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Is it okay for me (24F) to message an old friend/situation-ship while in a happy relationship ? (26M)
Do you think your boyfriend would be happy if he knew everything you posted here?
That should answer your question. If he'd be okay with it. Perfect. If he wouldn't be happy, that's a no. If he'd be indifferent. Then it's a risk.
"Okay" is subjective and largely depends on who you are dating and how you want the relationship to work.
Say he was in a similar position. Would you be happy he reached out to an old situationship?
agree
He would be okay with the last convo we had as it was literally nothing. He’s a lot more relaxed than me, I wouldn’t be happy probably because I’d be anxious about it as I’m an anxious attachment!! But he would be a lot more relaxed and always has been in the past.
I feel like I want our relationship to be open of course but I don’t feel like everything needs to be shared if the intentions behind it aren’t bad. Like I’ve had guys message me before which I’ve not told him about as I didn’t reply etc. I know the intentions aren’t bad behind this or the last happy birthday that’s why it doesn’t feel necessary to me. I’d question my own intentions if they were bad yknow
I didn't ask about just the last conversation, though. I asked if he would be okay with all the context you've posted.
Let me just answer the question without reading anything...NO! Idk how many times men will say it's fine, it's NOT! They're lying. No man is comfortable with their girl reconnecting, rehashing, re-making themselves available, for an old fling, especially an old fling. Men are afraid of the potential friend that could take their woman from them. No matter how much you tell them that it's not, they'll think otherwise. Save yourself from unnecessarily drama and leave it be.
Several billions people on earth but you want a friendship with someone you had feelings for?
lol
Valid comment. I don’t want a full-blown friendship, I just want to catch up n see how they’re doing. As I would any old friend
We were friends prior to having feelings. I don’t have feelings anymore. But the friendship care remains
I think it's ok. If you're thinking about him, hit him up
You need to re-read the way you wrote the header. You ask if it’s okay to message while you’re in happy times. Why is that different than during a rough patch? Why would you make that distinction when you’re in an exclusive relationship.
You are hiding the truth from your partner. Luring by omission is never okay. Secrets don’t work in relationships. It seems as if you’re running out the door and you have not been honest with your relationship partner or yourself.
Sorry I’m new to posting on Reddit and I can see how that would be confusing. I just meant I’m in a long-term happy relationship.
I respect your opinion as I didn’t see it like that. If it really is an awful thing to do I won’t do it, I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardise the relationship I’m in. I appreciate your opinion as that’s why I posted it. I don’t have any feelings for this old friend so it doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong but if it actually is wrong, I won’t do it.
If he really is only a friend, bring your bf to meet him. Or else just tell your bf what you have told us. I cannot think why you are taking over hot coals except getting a frisson out of it. Or have a drink with a few friends with him. A one to one with him is you not letting go. He cannot have been that close a friend of you managed six months without. Some part of me thinks you are hiding something from yourself- I question your true motive here. Sorry.
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