Hello, I (20transman) am not sure if I was abuse as a child . For context, some years ago I've read some court documents from when my mom quitted my dad I was 4 yo at this moment. In these documents, at some point, it talks about me accusing my dad of touching me. I have no memory of it and I think it was considered as if I lied or as if my mom influenced me to lie. What I know from my mom, is that when I was young I was always screaming when I was alone in my room and talking about some naked man . My mom says that every time that I was screaming like this my father was never far away. What I can also remember from when I was a bit older, is that my dad was always taking a shower when I was bathing (bath and shower in the samw bathroom). Sometimes, when I couldn't sleep, I would go to the living room and my dad was forcing me to sit on his lap. He was spanking me, pants down. He would show me what is watching (porn)

Also, I started masturbating very young (4 or before), and a lot When I was a bit older I would fantasise about being raped by stranger or even my father.

So yeah... That's pretty much it. I really don't know what is the truth, and I'm a bit lost. Sorry if there is mistakes, english isn't my first language. Thank you