I actually learnt that all the matches are random and I’ll never find an ideal date with social apps.
Cant seem to get that far. The women give me nothing to work with. Like trying to converse with someone in a coma.
That's been my biggest issue. I get one word answer after one word answer. So I think "okay, clearly they aren't into this" and I stop talking... then a day or two later I get "Well I guess you aren't feelin' it..." or they ask questions again. I give full answers and ask them things or continue the conversation annnnnd... back to the one word answers. What is this?!
This is hell
Agreed. If you can even get a response too.
We're torturing ourselves. Or allowing them to torture us. Or both.
People just have the attention span of rats that's all, im at the point of just telling people if they want to talk to me call me on the phone.
My hypothesis on this:
Women in digital meat markets are deluged in attention. Our primate social wiring makes us want to keep contacts open even as the number of contacts floods our ability to respond in a meaningful way. So they likely don't realize they are sucking at individual interactions because from their side a ton of work is going on - it's just spread a mile wide and an inch deep. This is good for no one.
So yes - both, and in more ways than we think!
digital meat markets
This is the most apropos description I've ever come across.
Sadly, I agree.
This is why I think you really only ever hear one type of complaint from women about online dating apps…some version of “where are all the good/marriageable/eligible men at?” I don’t blame the women at all in this scenario. Guys would be the exact same way if the tables were reversed. It’s just what humans do when they’re flooded with what looks like unlimited options/validation/abundance.
I cannot tell you how many date nights I wasted on guys who were 100% in it for the quick and easy hookups. I’m embarrassed to admit that there was a few of them who got what they wanted from me before ghosting. Even more of them ghosted when they realized I wasn’t going to be a low-effort hook up. The “flood of validation” that you think we’re getting is almost 99% a flood of BS from guys looking to get laid without the effort of having to build an emotional connection. If you’re lucky enough, you can maybe sniff out the one or two guys attempting a real connection through the haze of BS and then just HOPE that you hit it off. I didn’t find my partner of 3 years and counting until I gave up with online dating completely (we met through our job). It just made so me feel dirty, and I’m far from the best-looking girl out there so I can imagine how much worse it would be for her.
I agree with pretty much all of that.
Exactly. You already met Mr. Right, but there wasn't enough bandwidth to get to know him or he was 5'9" or you didn't like his shirt in the picture or or or.
It is true that I got way more messages than I could realistically respond to, so I had to be selective about which messages I would respond to. A lot of guys would send very rude aggressive messages if you didn’t reply right away so it was easy to weed out some of them. But I would respond to the messages that were normal. You wouldn’t believe the amount of weird or creepy messages that men would send. Still weird to respond with one word answers, that just screams that you’re uninterested! I’m very glad I am not using the dating apps anymore.
No. This is Sparta!
I sense these accounts are either fake with profiles run by scan artists (about 50' from my years at it) or women looking for a date and just a date by weighing out the options.
I've been on a handful of dates in the last several years... They either happen fast or not at all.
Some are employed by the dating service to keep you engaged so you will continue to pay the monthly fee. Years ago I saw an article where a lot of the women on the site were there just for that and would not go on dates.
They call them fantasy profiles, and many times they arent even women.
Some women get pissed off you don't ask them out within the first three sentences. "I dont like to chit chat. Are you taking me out or what?" Hold your horses there. I've been catfished a lot, and i want to make sure you are real and not just a product of 50 different filters
Most women that are looking for a long term thing won't ask you to ask them out. Be wary if this happens, it could be a scam
That’s because they aren’t interested in you. Cut your losses and bail. They are looking for validation by having a “match”.
Still doing better then me lol
I get matches….and then…maybe one or two short messages at best before…nothing.
Usually its just nothing. Cant figure it out but this stuff doesnt work for me. I get hit on in public, people get really flirty and really enjoy conversation with me. But online I feel like I got some kinda giant red flag Im just…blind to.
Its like women I meet on dating apps are forcing themselves to try. Like theyre in a bad mood or disinterested. Just trying to get through it.
Im getting ready to give up. Havnt pulled the plug yet but….whats the point? Im not meeting people I have any more im common with then a random stranger.
I’m thoroughly convinced that the “image” you have to present online to get noticed is so different from who you actually are in real life, that human beings are incapable of squaring the two in any meaningful way. Either that, or we are not doing online dating right in such a way that people can get a feel for who we actually are without any of the classic indicators of it (visual inspection, or verbal confirmation with body language).
Women are just being overwhelmed with options, men are dropped or not even picked up for anything meaningful, and everyone gets ghosted so quickly digital humanity feels like a graveyard of undead matches.
Dude that happened to me! We went on to chat more and even went out once but I knew it was headed for trouble when she sent the "did ya lose interest?" 3 days after not responding to my message.
Exactly! Like maybe they're just used to being pursued FAR harder than I'm willing to pursue. Like I'm looking for 50/50 or damn close to it, not 90/10, ya know?
That's so weird. I don't go on dating websites and don't actively look for partners, but I love learning about people! I love talking and I love listening. I love asking questions and answering questions, to a point I'm nervous I'm talking TOO much. But I hear this all the time!! I just don't get it
Might I make a small suggestion?
Completely avoid questions only requiring a Y or N answer and ask things that HAVE to be answered in an in depth, convoluted way.
For example, don't ask "So, do you have any siblings?"
Instead provide a snippet of YOUR childhood, such as "I had four brothers growing up and man, did we have some crazy times! What's a wild story from when you were young?"
I'm not trying to say you're NOT asking things such as this, it's just my assumption from your comment.
For all I know, it could be you've only had the misfortune of encountering "make a ho a housewife" broads that are giving you one word answers because they're trying to simultaneously keep abreast of conversations with 10 other dudes 🤷🏻♀️
Edit: And if you're talking to a one-word bird who pops up 2 days later with a full sentence like "Well, I guess you're not feeling it..." it's because she's out of other dicks to juggle and needs reassurance that it's not a HER problem.
Crude but true.
Definitely feel as though I do that. For instance, a recent snippet -
Her: Are you close with your parents?
Me: Yeah, my dad mainly. We actually rebuilt a '67 Camaro together and he still comes by every couple weekends to putter around with it, always jokes it makes him feel young. It's cool to have something we share and is kind of a "made by us" heirloom... what about you? Do you have any fun traditions?
Her: Yeah I'm close with my parents
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25d
Yeah it was "great" reading that post a while back about bisexuals on the difference between dating men and women and all the women chiming in saying trying to date women was a nightmare for exactly the same reasons men say it's a nightmare. Low match rates, low effort, ubiquitous ghosting, this air of "Entertain me. Dance for me, monkeys, dance."
I LOVE talking to people and learning everything I can about them; not necessarily for nefarious purposes but simply because people are bafflingly captivating in their complex simplicity.
Sounds oxymoronic, but hear me out.
Initially, at face value, people are straight up one dimensional, self absorbed vapid creatures I have a tendency to compare to cockroaches.
BUT, if I can get them to engage and start opening up, it's a lot like a book that starts out boring as fuck but then out of nowhere becomes vastly more entrancing with every turn of the page until you realize you read the entire thing in one sitting and feel stuck in the story for days.
Plus, I just like learning stuff. 😃
I don't usually stay on apps long, but I've never gotten a date from them. I've actually only gotten one conversation to happen at all.
You have to look at the app statistics. Women are inundated with matches and messages. Most men, not so much. The top 10% of men get like 90% of the action. I'm guessing you're not in the top 10%, so you don't get as much attention or effort from women. What's funny is women say men don't try in the conversations. That's because the men ignoring them have a ton of messages from a lot of women. Look up some experiments guys did with their own profile and a fake profile of a really good looking dude. It's night and day.
When I used to online date honestly I'd just act like a fucking maniac.
They'd be like "Hey" and I'd be like "NOT FUCKING NOW. MY HYENAS ESCAPED FUCK FUCK FUCK"
Did it work every time?
No not at all. Was it fun as hell? Oh yess.
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25d
Its wild how many women think they dont have to try to be interesting or hold a conversation but Im gonna take it as a red flag bullet dodged.
Hey, At least you found someone!
Seriously wtf
I asked my female friend about this, she said and I’m being literal “You wanted to talk to me”
What? I genuinely dont understand the response lol
Yes…I wanted to talk to you. I assumed she wanted to talk to me, because we matched? Whats my take away suppose to be? Lol
I said the same thing😂. From her perspective matching doesn’t mean much, your suppose to be interesting too… which is a bunch of janksht but w/e
Yea thats what it feels like lol
Like Im not putting on enough of a show or song and dance
But I cant be interesting with nothing to work with. And when treated like that Im not that interested anymore anyway.
Like shit…some women have really gotten an over inflated sense of self importance from being chased by random dudes online.
If a women wants an interesting, mature and quality match she also has to have these qualities
This disinterested princess vibe is a joke lol
Going back to hitting on random women who smile at me in public
Yeah, this was my biggest issue with the apps as well when I tried them out years ago. I'm quite good at interactive conversation and am pretty creative with ways in which to keep the conversation going. And the amount of one word or otherwise excruciatingly minimal replies I got was amazing. I could ask several fun questions in a single reply of mine and got so many one word yes/no replies it was painful. Most of the time it felt like the women replying were too lazy to even read the entirety of the message, which was never more than a few sentences. I realize that people who aren't as literary minded may not have substantive replies come as easily to them, but it was like zero effort of any kind was being made.
All dating apps should have a minimum number of characters requirement for messages. If you can't create at least two or three coherent sentences in a message, why are you even trying to meet anyone online? I think there's a bigger point to be made here about frayed attention spans in a digital culture of endless distractions, so perhaps OLD in and of itself is an inherently doomed medium.
Just start talking about yourself (in a non braggy way). Try to pick a relatable topic, like exercise, hiking, books, or movies, and see if she picks up on it. If she opens up and talks, good to go. If not, she’s either not interested or not a good conversationalist, so move on.
They havnt said anything…
I should just keep messaging someone who hasnt messaged me back? “I know you have said nothing to me…but heres some unsolicited thoughts on the Israeli Palestine conflict and a list of my favorite ice cream toppings”
I have to harass women into liking me?
Feel like Im in middle school.
Thank you, Mr. Thong_N_Ass
Oh I thought this was in person. Yeah just move on from women who don’t engage via chat
Including getting ghosted by someone who shared how much they hate it and how they were just ghosted and how they would never do that.
Brooooo I absolutely hate that shit. I even tried a couple times to be proactive said hey if you’re the type to ghost don’t even give me a shot just move on. Then we talk about how much we hate it. Then we chat all the time and out of nowhere ghosted. At least be an honest asshole and block me after. Id be hurt but over it in two days tops. If someone I like ghost me tho its like a shot in the chest.
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26d
That stinks. That's happened to me before, and I;ve gotten enough info to theorize they had breakups not too long ago and aren't ready to move on.
Yeah she didn't hint at anything like that. It was the most full throttle to slam on the brakes I've ever experienced. No explanation. Just guhhh bye. And not even a good bye. Just gone.
Idk, to me its pretty obvious what I said that made the person stop talking to me. Our lifestyles obviously didn't align. Like I was talking to this guy from the city and I told him I wanted to homestead, so he unmatched with me. I didn't take offense. Another time i was talking to a guy that liked to party and I told him I used to have a bad relationship with alcohol, so he stopped responding to me. It all seems very obvious to me. And I can't say I've never done the same thing. No one owes anyone they just started talking to anything. You will be rejected, and you will reject others. That is dating
Sometimes people tell the truth even if it sounds like a lie. A girl I was talking to stood me up on our first date because her "gall bladder ruptured and she was in the hospital." I offered to come see her to make sure she was ok.
She actually was in the hospital and she was telling the truth. We went out a few times after she healed. She was nice but we weren't meant for each other.
I went on a bit of a streak when I got my first profile, my first time being a single adult on the recent past. Lined up three dates in the same week, my first Tinder meet-ups. All three of them cancelled the day of, one when I was at the restaurant already. Flu, heartburn, and got hit by a car on her bike.
I recognize it’s unlikely that all three were sick, but also that I don’t know who was and who wasn’t. I did meet up with one another time, another stood me up a second time, and I don’t think I tried again with the third. I did have to cancel a date with someone else for a funeral, and that was that for her.
But, yeah, I don’t assume I know their whole story from just one thing. If I strike out twice I’ll take the hint, but our lives are too complicated to hold to a ‘no second chances’ policy.
I left a date suddenly because I was afraid I was having a heart attack and..I was. It was like our 3rd date. He thought i was blowing him off when in reality my birth control (probably) caused a random chain of events that happens to like 1 in 10k women over 35 who take it. Luckily, I got to the ER quickly and there’s essentially no damage to my heart. We were CRYING from laughing when we compared stories. He called close female friend, saying he didn’t get girls. I woke up in the ICU and later wondered wtf protocol was to tell him lol.
We ended up in a situationship for about 6 months before things ended.
When I was younger before ghosting was really a thing there was this girl I was talking to that I genuinely thought something bad happened to. I don't really remember why or what but it felt off. I like contacted her dad and shit trying to make sure she was ok because I hadn't heard from her.
Only to find out she just wasn't interested lmao...from that moment on I never cared again.
Ghosting has been a thing long before internet dating. I've ghosted girls I've dated. Just stopped calling them and moved on. The same has happened to me. Ghosting was a thing in face to face dating too.
A girl canceled on me as I was on my way to the date saying she got exposed to Covid. I said I hoped she was ok and asked what she planned on doing with the rest of her weekend. She said she was going to a friend’s birthday party…
Thank God I’m done with online dating. People like that have issues.
I would take a picture of myself in the emergency room and send it to everyone, including the dude I stood up.
I didn't meet her online, but I once had to cancel a date because I flushed my only key FOB down the toilet while helping my toddler use the bathroom. She believed me and we were together for six years.
My current gf was 30 minutes late to our first date, but she was actually texting me the whole time, so I decided to wait and see if she would actually show up. She did, and we are still together 3 months later. Some people really do tell the truth.
- Mentally unstable people EVERYWHERE.
- Some people just want to have their ego stroked.
- The goal of a profile is to sell yourself. Be the better car on the lot.
- Spelling and grammar are lost on a lot of people.
- Don't give a laundry list of wants. It's tacky and you'll never get them all.
- A lot of people are bitter and suck at hiding it.
Since joining Tinder at the beginning of march, I've gone on 3 dates... each one more insane than the last... or of equal insanity level at the very least. One lied about her age, and even though through texting, I asked her if she had any kids, i was told no. Midway through the date, she let it slip that, in fact... she DID have a daughter who was an extreme self harmer..
Second was super self obsessed and wouldn't stop telling me she was a vegan and if it was going to work... I would have to be, too. Funny though, she admitted to eating meat sometimes if her mom said it was ok... (she was in her 30s)Wouldn't let me get a word in edge wise the entire time.. kept calling herself a genius...
The last one seemed really cool, but had barely said anything during the date, except she just got divorced... like earlier in the week... I was like... wtf... red flag...
So yeah. I'm not going to use dating apps anymore I don't think...
If you really think about it, the name of the app says it all. You can't maintain an eternal hearth with just tinder
Tinder has by far the lowest dregs of society on it. Might wanna at least try Hinge first.
What’s the difference in the barrier to entry between the two that filters for a better crowd on hinge? Is it a paid subscription whereas tinder is free? (Never used any dating apps)
What sucks is that most dating apps have been bought by the same company, they want people to keep watching ads, and paying for their premium memberships, so they show you very few people you'd be compatible with. Hinge is definitely better, but unfortunately most dating apps are pretty much tinder at this point
Listing your dislikes instead of likes is such a deterrent for me. Immediately screams bitter.
And entitled!
I never realized how big #2 on this list was until I started dating my current gf.
I know of 3 of her girlfriends that solely go on dating apps just to experience dating. They have no interest in getting a bf but will go out to dinner with guys as practice or to get over some bad feelings from an ex.
Shits weird man. I know it doesn’t help the odds but vet hard before meeting up with someone.
Hey now, my ego isn't the only thing that I'm trying to get stroked!
This needs more likes
That they are built for profit, not successful dating.
This should be at the top. The app makers have a negative incentive to help you find a date, they just need enough people to feel good about the app to spread the word. Then cash in on the bottom 90% of the dating pool.
I learned not to be a people pleaser for the sake of getting someone to stay by your side. It never works. Pick your perspective of loved ones carefully. I've dealt with being catfished and forced staying in abusive relationships and eventually decided love wasn't worth it.
Dont be afraid to set boundaries. If someone truly values your space and privacy, then keep them around. If not, leave. It's not worth your time being miserable because someone disagrees on what should or should not bother you.
A lot of people are either unable or unwilling to show their individuality. Without pictures, almost all profiles are indistinguishable.
People are obsessed with dogs.
No matter how ugly a woman is, men will line up for a chance with her. Meanwhile, even attractive men seem to struggle to get matches.
I forget the exact numbers but online dating is AWFUL for men because statistically, women all go for the same few guys online. That's why everyone knows that one guy who's dating profile is absolutely on fire with matches
I think that's partly a product of the fact that most people's dating profiles are essentially identical. If you're presented with an array of dozens of men's profiles with nothing whatsoever to distinguish them, you're probably going to just go with the best-looking one.
If Scott Galloway’s facts are correct, as seen in this video (just after 8:50), if there are 50 women and 50 men, 4 of those men will get attention/likes from 46 of the women. The other 46 men will get nothing or next to nothing.
Online dating is awful for men because there’s more men on dating apps than woman. Tinder was like 75% men, 24% women. Take into account not every woman is straight, cis, or single and that even lower men chances more.
I’ve found Facebook dating 20x easier to get matches on. You’re just gonna have a lot more left swipes and some more weirdos.
Are young people still using Facebook?
I'm 60 and stopped using Facebook 10 years ago.
It seems all the young people stopped using it once their parents and grandparents started using it.
Im in a diff country and every guy has a cat pic. Love cats it’s just diff from the US
Lot of truth here but specifically with the dogs, I swear 4/5 profiles it's a girl with a dog. Sometimes there's pictures exclusively of the dog.
No matter how ugly anything is men will line up, I set my tinder to “everyone” instead of just “women” for one day. And from 8 potential matches it went up to 99+.
A lot of people don’t truly read profiles.
My sister did some on line dating, she said that even if you are very clear on your profile that you're a single, straight woman seeking a single man, married couples will approach you to be their third. She is engaged now and did meet that guy on a dating site so it's not all bad.
I've had the same bio for like 6 months and I think maybe 2 people have referenced it. And my bio says a bomb blew up next to me, so you'd think someone would mention it at some point if they read it. I also have a photo with a dangerous exotic animal and people rarely mention that photo or question it. I think most matches I get just look at my first photo and nothing else lol.
I don't trust people enough to believe anything they say online.
And many men don't write anything in them either
You mean many people? Women are the same way. Either it's empty, or it has nothing of value in terms of conversation starters. Things like "my friend told me to try this", or "I'm not sure what I'm looking for"
That's fair, I can only speak from a woman seeking man perspective since I can't see women's profiles. But I stand corrected.
It can significantly lower your self esteem even if you were previously confident. Speaking from experience
And if you lacked confidence before it, something I've struggled with since middle school, it's very mentally and emotionally draining and you won't be able to stand it for more than short spurts every few weeks.
Ughhhh tell me about it :(
I’ve had tons of success on the apps and have significantly lower confidence than before lol
As a 43 m it absolutely sucks
I used to think that if one sex was suffering in a dating environment, the other got some advantage. in OLD, I see both sides suffering.
Being unapologetically yourself from the start may not give you as many dates of second dates but it will give you better dates overall.
I think it's fun and helpful to lead with a question that's true to you and likely to be annoying or difficult for someone you won't click with.
"What's your favorite dinosaur?"
Doesn't matter what the answer is, just how the answer is. I don't care which one it is, but if we're gonna have a good time dating then you're not likely to have to think super hard on this question. If you think it's outing me as immature, great we shouldn't be together.
I love weeding myself out and getting more time to actually find someone good.
Honestly I don't totally understand all the vitriol. I've always had great experiences overall when I jump into the pool. You just can't treat it like a grind. You're not actually mining for gold here. There's not actually a win condition.
To not do it.
It's not for everyone but it works for others. This isn't completely good advice.
I would say "proceed with caution"
I only say from personal experience that I would not do online dating. Everytime I have tried that current way of meeting someone it doesn't work out, for me. I have found meeting through mutual friends or randomly has worked out better in my favor. But to each their own.
I've had better experiences through anonymous kink chat sites than I have with dating apps.
Online dating is used like online shopping : you browse the options until you find something you like, you try it and end up disappointed anyway.
But returning is easy in online dating
Any tips for how to navigate that world? I'm getting divorced after 15 years and have no idea what to do when it comes time to date again. Should I avoid it all together? I don't want to look like a creep or desperate. It's so strange being single again.
Give yourself time to build yourself up more. Enjoy hobbies, go to the gym, go to a random shopping area and just walk. Get yourself out there. I started eating better and working out, major confidence boost.
It took me almost two years after divorce of learning to love myself and bettering myself in ways that were detriments to our relationship before I was ready to join the fray.
Even then the first year of online dating was very awkward. In spite of this though I met some cool people and got better at meeting cool people and keeping them in my orbit as friends.
Above all else: love yourself. After you've learned that the overflow will attract others to you.
Some sites are okay and you can judge it pretty quickly
Haha. I get this. Divorced after 20 years and the last year and a half has been really strange. Tried online dating and lifestyle apps, I'm not looking for a relationship but more just to meet people and see what happens, and even have met people from Reddit. There are some interesting people out there. I've met some nice and cool people but most have been people that are just all the way fucked up to the left.... or right... or whatever. Just fucked up. Part of that is on me though because I can be fucked up. I think meeting people by chance in person is the way. Leave tech out of it if you can. I can be socially awkward at times but I will say that talking online and then meeting people in the last year or so has helped me with conversation or keeping convo going without being weird, lol. I'm way more comfortable approaching ladies now then I was a year ago, even in person. Still figuring this crazy game out though.
I've learned that if my marriage falls apart I will stay single forever if I have to rather than EVER deal with that 7th level of Hell ever again.
Buyer beware
The apps seem to make women hate men more.
And the opposite too. It gives the impression that every single woman has the 6' 6 figs requirement
Gives the impression that women would rather meet a bear in the woods.
My friend literally has had men message her on dating apps just to tell her she is ugly, she should go kill herself, etc. Like..... WHAT????
People are extremely entitled when you give them attention.
Also, if the photo is from above looking down at face and cleavage, they weigh 250+
Every single time. Instant left swipe, you're trying to hide something. It's probably the fact that you're twice my size, but I don't want to find out in person.
It's called "The MySpace Angle" but people have forgotten.
Everytime single time.
a little trick i found was to look at the fingers. of theyre puffy.. well.
A lot of men looking for women really fucking hate women lol
Men are in a desert dying of thirst, and women are in a swamp dying of thirst.
You get the most hits on your pictures from ten years ago.
It's reaaaally hard to get matches, and maintain conversation on dating apps as an average looking guy.
I get a few matches now and then, but it's soo hard to get them and you don't know what you're doing wrong so you can't even adjust it.
Honestly you have better chances going on local meetups with random people and meeting someone there.
I also hate how when the talking is going well and then when you ask the question " Want to go out this day?" They just go off the grid. I sit there like "What the F did I say?"
That's it's a game of smoke and mirrors. Lots of fake accounts posing as potential.
It's a waste of time and can lead to a lot of social anxiety as well as communication problems. Go out, meet people. Try to have platonic friendships with the opposite sex to learn how to properly communicate and be "normal" with others. It's possible to find love on these dating apps, but let's face the facts of what these things are mostly used for
Everyone has 8 inches
Not me! I have 9!
/S
Catfish tastes like sausage 😬
That there’s no substitute for a face to face meeting. Period.
That I'm better off being single
People will assume the worst about you, and instead of just swiping left, they'll match to tell you exactly what they (erroneously) think.
The shallow factor is real. Income, ablism, abd height matters too much
Those are only for women to seek validation and for top percenter players who want to add more women to their roster.
Everyone has their reasons for being on them, but pretty unfair to generalize. There are plenty of us women who are seeking a legitimate connection.
that it's a waste of time
To not
It’s a dumpster fire
I’m okay with never dating again.
Listen to your gut
Don't
This is more of an age thing, but online makes it easier to meet.
Women love sex just as much as men. Maybe more. And they're just as quick to jump in bed.
It's not you, it's them...they are looking for something very specific but can't describe it
Same with job hunting
Be at peace
Not to.
Don't do it
don't
Don't.
Just because someone works in the church or is even a preacher, doesn't mean that they're not a creep. They ended up being the worst one.
That if anything ever happened to my wife I'd just live as a hermit
Never trust anyone who says they "love you." You don't form that connection over text.
I am married. I helped a buddy set up a dating profile.
90% of people who seemed normal were bots. The other 10% look like they were hit by a train or like they should be.
Women really DO have unrealistic beauty standards for men.
I'm a solid 7 or 8, and yet even I had a rough go of online dating. I had flings with about a dozen women, but it was a lot of work. Too much work. RIP to average looking bros.
In contrast, I once created a profile using pictures of Mat Best and holy shit, women would respond 100% of the time... I could literally say anything I wanted to... and I got phone numbers 100% of the time. I even just asked women if they were DTF, and they were always like "Yes"!
It was a depressing experience. And it has been replicated enough times to become part of the body of knowledge in social science.
Men use it for sex and women for money. One out of ten people are alright.
That average is not good enough if you're male
Since my divorce 9 years ago I've dated 17 different women. 7 forgot they were married. Apparently that's a thing now.
So I just approach in public and give my number. Most of the women I've delt with that way want just casual. I don't know if it's because of my age, I'm 48. But that seems to be irrespective of the woman's age.
I'm sure women will say similar things. Unfortunately there are a lot of dishonest people out there doing dishonest things killing trust among most people.
Yeah that's the thing about online dating. I've had dudes "forget they are married or have a girlfriend" 🙄 then upon finding out they are married after doing research too late. They get mad when confronting them about this newfound information and get offended that you researched them.
One dude lied about his name, his job & relationship status. When I confronted him he got mad and then said "he's separated & him and his wife have not had s*x in years" ... only for me to see him posting new happy pics with him & wifey on Facebook. He wife is hellla attractive too and I look like a potato. After I cut him off he kept using fake numbers to try and contact me cause he missed me and wanted to hang out 🙄🙄
Another kicker he said "if I told you I was married you would of never talked to me" .. well duh 😂
“Never trust it if it rises fast, it won’t last” meaning- if they message you too much from the jump and create a quick connection…just know they do that with everyone. Don’t feel special or like it means anything. Even if it feels real lmao.
This is the thing thats fucking stupid to me. Message too much you're obsessed, message too little you don't care or got other people you're talking to. Just call me on the phone so we can talk like normal people and not play this game.
I wonder about that. I'm just the excitable type that gets excited when talking to someone new, I can lay it on thick. I never heard the term 'love bombing' recently and believe me, i sure winced.
I guess what I am trying to say, for me at least, It WAS because I was feeling it.
Meet in person as soon as possible, even for a short daytime coffee date. You'll know if there's a connection right away. It's all pheromones.
doable if you try hard enough, but it mostly ends up being a waste of time - all my relationships have been long distance
I learned a lot, and am wiser for it.
Waste of time
Not to do online dating
I'm not appealing to women
To be open to outcomes other than romantic partners.
Some of my best friends in this stage of life are people where we think each other are awesome but there wasn't mutual romantic interest after a couple dates.
My wife received a LOT of dick pics in the short time she was on okcupid when she was single.
Don't send dick pics.
We're all just squirrels trying to get a nut
That the apps are specifically designed to keep you it and the people that help run the app will sabotage connections so you can keep using it.
Oh conversation is going great and you've moved on to establishing a date? Oops, someone's message got deleted and now you both think you've been ghosted. Back to swiping for a new match and you just settled to pay for another month's subscription.
I learned that I am extremely lucky to have grown up in the era before online dating. I'm old enough to remember when we used to cringe when people said they used dating sites or met their partner online. I'm lucky I met, dated and married my wife before online dating was popular and I'm lucky I'll (hopefully) never have to use it.
Never seen pictures of your peen to a girl that can't speak proper English...
I only attract overweight women.
That you don’t need sex every day or on a weekly quota to have a fulfilling relationship.
You’re viewed as disposable.
There’s a lot of crazy out there.
It’s depressing as hell when you get zero matches.
I saw a girl across the room who was pretty, talking to a jerk I barely knew, and went over to say hi. Our 40th is coming up pretty soon.
Mainly that I’m ugly but from my understanding that’s not an entirely unique experience
That it’s pointless, a waste of time and money if you’re a man… unless you’re a man who’s a 10/10 then you’ve got a good chance.
The apps are designed to make money, not help you succeed.
Don't do it.
That anyone can find someone to have sex with if they lower their standards enough
That is a soulless experience
That it’s a waste of time, money, and energy. Oh and you meet psychopaths on there too💁♀️☠️💯
If you start seeing someone long term do a background check on them. I learned this the hard way when I ended up dating a registered sex offender for four months.
People have very little respect for others when they don’t know them in person.
Online dating is the place to go if you feel like pretty people live on greener grass.
Spend the entire time getting objectified by every weirdo within a 12000ft² radius and you start to feel glad you are nowhere near hot enough for ppl to try this irl.
Biggest thing I’ve learned is to never get emotionally invested with someone you’ve matched with until you meet face to face.
It’s real people on there. Well 40% of the time.
It fucking sucks.
I learned that most people are boring and can't hold a conversation. I also learned that I'd rather run a marathon without preparation than be anywhere near anyone who uses one.
No matter how good the conversation seems to be going, you can be ghosted anytime.