I mean, maybe? But there are legit, treatable issues that can cause a kid to behave like OP's SD. Is she neurodivergent, making her a picky eater? Or does she have severe ADHD and needs medication? Does she need therapy? We can't know, and unfortunately SD's father doesn't want to know because it's less work for him to ignore the problem behaviors and force his wife to deal with them.
I had job offers that I declined for him, so he could save money on child care.
And the job offer you took was unpaid, caring for a child whose parent refuses to parent. No wonder you're so unhappy!
Time to re-evaluate your departure from the paid workforce. Having your own money and your own time away from the house will be a boon. A daycare provider won't put up with SD's BS ... they might even get her to improve her behavior.
And at the risk of being downvoted ... you also have to think about your financial future if this marriage doesn't work out. Simply having the option to leave and immediately be self-supporting will help you whether you actually end up doing it or not.
You said your husband won't allow SD to be evaluated ... would he go to family counseling if you "two-carded" him? IOW, offer him two business cards, one from a family counselor, and one from a divorce lawyer, and make him choose. (To be used only if you are ready to make this your hill to die on.) A family counselor could very well advise him to get SD evaluated.
You have to be understanding that he has priorities also to his other child.
OP is talking about a child who is practically feral, and whose dad thinks that being on call for 3 am snack service is normal. Of course parents have to balance their kids' needs when there's more than one, but come on.
You have to be understanding that he has priorities also to his other child.
Excuse me? OP is talking about a SK who is practically feral, and whose dad thinks that being on call for 3 am snack service is normal.
Of course parents have to balance their kids' needs when there's more than one, but that's not what's happening here.
she came right in and walked into our house
You buried the lede here OP.
A BM this entitled (I can hear it now -- "Any house where my baybee is, I don't have to knock") can't be reasoned with.
Your poor SD.
"Free spirit" is a euphemism for someone who can't commit to a plan to save his own life, or who is too selfish to think about how his behavior affects others.
But you know that.
I'm so sorry.
RUDE.
I've been a full-time RVer and this is just NOT DONE. You park across several spaces as far from the main entrance as possible, even if you're just going in for a few things.
LOL I have no idea.
I swear I was not drunk posting. Maybe I just got done reading some other post about twins being expected. I looked over my comment and no matter how many babies are expected, I'm standing by the rest of it.
I stand corrected. Thank you.
The amount of time your SO is spending with his ex is not normal. Holidays together with the ex but he's "too exhausted" to celebrate with you? Not normal. Dinner with the ex at handover? EXTREMELY not normal.
🚩🚩🚩
Instead of getting done with his ex, he's just adding you into his life as a sister wife. And you are enabling him by just stepping into the primary caretaker role for his kid.
He will keep you around as long as you tolerate this BS because you're saving him a LOT of work and expect nothing in return. No emotional energy, no time, no fidelity.
What are you getting out of this relationship besides used?
Save yourself.
SS also stays up so late like 2-3 AM during the summer. This has been difficult for me since I work at 5 AM M-F. He will jump on the bed, tell his Dad he's hungry at midnight to which my husband will get up and get him food, and want to watch movies very loudly.
What has your husband been doing throughout your pregnancy to prepare for baby's arrival? Does he really think that you and he are going to be able to live happily with an infant and a feral six year old?
The clock is ticking ... your husband has got to put some boundaries in place or he is going to have zero time to give to you and your new baby.
EDIT: Corrected because I'm not sure where I got the idea that OP was having twins... oops
Do you think she is stealing beauty products for her mother? You might want to have DH search her pockets, coat, and bags before you return her to BM.
Since we’ve been together (3 years) we’ve probably been out child free four times and that’s including my grandparents funerals.
OUCH.
You're doing the right thing.
These are not the actions of a loving mother who wants her son to be happy. She wants her baby boy back by driving you away. And if he can't figure that out ... frankly, give her what she wants.
There are several issues here:
One, a FMIL who is demanding explanations for not having been invited to a pre-wedding consult that didn't concern her and which is done with nothing more to be said about the topic; and a FH who is not willing to stick up for you when his mother is being obnoxious to you. And when you try to tell him what the problem is, he gaslights you basically saying, "But, my Mommy would never ..."
Yes, she fecking would. And she is.
I need to explain to her with a calm head why things have changed between us.
No you do not. Your FH needs to do this with his mother alone, and let her know in no uncertain terms that she needs to cut the shit. No more whining about the dress fitting, no more criticizing your body, no more shitting on your wedding decisions.
This is just wedding prep. What are you going to do when she weighs in on your next home, raising your kids, baby care, the schools they attend, etc etc etc ...? Does your FH plan to let MIL run roughshod over those decisions too? This is his golden opportunity to show you that he chooses YOU.
If he's not willing to prioritize your feelings over his mother's tantrums, are you sure you want to go through with this?
NTA
... and check out r/ motherinlaws from hell and r / JustNoMIL
We love happy visitors, especially those who prioritize courtesy on the road. Y'all come back now, ya hear?
I am not sure what banning her from her father's home will do to his parenting rights/time
Well, NOT doing so provides SD with ample opportunities to fabricate stories, thereby completely eliminating his parenting rights/time from all three children with the next CPS report -- so there's that. (Not to mention taking OP's children away from her as well.)
Not a man ... yet I find the translation to be perfectly on point
what if I cause all this chaos
Your stbx's alcoholism, along with his unwillingness and/or inability to quit or at the very least admit he has a problem, is the cause of this chaos.
Youve done what you can to protect the kids, and as long as you let their mother know what's happening, you are in the clear.
He's giving the OP false hope that he will ever fully commit to her. ☹️
he keeps giving her the possibility of creating those family memories with her… or maybe give her false hope that they might get back together since they are in such good terms.
They celebrate kids birthday together, dog birthday, eat diner sometimes with the kids, they talk daily by phone/text and she used to send pictures with her included.. it still happens from time to time... She asks him for help when needed (rarely) but when it happens he happily goes and helps out, it’s as if emotionally he never fully cut off that connection
This really really sounds like they are not done with their relationship. I know you said BM is dating someone but your DH is still very involved with her, doing activities that are typical of things you do with your life partner.
You seem to think he's going to get done with her when you move closer to the kids.
Respectfully, I think you've got it backwards ... Please don't buy a house with this man until he is completely done with his prior relationship.
It's not a tourist problem, it's a generational problem. The current crop of young adults were brought up in a time when the only time they left home without their parents was on a school bus. The buses provided door-to-door service and traffic was required to stop in all directions until their mommies kissed them goodbye and they got to their seats.
Yes, the kiddos got to school safely, but the unintended consequence is that no one under the age of 40 has been taught to look both ways before crossing the street. Everyone just expects the world to stop for them.
At age 14 SD knows the difference between a lie and the truth. At whatever age he is, your DH knows that is his child and not yours. I would calmly maintain NACHO.
If I piss everyone off, does anyone win?
They don't have to know who called.
Too bad. He doesn't get a vote on whether you break up with him or not. Just GTFO, he sounds like a nightmare.
NTA
AITA or cheating doesn’t count if your gf is at work and doesn’t catch you? 41M/38F
AmItheAsshole