For as long as I can remember Iāve had this perpetual tight feeling in my chest, like my nervous system is ALWAYS fighting inside my chest. I take anti depressants and anxiety medication and I practise a lot of deep breathing but itās always there, even when Iām relaxed and alone. I just wanted to know is that normal? Are some of us just prone to this forever or can it be stopped?
I have been on my meds a long time. Maybe I will bring that up at my next appointment, they could have possibly lost the effect they used to have. Thank you for your response š©·
Iām thankful you broached this subject actually because I noticed a lot lately how my dad and grandpa act with my niece, like you said they seem so playful and loving towards her and it made me invalidate myself again. But youāre right! They really do check out once you exit that stage.
Very much relate! My parents also divorced when I was around 10/11, their relationship was so weird! I canāt recall them being touchy or loving in any way towards each other. Even the way they interact now is so funny to me, itās the coldness you describe. Itās like how on earth were you two literally a couple?! šš I notice that my grandparents relationship is similar though, really does make you think.
I donāt really understand why being selfless is always related to being a good person. Iāve spent my entire life giving to others, people pleasing, burying all of my needs and desires and emotions to accommodate others and make sure everyone else is okay and it absolutely ruined me to my core. As someone who is sensitive and empathetic to extreme degrees it actually messed up those parts of me by being that giving. Itās much easier to be a good person and help others when you also know how to be good for yourself and know whatās bad for you and when not to over exert yourself etc. You also only really know your values when you give more to yourself. So I kinda donāt rate total selflessness anymore. I think this concept must have been invented by people that are convinced having self-respect or a degree of self-love means youāre bad or narcissistic. Idk
Thanks for your insight, I relate a lot, I was also a difficult baby, I screamed pretty much all the time. Probably some kind of sensory overload thing due to being sensitive. It is interesting how much sensitivity can manifest different ways to experiencing trauma.
Also if youāre someone like me who gets bored of doing the same one thing every day and that makes you more likely to give up, change it daily but keep the activity doable. For example tomorrow Iām going to put my phone down for 5 minutes and close my eyes and pay attention to feelings in my body or simply sit in silence and feel uncomfortable for a while to make space for that without trying to get rid of it.
I feel exactly the same, friend. The only thing that does help me at the moment is to literally give myself ONE small thing to do everyday. I always end up making a bigger list and then keep falling back to square one of not being able to cope. I think we have to be patient and compassionate with ourselves and praise ourselves for super small things rather than judge ourselves for not being able to do many things at once. For me, doing a 5 minute workout today was amazing, I have to be proud of myself. Other people being able to do more doesnāt make my small feat something negative. In fact to me itās not even a small feat, itās huge. Because this is my life and timeline without comparison. Other people arenāt paralysed with a multitude of other stressors and have entirely different life experiences and mental states therefore their capabilities are different. Try to recognise when youāre judging yourself or comparing and replace the voice with compassionate words. You really are doing amazing, to cope with what you do, to be this overwhelmed but still here and attempting things, is MASSIVE.
Why are most of our parents content in their lives? nsfw
Upon learning about emotional neglect and the way itās passed down from parents to children throughout generations, Iām always wondering why Iām the only one suffering enough to actually have to root out what the problem has been. Iāve endured so much pain and isolation in my life that I canāt comprehend how my parents live normal sociable lives whilst Iām riddled with attachment issues, an eating disorder, anxiety disorders, anhedonia and possible personality disorder. I canāt fathom how theyāve clearly been emotionally neglected and abused in some way yet they donāt suffer to the point they canāt live their lives and theyāre able to have friends and relationships.
Could it be because Iām also highly sensitive? I know thatās based in genetics. I also have a lot of shame because of growing up a lesbian so idk if that somewhat makes emotional neglect worse because I already feel like I donāt belong in the world because Iām different. I spoke to my brother recently and he definitely suffers and agrees about our parents shortcomings, but he said heās never found relationships a problem, he has a girlfriend and child and heās relatively happy. Iām sort of obsessed with trying to work out why Iām so avoidant in life and it keeps playing with my mind, it makes me blame myself a lot because idk why I seem to be on the extreme end of suffering and isolation whilst others with bad trauma still live somewhat.
Do you guys think parents just donāt have the insight of mental health due to growing up in a different time? Iām pretty sure my grandparents raised my mum with the mindset that work is all that matters and didnāt nurture her emotionally but she is so unaffected by it.
A good thing about my mum is I know she does love me, she wants to help and offers all the time, I just think she isnāt emotionally equipped to help me the way I need, only the way she was taught. But she also has taken responsibility for my emotional neglect, she listens to me and doesnāt invalidate what I told her Iām experiencing and suffering from. She feels bad that she allowed my alcoholic step dad to rule the house for so long and tells me she cant understand why she let that happen. I do trust her remorse because she is well meaning. Obviously that doesnāt make her suddenly emotionally available but she is definitely safe for me to be around. But what I canāt comprehend about her is she is soooo emotionless in terms of how she never seems to get depressed or upset, she is literally always content in life. Is that just a genes thing? I often tell her I donāt get why nothing phases her and sheās so optimistic all the time, she says she doesnāt experience depression nor understand it. It super stunts me because Iām likeā¦.if she was also emotionally neglected why is there no impact?
My dad is an entire other story, I know he suffers but he is so painful to be around and so emotionally unavailable and harmful to my existence so I relish in the fact I donāt have to see him much. But the point still stands that although he has problems he still manages to live. Iām so bitter I just want to experience a relationship or motivation to do ANYTHING but Iām plagued with emotional problems. All of these people get up and go to work and have social lives meanwhile most of my life I hide away in my bedroom.
Thank you friend it definitely helps to know there is others š©·
I have always related a lot to autistic traits. Is it possible to heal autism? Or get therapy for? Or is it something you learn to manage rather than heal?
Thanks š©· youāve helped so much, just to know what kind of direction to go in has made a big difference for me already.
Thank you, this comment made me hopeful š„ŗ
Oh donāt worry I didnāt assume you meant it negatively, youāve been super kind and helpful to me! Iām actually relieved people are telling me about a diagnosis Iāve considered because I used to think it was all in my head and I was being dramatic, but to have it recognised is nice. I think I am actually too self-aware which is a problem for me too, I intellectualise everything I go through and everything I know about myself rather than work on healing the emotions and nervous system. I just need slow exposure to all of my fears and to realise the thoughts and shame canāt actually hurt me.
Iād love to talk to you more! Your brain sounds awesome š¤©
I also have an Autism or ADHD suspicion, thatās also what makes my mess worse haha idk what to say to a doctor and I think theyād believe I sound crazy if I start listing all of these diagnosis I think I have. If I relate to every symptom of AvPD, Autism, ADHD , OCD, and CPTSD attachment problems, I literally have no idea what to ask a doctor or therapist for :( I guess Iāll have to trauma dump and let them try and work it out. I sort of wish they had general therapists but thereās so many specific therapy types now that Iām worried Iāll just go to the wrong one and not be tackling the right issue.
I really appreciate your responses and your wisdom and your work on yourself is really incredible š„ŗ I feel very proud of you even as a stranger.
Thank you, it does help to know others have experiences similar to me, although Iām sad you have to go through this too. š©·
I know therapy is the answer, I think Iām just so lost on what type of therapy to even look for because I have so many issues, Iām in between OCD therapists rn but they donāt help with attachment issues, and if I got therapy for attachment issues would that help with confidence and depression? Or are those gonna have to be separate therapists too? All of my issues impact my life a lot and it feels overwhelming not knowing where to begin. And then I realise my age again and know by the time Iām āhealedā itāll probably be another decade and the shame and shut down is back. I just wish I knew why Iām so abnormal and itās so uncommon to be as messed up as I am without having even experienced valid trauma. Everyone I meet who claims they have my issues with depression and anxiety have partners and lives. Itās very alienating. I do consider that I just have that rare disorder of AvPD so it feels like Iām cursed.
I did always consider AvPD but I used to talk myself out of it because it seems so rare and Iād have to accept I really am an alien and for no reason š bc I donāt consider my life traumatic to cause such a rare disorder in me. But Iām definitely gonna look into this more!
Thank you for your comment š©·
Is something innately wrong with me? nsfwSex and dating
I have known Iām a lesbian all of my life but Iāve never had sex (with men or women) or any kind of physical relationship. I donāt want to say my age but letās just say itās abnormal in the world population to have no experience at this age.
I have had depression and anxiety all of my life, I isolated myself during my young years, I think there is something seriously wrong with me because I wasnāt abused or anything, yet I have this gigantic fear of intimacy, relationships and life in general. Even the relationships I had online/long distance I would keep sabotaging and I had bad intrusive thoughts about every potential partner.
The thing is, I do think Iām attractive, I recently had an opportunity to date my dream woman and I know if I actually went outside I could be liked, but there is something seriously so alien about me where I just canāt DO IT. I sabotaged a chance with my dream woman because my intrusive thoughts started and I got terrified of being seen. Even people with social anxiety have relationships and kisses, I donāt feel human because itās so rare. Why is it rare to not have these experiences? That shows that Iām barely human. I donāt feel like most people at all :(
I donāt know what advice Iām after here, even reassurance or pity wouldnāt take away this innate feeling of being an alien. Humans mostly engage in these activities, itās what makes us human. But I think I mostly want help on how to deal with the shame and embarrassment? If I ever did meet someone in the future Iām not the type to lie, Iād have to tell them Iāve never done anything, and the thought of that makes me want to give up forever because itās so cringy, itās a giant red flag and itās right to be! Because it does indicate Iām a messed up person.
I didnāt say there is anything wrong with it lol this question is asking what everyoneās turn offs are, thatās just mine personally.
āMe and my boyfriend are looking for a thirdā š©š©š©
Both people in relationships will have their own wants and needs and itās up to each individual relationship to decide what they compromise on and what would be a dealbreaker, itās truly up to you in what you are/arenāt willing to accept in a relationship. Some people want to build a life with their partner and require two incomes, some people really donāt care, there are so many options, itās your decision.
This is just the cutest!!! š©·
Ah thank you so much :)
If you donāt mind me asking. What sort of therapy would you recommend? I never know what type of therapist to seek out for attachment issues and trauma, my doctors always give me CBT therapists but Iām not sure whether theyād be a right fit?
Thank you for this! š©· Iām happy to hear that self-care stuff actually does make a difference, Iām pretty new on actually paying attention to my needs and emotions so I feel so lost on how to self-soothe.
24/7 Anxiety
CPTSD