Do you really want to know how much worse this can get? It's bad enough already, honey!! I shudder to think what might have happened to you laying passed out in the elevator lobby!

The alcohol is obviously a contributing factor, too🥲 But I'm not sure that both of you quitting would help. And if he's setting you up on these trips so that he can abuse you, therapy won't do much either!

The statement someone made about how you learn how to love and BE LOVED is very valid here. I watched my mother be abused my entire childhood ... not physically so much ... but definitely emotionally. She thought it made her seem strong when she said "I contributed to what we have, so it's mine, too ... and I refuse to let him make me leave." But then he put all kinds of stipulations on her when she did go back to work. You can't leave home before they do in the morning ... and then you have to be home when the kids get home! And more! Those restrictions were just as big as "stay home with the kids, and more ... so he limited her earning powers substantially, too.

This is not love. It's control. And I was the first child to leave home, too, so I left their house thinking that was the way marriages worked.

Get out of this! You deserve a chance to be happy ... and I doubt this is it. Go! Find a man who wants an equal ... not a whipping post!

Good luck!

Oh, yeah! 😁

Getting your addiction under control is not for him. It's for YOU! And if he's still around when you get out of rehab, then you two can work on it.

And if he's not ... then I'm sorry, but that means that he's at the end of his relationship with you. You said it was already crumbling before this, so you need to realize that it doesn't matter if you cheat on him or not. In his mind, you've already done enough to destroy the relationship. And all the crying and begging won't help convince him to stay.

Clean yourself up first. If he leaves while you're in rehab, then work on having a relationship later with another man while alcohol isn't clouding your mind.

We often pick men who treat us just like our parents did. Congrats! You followed the same pattern! And so did I 🫤

Do you want to live with that kind of emotional abuse by marrying what's basically your father 2.0? Or do you want to start over and try to find a better man next time?

Keep repeating that to yourself!

You're not taking crazy pills! You're dating someone who is 100x not right for you!

She's more interested in being entertained than being there for you after what sounds like a terrifying accident! And it doesn't matter if you just had a bandaid ... or if you were in traction for five broken discs in your back.

That kind of accident isn't about how many yards of bandages you're in. What happened to you was surely TRAUMATIC emotionally! That's the kind of thing that could easily make the victim never want to leave their home again! It's the kind of thing that can cause lifetime PTSD!

If she cares so little about you ... why is she in a relationship with you in the first place? What's she getting from you?

Try this. Don't call or text her again ... and see how long it takes her to pay you some attention. If it's more than two weeks ... you have your answer!

My first husband (I was 19, he was 24) accused me of smelling like I'd been *giving head** at work* ... when I was 8 months pregnant!

He was an absolute abuser. So is that scumbag of yours!!

If he can't appreciate you and the way you look,then you do NOT need him in your life. I'll bet it's NOT the first time he's abused you, right? And I can guarantee you that this is just the next abuse he has planned!

He's not going to grow up. He's not going to get better. He's going to keep abusing you more and more as the years go on!!

Do what I did after five years with my version of the same asshole! Divorce him. Then outlive him 😁

OMG!! A "fat pussy" (ah la, Margaret Cho!), too???

He has serious issues. If your HR department doesn't complain about your clothes ... they're fine. He's just trying to make you feel bad and control what you wear!

You don't need a man like that in your life. He's a child who thinks he can rule your life by embarrassing you, and I'll bet you $1,000 he never once heard any of your male coworkers make ANY comments about your body. He's just quoting himself when he ogles other women!

You got over 1,000 responses because your situation shocked everyone!!

1) you're out of his house now. Good! Do NOT go back, and if you go back to your own house ... DO NOT STAY!! Just pick up your belongings and then get out of there again. And I don't care if that old bastard falls and ends up on the floor until his son gets back home! Do NOT go back to his house. If he calls you harassing you about coming to help him, say, "call yourself an ambulance! I refuse to ever come in your house again, or to even TRY to help you!! You lost every bit of my help when you did what you did!"

2) call the police. Have them come to your friend's house so they can get your friend's statement, too. PRESS CHARGES, or at least start the wheels in motion to get him put in a dementia-care facility. If he doesn't actually have dementia (i.e.: if he's just some kind of old "hail male, god almighty" bastard), then let them deal with him! You do NOT deserve his horrific treatment. You are NOT a child ... and, most especially, you are not his child. You never have been, and you never will be!! And he has no legal rights to put his hands on you like that ... EVER!! What he did to you is just like he grabbed some stray woman off the street and decided to non-consensually SPANK HER, TOO! It's a CRIME!

3) your husband is a POS for not even TRYING to protect you. In fact, he acted like he ENJOYED hearing about what his father did to you. Sounds like you married a little boy who's never grown up himself, and who's never going to stand up to his own father either ... not for you, and not even for himself! You do NOT need that in your life. Contact an attorney and start divorce proceedings against him immediately, too!!! Your husband treated you almost as bad as his father did, and his reaction to what his father did sounds like he's all for treating you like you're some kind of bad child! Is this the first time he's tried to keep you in your place like a child, as well? Or is this a common occurrence from him, too?

So get yourself someplace safe, and stay there! Then start getting some legal help to get away from them both!!! Your life and liberty could be at stake being part of this family! Seriously!! What are the both of them going to do the next time you disobey one of them!!

Keep us posted. Your story sounds like the beginning of some "Then she went missing" murder mystery on TV. Don't let the two of them make that the story of your life!! You've got too much life ahead of you at your age!

HUGS!!! I wish you were closer! I'm a 65yo great grandmother ... and I would clean the floor with his old ass for what he did to you! It's just 100% indefensible!!

Why, that's RuPaul herself, the Goddess and the Queen of all queens! She is the mother of all and the creative force behind her Drag Race World, which just keeps expanding! And I'm not sure on the age of the picture, but the last time I heard ...Raja now handles her makeup and Delta Work does her wigs for her. Someone please correct me if that's old or incorrect info! I won't be offended😁

Yes, lots of people have innocent crushes, but you two definitely need some focused couple's counseling! There are too many little secrets coming out on his side of the relationship, and I get you being squicked out by his attraction to your sister, who he's known since she was a child.

A therapist can help you better assess his behavior/your feelings about it, and figure out if it's something you should pay more attention to. And a therapist can discuss his "little" transgressions and help him better understand that while one might be okay ... a growing list of them is like a 100-person marching RED FLAG brigade. They're tearing up the grass on your relationship field with all that stomping!

You are NOT TAH!! Your gf is!!!! You sound like you were perfectly clear with her (and perfectly reasonable) when you explained your position on dogs to her early in your relationship!

Her recent actions just prove that she either wasn't listening or didn't care ... because she already had plans for you and a dog from the very beginning!!! And I've got to ask ... is this her first power play where she tries to control you? Or just the latest in the line?

A pet--especially a dog--isn't an accessory, nor is a fear or dislike of dogs something that you can "just get over" because she says "DO IT!!"

Honestly, I'm appalled for both you AND the dog! And this is not you just being the guy who says "it's me or the dog!" You made your desires known from the very beginning, and then she just decided that SHE knew what you wanted and needed far more than you did. Then she put her desire for a dog above you and your valid feelings!!

Bad mojo!! VERY BAD MOJO!!

This is basically her telling you "I'm in control of you AND this relationship! You just have to put up with it!!"

And I don't know about you, but that kind of serious POWER PLAY is not something I would tolerate in a relationship, at all period! Nor would I put up with her claiming that you're "overacting" and being "ridiculous" for one damned minute either! I'm an adult, and I would absolutely refuse to let anyone treat me that way. How about you?

Is it your house or hers? Go ahead and make your plans to either leave or throw her and the dog out immediately!! Like I said, this is 100% a POWER PLAY on her part, just like a hundred other ones I've seen in my extended life.

If you don't put an end to this BS immediately, she will make another POWER PLAY, and then another one, and so forth and so on! She wants control of you AND this relationship, too ... and she's not even trying to negotiate that position with you either. She's just DEMANDING IT .... and that's about a thousand red flags she's waving there!!

Go throw this one back in the pond and start over again!!

No kidding!! She's waving giant red flags, so let's hope that she thinks that HE'S the one with red flags ... so she runs for the hills!! That would be the #1 best alternative 👍👍

Soooooo, he made sure that the most gossipy people who were coming to the wedding KNOW that it was YOUR FAULT that the wedding got canceled! That YOU pitched a fit over something small, and upset him terribly!

Now he wants you to go on the honeymoon with him.... so that he can come home afterwards and start weeping on everyone's shoulders about how YOU went to spend the honeymoon with him just to take advantage of the trip ... but that you treated him like shit the whole time!!

Honey, get out of this relationship with this man, or he's going to pack so much blame on YOU that--even if you stay with him--he'll have months or even YEARS of having control over you, where he can easily get"emotional apologies" from you (while he gets to watch you either winding yourself up trying to blame yourself for this BS, over and over again, or you'll just snap and cuss him out, giving you more bad points in the eyes of all the people who had already started to blame YOU for the mess in your relationship, while they all treat you like hell for him .... just so he can watch!!

GET OUT! This is how narcissists entertain themselves. It's called "narcissistic supply" and they create little sources of amusement for themselves, and then they play it for everything they can get out of it ... while people feel sorry for HIM ... about an awful event that he created for himself!!

Take your story to one of the narcissist discussion boards here. They will explain this to you in great detail!

Forget what you've already spent/given in this relationship. It's long gone! Get away from him, and start building a real life for yourself.

Good luck!!

This comment contains a Collectible Expression, which are not available on old Reddit.

That's smart! Kids are a big step in any relationship. It's a smart idea to also take her to places where there are lots of children around. That experience may also convince her "what am I saying?! I really want a family, too!"

Don't move too fast, and talk about it more! Good luck!

And if she's just looking to get her assets scratched to satisfy her itch, why didn't she just find a couple of guys close to hand? Or just drive to a bigger town to hunt so that he was no where close to her husband?

Something is just not cool here!

And-for my curious mind-is she an artist who's looking for a dealer, or a musician looking to sell her songs. Those are were the first things I thought about, before my mind headed right back into wondering who's meeting her there!

Good luck finding out what the real story is. Make sure you don't forget!

And why did she have to specifically going to Europe? Who is there already or planning to meet her there right after your wedding? Did she say anything about being sad when her special friend was leaving the company? Or moving to Europe?

And why Europe instead of England, France, Germany, and a whole lot of other countries? Are you being evasive so that some friend won't recognize the story, or did she not give you an actual destination smaller than the entire continent of Europe? If not, humm?

{I don't know the codes for "long story about in-laws and ex-spouses who insist that you give them a child. Then they try to take them away from you}

F65 here. I only had one child (at age 19) because my husband (M23) at the time, begged and badgered the S out of me, whining, "my parents are soooo OLD" a hundred times a day. And, yes, they were OLD-AF. He was adopted as a baby when they were in their late 40s/early 50s. He was majorly screwed up, too, and I should have just RUN the night I met him ... but he was also a drummer, charming in his way. Plus, my mother had already trained me to do ANYTHING SHE SAID ... with the same manipulation behavior he used.

So he wormed himself into my long-time habit of just eventually AGREEING to shut her and him both up. I went off the pills ... and POOF! I was pregnant in barely 2 WEEKS!! 🤯 And--of course--I was freaked out by that!! I made the arrangements to get a new IUD A.S.A.P. AFTER MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN!

Now, I love my daughter totally ... even though she reminds me of me every day!! And I'd never let her go, but that was one of the worst decisions I ever made in my life.

That's why I only had one child. I was basically tricked into making a baby for my in-laws, so they treated her like she was never allowed to want me ... just them! They'd come to our house every morning before I woke up, and my husband had already got her out of her crib/was happy to hand her off. Then he would turn my alarm off on his way back to bed. Sure, I wasn't working in those first few weeks, but I still had things I needed to do! They just wanted me out of their way!

I finally left him (I think it was) when she was 2 months shy of her 3rd birthday. He walked into my job and started a fist fight with two of the guys I worked with, accusing them both of having designs on me now that my pregnancy was done. I got him out of there by turning his anger my way.

We drove home with him hitting me in the face as he drove. That's why I'd decided to leave him for good that night. But I faced a bigger challenge. When we got to his parent's house, his mother had an armlock around my kiddo, screaming "*you're NOT taking MY CHILD away from me!!

I ended up leaving and staying with a friend that night because I knew what was coming. When we came into the house fighting, his 80something year-old farmer/father grabbed my arms behind me so that his son could continue pounding my face. I knew if I stepped anywhere closer to his mother with all of her screams and taunting, they would shove me at her, then call the chief of police who lived two doors down and tell him that I was beating on his wife's beloved aunt.

It cost me over $21,000 in legal fees (between 1987 and 1996) because they hired a judge for him, and because I was in court with him and his bs FIVE TIMES! He accused me of all kinds of stuff, and he's very trumpian. He figured everyone who worked for his mother believed (and supported) every word that came out of his mouths.

My in-laws just knew that she would settle in with them and immediately forget me, so I know it was hard on her when her grandmother admitted that my child cried and carried my bathrobe around full time while we were separate, crying and rubbing her face on it but they (and her father, too) the spent three months before I got judges orders for my belongings (my clothes, mostly, many of them ripped up. He hid the two pieces of furniture that I found and bought, but he claimed were his, then he threw everything else in the trash) and then my child, almost a month later, told me right where they were hidden in the house. And they were trash-talking to my child about me that entire 3.5 months. Plus, she wasn't my happy little blonde child anymore. That was the worst part. They took her positive energy away, trying to beat me down in her eyes.

Thanks for sticking with me, but I thought you might better understand my similar story if I gave you a bit of details (without having to tell you about a ton of other stuff, too). Hopefully it will help you see where it could go, so that you can slam your foot in the middle of your MIL's plans if you one-day have the baby she's trying to force you into. Because her next step after that will be either offering you tickets or trips or more, anything to create a vacation for you ... so that she can baby-sit for you and start her ability to manipulate the people around her ... like me!!

Don't fall prey to this kind of manipulation. Tell her point blank,"I am this child's mother. I am not something you can just shove away with manipulation!!

Best choice? Double-stack your birth-control!! 👍

And if you somehow end up with a child one day, give your child all of the support they need to get away from that kind of BS, too!

Keep to your guns! And remember, the easiest way to stop her from trying to manipulate the two of you is learning all of the fun ways to have sex but that don't get you pregnant! And telling her about all of the times you're trying ... but nothing is working!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

With almost all of the people here already talking about her ... I want to add a few comments in here before I get to you, OP!!

From the way she talks and laughs, she just seems to be a very immature 19yo. I've met that kinda girl many, many times in my life. They've been sheltered to the point that they have NO EXPERIENCE with sex or dating. They could also be some sexual assault in their earlier years which can be Jet Fuel for someone trying to control their own sexuality, both as individuals and between them and their partners.

In other words, there's something blocking her and keeping her from relaxing and enjoying every bit of the interaction live!

To you, OP: If you already knew that she got emotional when your gaze traveled over to another female in the crowd, why the HELL would you buy tickets to take her to THAT SHOW!!?!?!! You couldn't find something more soothing for her?? If you want do develop a close relationship with the lady in question, or any other lady, in fact, you need to learn the best way to make her feel sexy and ready to romp!!

Sorry to hear that, but I think you just discovered why their last potential surrogate canceled on them at the last minute 🤪

Make a written note to the nurses to take to the hospital when you're admitted, outlining who you will allow into L&D with you ... and who you won't. Written out like that means they don't have to remember it while they're busy, and they have all of the names on that piece of paper so they can easily transcribe it into their paperwork. They just have to enforce it when these narcissistic AHs show up.

Once the child is born and you're ready, hand the baby over to their new parents. Do whatever the hospital requires in the event of a surrogacy (which makes me wonder if they should have already gotten and signed the adoption papers for you to sign) ... and then let them know that they now have to deal with EVERYTHING from that point on for the baby. I say that because I can already see them showing up at your house without a warning and at inopportune times--like 6am on a Saturday--looking for a babysitter), after you've signed the adoption paperwork. "But you gave birth to this baby--and you have four other kids, too. You probably won't even know he/she is here with all of the other noise at your house."

Then I'd avoid them until/unless they both pull their cumulative heads out of their asses and apologize for trying to make you do everything according to their plans. They obviously never asked you about your previous pregnancies and deliveries. And if you ever hear from them again to have a discussion about this, I've got to ask:

1) who's paying your hospital and doctors's bills, them or you? 2) And--note--if they come in throwing their weight around while you're in labor, the nurses will back you up because you're the one doing all the work that day, even if they are paying the entire bill. 3) I would also remind them that you saved them $50,000+ plus over an unknown surrogate (if you're doing this free because they're family ... but their cheapness may have run off the previous surrogate, too. For an idea of the standard fees in CA/other parts of the West Coast, see here) or less if you simply requested some bit of money to help pay your dr fees. I'm not sure how all of you worked this out, so you'll have to consider your real numbers against my suggestion.

Anyway, good luck!! Because this sounds like some true BS is on the way already! You're a human being--not a mailbox for your stork to use--so you have a right to stand up for yourself!! 😁

You are NOT being a baby (or a jerk) about this ... not when you have bad physical reactions to the crap they keep feeding you!!! You're just trying to keep yourself out of the hospital!!!!

Next time you have a bad reaction to something they fed you ... go to the hospital! SERIOUSLY! Let the doctors tell you and your husband TOGETHER about the problems he found in you in his exam. IBS is bad enough all by itself without adding in food allergies and sensitivities. And food allergies and sensitivities can mess you up even worse.

For example, I have serious problems with molasses. I suspect it's the sulfur, since I know I'm allergic to that. And eating a very small amount hits the same button on me. Within 2-3 hours, I've developed a bad reaction -- belching sulfur -- that turns rapidly into Gastroparesis, where your stomach and upper bowels stop moving. I've had them stop moving for as many as 4 or 5 days before, which can WRECK your digestive system because food ROTS in less than 4 days in that kind of very warm environment ... which causes my body to turn on the sluices both ways, trying to get rid of it ... so i vomit and have terrible diarrhea, both that reek of sulfur.

In other words, the only safe BBQ sauce for me is the one I make myself, no spice cookies, etc. And usually I can avoid those ... but I have to watch other people's food carefully!

So stop feeling that you're just being a baby ... and get a diagnosis the next time it happens. And if they STILL keep throwing things at you that you've already pointed out as no-nos to them, find yourself a new husband if this one (and his folks) don't care enough to look out for things that make you sick!!

You are NOT TJ!

Okay, this info is for YOU if you want it ... not for your boyfriend!

I don't know if you're interested or not, but I stopped wearing makeup completely (even to go out) at age 40 when, instead, I got "tattooed permanent makeup."

I didn't go nuts with it, I just got my eyeliner done. It REALLY made my eyes pop, so I was pleased with that.

You can also get eye-shadow (I thought about just doing a smoky eye, too ... but my liner looked 100% natural and was plenty), lips, with or without liner (I've never really worn lipstick, so my lips--even at my age--still have a large amount of color all by themselves). You can also add to and shape your eyebrows (mine are so thick and full that I had electrolysis on them at 20 to thin them down ... so I still have plenty) ... blush on your cheeks (I knew I'd have trouble picking the color) ... as well as the same kinds of shades and highlights you put on your face already.

If you want to look into cosmetic tattoos, do NOT go to the shop down the street where the artists have page after page of flowers, dragons, and skulls in their book of examples of their work. Find someone who specializes in natural and aesthetic facial tattoos. I've always lived in big cities/had no problem finding one ... but if you live out in the boonies you may need to drive into one of the bigger markets. And if you want to shop through the colors the artist has for lips, cheeks and eye shadow, don't plan on doing it all in one trip. If you just want something black like eyeliners and dark brows, you may be able to have it done in one visit.

As far as your boyfriend goes, he sounds like a man with an eye for either porn stars or drag queens 🤪If you can't even sit on a couch with him without wearing makeup, then he's workin on having a major fetish here.

If you like wearing the makeup but hate the time it takes to put it on all the time, consider having a few tattooed bits ... but if your problem with your boyfriend is "gawd, why do I always have to wear going out to party makeup with this guy, even to just hang out gaming?" ... then you have a different problem.

Him insisting that you wear makeup like that says his taste in girls sprang from images of women in full makeup while they're even in their underwear (like I said, in porn) ... and while women often like to please their man, having to touch up your makeup after having a pizza on the couch with him 2 or 3 nights a week gets old real fast!!

In other words, if he wants you to do an hour's worth of makeup every time you want to spend time with him ... then where's he taking you? The couch for gaming or watching a movie together at home just doesn't seem worth all that effort to me either!

In other words, find a man who likes the natural YOU, too!!! 😁👍

So far, so good 😁 I'm on daily hormone blockers (because my kind of cancer spreads along with your normal estrogen)--so that threw me back into menopause ... ick!--and then I have a Zometa transfusion every six months for three years (a bone strengthener) because one of the first places it likes to go is into your bones, especially into heavy bones like your hip bones.

Every time I get my 6-month transfusion, I get my oncologist to check my chest manually to make sure she doesn't feel any nodules on my chest wall or in my armpit-to-armpit scar ... but she says I'll never need a mammogram again because they took all of my breast tissue with the mastectomy (another good reason for me requesting the aesthetic flat closure from the very beginning) so my oncologist and her department consider me "cancer free" .... and I'm happy with that!

I'm still weak, mostly because I didn't eat very much during four months of nausea, so I'm making sure I eat at least two protein cups (that I make for myself with powdered beef bone gelatin) a day, so I'm trying to push the protein on myself daily to make myself stronger. So far I've used apple and pear juice, and sweet/creamy coffee ... but the absolute best were the ones I made in my rice cooker were from hot water and DaVinchi blueberry coffee syrup. They were the bomb!! 😁

My chest and back were horribly burned by the radiation (and doing that 5x a week just wore me out, too) so it took a lot of scrubbing and heavy moisturizing to get my skin back (instead of the burned and crispy skin that the radiation left behind. It felt like sharkskin the first year, so it feels much better now!

Slowly but surely, I'm getting my strength back, too! 😁 And, of course, I'd be very happy if it all heals up smartly!!

My father used to invite people over for "a fish fry" ... and then he'd serve them alligator, saying "this fish was so huge I just cut it in smaller pieces, just to make it cook more uniformly."

He was DEFINITELY just being a jerk, so it's not just vegans and meat eaters who do this shit to their friends! They're just jerks!

🤣🤣🤣 They'll even tell you more than once!!

You're NTJ here, just in case you haven't heard that enough already. In fact--given your friendship with this real gem--I don't think there's room for another jerk in your entire STATE!!!

If I were you, I'd just cut this so-called friend off!! And if she wants to pout about it, tell her that pushing that sort of food on you WITH A LIE (instead of getting your full, informed consent that included you knowing ex-actly what she was feeding you) is just like rape ... and the end of your friendship!!

Then go find yourself a nice, juicy burger to celebrate your freedom from her BS 👍

That was my first question. If it triggers them THAT HARD, then why force yourself to watch it?

Oh yeah! I know! Because it usually gives them something to bitch about! And they can pretend (to their other friends) that they found it first.

Of course, they also get to look at Angeria's southern glory, and Roxxxie's badass NJ swank, and all the others, too ... so they can be on the lookout in their real world for women who just look too female to be real!