would be surprised by how some Christian women act too lol. But anyways, as a man, you need to be direct with men for them to get the hint. If they are making you uncomfortable then you tell them that. If you don't like them romantically then you tell them that. When you skirt around the hard and blunt truth to tickle their feelings it confuses them. The way the 2 guys are acting is cringey honestly and you need to let them know that you are not interested at all. Who cares what the other 2 guys think about you being interested in the 3rd guy. They are big boys they should be able to handle it. Men who have real friendships with other men don't let women destroy their friendships so you'll be okay.
That's different. People go to school to learn. I had no desire to date in high school or college. Wanted my life together and be in a career before I pursued a woman.
As long as a woman is not overweight/obese 99% of men will think she is attractive. Add embracing her femininity and loving God and she has every Christian man at her fingertips
Maybe he is just really quirky? My GF is like that too. Actually one time she did something, in public, that was completely embarrassing, like literally something a 15yo would do, and I told her if she did it again I would stop talking to her. That was when we were in the talking phase before we were exclusive. It hasn't happened since. Also I would STRONGLY encourage you to be open about EVERYTHING. Every feeling you have that is persistent share it. He deserves to know and he should WANT to know since it affects you. Plus it is better that you practice communication now if you are dating to marry because itll make your communication in marriage that much better.
Yes 1000%. Because I lived a depraved life where I went out to pick up girls every chance I got I am much more confident at talking to women. I have been rejected more times than I can count but I also had a lot of success and it is through rejection/success that you learn what to say and what not to say, what women are attracted to and what they arent, good date ideas and bad date ideas. Men who don't have this type of experience don't understand these things...which is blatantly obvious by some of the advice you see men, who have trouble dating, giving on this sub.
Another one bites the dust? 24F (pentecostal)and 27M (catholic)+ 27M Christian
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