I agree, yet here he is asking AIO and we all know he won't walk away
No but 'lmk if things change' was a) unnecessary as the ball is in her court and b) you're still keen/invested despite her rude/curt reply and sudden change in interest
Don't you want sex? Or are you just sulking?
I also suspect an affair.
Mate guarding and insecurity are highly unattractive. STFU Next time, keep your eye on things and move on if necessary.
You've got a fun and fulfilling life to live. No need for 'lmk if things change' - needy.
You've got other options so who cares, right?
No, you're weak and passive. Best do something about that.
Like saving is an issue because omfg she is a spender esp with my money
She earns twice what you do but you let her freely spend your money? What is wrong with you?
No it's not.
One Tadalafil/Cialis will last all weekend, Viagra only 4hrs.
What your wife's behaviour is actually covertly communicating to you is that she feels bad about not wanting sex with you. She's also doing her best to instill guilt and shame in you so you won't do anything (leave, cheat) about your basic and natural needs, that's she's not willing or able to help you meet.
Possibly the sicknesses are (at least in part) a strategy to avoid having to come up with excuses?
I agree with the comments that her issues should be curable and she needs better care.
Also, are you attractive? I don't just mean physically. The fact you're asking for sex suggests not.
Are you willing to walk away if this is likely to be permanent? Are you willing to find another way to meet your needs if this is likely to be permanent?
If you need other people to make you feel like (more of) a man - you're not one.
You take the lead, it isn't given.
Your partner needs to take some responsibility here.
I'd second what someone else said about therapy - although I don't think it's the cure all, considering the drastic change it seems wise.
Why aren't you sure? Also, try not to frame this as an attempt to control/change her or make her happy. Do these things for yourself, the added benefit is it'll probably improve your relationship - it's not the point. Do you feel better about/for the changes you've made?
It's often said in some circles that she's a reflection of you so I'd think hard on whether you are truly, capably 'running the ship' well and taking responsibility for the things you need to (this does not mean doing it all or taking on her responsibilities).
Regarding the quote about being boring - are you? Is 18 years of work, housework and child rearing all she has going on and to look forward to? Are arguments the only way for her to feel something? Is date night just a nice meal somewhere? How often do you socialise as a couple and her alone? How often do you surprise her? Are you affectionate? Do you ever keep her guessing where you're taking her or what your doing? Do you always have sex at the same time? Do the same things? You get the idea?
Quick answer: build a life apart from her. Look after yourself (appearance, clothing, self care, things you want). Put yourself first (at appropriate times) - stop sacrificing. Get out of the house more if you're always around. See your friends more. Get a hobby. Do this slowly. Expect pushback. I say all this assuming you've done the classic thing guys do and made her, the relationship and the family the centre of and most important thing in your life ahead of yourself. I'd also recommend setting boundaries. Make sure she knows what they are and then enforce, without fuss where possible. If she keeps looking through your phone, set a pin - no need to tell her. Logs into your Facebook, change your password. If she complains try and have an open, calm conversation about why you're doing it and work out why she's doing what she is. If she continues to lie tell her you'll talk when she's ready to be honest with you and STFU. A lot of this you should be doing anyway as an independent, autonomous person (in a relationship or not) and where boundaries are concerned, with all relationships.
Longer (for you) answer: read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover to start. Then When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith.
You get the life you deserve. If you tolerate being treated poorly, people will treat you poorly. If your wife knows you'll never walk away, she knows there no real consequences. I'm not suggesting you walk away but covertly demonstrating you have the strength and would be willing to do so is powerful.
Also:
"If you're boring she's whoring"
So you're essentially recreating destructive childhood behaviour patterns and relationships because they feel safe and familiar. Glover touches on it when he talks about life paradigms and toxic shame in NMMNG.
Good you're in therapy and I hope that leads to some actual change (rather than just understanding of the source). You might find How to do the work by Nicole Lepera useful.
Honestly, I don't want to be divorced. But I know she's not changing and I'm unhappy with how things are so I either suck it up, get drunk and be miserable, which I've done for a decade, or leave.
So commit to it. There's some useful info in the sidebar. The worse thing you can do is be passive.
This is hard.
Gym: I've been not taking this serious
Diet: Not much eating with all the stress and anxiety. Giving myself a break here
I didn't do shit. I was tired all the time, depressed, and just completely lacking any motivation in my life
Social: Not even interested in going out
Work: I neglected work for the last week
See the pattern? I get why it seems justified right now but you need to change that pattern and how you think about and respond to stress. The negative self talk, victimisation, learned helplessness and corresponding lack of action is what got you where you are. Change that. Take action.
Tbh, after this, idk if I will ever get married. Seems like a pretty bad deal.
How can you only be coming to this realisation now?
After the victim puke last week, I've put a plan together to end the relationship
I can't imagine any new one will go any better for you.
It's great to LARP here
Clearly that's all you've been doing.
Told my wife that we finally had enough money to go on vacation and she booked a trip for a few days by herself instead.
A master at work.
Why are you suggesting holidays with her? Are you not committed to divorce?
Been messaging women on my OLD profile. Have had a few decent interactions but nothing has progressed to face to face.
Assume you're not in an at fault state?
I'm at a loss.
With what?
Cartledge damage, bone fragments, broken bone, vascular damage in addition to the missing and damaged ligaments
How are you squatting with all these issues?
WTF Is this navel gazing word salad?
This is own your shit not put it off.
Start by doing something about your lifts. It's the foundation for everything else, including your hamster ridden mind.
Reach, or start reaching for, your full potential. Do it for yourself. Be amazed as your options increase.
Doesn't sound healthy.
Am I crazy for not wanting my fiancee to talk to a guy she's attracted to?
Life