Yep. OP, you're in an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. What he says is lies and makes no sense. If he's the provider and you're the housewife, why is he taking your money? That makes you the provider too. But forget logic, just run.
The real problem here is spinelessness. I don't get why she can't just say no and impose consequences for whining, but everything, EVERYTHING she's complaining about is a result of her inability to put her foot down.
Except if he doesn't send her somewhere, she'll just spend the money herself. Besides, the point is to force her to do all the work he's been doing.
Mom's just upset that you thought of it and she--the one with ladyparts--didn't.
Jesus. Why is everyone so uncaring and vindictive? OP, if you can't live with the promise you made: leave, divorce. It's fine. You have the right.
But why involve yourself further in their toxic family dynamics? Revenge? Pettiness? You knew the situation going in. You don't have to stay, but fucking with his situation is waaaay overboard. Just walk away. None of the rest of it is any of your business.
No, next year, book her and the kids and her parents the vacation she wants, and book yourself a separate vacation to a different location. Let HER deal with everything.
Wait. Hold up. Why does only the child's mother get to decide what to do with her ashes? Why does only the mother get UNILATERAL decisionmaking ability over their child's remains? The child's father gets ZERO SAY? And the child's sister gets no keepsake, even though she's part of the child's immediate family too? WTF? Where are you all getting this?
Also, OP, this is a fundamental values difference in any case, so your relationship is doomed. Best end it now, before your abortion, so you don't have to deal with his recriminations. Your body, your choice, but also your responsibility. So make the right choice for YOU, not for him.
OP, you don't have a MIL problem; you have a husband problem. HE'S the one who needs to stop taking her calls and stop telling her everything. If he won't stand up to her, the case is hopeless. DO NOT have children with him. Time to consider leaving.
And is NO ONE noticing that they made her husband best man to weaponize him against her?
He will. He was strong enough to ask for help, and strong enough to take it. He'll make it through eventually.
I don't understand how you couldn't just transfer the $20k out of the account the second they threatened you.
OP, think back over your relationship and try to see if there are any other red flags: any places where he criticizes you regularly, or "teases" you in a way you don't like, where he dislikes your friends or family members and tries to get you to drop them, criticizes your appearance and convinces you to change it, etc.
If so, are these when he's drunk or sober?
If these hotel fights are the only thing and they only happen when he's drunk, then you can demand couples counseling and sobriety from him for you to continue the relationship. But if there's more, and especially if the more is happening when he's sober, JUST LEAVE, bc it means he's escalating into abuse.
YTA for saying anything besides "we're breaking up."
I know this isn't the point (and NTA) but I found this, and you can find others by searching "extra fluffy extra large bath sheet" on Amazon. Don't get white this time, and tell the "broke up over a towel" story to every new bf until you get one who respects your binky.
As a man, you have no idea what street harassment is about, or what a woman needs to do to defend herself. Street harassment is about power; about owning the street, owning everything you see, and being able to make an otherwise confident woman feel small and threatened.
Sure, if you're a grown man on the street, the chances of you encountering a conflict with a stranger are slim, and when they happen, it's best for you to walk away rather than chance bodily harm.
But for women--especially women of color--who get this shit EVERY DAY on the street, how you manage it is a matter of psychological survival, not just physical. And allowing yourself to be cowed by strangers on the street every day has deep and devastating psychological effects on the rest of your life and relationships. Standing up for yourself is, quite literally, a matter of survival.
So THE PEOPLE BEING HARASSED are the ones who must calculate and judge and determine which situation requires which response. And a member of the typically aggressor gender telling a member of the typically victim gender how to best handle gendered violence (microagressions are microviolence), is the epitome of mansplaining.
If we get it wrong sometimes, that's also our right and privilege to do without being criticized. Until you bear the burden, you don't get to decide how to lighten it.
Oh yeah. I have a lot more stories about that douche.
On another post I told a story about how I was harassed in the street while I was with a boyfriend, I "holla-ed back," my bf didn't do anything--not even ask me if I was okay--but waited until the danger was past, and then criticized me for how I'd handled it.
... And then a bunch of Redditors criticized me for how I handled it.
There are a LOT of people who can't stand to see a woman stand up for herself. Many of them are stalkers, and the stalking is triggered by a woman showing independent thought.
I don't get why people don't just ROUTINELY schedule a brunch the day after the wedding for family announcements.
Agreed.
Also? "Defuse," like a bomb, not "diffuse," like perfume.
Yep, because ALL MEN ARE THE SAME, so they all react the same. He was not hyped up to kill anyone. He was literally standing behind me and made no move toward the guy. And nobody who hasn't experienced gendered street harassment has any idea how to avoid violence. Those of us who deal with it every day have a much better idea of what we can get away with, and what we need to do to not only discourage harassers from doing it again, but also how to to walk away from the encounter with a modicum of dignity.
Yay, somebody else who wasn't there telling me what I did wrong!
Yep. He doesn't control the finances, or her movements, dress, behaviors. She just lets him get away with being a big baby. Not all toxic relationships are abusive.
Aitah for not telling my husband I got a bonus.
AITAH