User deleted post
Honestly same 😭 like it's never THAT deep
“tv is ook kapot” ok jongen 💀
I didn’t even notice there was Dutch in the text after you pointed it out.
This one is unhinged and OP should at least update someone close about this. Hopefully it doesn’t escalate.
OP please do not ever respond to this guy again, it can go bad very fast. Ask me how I know.
Literally. BEL DE POLITIE OP
And he broke his fingers as usual 🤦🏽♂️
"Je had wat you were aiming to"
I doubt these pics are real. If you look at the tinder swindler doc on Netflix, manipulators use photos like this from previous experiences to manipulate new partners. Don’t fall for it u/kleeklor
Sheesh hadn't even thought of that, it's actually plausible since he didn't send pictures of the supposed broken guitar and tv, and he bought both during the time we were "together". Before we met he didn't have those. So they could indeed be old pictures. These pictures could actually be from the time with his ex. Good point!
Watch the tinder swindler!!
Except she would probably know exactly what his shit looks like...
Not a valid point. A lot of times they do have the instance happen with the exact same appliances, take the photos to manipulate people in such a way that looks completely believable. It’s for dramatic effect to try to get her emotional so she falls into his trap. But either way run run run.
I would not put it past this guy to break his own stuff. I don't see any reason to believe he wouldn't. He's unhinged.
I’m saying he has done it repeatedly, and stored the photos for future use to mess with people. Not that he hasn’t done it.
Sure 😂
But she seems to think it's his stuff so maybe we trust her and not some random maybies...
And please trust in believe he's not lonely because he's not originally from here. He is lonely because he has a violent and toxic personality and HE is why he doesn't have anyone else.
I read the first slide and my thought was "What a manipulative POS. Hopefully once they're out of school they'll grow tf up."
Then I clicked the thread, read the text and went "THIRTY-SEVEN?! THIRTY. SEVEN?!?! This motherfucker is MY AGE?!" and went through the seven stages of grief. Yes, I invented two in order to fully process this. (Disgusted Incredulity comes after Denial and Anger II: The Sequel comes after the Bargaining stage if you're wondering.)
This guy is a cast iron, double-breasted CREEP, OP. He's sought out a younger target to bully and manipulate and is preying on your better nature (your kindness and empathy) to make you stay. He's an abusive motherfucker and a potential danger. Treat him as such.
Wait wut?? 37?????? An almost 40??? Oh godzilla that makes this so much worse.
Girl, also, I promise you he has done this before to other women. This isn't "his first time feeling this way" and there's no way he "can't believe he's acting like this". You are way too young for him. At his age he should see you as a slightly more mature child. I don't mean that to offend you. But I'm 35, and I think of anyone under the age of 25 to be still in development, to not have enough life experience to have the wisdom needed to be in a mature relationship like what I would need, and besides the developmental stuff, someone your age is still finding themselves and figuring out what they want from life. I need someone who will not only align with my goals and what they want, but who has had plenty of time and life experience to figure that out.
I promise you, not many women his age would have entertained 9 pages of texts like that. They definitely would not have been apologizing as much as you. And they also wouldn't have "tried to end it but let him reel you back in". He likes you because you are young and vulnerable and more easily manipulated than someone my age. He wants power and control and honestly it seems he has too much of it with you. I know you were telling him you don't want anything with anyone and that is good, but you should be telling him to fuck all the way off and that he is a threat that needs to GTFO of your life or else. And the "or else" is that you will get a restraining order and the police involved if necessary. I wouldn't even block him, because he's giving major stalker vibes and you need to document this shit. Also you need to know where his headspace is if he knows where you live. Like if he's texting you that he's about to show up at your place, you need to be aware of that, you know?
Threatening to harm himself is manipulative as hell and it's a common tactic that abusers use to maintain control. You should call his bluff every time and report him to the non emergency line for a wellness check. Make him answer to the authorities when he does that. Then you can wash your hands clean of it and know you did what you could to help him without jeopardizing yourself. I bet the threats will stop when he grows tired of having the police at his door.
Cut ties, do not engage, stay firm, and collect evidence (and don't hesitate to start making reports to law enforcement). If law enforcement seems to not care or take it seriously, you can still insist on writing a report so there's a paper trail. If the cops continue to ignore it and he continues stalker like behavior, you can reach out to the DA office or a victims advocate agency or a DV outreach. We have a thing called Women in Need and a Survivors, Inc. where I live. When I was stalked, it was a detective with the DA office who was building a stalking file for me. I believe he received training specific to domestic violence and stalking, because the way he handled me and my situation was way different than the cops.
Please take this behavior seriously. I know it's a good coping mechanism to make jokes and laugh it off, but I hope you take this seriously. This behavior is concerning. This behavior coming from a 37yo man towards a woman nearly 15 years his junior is ESPECIALLY concerning. And please stop apologizing to him. That gives him more power and you've done nothing wrong.
Also, if he's willing to wreck his own stuff while he's alone in his dwelling, and then show it off to you like that shit is cute, what do you think he'd do to your belongings? What do you think he'd do to YOU?! Like he doesn't even see a problem with his behavior. That is alarming AF.
Great comment and advice here. Someone OPs agree should not be the voice of reason to a 37 year old man!
What is he wanting you to think or feel by sending these messages? If he's intentionally trying to hurt you or upset you to get what he wants, that tells you all you need to know.
This could get ugly fast, I also advise keeping all evidence. And not apologizing. If anything, you deserve an apology from him, right before he admits this is not healthy and leaves you alone.
Is this a SA dude or Dutch? The last 2 messages is a language I understand.
I think Dutch from a few lines I recognized, but SA probably has huge overlaps, and I'm in no way fluent in Dutch, I just lived in the Netherlands for a while
and of course as always i broke my fingers
Silly ol me always breaking my fingers
Ooop there goes another one 🫴🏼🤭
Literally the meme:
[picture of his own smashed apartment]
"Why would OP do this?"
Ahh yes, the good old “if I can’t have you, I can’t cook on my stove!!!”
“IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO?!”
Well no but obviously at 37 if you aren’t growing up yet it’s not going to happen so be a toddler 🤷🏻♀️
(Initially) a 35 year old seeing a 21 year old. 🚩 Using a different number to get around your block. 🚩 Mentions of suicide. 🚩 Self-deprecation. 🚩Guilt tripping. 🚩 Attention seeking. 🚩 Manipulative. 🚩 Likes how “warm” you react to his shittiness. 🚩 Bringing up your possible past traumas. 🚩 Excusing his behavior. 🚩 Delusional. 🚩 Destructive/violent. 🚩 Blaming you for it. 🚩
DUDE. This man is a fucking Chinese parade of red flags. Stop feeling bad for him. You didn’t “evoke” shit, he’s a grown ass man that’s supposed to be in charge of his emotions, not you. Be direct, but most importantly safe, in your approach if you do say something. Then I’d be possibly getting a protective order against his crazy ass. He has every sign to be physically dangerous, as someone who has experienced this type of person.
Edit: do I spot a bunch of alcohol bottles on the floor in the background of the first picture? Unhinged psycho + alcohol isn’t a good mix. Yikes.
Damn you're right lol. I often have a hard time viewing situations like this objectively when I'm in it, but when you put it like this it's glaringly obvious. I did notice several of these red flags as well, but I have a tendency to start doubting myself in favor of the other person. So thank you for breaking it down like this lol I needed that.
Also I hadn't even noticed the alcohol bottles yet, but yeah this was definitely an alcohol fuelled tantrum lol.
I got you, I totally get it.
Also, don’t let the (potential) alcohol factor diminish or excuse how this guy acted. It was just simply an observation of mine. Plenty of people get too drunk and don’t do this nut job shit.
OP, please listen to this! This guy was and is crazy and dangerous aside from the alcohol. Booze isn’t bringing anything out of him that isn’t already there in spades. He might have coincidentally been drunk when he was texting you this time, but I bet you have tons of examples of red flag behavior from him when he’s sober. Don’t excuse his ABUSE (because that’s what this is!) because alcohol may or may not have been involved in this particular instance.
Perfectly said. I've been absolutely BLASTED and all I've done is get really giggly and stupid. My friends have all been the same. Alcohol doesn't make you unhinged, but if you're already unhinged, alcohol does NOT help. Massive blaring alarm sirens.
These messages read verbatim like they were from my ex. I ended up going to the police cause he wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. I’d encourage you to do the same!
Listen to your gut intuition every time. Learn how to tune out all the other noise. Remember, things like attraction, sex, emotions, sympathy, they all produce those chemicals and hormones that give the feels and can blind you from the real picture. Your intuition will be your best friend and will never fail you. When your subconscious, that little voice in your head, says "woah! Red flag!" Listen to it! We are given a gut instinct for survival. When you walk down a dark alley or are in an apparently dangerous situation, your body tells you. This is the same thing. Cut through the crap, read between the lines, and listen to your instincts. Also, people usually have a different intention than what they're claiming. He has his own nefarious intentions here. Any 37yo that cared at all about a 23yo would not want to date them, because they know that it would not be good for the younger person and they would be in a vulnerable position. All those compliments he's giving you he has said the exact same thing to other victims. You are not special for him. I'm not trying to be harsh. But I need you to be as honest with yourself as I'm being. You are just another victim for him. Every single time you apologize and keep responding And agreeing to call him, he is winning at his game, and I promise you, he knows his game and he knows what he's doing. He has said it all before, and many times. Just call him an old ass creepy weirdo and move on with your life. When you are his age, you will look back at this and be completely stunned that you ever fell for it and that someone that age would do that to someone so young. You will feel really grateful that you got out when you did, because by then you'll know what other people are capable of. This has you eventually being strangled to death written all over it. I'm not even exaggerating. The statistics for this crap are staggering.
Tantrum?? This is a threat.
OP this guys broke everything down for you. Listen to them.
Just like the fwb broke down everything he owns
Thanks for helping hammer my advice down.
No problem, it’s just the way the stove top crumbles
Those poor appliances are innocent!!
LMFAO
"DUDE. This man is a fucking Chinese parade of red flags." - gotta use this for other threads... :-P
literally right as i saw the suicide thing… yeah. manipulative asf.
A Chinese parade of red flags is my new favorite term for a toxic person. I picture a bunch of adorable Chinese children prancing around this dude with red flags singing about how awful they are
this dude is literally a psychopath
Can you ask the police to do a wellness check on him, since he’s threatening suicide? That’s the only part of this that warrants a response, and it’s not the response he’s looking for
Exactly. I've done that in the past. When he started threatening suicide because I wouldn't do what he wanted, I told him, "Ok, then I'll call the crisis line for you. They'll send the police to you and do a wellness check👌🏾" all of a sudden he felt better.
I wouldn’t even do a wellness check. His neighbors can hear him busting shit up and call the police. She needs to block him and never talk with him again
She doesn’t have to talk with him to call the police for him
True but it would be a sort of validation for him that she cares in some capacity. I’d avoid it.
Yeah it went through my head to call emergency services, but this was my exact thought process. I was also afraid he would get even more angry if I did that, and I didn't want to find out what more he is capable of.
Right. Not your clown, not your circus. It’s all manipulation anyway.
Please get an extra lock for your apartment if you have one. You can get a cheap lock that can be removed when you move. I recommend the kind that use a small bar to slide across the crack of the door. Near the top. And if your door is weak you can put one at the bottom too. They are like 7 bucks each. You just need a power drill to install it. You can also buy alarms for your door. They don't call the cops for you like a home security system, but they will beep so loudly if your door is breached that the whole neighborhood will hear it. That's usually enough to scare someone away. I would pull no stops on this. Your safety is paramount and you have a bunch of people who are older than you here, and have been through this type of thing before, telling you that he is dangerous. Pepper spray is also super cheap. There's a device called a Birdie that you can pull a pin and a loud alarm goes off. It can also call 911 for you and share your location. And it can give you an "escape call". Like you can discretely push a button and it will call your phone and use a voice that tells you there's an emergency (like if you're on a date and shit gets weird and you need a way to leave without angering the person you feel threatened by).
Please stay safe and take this type of thing as seriously as your own life
You can call them when he threatens suicide since he puts you in that position. Calling them is the right thing to do, police will tell you it was the right thing to do after you've done it. It's incredibly hard to call the police on someone you know but with threats like these it's the best thing you can do. Additionaly it leaves a record in case he starts displaying more unhinged behaviour like stalking. Even if you don't dare to do it for him, do so for yourself.
No it wouldn't. He is bluffing and trying to control her and her giving him zero emotional reaction but making him account for his threats by dealing with the police is the opposite of what he wants. He doesn't want to have to deal with the consequences of those actions and words. He wants to control her and guilt her. When that doesn't work, but he has to answer to the cops every single time, it will eventually stop. Also, the wellness check is good. The cops will confirm that he's ok. He will have to tell them that's he fine and he's not suicidal. There will be a record of that, a report. And when she goes to them for his stalking and abuse, there will be even more evidence that those threats are just a means of stalking and control. Because the police followed up on those threats, and he told them he was fine and not suicidal. So which is it? Is he suicidal, or is he just telling her that to make her let him back in? That is the point that can be made there. And he's a foreigner. He's probably there legally, but I can still almost guarantee you he wants as little police interaction as possible.
It’s about as crazy as one would expect from a 37 yr old dating a 23 yr old.
Fair enough 😭
Run. Legit block him and don’t talk to him again. He’s manipulating you and a classic narcissist. My friend had an ex that did this same shit and threatened to k*ll himself all the time but it was all apart of his “game”. That’s what this guy is doing.
You're onto something... I think he might be a covert narcissist. Either that or he has BPD.
So I’m assuming he doesn’t see a therapist not a psychiatrist at his ripe old age?
Easy now. Gonna hurt some of our feelings with that kinda talk.
I had an ex that threatened to kill himself and told me where to tell his family his body would be. He wore me down so much I finally just said “ok, I’ll tell them.” And hung up. He didn’t do it as I knew he wouldn’t, but I couldn’t do anything for him. We were not even in the same state at the time.
Yes he’s unhinged. He’s the type to hurt someone else next so please be careful.
You did the right thing by blocking him. This guy is dangerous. If he can do that to his kitchen he could do it to you.
That’s why a man who is almost 40 is seeing a girl barely old enough to drink. He needs a woman without relationship experience who doesn’t realize what an abusive loser he is.
He needs a woman without relationship experience who doesn’t realize what an abusive loser he is.
This.
OP please run from this crap and don't look back. This is beyond unhinged. Dude needs more than just help, he needs the whole damn hospital.
I'm amazed you thought for even a moment that it's just you...yes, this is absolutely unhinged. Stay far away from this man, and call the police for a wellness check. Let them deal with him. He's not your responsibility and there's no reason for you to be messing with an unstable man who's nearly 40.
he is using suicide to manipulate you- call a well check on him and say he has been threatening to hurt himself and then wash your hands of him.
You were kind while he was awful to you.
You made your intentions clear, you were never looking for long term or commitment. That's totally fine! He pretended to be ok with it. Thats not the worst thing ever, he's lonely and awful at making connections so I get it.
But that doesn't mean he gets to be rude or horrible to you when him hiding his feelings doesn't go the way he wants!
It doesn't matter if he loves you. That doesn't mean you owe him something. It's all about himself. He loves you, therefor you have to stay, even if he treats you poorly. Bullshit. Absolutely bullshit.
Why does his emotional experience matter more than yours? Why do you have to be nice when he is mean? All for his benefit, because he's sad.
He's making you sad! And he's making you feel unsafe.
This is absolutely a traumatic experience, for you I mean. This stuff stick with you. He was doing you real harm. So proud that you're out! Been there.
Thank you so much
I’m scared for you
I would have texted back.
"Lulz you need a new stove now you stupid unhinged fuck."
Anyway, don't forget the restraining order.
I’m 36yo dude
A well adjusted man in his mid 30s, will likely want zero to do with a kid your age, for anything other than sex, or to cope with some other shit they got going on.
Most of the time, there’s very little to talk about, and very little mental stimulation, as these are 2 very different times in peoples growth. If an older man insists these are the reasons why he’s with a college age kid, he’s most likely just lying. Or he’s developmentally stunted in some capacity
Guys my age do not date down that far because they’re good catches.
They date down either to groom easily manipulated people, or because women their own age find them insufferable, or both.
And now you see why.
Thank you. A lot of us responding like this are women. But a man in that age group needed to say it too. So thank you for sharing that. You're absolutely right. And you know as well as I do that most women this age are not going to let it even get this far. He knows that too. Sick!
The fact that you had to ask if this was unhinged is kinda worrisome.
Girl... the fact he’s 37 feeling as though he can relate to a 23 year old is unhinged enough we didn’t need to see any more… be thankful it’s his own house he smashed up and not you/your property and call it a day
"I am gonna commit a suicide."
Why stop at just one? There's so many to choose from, instead of picking one and hoping you like it go for a Suicide Sampler with a delightful Suicide Flight for the whole table.
Maybe I'm misinterpreting. Is you former FWB's last name Mario? Is it like "I'ma gonna commit-a suicide! It'sa me, Mario!"?
Lmfao 😂
I’m in the doctor’s office and just cackled in the quiet waiting room. Thank you.
Dudes a fucking nutbag.
"Obviously I broke my fingers" he texted perfectly eruditely....
Seems you already know what you have to do (God I hope anyway jfc)
Haven't ever read it yet but based on your explanation: he's lonely because he acts like this. It isn't that he acts like this because he's lonely. He's 40 with no friend group and he's being a total asshole to you. He definitely has no friends or romantic partners bc he drives them all away.
I get feeling bad, I suuuuper do. You feel your especially equipped to help people who are not well understood, and probably you are. But that doesn't make you equipped to help people who are completely self centered and unwilling to analyze their own behavior at all. They simply are unable to recieve outside help, and enabling their bad behavior is the opposite.
The best thing you can do for those people is tell them you deserve fair and healthy treatment and tell them they're no longer in your life since they are unwilling to treat you with kindness. That is potentially helpful to them. Nothing else will be. They need to see themselves more clearly. You can't help them do that. It is sad. It does not need to swallow you as well. Selfishness is corrosive. You can't help them. And participating hurts you every second that you do.
Bro is 37 and acting like that. I have second hand embarrassment. He needs to have some dignity lmao
Jfc, leave this cretin immediately. Under no circumstances are you/any woman equipped to navigate this foolishness without “hurting his feelings”. This is some aggressive co-dependency. He needs a doctor and a good mood stabilizer, not an emotional punching bag
Possibly request a restraining order - if he's willing to get violent with his own belongings, blaming you for it, what else will he do? Please be careful.
OP. I see you've responded to this person.
Just don't. Block if you need to. Turn off the phone. Walk away.
The best way to deal with hyper toxic, nasty, gross people who look to abuse you is to just ignore them and walk away. The second you give them a response you feed into their negative loop.
Break the loop, break your chains. If this person works with you and you're forced to interact then consider HR, or seriously consider another job. If it's purely a social engagement - break the loop. Don't respond.
You owe no one your time or emotional bandwidth unless you want them to have those things.
Omggggg I read this whole thing in a Dutch accent which made it even more cringe. Jfc
The age gap alone is the first of many red flags. Why can he not meet anyone his own age is the question I would ask myself. Usually, the answer is they don't want him either
Nope. Totally normal. This is obviously a very healthy individual and a very healthy relationship. It’s absolutely normal if not encouraged to destroy one’s property when experiencing anger.
It’s also completely normal to send incoherent, manipulative and borderline sociopathic messages as a means to express one’s emotional state.
This is not unhinged at all. It’s an example of a supportive, loving, nurturing and compassionate relationships.
This message has been brought to you by sarcasm, could it be any more sarcastic?
This is abusive and dangerous behavior. Please protect yourself. Also, consider reading Why Does He Do That? which is a book that will help you avoid this type of man in the future.
This is some true crime level of insanity. Get away before he murders you
Just tell them to jump and get it over with. Emotional manipulators are all talk no show.
I can’t even read it all. Very very immature for 35. You really did yourself a solid by getting out of whatever that was
People who weaponize suicide threats do not deserve your time or energy.
"However, at the same time I feel he is manipulating me to be with him." YA THINK?
Imma go with BPD on this one. Sweet bb Jesus. This is something I’d expect to see on my 16y/o sisters phone. Red. Flags… flyyyying. 🚩
If you feel bad about how things ended, give him no less than a paragraph or just say nothing to him at all. Cut contact immediately & try to keep it that way. Buddy seems like he needs some mental help. Stay safe <3
That was scary.
Brings back memories, my ex was like this. You dodged a bullet, do not feel bad, they destroy their own things first, later on yours, and all just to make you feel bad and to have you admit fault or to intimidate. It sends one hell of a message when someone smashes their own valuables to pieces, no? Never stops there
nope nope nope, gigantic red flag of a guy right there
This is a sword and scale episode waiting to happen. I am so afraid for you right now.
I'd be at the police station right now if I were you. Report the suicidal/destructive behavior and get an order of protection.
This is scary. Call the cops tell them everything. They can do a wellness check and a restraining order. Make sure your home is secure. Be safe.
Suicide threats are an immediate no go. Call the police, a parent, or someone else in a position to get him help then get away
Watch baby reindeer on Netflix. Shows what this kind of obsession can lead to, and what obsession like this looks like from an outside perspective. Not that it would necessarily go out like that in your case but it’s better to be safe than sorry with people like this.
On another note, cut ties with him and don’t hold yourself back from it either. He’s not mentally well and whatever shitshow he’s performing right now will not stop until you make it stop.
There are lots of movies that represent what she's going through. Enough and Fear come to the top of my mind immediately
He's unhinged
This is manipulation 101 don’t let this grown ass man play with you like that.
🏃🏼♂️ 💨
I thought my ex had gotten with someone else then I saw it was a different apartment
OP, it is NOT your responsibility to take care of this grown-ass man. Don't give in into the guilt-tripping, as difficult as it might be. He seems not only unstable, but also dangerous. Block and ignore. Please be safe.
This dumbass trashes his own apartment 🤣
Honestly…I stopped reading when he said “someone who loves you as much as I do l” classic narcissistic bs
Unhinged is putting it mildly
Crazy !! Send him to a shrink ! Double block him …
He thinks he can manipulate you because you’re young. Some guys used to pull this kind of crap on me when I was younger and I remember it well. He’s trying to use your caring nature against you. He will likely get upset with you and call you all kinds of awful names, but that’s just because he’s frustrated he can’t manipulate you anymore and it doesn’t mean you are any of the things he’s calling you. Block him on everything and don’t respond to him at all. If you really do get worried he’s going to hurt himself, call the cops and have them do a welfare check. That will stop him from saying those things to you again.
Absolutely not okay.
Okay how come no one has brought up the cops? Any time anyone threatens to kill themselves, you should call the cops to do a wellness check. This guy clearly needs one. Please start a paper trail with this guy. This is potential stalker behavior!
The fact that he broke his stove like that… He’s about to be homeless too. Anyway, if he happens to know where you live and/or work, stay somewhere else for awhile.
Holy shit. I’ve never seen so many red flags in 9 screen shots in my life. He’s 37?? I thought he was a teenager until he said something about “I’ve never in 35 years”. Yeah that guys crazy as hell. Manipulating you with the suicide stuff when he doesn’t get his way. Destroying his own shit like that’s hurting you? What a dumbass. This man is certifiably a dangerous psycho and you need to just block him for your own safety. Yikes.
He's out of control and dangerous. I don't know what else to say, except don't engage in any exchange with him again. Don't even go to meet him in a public place because he says he wants to apologize. He might physically hurt you since he knows you're done with him.
I get 2nd hand embarrassment from this
This is not how a sane 37 year old man acts. Also just because you're friends or slept with him, that IN NO WAY makes you responsible for him and his actions. HE needs to be the one to get help. Your only responsibility is to keep yourself SAFE by cutting ties with this lunatic.
Go watch Baby Reindeer
jesus christ this has to be one of the worst i’ve seen on this subreddit. dude is completely unhinged and so blatantly manipulative. please be careful with these types of people, they are unpredictable. stay safe and cut this dude out of your life for good! dick ain’t worth all this
It’s a mentally ill, unstable, obsessive, controlling, abusive & violent man.
Stop thinking about his feelings. You are not responsible for him. He’s an adult.
What about having some empathy for YOURSELF? Hm? Your safety. Your wellbeing. Your mental health.
You don’t owe anyone a relationship, a friendship, or to put up with this. You are allowed to end relationships. It’s a normal part of life.
He is dangerous. He’s making threats, blaming you for his rage & actions, doing those things & sending you photos to guilt, manipulate and control you - there’s no other reason. Think about it.
Definitely tell your parents, siblings, good friends, a neighbour you know well - what’s going on. Because this guy may well stalk you or seek revenge. I am genuinely concerned.
Make a police report. Double check your door & window locks. Put up cameras in case he lingers nearby. Get someone to walk you to your car. Take self defence lessons.
You’re not his keeper and he is NOT your responsibility. He will likely “love bomb” you and make you 2nd guess the very healthy decision you made to cut ties. Don’t fall for it. I was taught “it’s only going to get worse” meant he was going to get increasingly more violent until he killed her but that’s not it. If you haven’t already- you’re going to start believing the terrible things he says about & to you and once he manipulates you into hating yourself- it’s game over. Block him from everything. Bring these texts and photos with you and apply for a PPO against this person. If he breaks it- report it. Never stop reporting it.
Absolutely unhinged, stop engaging. Call for a wellness check and keep blocking him. Everywhere.
He's in psychosis. Ignore him and contact police if he messages you again
Baby Reindeer shit right there.
Stop responding immediately. My ex did something similar. Ended up hardcore stalking me for months, contacting my boss, my parents, my friends. I genuinely feared him, while his friends were all “he’s just angry.” Seriously, you can’t make him feel better, his suicide threats are not on you. Tell him to stop contacting you, if he threatens suicide again you’ll call the police for a wellness check, and then no matter what he says do NOT respond. Screen shot everything for in case you need a restraining order or it escalates. If he has a key change the locks.
“and of course as always i broke my fingers”
23F, 37M, FWB for multiple years. Older guy is a immature and abusive prick that manipulates younger girl into not cutting him off by making her feel sorry for him, guilt tripping, throwing tantrums, and threatening suicide.
sighs tale as old as tiiiime
You’re not guilty but he’s definitely trying to manipulate you into feeling that you are. Don’t fall for it and definitely go no contact. Dude is messy and you don’t need that in your life.
A my husband had a former hookup turned semi-stalker (she lived in a different country) who was very upset when he and I started dating. She had BPD and this is exactly how she talked.
Can't op block him?
You call the cops and let them know he’s suicidal. Then he is not your problem anymore.
Why don’t you block this person…you owe him nothing and you owe yourself mental and emotional peace.
Btw that stove is worth a good amount
How many times has this guy broken his own fingers that he can use it as a reference between the two of you?? wtf
37 years old acting like this... Mega cringe
Unhinged for sure. I'd suggest a restraining order.
breaking one thing at a time until you reply is so funny
what the fuck 😟
Stay FAR FAR AWAY from this psycho !!!
You really needed to post on Reddit to see how many red flags this goof is giving off? You're 23 (and began dating at 21), you shouldn't be near anyone this age. Gross.
Reddit letting op have it. Rightfully so
I like how everyone's shitting their pants over how he's 37 dating a 23 year old as if the 23 year old isn't a full adult knowing damn well what she's doing. She's not a little kid she didn't get tricked. Aside from that, this dude is a nightmare. Anyone who threatens suicide is somone you need to distance your self from imediately. And honestly you should probably tell the authorities if he's lying then he's gong to feel awfully dumb when the cops show up. If he's not then you did your part and can wash your hands of it.
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.
Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Talk about being a man child. I get feeling lonely, but I’d feel even worse if I intentionally hurt someone I actually gave a damn about to make myself feel better. This is the issue with FWB, feelings get involved from either party at times, or eventually. Having fun is one thing, but if you don’t express responsible boundaries you get people like that and sometimes even if there are boundaries it still happens.
Wow, that's one heck of a tantrum. Good thing it was his stuff he beat up on and not you. I'd stay far away from that one.
You can't forget about your own happiness to save his. It sounds like you don't want to be in contact with him, but he always guilted you into staying in contact. He needs therapy. You are not his support blanket, and obviously, just having sex to have sex is only complicating his feelings more. I'm not saying that is your fault because you tried to cut it off, but it's not up to you to fix him. Tell him to get therapy, and then let him go. For both of your sakes, at this point.
Yeah no... This guy screams super unhinged..block and keep all these messages as proof.. something tells me you are going to need it.. this guy is a walking neon sign of what to expect if anyone gets into a relationship with him..he comes across as the type of person that will never let anyone go..he needs serious help before he hurts someone badly..
Not you. Its him. He is fuckin nuts.
DO NOT FEEL BAD. You did actually and literally nothing wrong OP. You aren’t responsible for this grown ass mans anything. His well being, his mental health, his belongings, his trauma. ITS ALL HIM. This isn’t love. This isn’t friendship. This is manipulation and abuse. He is trying to control you.
Block on everything. Read the Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker.
Jesus Christ some people need to be encouraged to jump
“Is it me or is this absolutely unhinged” he’s literally threatening suicide bc you’re not talking to him😭
Luckily you weren't present with him when this happened,no wonder wat he'd have done to u, he literally lost all his mind and started to act like a psychopath.
This is unhinged and the moment he threatened his life is the moment I would have blocked him and called the police. Let them handle it if he’s serious.
Just block them and tell them to fuck off already
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. You are NOT responsible for him. If he continues to threaten suicide, call the police or whatever appropriate agency to report he is having a mental health crisis and be done with it.
This man would absolutely physically hurt you if you gave him the chance.
He’s got demons
Run, block him, never talk to him again. Hes so unhinged u can get hurt
LADIES STOP BLAMING YOURSELVES FOR WHAT GROWN MEN ACT LIKE IT IS ONLY THEY MAMA FAULTS!!!!
THIS IS 100% ENTIRELY FUCKING UNHINGED ATTENTION SEEKING. BLOCK HIM.
Not the guitar!!! OP, take him back, get the yourself and the guitar out of there then stay clear forever.
Shame, ah little limerence out of control. Well a lot of. He's gonna be this way for many years to come. Not months, years. OP can either remove the crazy out of her life or misuse it to her advantage (he will literally do anything while so infatuated, again for years to come)
I think it's a good thing that he broke the guitar, though.
Yeah man, this guy needs to get some emotions in check. Do some introspection. I can relate to frustration like this when I was a child. But only a child.
"And of course as always I broke my fingers"
The fuck? Does this happen often? 🤦♂️
This is really scary. Please never speak to him again. Please put up cameras, carry pepper spray, watch your back, and have friends/family around you as much as possible.
If this guy is going to physically damage his own things, he is likely to be violent with you too. I’m worried about your safety
You are 23..... You DO NOT need to have to deal with someone else's mental traumas. Ditch him and love free. He is not your problem and you are not his therapist.
damn what's the font at the end I want that on my phone
Unhinged, just block him. He’s an emotional manipulator at best.
a suicide
Wait, broke your stove with a hammer? Dude, you gotta lead with that! Of course I’ll come back to you!
Run
Where’s the red flag guy when you need him? 🚩
This is so scary. Please keep yourself safe, keep away from this man. I would be worried he would try to escalate this and harm you, don’t see him alone anywhere. Try to get an restraining order against him.
Wait…are both text boxes the same color or is this all a one sided text?
😦
What a fuckin lunatic lmao
This is disgusting I would have called the police with the first threat of suicide. Unhealthy and manipulative. I’m so sorry. I hope you stick to cut ties and move on.
So like most people have said. Not your fault, you are not responsible for his behaviour. Yes, you did the right thing by blocking him. Hell, you should have blocked him from the very beginning once he started guilt tripping you when you reject his advances.
OP, you are young, empathetic and kind. Sometimes people can take advantage of that. Take this as a lesson and learn to spot the same red flags for next time. Now you know what to look for.
If he keeps harassing you and you feel unsafe, please don't hesitate to contact the authorities. Cut this man out of your life. His terror will not end if you entertain him in the slightest. Do not give him even the slightest bit of attention.
I don’t think he broke his TV. Call that nonsense bluff.
This is absolutely unhinged. Stop apologizing to this man, you do not owe him your attention and you've done nothing wrong. If he has lived there for a decade, his lack of friends is his own choice. You have no obligation to make up for the fact that he has chosen not to make any friends.
Send one more message, "Do not contact me again, we are over." Do not respond to him again. You can set up your phone to put messages from him into a separate folder, and turn off notifications of his messages, but I wouldn't block him entirely because if he threatens you, you want to know about it and have evidence of it that you can give the police. If he does threaten you, report it to the police and ask about a restraining order. If he threatens suicide again, do not respond but do call the police and request a welfare check.
He’s not just unhinged, the hinges have left the building. Stay safe OP
Everyone has already stated the obvious: the guys is a psycho abuser who is manipulating you to make you feel guilty for leaving him. Does he know where you live? PLEASE contact the police for a restraining order and increase the security/locks around your house.
If you do not end this right fucking now the older you will hate your fuckin guts.
Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?
Finding out he is a 37 year old man was fucking hilarious. What an annoying ass loser. You're 23. Block him and find someone who acts their own age (preferably one closer to yours!)
this is a scary situation but i’m also laughing my ass off at him smashing his own shit