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I keep attracting bad boys who show no interest instead of men who want a relationship
But what ya gonna do when they come for you?
bad boys bad boys
I'm in the same position and I've been doing a lot of chasing actually. in my experience that drives the guys I'm interested in away
I know this post was a joke
Looking on reddit for a long term relationship is like looking for a baseball in an aquarium.
I would guess that your problem lies mainly in your own selection process, you probably, perhaps unknowingly choose these men over and over because they are attractive to you. Analyze your preferences and you may find that traits that you find attractive correlate with being the type of guy that’s only interested in hooking up. Men who are both attractive, suited for having a relationship and desires to have a relationship requires a lot of, somewhat contradictory qualities to come together, which is rare compared to guys who swing one way or the other because it requires less introspection and effort to be that way.
Where are you looking? Also, guys who are only looking for hookups will approach EVERYONE. So if you're near them, that includes you too.
If you don't wanna do hookups, then decline those guys when they approach you.
A lot of guys just want an easy lay. If you're not the type, then don't be one.
The right one for you will come along when you least expect it. Be patient and put yourself out there and also be up front about what you want.
Quality over quantity.
User deleted comment
4d
Seems like it
I never got into the whole hook up stuff. It lacks meaning.
Yeah totally
That's so fucked up
Like i understand people who just want to be comforted, but when gueniune love is involved. I believe it will be much better
Yes
So much
The friendship paradox helps explains this. Basically people that are great for relationships are rarely on the dating scene for too long. Because they're always snatched. People that aren't tend to stay way longer because their relationships never last enough. What ends up happening is that, independently if you're a great for relationships or not, statistically you're gonna have a way higher chance of finding people that aren't great for relationships. So it's not a you problem, it's that the guys that you want to date haven't been found since their is less of them and that some of them are going through the same problem as you. Some are lucky, others not so much, but you can't stop.
It's not my fault I am bad at relationships. My life was a mess because of childhood abuse, harassments, assaults. Now it's still shitty and people blame it on me when I have to undo everything that my parents and environment teach me and gave me like social anxiety and traumas.
I am not fucked, I am young But I am less lucky than others and it's harder.
I hate people trying to give me advice like I don't try already but my post wasn't saying it was a sort of a joke. I fixed that with an edit. Yes I want a SO and friends also. But advices make me so sad like what the fuck do you think I am doing ?
I wasn't saying that you're bad at relationships, just unlucky. Not finding the right one doesn't mean you're bad at relationships or that you don't know how to look. It's that you're unlucky. Some people discover this in relationships that last 10+ years. If I recall, a 99 year old man divorced his wife(77 years of marriage) because she cheated on him in 1940.
About your bad experiences, those things aren't things you can undo, because you'll never forget. You just learn to live with it. Not everything that defines us is something we have control over and that SO will like you for who you are.
I know you didn't say this. I say it. Maybe it's a bit harsh but my childhood left me barely able to form healthy relationships. And yes I am moreover unlucky in friends and love, as I was unlucky back then with my parents .
I hope someone will like me for who I am. It's hard to believe this. I have flaws that stem from my childhood and I have to work on them. I am not sure someone will be able to love me if I don't work on them. But it's hard to be this lonely, no family, no friends no SO and at the moment no job.
I 'll find a way I guess.
Thank you for your help, you are kind !
If you have to continue using your past trauma and abuse as an excuse or some self-defeating affirmation why you are bad at relationships, then maybe you should just stop trying to seek relationships until you realize that the only way you will ever have a nice relationship is to stop playing the victim and more forward with your life.
Every time you go back there in your mind, to those past events, you are literally throwing an anchor out that just keeps you dragged down.
I am a victim. It seems you don't understand what traumas are.
Anyway you are blocked. I hope you will experience traumatic events so you understand what my ''victim mentality'' is so you stop acting terrible toward people on the internet.
People dating for relationships are way more selective
So if you are not careful most people you date will be there to just have sex
Stop attracting (or paying any mind to these) and start actively hunting.
Dont let external things decide the candidates, go get them yourself.
Let me tell you a secret about men.. whenever they meet the right woman, they all want to be in a relationship and not just hook up.
I think you watched way too many Disney movies.
Well, did you hook up with some of them? Might be giving the vibes that you're interested in that sort of thing
Bad boys usually chase and they chase more. If you want to look for the guy you want, you have to go, find and actually go after him. A lot of decent guys Have more inhibitions and therefore are less likely to go after you as much as bad boys
Yeah I know this post was a sort of joke. But you are right. Also I am only 21 yo. I am very young.
Maybe try older men who are interested in settling down. People now have options and it's harder to settle when there's something new on the horizon. Your safest bet is to go for people who for some reason or another don't have options or don't know that they have opinions
I mean, what sort of bait are you putting out that lures these types of guys?
Stop chasing looks then smh
I don't thank you
relatable which is why i dont date. i'm not gonna allow anyone to use me and discard me again.
and i bet those girls that have SOs, those men are on apps hooking up.
That sounds sexist as fuck
which part? the part where i have pattern recognition?
Sexists and racists love to mask their opinions as "pattern recognition"
how is that post sexist or racist? lol
Any reason to have a woman except for sex and children? We can talk the talk, but can we walk the walk?
Companionship? Love?
I wish these guys would share this view on their profiles so it would be easy to filter. "Looking for a sex doll and incubator".
Don't want hippies anyway.
Yeah, no thanks.
There´s no reason to get together for purposeless goals.
You have some growing up to do....
You have some growing up to do. Women are no angels, so ain't men. We are all fucked up and that's fine.
Women want my competence, I want their intimacy. It's not that hard, don't make it complicated.
You sound like a miserable person.
Do I need to bring you a mirror? Please, no reflection towards fellow redditorials.
Do you not hear yourself though? It sounds like youve been through a terrible break up or two and just became a miserable person.
Push a loyal person too far and they no longer give a damn.
Im sorry man, shit sucks, it makes sense why you have your POV. Dating, is pretty miserable today, hopefully someone comes along for ya and gives you the love you deserve.
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Bad boys come to you because they come on to everyone. If you want to find the right person you're gonna have to be more selective, or even do a bit of chasing yourself.