My wife (26F) and I (30M) had been together for 12 years. Married for 7 years. 3 beautiful boys.
The last year of our marriage has been extremely rocky. We moved from our house in SC back to where she was from (MI) due to me taking a higher paying job, and so she would be closer to her family. I don’t have much family left.
We ended up living in our camper for 3 months while we searched for another home to purchase. I understand this added a lot of stress on her, the kids, and our marriage.
We ended up finding the perfect home, and bought it. Shortly after moving in is when the marriage went south. She started leaving for the weekend and hanging out with her family, but wouldn’t invite me. Stay out late drinking on the weekends with her cousins, while I watched the kids.
During this time I tried communicating with her that I didn’t like her going out every weekend and wanted to do things as a family. I was met with anger and hostility anytime I tried to talk to her. This went on for a few months until I finally told her that our relationship and marriage was going nowhere, and I wanted a divorce. I had felt divorced for months anyways.
She filed in early August. We quickly just stopped talking to each other unless it had to do with the kids, and alternated weekends watching them. I moved into our extra bedroom in the house. We essentially became roommates.
In November, we both decided together to try and rekindle and work on our marriage. Things started to get better. We were communicating effectively about issues. Where starting to do things together again. In December we traveled out of state for vacation, and after Christmas we decided that she would drop the divorce and we would continue to work on our relationship.
Fast forward to middle of January. I noticed her communication decreased significantly whether in person or over text. She didn’t want to go anywhere with me, and started to get very protective of her phone. (Facedown, ringer off, etc). I didn’t think anything of it and just kept working on being the best husband I could be to her.
End of January she underwent gastric bypass surgery to lose weight. I was all for it, as she struggled to lose weight after 3 kids (I loved her either way, and actually preferred her the size she was). After the surgery she was VERY emotional, and when I asked she compared it to after child birth. I stood by her side for the next week or so as the emotional roller coaster happened.
Last weekend she said she made a new friend off call of duty (she is an avid call of duty mobile gamer), and it was a girl who lived in another state, but was going to be in a town by us for the weekend, and asked if she could go hang with her for the weekend. I said “cool, I got the kids, go have fun”.
I didn’t hear anything from her all weekend, literally nothing, and Sunday she texts me that “we are going through with the divorce and she needs to have a conversation with me”.
She gets home covered in hickeys and proceeds to tell me that she has been talking to this “girl” off call of duty, who is actually a transitioning female (female to male). This girl lives about 6 hours from us. She said she is in love and that no one has ever made her feel this way. She also claimed that she is the happiest she has ever been with anyone ever in her life, they had been talking for a month but this was the first time they actually met. She said that they have talked about her moving in together after the divorce is done. She claims that she deserves someone who genuinely loves her.
When I asked why or how she came to the conclusion she was bisexual, she claimed that she made out with a girl once when she was drunk in high school, and gets off to lesbian porn, and has always had strong feelings for females.
I am completely blown away and honestly hurt. Not just for me, but for my kids as well. I have a very strong gut feeling that she is high off the butterflies, and going to essentially destroy our lives together and marriage for something very temporary.
She has talked to me the last couple of days and cried. She claims she will always love me, but I need to support her no matter what. She said we can be “friends” and focus on that and co parenting.
I am unsure how in a month we went from about to continue our lives together as a couple, to now she’s in a relationship with a women. I made a vow 7 years ago to love her and stay by her side, but I’m at an absolute loss on what to do.