I (29f) just did a consultation for couples therapy with my boyfriend (34m) and this are his texts to me as soon as we got off the call
Phone messageHrrmmm
Came here for this lmao
You know on other social media apps I see a post like this and before the comments even load I get anxiety just thinking about how gritty the keyboard war that’s going on probably is and how I’m not ready for the argumentative bloodbath not to mention all the offended people dropping their 2 cents in there and then I get on Reddit and shit like this just instantly relieves that anxiety because I’m reminded that people actually still have senses of humor. This kinda made my night. As soon as I read “Marge Simpson noises” I heard it in my head and I legitimately laughed. Thank you Reddit, Thank you. There is hope for us yet.
I guess he had that picture set to "whore"
Nice Simpsons reference from the way back machine.
Well I can see why you’re in couples therapy!
In some contexts this would be funny but this isn’t one of them
It’d be nice if OP would come clarify some stuff lol
He’s commented. And I’m just catching up. For context, he was joking. He sent the texts once we hung up with the therapist and continued talking on the phone one on one. This is his usual sense of humor.
Do you mean your bf commented?
Yeah. I told him about the post. He asked me to send it to him so I did. He commented with a throwaway account saying “I’m the boyfriend ama”
I’d like to ask him why he’s in couple’s counseling in the first place… Because it’s most likely his “sense of humor.”
oh yeah ok so your boyfriend is kind of a dick sweetheart
He’s kinda not it, hun
Now he’s trying to invalidate the entire post’s agreement by saying we’re all bitches who can’t get boyfriends
I’d rather be alone than with someone like him, what’s he even bringing to the table? His sense of humour? Lol
we’re all bitches who can’t get boyfriends
And never in my life has my has partner referred to any women as "bitches". Lmao
My ex partner that referred to women as bitches/females treated me awfully.
I just celebrated a very happy & glamorous 3 year anniversary with a partner that is too intelligent to even be wrapped up in that crap. Like, never once have I had to correct him on my autonomy as a person or his beliefs of women/how he refers to them. He's just a respectful person all around.
This! As a mom with 2 girls the b word and slut whore anything like that I've always told them you don't ever say that and you never let anyone else call you derogatory put down names, especially from a man . And my partner would never dream of saying the b word. About anything as he knows better. He just isn't that way though. He's very polite and respectful.
User deleted comment
2mo
Sounds about textbook for guys like him lol
Edit: he blocked me too 😂 what a snowflake
And to evaluate what he said.Ask someone with a boyfriend.Yeah he ain't it
Did his limited brain suffer a massive aneurysm when he discovered that most of us have perfectly healthy love lives with people who are, in every way, better than he is?
I got to back up what others are saying and also day he's a child. He's gaslighting you to think you should find this funny, but it's inappropriate and showing you he's emotionally stunted, and always will be if he's in his 30s doing this shit.
You don't have boyfriend material here, you have a child in an adults body.
emphasis on he’s in his 30’s. this would be a red flag if he was in his 20’s. this is a nuclear alarm siren for someone in their 30’s.
Please read the people telling you he's trash.
He's trash.
Where. Tell him to get back here so we can bully him.
Okay I thought this was kind of funny until I read more comments and got more context 😭 hopefully since you guys are going to therapy you guys can work some of your stuff out! Wishing you the best of luck!
Is he normally that condescending about sensitive topics?
can i ask a genuine question? i haven't seen you answer it elsewhere, but sorry if i'm repeating a sentiment here: i would like to know why this is funny. you're the only one with the full context, and i sincerely can't imagine a scenario where this would be funny. is it an inside joke? is it well established between you that clowns have a positive connotation?
His usual sense of humor is insulting things he doesn't like because he's immature and emotionally stunted.
Needing couples therapy means you are already ignoring red flags in your relationship and him sending you back clown paint in response to becoming mentally healthy together just means he thinks that you're the clown for taking it seriously.
Once again, you are the clown if you are taking this relationship seriously.
“He’s making himself seem better than me about wanting to go to therapy is just how he jokes around and that’s how I know he loves me” just cause he’s committed doesn’t mean he’s right for you. Also the fact that he had to create another Reddit account to stay anonymous and to comment on other people’s comments doesn’t seem like a healthy mindset if you both are “happy” while simultaneously attending couples counseling. Maybe if you gave a little more backstory it would help but honestly it just seems like he doesn’t respect you and you’re staying because he does the bare minimum to keep you around.
If my husband ever acted like this concerning couples therapy (and we have done couples therapy) I’d be single shortly after. His sense of humor is similar to this, and he’s a massive dick to most people tbh. The difference is that when I draw the line and tell him how I am to be treated he respects that.
I really wish there was some more context here, but I mean this is all just based on what I’ve read between your posts and some comments. My basic rules of thumb are 1. don’t make asshole jokes about serious topics, but especially never about me. 2. if I can’t laugh along with your joke, or otherwise appreciate the humor in it, then it’s not funny and don’t do it again.
He is free to be whoever he wants towards the rest of the world, but he will have respect for me. That should be the bare minimum.
However, I will say that my reaction would be so severe because my husband knows my expectations, and we’ve been through it enough that he knows when he’s fucked up. Mans has to understand the boundary in order to respect it. If you’re serious about him hopefully he can get with it too.
Yeah, so his participation in his total demise on this tread further supports my hypothesis that your boyfriend is human garbage.
Girl if this is what you want for your future than so be it 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ it’s your life and you clearly aren’t listening to what anyone is saying. But the fact that he makes fucked jokes like this AND y’all are in couples therapy before even living together, speaks volumes enough.
Good luck to you 🙃
They're going to couples therapy and they're not even living together?! 😬 Yikes.
It should be funny but it's probably pretty petty and mean if she's here
It’s a little funny
That's what I thought too
In the psychological warfare romantic partnership way
in the funny because we aren’t his girlfriend sort of way; we aren’t the butt of the joke. if we were, any of us with self respect would laugh, then leave.
I giggled
I definitely giggled too. But also, dump him 😂
We’re the only two people who found it funny I guess lol
I found it hilarious. My missus finds me being an arsehole endearing.
But we're not going to couples therapy, and they are. So I'm thinking it's maybe inappropriate of OP's partner. Still funny tho
What’s the joke ? I’m autistic so jokes go over my head a lot
They are both 'preparing' for therapy (war) by putting on war paint. One is a warrior, the other thinks they are a warrior but they are in fact a clown (because they have put clown make up on instead of war paint)
There's no joke. Your reaction is normal. People who found it funny are perpetually 12 years old lol.
He's saying I'm preparing for therapy like a warrior, you're a clown, and I'm gonna win therapy. It's a really bizarre way to view therapy, and it's funny because someone viewing couples counseling in that way, should seek therapy lol.
That he’s preparing for it like a warrior would prepare for something and she’s preparing for it like a clown. Metaphors
I interpreted as, I'm going to win (the battle/argument) cause the therapist is going to take my side and you're going to end up feeling like a fool.
Oh jees that’s… a much more sinister interpretation. I hope not
“Winning” and “losing” is not the right frame of mind for couples therapy
True, either both win or both lose
Not if one person is just playing a sick game
That’s what I got from it too, why’s that funny? If she thinks the relationship needs help and he’s calling her a clown…well…
maybe this is a sign to not waste your time on couples therapy. it doesn’t work unless both parties give a shit and he clearly doesn’t.
Ding ding ding 🛎️
Yes. You’re not married. Move on before you waste more years, OP
Sound like you found your first topic for the next session!
Just show the therapist this post!
Exactly! But doubt the guy will want to talk about his coping mechanisms honestly
The fact that your boyfriend started fighting with people in the comments and then promptly deleted his comments is… very telling.
Don’t want to sound like typical reddit, but I’m giving this relationship 6 more months, a year TOPS.
Big yikes. So sorry.
I could maybe get past the "joke," but damn, he really showed his ass in the comments. He's not funny. He's a bully.
Yeah I think I'd save the money on therapy and book a self-care weekend at the spa instead.
Damn I can’t believe I missed the show.
Yeah, I don’t mind his brave heart meme. I get it, he is defensive and feels like he’s going to war, But the clown one is not ok. That’s him making fun of you. If you think it’s cool, I suppose that’s alright but it seems harsh and disrespectful to me.
A better joke might have been a meme of a woman getting dressed for a party, getting a massage, or a workout. It would have showed the dichotomy of your attitudes about therapy, not that he thinks you’re a clown and he’s a warrior.
I really like this comment. Like I said in another comment I sometimes miss the point when a joke is too much/far until someone else points it out. I didn’t think it was making fun of me until reading comments here.
Honey. He literally called you a clown and you didn’t think he was making fun of you? You need to forget couples therapy, dump him, and go to therapy by yourself so you can see red flags when they arise and avoid them in the future.
honestly dump this dude and go to therapy for yourself. theres no reason why yall should need couples therapy rn. hes just an asshole.
This text is contemptuous. He has contempt for you.
If either partner in a couple has contempt for the other, the relationship will fail. You can go to therapy but chances are he will only learn how to weaponize it in his favour. It's not always productive to go to therapy with a partner like this.
It could be helpful to go so you can be sure that dumping him is the best choice for you. Couples therapy sometimes results in a breakup, which could be your best outcome with this person.
Please don't let him gaslight you into thinking he is joking. You're not crazy, he's not joking, he's being an ass.
Oh honey...
You…. You didn’t?
Lol "he's joking". Goodluck.
I think a really hilarious joke for OP to respond with would be breaking up with him and never talking to him again.
If it was me personally, I’d think that was funny asf.
Ridiculing isn't a joke
I don't know, to me this just reads as a way for him to put you down and be like lol just joking stop taking everything so seriously.
OP, he’s showing you exactly what he thinks of you and this situation. But he’s doing it in a way that he can excuse as humorous. It’s actually cruelty in disguise.
“I was just being funny. Why are you so up tight?”
This relationship is important enough to you that you are willing to try therapy in order to save it. But he’s not giving the situation the same level of care that you are. Instead, he’s using it as an opportunity to poke at you, to be mean.
He needs his own therapy.
That’s really cruel. To call you a clown and to act like couple’s therapy is some kind of Barbaric battle
My ex did the same. Saw each therapy session as a battle he had to “win.” It was the same with any argument or any issue we had. He could never be wrong. He had to “win.” Lesson learned. Don’t do therapy with someone who sees it as a battle and feels like they have to beat you.
I also used to do the same to my wife. Hard lesson to learn because growing up my family was always like that. It's like waaaay less stressful to just be wrong when you're wrong. Way less resentment and you can go back to being happy faster 😁 Dude in post should grow up.
Glad you learned it. Better late than never. I don’t think my ex ever did.
Well said. It feels somewhat rare to witness someone able to reflect on where they needed to grow, know the lessons they needed to learn, and act on it to be a better person. It's far easier to assume that the problem is other people.
People tend to be the hero in their own story.
horrible. so sorry you went through that. why they say therapy will not work with someone with narcissistic tendencies. you’ll walk away feeling even more misunderstood, invalidated, and alone. then to add insult to injury the narc or narcissistic individual will feel resentful toward you and likely “attacked” and “exposed” by what you tell the therapist about them during the sessions. effectively putting you in a “worse spot,” with them. which for some equals real danger. best thing to do with these types is leave but also go no contact. any level of contact with them, in their sick minds, is an indication that you still care and they still have an in. it’s all a game with them. the want power, control, and subjugation only. the things they feel they can’t otherwise command in life. these people feel very small, worthless, hopeless, inadequate, and incompetent inside. it would almost be sad if your empathy for them wasn’t also your undoing.
Your boyfriend is a fucking douche bag
Wow. He really seems like he’s going into this with an open mind. 🙄
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2mo
Yeah I have a hard time knowing when the humor is pushing the line. When we first got together he made a comment that “no joke is off limits”
That's the same as when someone goes "I'm just too honest for some people" no... No you're just an asshole.
User deleted comment
2mo
He’s 34 and he’s sending clown gifs about a doubly-serious situation? (Therapy is a serious—though excellent—step for anyone to take. Potentially breaking up is also really serious, unless the relationship means nothing to you). He’s beyond immature. Stunted might be the right word?
and you didn’t get a red flag right then and there?
Aim a little higher ffsk
Yeah, no that's a red flag. He's trying to get away with being able to act however and say whatever he wants because then he can pull the "it's just a joke" card. Let me guess, does he have issues with taking responsibility?
Not really. He’s usually is pretty accountable for his actions. He has a hard time being vulnerable and tries to use humor as a cover up. I don’t let it slide and with in minutes or an hour he’s fully processing why he’s behaved the way he did. Our disagreements & issues always resolve quickly. Also I want to add that we’ve been together for two years and have yet to live together. We’re considering the next steps in our relationship so couples therapy seems like a good move before we decide to marry, mix finances, have kids, etc.
I'm all for therapy before marriage and kids, but dating is also supposed to be a trial period, no? To see if things align? If he commonly makes "jokes" to put you down, that's not being vulnerable, that's being an asshole. Do you want to be telling your kids one day about how their dad saw couples therapy like a competition he could win or something?
Adding: do you want your kids’ dad destroying their self esteem by belittling them as a ‘joke’? Yikes almighty
That shit happens too much and ruins so many fkn kids.
Don’t I know it. Was one of those kids.
I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve any of that
Thank you for your kind words! I’m all right, and in a place where I am happy to speak up if someone says something concerning eg OP and her bf!
Whatever you do, do not mix finances. Stay independent in that regard.
I do think he’s making fun of you which, IMO, is unacceptable when it comes to counseling. Someone mentioned that his meme looks like he’s going to war. What does that tell you? You need to have a serious conversation with this guy. He doesn’t seem mature enough to take on marriage and kids. And then address this in your next session. I do think it’s a good idea to get counseling before the marriage.
You're not even living together and he's already treating you like this???
Oooooof i would not move in with this guy. There is a massive chance you’ll look back on this post one day and wish you’d seen what we all see
I think you need to be totally honest with yourself- if you’re BEST FRIEND called you and told you her bf was making the same jokes to her as your bf makes at your expense… how’d you react? Better yet, if you’re considering kids, imagine him making jokes at your kids expense. Taking accountability is good and all but not if the behavior doesn’t change. If you’re constantly his punching bag for finding out what finally crosses the boundary, then he’s got the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. Me and my bf joke around and will roast each other but there’s always a clear level of respect for each other.
How will your kids feel when he addresses them this way? If you think he won’t do this to his own kids, you are dead wrong.
GET OUT NOW before mortgage, kids, mixing finances. This is the best it’s ever gonna be.
He strikes me as someone who does shitty things, apologizes when he realizes you’re serious about not putting up with it, but then does shitty things all over again.
Because, if you’re right, and he’s actually improving, my god, OP, what kind of shit did you put up with before today?
You ignore actions because he says words sometimes. He’s fooled the shit out of you.
🚩
Are you the one who pushed for couples counseling? Did he go willingly? If this is something that is important to you and he just sort of begrudgingly went along, implying that he was a victor and you were a clown has a really mean edge to it. Especially since he's joking about something that is happening because the relationship has problems.
Knowing that your relationship needs work and saying that you were a clown when you took the steps to improve it is not only mean, but dumb. Maybe don't joke about the thing that is keeping your relationship together for now?
Hmm, I dated one of those. You wouldn’t believe all the sick, cruel stuff he said over time (all disguised as jokes) and how it just got progressively worse. I still hear those things in my head. I wish I could go back.
Care to share some of his lines?
If you don’t like it it’s pushing the line. People have different senses of humor but you can tell them that you don’t like that joking and they should stop if they respect you
That's not an accident. it's so he can say things that are hurtful and then if you get upset he just claims it's a joke and you're being too sensitive.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Oh god, that’s the line asshole manbabies use when they want to be dicks but don’t want to be called out for it. “But I was just joking! You take everything so seriously!”
Not to be rude, but part of you must have not liked being likened to a clown after going to your first therapy session because you made this post.
Oh he's the type that's probably 'not racist because he hates all races'? Good luck
When we first got together he made a comment that “no joke is off limits”
That's..... not his call?
Why do you have a "hard time"? What are you missing that you can't get?
he makes a joke. Stop and think about how it makes you feel. Why would you have a hard time recognizing whether something bothers you or not?
Major red flag imo😟
🏃♀️💨
well i hope you didn't pay for multiple sessions because holy shit
I’m not paying for it. He is.
It was his idea too, wasn’t it? Hmm. That would work perfectly for someone who enjoys having a private and enclosed audience where he can further humiliate, gaslight, and demean a person they are already abusing. When his abusive behavior is called out, he thinks all he has to do to discredit their claims, is to use what’s he’s done for you to shut it down. How can he possibly be the one on the wrong if couples therapy is his idea? It’s an alibi. And a very lazy, textbook one at that. He’s literally doing emotion math. “If I do x, then people will see me as y”
Oof. Yeah he’s actually doing that in the comments. He knew exactly what he was doing when he suggested couples counseling. What an incredibly cruel and calculated thing to do.
OP, baby, RUN.
This comes off as super douchey. On his part. Like … breakup-worthy levels of douche. Because it’s more than just what you see. It’s the intent.
To anybody thinking this is a joke, look through her boyfriend's comment history - he made a throwaway down below.
Well that isn't a great sign.
BITCOIN DADDY what could go wrong
This is the only comment that’s made me laugh. Thank you.
Have you seen your boyfriend's comments on this thread? He's a bully. Please run away.
Where are his comments?
He's been deleting them when people get the best of him 😂
I went to his profile and read it. Finally can fall asleep 😂
Same. Trying to find them.
what a catch 😬
at least he's out of the dating pool for now.
Cancel the appointment and just dump him.
To the people saying “dump him”…. I think this is how he already dumped her.
if he were 10 years younger then i'd cut some slack, but this doesn't sound much like a healthy mid-30's to me
From reading the comments and OPs replies. They seem to deserve each other but don’t deserve the attention they’re clearly begging for.
He seems like a keeper!
I guess it could be a joke... But without context it seems like you're wasting money on a dead relationship
My partner asked how old he was, and became shook when I said 34. Really sorry you gotta deal with such clown behaviour from a fully grown adult 😔
Hmm that’s not it. This is clearly not okay with you so don’t invalidate yourself by saying “this is his humor.”
Why are you even wasting your time on him? He clearly doesn’t give af.
Ok, I understand, your Bf is an asshole.
I get it, your bf paints you as a clown and himself as someone who has to put on his battle stripes for therapy.
He considers this relationship a fight for power and he doesn't respect you.
Don't marry this clown.
Dump him
yikes
Dude is literally ensuring that there will be more sessions.
So he basically just clarified that the therapy isn't necessary and OP needs to just dump him immediately move on. My, he made that so easy for her to finally "get" the type of immature man he is.
Save the money and just leave him? He clearly doesn't respect you
Just realize that he stopped learning and maturing around 12 years old and you are now sleeping with a child. That should motivate you to end it and move on quick.
He sounds like a bellend 👍
Looks like he has no respect for you at all.
Depending on the reason for thearapy this is a thing to go to thearapy for
Well therapy worked! Now you save $$ by dumping him!
Is there anymore context so we can understand why this is a funny joke? From only seeing this post he’s braveheart hero and he’s saying you are a clown? How is that funny or a joke
Do you want your children to grow up watching their mother be put down and belittled, or worse the butt of all the jokes? Do you want them to take on his personality traits and characteristics?? The world has enough jerks and assholes walking around. Do not have children with this guy, he is a jerk, and you are making so many excuses for him. You need solo therapy really bad. This is really sad. Bless your heart.
I don't even know why you would tell him about the post. OP, you're kind of an idiot and he's, well, a douche who has you wrapped around his finger. Good luck, you're going to need it. Yikes.
I know many will disagree with me on this. I understand and I’m not saying my opinion is the law. There was once a time in my life when I too thought that this made sense.. but as I’ve grown as a person in my life, I no longer feel the same way.
All this to say: I believe that if you’re still in the dating stage, and already need couples therapy—while it is a relatively good sign that you both want to go—that alone should be more than enough information to give you an idea of the likelihood of your relationships future success.
Get rid tbh
Is he trying to say therapy ends in his utter defeat with his balls cut off?
Woof... Take this entire comment section and all that ensued afterwards as a good example of why it might be a bad idea to post the inner workings of your relationship to Reddit.
Your first mistake was bringing this to reddit, you're just gonna end up more confused getting bombarded with advice from strangers that don't know either of you one iota.
How nice for him to already be preparing for the next session... /s
He doesn't want to take it seriously and you're fine with him joking about it. My advice? Separate, he's just a boyfriend, then get yourself therapy because his reactions aren't ok and it seems like you have some issues with self-respect if you're letting him be a child.
Why waste your time on therapy when you could be single and living your own happy life?
Is sharing this a cry for help?
Hey, if that’s ok with you, keep going. But to me, it looks like he’s really putting a lot more effort into his finger painting on your photograph than trying the make couples therapy work.
I heard once that the best comeback to jokes that cross a line is ‘can you explain exactly why that’s funny’? And in this instance what other answer is there other than he thinks op is a complete joke and therapy isn’t to be taken seriously. Me and my bf were discussing couples therapy the other day (his suggestion) because of some reoccurring issues and despite also loving “dark humor” he would NEVER make a joke like this. It’s extremely important that you go with the mindset of being on the same team or it’ll never work. I mean that should honestly always be the mindset of both people when working through anything. What’s the point in ‘winning’ if the relationship will detrimentally suffer for it? That’s not winning at all.
Seems like it didn't take.
If you're just bf and gf and already needing couples therapy, you are doomed.
Ummm if you're going through couples therapy for a BOYFRIEND, it's time to move on
Bet if you showed your potential therapist, he/she would NOT agree that the text is funny. Legit subject matter for a session.
Couple's therapy with a boyfriend? Just break up
I see that he’s calling you a clown but I have no idea what the texts mean. He’s a badass therapy warrior and you’re a therapy clown? I feel dumb af but I just do not get it.
I can picture my guy sending these texts after a therapy sesh. 😆 he doesn't know when the right time is, and his humor is funny when the timing is right. Hey, ops bf, it's all about timing, man. 😆
Why are you going to couples counseling with a 34 year old man-child? It's not your responsibility to fix him. Work on yourself and find a better partner. Way easier than the mental gymnastics it takes to just brush this off as "humor."
As someone who is a therapist in training and has worked with a couple for counseling before, I would want you to bring this to the session so we could discuss it with him.
Stop trying to ruin this woman's relationship, you're all hella toxic.
"Yeah, ok he sounds kinda like a dick
"I was done wrong by a guy like that, so you will too"
"My bf did stuff like that and he was awful"
Here's an idea, stop projecting your shit onto this poor woman and make better choices in men, yourselves
Whenever you want a reality check about Reddit vs real life, let this thread be an example.
No kidding. This is wild.
This is either horrible or super hilarious depending on your guys dynamic
It will be 🤡🤡🤡 if you stay with him tbh
Don’t waste the money. Dump his ass. When someone shows who they are, believe them. Want better for yourself. 🦋💖☮️
that’s why y’all need therapy lol that’s just mean
Why are you trying to repair this relationship instead of breaking up??? This surely isn’t the first time his has done something wildly inappropriate.
You mean your ex boyfriend, right?
I’d leave this loser & not waste any more time or money on therapy with him. Even if it “works” temporarily, it won’t in the long run.
Currently inlove with someone who pushes the jokes all the time. It's been the love of my life. The heartbreak of my life. So unimaginably cruel at times that I'm left wondering if I am just a little baby or if he's a monster.
What I can say is exercise your self respect. Enforce it. You'll soon see if he stays around without a carpet to walk all over. Goodluck hun.
I’ll just say this: sometimes therapy, if found and paid for by the abusive partner (NOT saying he’s abusive, just in general!), they tend to find someone who will reinforce their beliefs about the relationship and try to negate your feelings and belittle you further. If you felt like you guys needed therapy for a valid relationship issue and he is treating it like it’s basically nothing/belittling you over it again, it might be that he found someone to reinforce what HE wants to hear and do, not the truth or what would actually help.
Wow, what a dick.
ur boyfriend is making fun of you.
Ah yes Bitcoin Daddy. I need a father figure as fluctuating and unreliable as cryptocurrency, just like my real father.
He’s gonna hold this post and you showing it to the internet over your head anytime y’all fight 😂😭 good luck.
Your therapy sessions appear a huge waste of money as long as he’s the other party.
Marge Simpson noises