My mom is convinced that type 1 diabetes is curable, but insulin companies don't want you to know. So here are some of the "scientific treatments" she has recommended to me...

Eating cinnamon. Just spoonfuls of delicious fucking Ceylon cinnamon. Oh, and apparently cinnamon essential oils, rubbed on the bottom of the feet and on the stomach (where the faulty pancreas is). My mom Saw a Facebook post in which one of her friends was pregnant and had *gestational diabetes. This is a form of diabetes that lasts only the duration of a pregnancy, mind you. Meaning that it goes away on its own, and you don't even have to eat holiday ingredients. But my mom read "diabetes" in the post about how damn healthy it was for you and concluded that the copious amounts of pregnancy-craving-induced cinnamon consumption cured her friend.

Sitting outside *exposing my BALLS to the sunlight. I wish I was making this up. Supposedly the key to amazing health, that Big Pharma is telling us about, is showing your sphincter to the heavens.

Last one: bone broth. I'll admit that this one has some health benefits, sure. But I think it tastes like meat water and it makes me want to throw up. Plus, I don't think it can regrow my pancreas. Enter my mom. She absolutely loves bone broth. I don't think it's even healthy how much she loves it. So now at any given moment, in our fridge there's at least seven mason jars filled to the brim with liquid the color of decay and the smell of meat grease... All homemade. Bone broth in every meal everywhere all the time. Bone broth smoothies. Iced bone broth on a hot summer day. Bone broth mixed with fucking *milk and fed to my baby brother. That's messed up, but I digress. "Homemade bone broth is a cure-all that also tastes great and not like deer carcass juice at all. Try it. Trust me, you'll like it. And it also contains some hints of iron and calcium... Those are good for you and will help you fix your diabetes!" Not happening.

Who knows, these might work. I've never tried them because they're either disgusting or too fucking weird or both. But maybe, just maybe, I could have been cured by now...