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Ugh if this is a glimpse into my future I’ll be bummed. This just goes to show stepparents deal with this their entire lives, not just when the kids are under 18. 33 years old? Smdh
Yes and we aren’t married yet. Thinking i may bail
Chances are if he doesn’t know that it’s rude, then she definitely doesn’t know that it’s rude.
Personally, I would bring it up and ask him if he ever taught her that it’s polite to let the partner have the front seat? He himself may just lack manners…
Just this weekend I had to point out to my boyfriend that he should teach a 17 year-old son to Offer Up his seat when women, pregnant women or with babies, or elderly are standing. 🤦♀️
My stepkids BM would save seats for them at public events (like band concerts) so they could sit while their elderly grandparents stood … I was floored …
17 is young still. That can be fixed.
Agreed, that’s why I pointed it out to him. I think at 33 it also can be. Unless she’s just downright trying to have a pissing match.
I hope so. I was married with children by that age.
If you're thinking about bailing - there's probably a lot of other stuff that's making you think this way. Don't let x/y/z thoughts hold you back and waste years of your life where you could have been living your best life and being happy.
It’s such a shame because we could be so happy together. But it’s like he is scared of his own children.
Yep. And it's been going on for so long that it doesn't even occur to him that his partner, as his partner, should be coupled with him rather than his daughter. His daughter is his daughter and not his SO. His SO is his SO.
Role reversal, unfortunately, can be rather common in step situations.
I don’t want this for my life and I don’t want my kids seeing this disrespect
Don't blame you at all there!
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I know you are right. It really sucks.
If your partner is driving, you ride shotgun. The only exception is if you're driving an elderly parent to an appointment. It's kind to offer them the front seat.
My spouse and I have adult children. Never have I ever ridden in the back seat.
And no you’re not wrong. She should have been in the back
Seriously. She’s a child. You are an equal. I would talk to him about it first. Note his response then decide.
My step kids are teenagers, there has only been a few times I've ever sat in the back and it was so I could sit next to my newborn on a long car ride to make sure she was okay
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27d
We have been dating for over a year. boyfriend is talking marriage. I think he is going to propose soon but i don’t know if i want that if this is the dynamic. If its just a no big deal thing, ok but if it means i will never come first its an issue
You need to have a conversation with your boyfriend and discuss how you this all made you feel. Then go from there.
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27d
A healthy relationship? His daughter was being rude and he allowed it. She was raised in america so i will give her a pass and watch to see if this means something more.
OP don’t even argue with this person. I’m close to 33 and if me and my parents go somewhere I always sit in the backseat
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27d
I was raised in japan mainly. Also summers in Scotland. But its my understanding this is rude everywhere
I was raised in America and it’s rude here too! My parents are still married but if I were the daughter in the situation and did that it would solely be because I was trying to be rude or make a point. He father should not have allowed that!
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27d
It’s her life though and maybe she realizes this isn’t for her. She can talk about it to biodad if she wants but it is true that things don’t necessarily get easier because the kids are out of the house.
Sometimes having to fight for every little thing gets tiresome. Also many dads rather make the stepmom less important than the grown daughter because dad is afraid biomom will be the favorite if daughter doesn’t get her way. It’s very complex and difficult.
I can pretty much guarantee there will be more issues with adult stepdaughter.
You are very short-sighted if you think this isn't an issue. Big kids (adults) cause bigger problems. It includes things like inheritance, disrespectful, withholding grandkids from the bioparent in an effort to exert influence, and so much more. Be more aware.
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I’m a stepparent with 2 step children and obviously it doesn’t get better with age. OP’s boyfriend’s daughter was once 12 also and obviously still here 20 years later causing relationship problems as step kids usually do
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Is this the only time you felt slighted by the daughter?
No, she also told her father that she was mad at him for dating in general. we are both widowed. My children want me to date and be happy and not grow old all alone. Her daughter doesn’t want him with anyone.
It’s so weird that he didn’t think to say hey my girlfriend will sit upfront. Maybe a general conversation about her behavior she’s entitled to her belief. She’s not entitled to be a brat and if he can’t stand up for you, do you really wanna be in this relationship?
He has asked his kids to go to therapy with him so thats a great start. I am in love with him and would like to have a partnership with him but not if i am not the priority
This isn’t a step-kid (step-fullgrown-adult) problem. This is a boyfriend problem. He doesn’t need them to come to therapy to enact appropriate boundaries with them.
How long ago did he ask? What was their response? Did anything get scheduled?
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I was going to say it could have been something they grew up doing in the family (no expected seats). but now that you have mentioned his daughter's attitude towards him dating. . . her being in the front seat seems strange.
its OK to feel bothered by that either way and its understandable
The partner of the driver should always sit in the front seat. Exceptions would be if there's a reason that the partner doesn't want the seat for #Reasons. Or an additional exception might be if there is a health issue; especially if one guest is older.
Example: if my partner and I were driving somewhere with her parents (70+) I would offer one of them the front seat.
Example: my kids are adults and not in our household. Two are local, and we see them from time to time. As such, my partner's kid isn't super comfortable around them. Also, one of my kids is 6'7". When the five of us are in a car, she'll take the back seat middle, so her kid doesn't need to sit pressed against one of my boys. She does this under the auspice of letting my tallest have the leg room.
But when it's just her, me, and her kids or my kids, the partner is always in the front seat. No questions. His adult daughter is rude for aiming for the front seat, and your partner is a poor partner for not having told her to get in the back.
Even if you weren’t my parents partner, out of respect for an older person - I would absolutely not even try to get in the front seat.
It is sad that adults lack BASIC courtesy
My sister sometimes asks and gets the passenger seat as she gets carsick. Kinda ok. But kinda annoying.
If his daughter lives super far away from home and they never see each other I would say it wasn't disrespectful, they probably just want that little extra drive time to chat etc. If she lives nearby and they see each other all the time, yes I would say that would bother me a lot and its on your boyfriend not his daughter, because of course she wants to sit next to her dad, its him that should be prioritizing you in that position. I've never seen married parents who have one sit in the back so a child can sit in the front just because (maybe because of car sickness or keeping siblings apart if they are fighting, but just because... nope).
I'm 31, mom is 60. When she or my step dad drive, I'm in the back.
If I or my bf is driving, my mom and step dad are in the back.
So partner of the driver is in the back UNLESS someone is already sitting in the front and you get picked up. Then its first come first serve
If my partner was driving their child that they hadn’t seen in a long time, I would gladly sit in back so they could catch up.
When did i say they haven’t seen each other in a long time
You didn’t, I was just explaining a scenario in which I would volunteer to take a back seat.
Whoever calls shotgun, obviously 😂
Hmm. Do they see each other much? If not, it might be nice so they can hear each other better for conversation. My stepmother sometimes sits in the back when my father and I visit so we have a little more of our limited time together.
But if that's not the case, it seems kinda weird to me. I don't know how to approach it though; seems like it would feel kinda weird to bring up. Have you met her much before? Been with your partner a while? Does this reflect other places where he gives her preference, or is this a linda uncomfortable one-off?
Been with him over a year. Met her a couple times before but in cities and no car
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Partner in the front seat unless “reasons” (examples: I offer the front to my SOs mother when she’s visiting, SK is having foot surgery and I’ll offer it to him then). This is how it was with my parents growing up, and how it is with us, and our friends’ relationships as well.
I would bring it up. I think it's weird that BF didn't address it the first time
I think car etiquette is to allow the older parties to have the first choice of seat. You aren’t wrong. I agree with someone else that they may just lack manners. I would definitely file that info away in case it is a pattern. I have problems with manners and I’m 34, but I’m learning and applying the knowledge every day.
Quite often SO’s do not get the nuanced version of cattiness that daughters/ women dish out. If it is a repetitive behavior from SD, that was consistent enough that I felt that ending the relationship was an appropriate response I would sit down with the SO to let him know & process that this hurdle is not one that you are willing to jump.
I’m sitting in the front forever. There is a pack order, and I’m #2 in the pack. Period.
Yep…partner always gets the front seat.
She did that as a power play. You need to address this with your partner as soon as possible and tell him how it made you feel. It is up to him to speak up the next time and tell his daughter that you are sitting in the front. If he does not, he is being disrespectful and clearly dismissing your feelings and that will be your future. I wouldn't suggest breaking up if everything else is good between you guys until you discuss his daughter's behavior let him handle it from there.
Life is too short to get hung up on something so trivial.
It may sound trivial, but it’s honestly about respect. For her elders, for her dad’s relationship, just in general.
It may start with just sitting in the front seat, but how quickly does that disrespect turn into “we’ll eat at the restaurant I choose even though you are allergic to half the menu” or “I don’t like her so you need to break up”
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This is so true when it comes to stepfamily dynamics. On the surface, many things will sound trivial. "Oh, big deal! Who cares who sits in the back," etc. But things start to add up quickly, things that are subtle yet constant implying that SM doesn't get the same status as any other partner in a relationship. Many SMs do try to give-in in the beginning, assuming at some point, their acknowledgement as a spouse or SO to dad/ mom will be acknowledged by both the SKs and their partners on some level.
Problem is, if you let some of these things go at the beginning, then they become set in place, and everyone just assumes that SM will suck it up and take it. After all, she's "just" SM. The fact that SM is dad's spouse or long-term SO, and at least deserves recognition and respect as such, falls on deaf ears after a while.
This is why stepparenting has sometimes been called, "Death by a thousand paper cuts."
It could be nothing. She likely sees you as a peer adult. There's no right answer to whom sits in the front. Whoever gets there first or whoever calls dibs. It doesn't really matter, does it?
If you're feeling that you deserve the front passenger seat because you're older or because you are dating the driver, I do not agree with that.
Yes, i thought that was the proper etiquette. Like if it were his mom or dad, i insist they sit up front. But i am her elder AND i am the partner. I am completely open to me being wrong. I can be petty sometimes so this is constructive feedback and why i am asking on Reddit rather than mentioning it to them.
If you're visiting for short periods of time and they don't have much time together, I'd take the back seat. Presumably you are up front for all other times?
Yes
Yeah, then I wouldn't worry about it. I often take the back seat when visiting family (including adult sks) and friends, and he does the same when we visit my family and friends. I see it is catch up time for them, and vice-versa.
Now, if he wouldn't do it for me, we'd likely have a problem lol.
My SO would never. He would not even put his mother whom birthed him in front over me
Man I tried to get my MIL to ride in the front when we would take her to doctor's appointments but she wouldn't hear of it. Honestly I think she liked chatting with SD. I miss my MIL.
Same. Wouldn’t be an option in any scenario.
Factors which could change my position: Who owns the vehicle? Was it originally planned as a date night or daddy-daughter time and plans changed to include a third person?
Assuming it's his car and it was always the plan that the three of you would be going, unless there is a medical need (which should have been shared with you privately ahead of time) or you have opted to yield the front seat for whatever reason, driver's partner has shotgun.
Depending on where you are in the relationship, for me this is a big enough deal and well-known common courtesy that there would be no second date or no more sexy time with anyone who has to have this explained to them.
Edit: having read some of OP's replies to other comments, I would absolutely end the relationship over this. OP and her boyfriend are both widowed. This behavior is ongoing and boyfriend's daughter has openly stated she does not want her father (OP's boyfriend) dating anyone.
OP can find someone else whose adult children have better manners. They're a product of their upbringing and boyfriend should not have allowed the behavior to begin with, much less allowed it to continue.
Does she have a disability that would make it difficult for her to get in and out of the back seat or be seated in the back? If not, it isn't good.
NO
Then I'm sorry to tell you that from what you have shared, you have been told right away what your status is. I don't blame the daughter, I blame him. I know "at least you know now instead of later" isn't all that comforting when you have been massively insulted. But it's all I've got. I'm so sorry. You are worth a front-seat date. It's a matter of respect. You are not being respected.
Thank you
Law of the wild. You must fight for it.
Is that proper etiquette for Americans? Serious question
No...Just joking. I would think that since they are dating that the partner would ride next to the driver...but it doesn't necessarily mean the daughter had ill intentions. Since the daughter is a full blown adult she might not automatically think to defer to the girlfriend. Some people are just a little oblivious by nature.
No. If I were the daughter I would offer it to you. This was her claiming her territory in a subtle way. I would never do this to my dad’s girlfriend. I’m American.
Thank you for responding. So, do you think I should say something? I feel like I will look petty. How to handle?
I would view my partner as being petty if they brought this to me for a one off. Honestly, I wouldn’t find this to be a very attractive trait in my partner. Going by etiquette I think the tallest person should get the passenger seat since they need the leg room for comfort. After that it goes by circumstance, and I would offer the visiting guest the passenger seat
It was over four days and constant. But yes, she is taller than me. I won’t mention it. I don’t want to be petty. But it did feel very disrespectful and frankly, I think my boyfriend raised his daughter wrong. I am from a different culture though. He is also from an Asian culture where elders are supposed to be respected. It felt very awkward.
This is a boyfriend problem.
He should have told his daughter you sit in the front.
Yes, i agree. I also think she was raised wrong. Which means he didn’t do his job as father. Basic manners.
In my world the front seat always goes to the partner of the car owner or driver, an elder, or a particularly tall person who needs the leg room. But not everyone was raised this way I guess. To me it's disrespectful for her to assume she gets it everytime. If it were me, I'd bring it up in the moment not later and depending on the situation:
- call shotgun while walking to the car
- say hey my turn to sit in the front seat
- as she waks to the front door, go hold up I'm the senior here and it's our car
Oh heck no kids in the back. The only me or my man are in the back is if one of our elders is with us.
Older person gets front unless there is a reason not to … like car sickness, height or size issues … next time take your car and see what she does. Just how I was raised.
Uhhh, the grandmother to my SO sits in the back. Now, I do offer it to her every time but she vehemently denies it. Same with his mom. The SK always sits in the back and there has never been a question about it. I don’t think it’s petty and would bring it up.
By itself I would think this means next to nothing. Seeing comments that OP has stated she may bail, I have to assume this is not her only thing going on that has meaning. But without more context of a larger issue or other concerns, not to mention more about the single circumstance mentioned in the post, I can only respond to the issue that has been stated
Yes, bringing up a one time situation of a 33 year old daughter sitting in the front and 50 year old girlfriend sitting in the back will be petty.
That last sentence is what you keep repeating to yourself. If that’s not the case, don’t stay.
Did you call shotgun?
I do. I have a disability and need the leg room, and if we're going more than 10 minutes, I get wicked travel sickness.
My stepkids are old enough to drive, but they always let me in the passenger seat, even if they have their SO with them.
How tall are you? How tall is she?
I am 5’2 so I almost never sit up front because i am not uncomfortable in the back.
With that said I do almost always immediately offer to sit in the back. And With that said, I have not been around my current SO’s children who are already taller than me at 12 and 10. I would definitely let the tallest sit up front, I know without a doubt my boyfriend would triple check with me about sitting in the back before “allowing” it and letting one of his kids sit up front.
Always the wife/gf sits in the front. Unless you are like two couples so you can leave the men in the front to chat in the back.
I think it's only cool if you politely insist
Does she get car sick?
Is there a reason you didn't ask her to move to the back seat?
I nipped that in the bud when SD was 12. Pretty much the only thing regarding her that went in my favor.
Oh… I had exactly the same situation with my ex and his daughter (her and me are about the same age). Except for it was after an evening when we invited her and she barely spoke a word to me the whole evening.
I refused to sit on the back and didn’t go with them. The evening was not pleasant.
Looking back I should have left him at that point.
Absolutely not 😂 DB has never even had to tell SD to sit in the back she just knows if I’m around I sit in the front and she sits in the back. No way in hell this would fly for me
As a 33 yr old woman, I can't imagine doing this. How petty and immature.
My bf makes his son sit in the back when we go places. It’s called being the “Passenger Princess” the gf is supposed to sit next to her bf. I believe this at any age and respect your elders. When we go on a girls trip and my mom takes my grandma places she sits up front the rest of us are in the middle and back.
The only time my SKs ride shotgun is when it’s just me and them or their father and them
Next time, rock paper scissors it. Seriously.
I mean this with all the love; if it is the kid or you then make light of it and don’t take it to heart.
However, if it was anyone nonfamilial then yes be upset.
I sit in the front or I don't go. So no, I don't think you are being petty. That is nuts.
Ehhh. I'm 37 and I would have moved to the backseat but I know other women my age who wouldn't. Different strokes different folks. Was it a long car ride, out of curiosity?
My 13 year old ss sat in the front seat once. My husband opened the door and set “you lost your mind? Get in the back.” It was all done in a playful way, but we’re able to joke about it because the kids know— front seat is my seat.
I’d be upset if I were you.
Please Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m in my late twenties….This is a “respect your elders” Situation for me.
When we drive somewhere with my in-laws, my husband will drive, but I climb in the back with our kiddos and his mom (sometimes his dad) usually sits in the passenger seat. I wouldn’t be comfortable taking that spot if there is someone older than me in the car, but that’s just how I was raised.
My stepdaughters always assume I'm riding in the front, unless I specifically say otherwise. Even though they are taller and need the leg room.
It's understandable to expect to be the front passenger and weird your partner didn't say anything. I would have said something during the outing so he had a chance to correct it.
In my opinion, —a bond between father and daughter will always beat father and girlfriend.
Sure but that isn’t the question
I’m not sure exactly why that’s a problem - step kid, bio kid, or nibbling!
Like, why do you care at all? I’m genuinely asking - why?
Unless you get carsick, but even if you do, does the front seat really make a significant difference?
If so, tell your husband and SK that. You’d prefer to sit in the front because you get car sick.
I do get car sick. But it’s more about respect for elders. bio, step etc doesn’t matter.
That's not a thing.
I mean, it is a thing in general, but not in this instance.
Your SK isn't sitting in the front seat specifically to stick it to you for being a step parent, because she thinks a step parent is a bad person. It's not about YOU, or upsetting you at all.
I have sat in the front seat of my parents' car when journeying somewhere for years - long after turning 18, I mean. Ok, I'm their bio kid not their step kid, but still.
Not EVERY time, admittedly... but my motivation was NEVER 'I'm sitting in the front seat because I want to upset the parent who sits in the back!' I prefer the front seat, that's all - and sometimes I would get my way and sometimes not - give and take, compromise, whatever you want to call it. But it went on long after I turned 18.
I don't know exactly why your SK wants to sit up front, but the odds of it be for the sole purpose of upsetting you are VERY low.
It could be as simple as it never OCCURRED to her to even offer you the seat. It literally may not ever occur to her that it might upset you in any way. I mean, I admit that I don't even really understand why you're upset, so why would it occur to her that sitting in the back seat upsets you?
Have you addressed it with her, asked if she'd let you sit up the front today? Have you addressed it with your husband? Has HE ever invited you to sit up front, or told his daughter on his own that he'd like YOU to sit up front today? Is that what you're really upset about - feeling like you're not important to HIM?
If it is the case that you're upset because you don't feel that HE considers you important enough to sit up front, then you can address that with him, too.
I really don't think either your husband or SK are plotting to upset you on purpose... but if YOU feel upset in any way for any reason, you can address it with your husband, at least.
Even if I myself don't understand why you're upset, the important thing is that you ARE upset, and you have the right to speak up for yourself, and tell your family how you feel. At least you can tell your husband how you feel. I'm sure that he would like to have you sit up front at least some of the time... or at least will consider how you feel if you just tell him. :)
You know, it could be that she just wasn’t raised to respect elders. Maybe it’s not personal. But it is rude and shocking behavior. Weren’t you taught this as a child? Where did you grow up?
Was I taught to respect ‘elders?’
Sure, but that’s got nothing to do with who sits in the front seat of the car! It has to do with being polite to people and holding the door and things like that - which actually applies to ALL people, not just elders.
I suppose YOUR idea of ‘respecting elders’ isn’t the same as mine… but saying that you deserve the front seat of the car just because you’re ‘elder’… well, 50 is not that old, so I really wouldn’t use the argument that you deserve the front seat because you’re old. Save THAT one for when you’re at least 70.
Like I said, it’s so unlikely that your SD is using THIS as her hill to stand on to shove you out of the family or whatever it if you’re worried about… it probably just never occurred to her that a 50 year old should get the front seat just because they’re ‘older’ than 33! It apparently didn’t occur to the husband, either - who is older than 50 by the way, so if HE doesn’t think 50 is ‘old’ and gets automatic rights to the front seat why would the 33y old?
You’ll simply have to speak up and tell your husband you’d like to sit up the front! I honestly can’t see any other solution to this problem. Neither of them can read your mind.
I actually think you are right. I get so crazy in my head some times. I knew she was upset about him dating me and I read into things. It’s a really tough position to be in for all of us.
Not as old as you, but generally, one of the kids sits in the front if husband is driving, bio, step or foster. Unless we are just dropping them off along the way to somewhere just the 2 of us are going.
If his daughter doesn't have any physical or mental ailments that'll prevent her from sitting in the backseat he should've checked her right then and there.
First of all, his daughter should not have even thought to sit in the front. Idk who operates that way mentally. Wtf. But also, your partner should have told them to get in the back. You’re valid.
NAH you’re 100% right. You should be in the front. Always. My step kids have never even attempted to sit in the front and I met them when they were young and dad was single and they were used to sitting in the front and calling shot gun etc. Now I have a baby and I have to tell them to please sit in front because I wanna be in the back with my baby lol
My dad had a brief girlfriend when I was maybe 12 and it was always the expectation that she would sit up front and I would be in the back seat and honestly I didn't care because in my mind adults always sat in the front. It's kinda disrespectful but obviously we don't have tbe fully story like how often they see one another, if this is a common occurance etc
My stepson is 5’10” and I’m 5’0” and I still sit in the front seat because I’m an adult. I think part of it is that I’ve been in his life since SS was in a car seat.
In what world would the adult child get to ride shotgun and the dads partner rides in the back like some 2nd class citizen. WTF. You really think if your partners best male friend was coming along he would make his best friend ride in the back ? Oh helll naw. I would NEVER. I could never. You have every right to bring it up to him. And to think this 33 year old didn’t automatically offer it to you is absolutely mind blowing. As a child of a father myself My ego would have to be through the roof to assume I deserved it more that his adult partner. This is bananas !!!
Imo you should have been seated up front. If it was his elderly mom who was fragile and tended to get carsick I’d let her sit up front. If the daughter was super tall and the backseat super tiny I would maybe let her sit up front.
To me it seems like she was being competitive and taking the front seat to show her “importance”. I think it’s an unkind thing for her to do.
It’s a little trickier as a gf rather than a wife but I’ve read this complaint before even from official stepmoms.
Maybe let him see his daughter alone next time. She doesn’t seem friendly.
Daughters and stepmoms are typically the trickiest step relationship. Daughters want to be the queen bee and kind of be a substitute wife and the gf/new wife wants the same thing.
Plus stepdaughters act like biomoms representative in the home which I read in Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin. It can be tough.
Is she visiting or does she live in town? I might bring it up at some point. It’s tough because you want to be diplomatic but it’s annoying. If she was your own kid you could tell her to go to the backseat but stepfamilies are typically tip toe around relationships.
A good skill is to learn to say things sort of sweet and nonchalantly but many cannot master that. It’s easier said than done. Best is probably to talk to bf and get him to agree to ask her to sit in back but sometimes dads don’t like confrontation.
I don’t think she’s being respectful.
Normally with the kids I always have the front seat.
Sometimes with his mother or sister I let them have it so they can talk on the journey as I see him all the time.
With a older step it’s hard, maybe I’d put her in the second category if I didn’t see her often. We see the kids a lot but they’re adults now so it’s easier for us to treat them as the kids of that makes sense?
It’s hard, it’s your car (his/yours) so you’re used to sitting in the front, it’s your spot which is why you feel like you’ve had to move to accommodate her.
Ask her if you can sit in the front next time. Say you feel sick in the back. See what she says?
When we first started dating my partner had me sit in the middle seat in the back crushed between both my SDs booster seats whilst his 12 year old son sat in the front. I put my foot down after that one incident and it has never happened again. Its disrespectful and demeaning. Plus being invetween two very hyperactive kids who talked my head off for 3 hours was actually unbearable. In the front I can zone out the chatter and don't have to entertain them.
You go in the front without a doubt
The oldest adult, or adult with a physical disability. Always. It’s basic etiquette.
Eta - when visiting my great grandparents as kid, my grandparents sat in the second row of their minivan. I was relegated to the third row.
My mom sits in the front & my kid so has graduated to the front sits in the back.
So disrespectful.
Me. Because my name is also on that car payment, because I get car sick, and because I'm his wife. Kids always in the back, even if you're in your late 40s (although my mom always lets me sit up front with dad because she knows I get car sick. With my in laws I just suck it up, although once I did roll out of the car and literally puke everywhere 🤣)
Yeah, when my stepson was 13 he decided to challenge my rank/position in our family for n every way he could think of. One of the things he did was walk over to the front passenger door when we would go to get in the car. DH was driving and when I made the comment to SS that he should sit in the back seat (like he always has), before SS could say anything DH said, “Is it really that big of a deal for you to sit in the back seat?” Well that’s certainly a way to undermine me… I’m thinking well hell yeah it’s a big deal. But what I’ve noticed with my DH is that unless something directly affects him he just won’t get it. So, I said that if he didn’t think it was a big deal then I’ll drive, SS can sit in the front passenger seat and DH can sit in the back. His response was to look at SS and say, “Son, sit in the backseat.” And it’s never been questioned since.
I ride in front of the car. Period. I don't drive because of my vision but why tf would I be in the back?
A couple years ago, SIL needed a ride to work because her car was in the shop. No big deal until we get there and she starts in about her back and she needs the front seat of my car. She really didn't, she just likes to feel like she's number one with her brother (she's grossly emotionally incestuous). So I let her but while she was up there i MADE SURE she had the Uber app downloaded to her phone because ain't no way I'm about to ride in the back of a car I paid for to make you feel better. I mentioned it to my husband after we dropped her off and he asked me why I let her sit up front. I told him "so she knows who to blame on that Uber ride home". Don't let her disrespect slide. My mom is widowed too and at this big age, what she does with her life is not my business. He's giving her too much power/ say and that's a preview to the future.
Yikes. I can say for sure I (early 40s now) would not at any point in my life expected my step mom to sit in the back of my dad’s car. My SD is little now but my assumption has always been that the parents (or parent and step parent) are in the front unless it’s one of our parents, then they get the upgrade. Seniority in a way lol
If she does that again and he doesn’t stop it, I’d just say “I’m driving” and drive myself. He can sit in the back.
I will always be the passenger princess if I’m going anywhere. Idgaf what my fiancé has to say.
Partners go on the front period
I'm 30, dad is 60, his wife is late 50s. I would never sit in the front seat if his wife is going somewhere with us, nor would I expect to sit in the backseat for the sake of my stepkids. She's doing it to intentionally spite you and your SO needs to call her out.
ughr, these kids never stop being a problem, aren't they?
My SS and our BDs would never but maybe it is because you are coming into the dynamic so much later in life. We’re also married so that is much my car as his
I’m going to mention this about stepdaughters. Usually they are on their best behavior around dad. Wait until you are alone with her or dad is ill.
The fact that she pulled this right under dad’s nose is not a good sign.
I do when it's versus the SK. I guess if it was 20 years down the road and visitations were rare, maybe that might change things but I won't know until I get there I guess. Generally speaking it's whomever is "elder" IMO.
Nice try, get in the back is what I would say
Hugely disrespectful
disrespectful
would she let her mom sit in the back?the double standards for SP
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