I never cared about much in my life but having fun and doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But then I met someone I genuinely wanted, genuinely cared about. I travelled the world with my girl, had adventures, fun, new experiences. We were so in love. Neither of us wanted kids, marriage or to stop adventuring ever. But I always had this attitude of not needing to be medicated for my severe ADHD.
One day I lost my job, I wallowed for a while, had low energy, couldn't keep up with her and put everything i had into keeping her happy. However, I stopped taking care of myself. One day I noticed that she wasn't as chatty with me, not as open, honest and full of life. She broke up with me and never gave me a chance to turn it around. I'm very capable of change and I've proved that in the past. For example we met she didn't like smoking, I quit instantly and it was easy because I knew I wanted her. Now I drift from place to place, my heart is closed to anybody else and I don't find joy in anything. I can't imagine my life without her and no matter how much I improve myself, my life, my mental health i can't seem to get a chance to show her that I've changed since I started being medicated and living a normal healthy life. I don't care about anything but normal day to day things and my professional life have become so much easier, still I already tried to unalive myself twice and I'm not sure i want to live in a world without my person. It took me 33 years to meet one and I don't see much hope of it happening again.