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You want to engage the reader immediately. You almost had it with the first letter, but then you went down hill. If you replace the last two with “it”, it would be infinitely more engaging.
It's a classic, but can be hard to pull off because of that, if you don't do it just right it'll end up seeming overdone and pretentious. Try italics, or maybe fancy script like in the old illuminated manuscripts, add a manticore under the 'h' or something like that, really bring it back around to pay homage to those classics. Lean into the comparison rather than trying to side-step it.
All in all a great start though, I really think you've got something special here. Good luck with word 2!!
You capitalized, so that’s something. Not really much substance here, but there is plenty of potential to go off of. Going forward, I think you should continue this trend of concise vocabulary, would help prevent your work from being misconstrued.
You really should be at least doing one round of editing before you bring your work to us. This feels like you just slapped it down and didn’t even read it over again before asking us to fix it.
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