My MIL (64 F) wants me (34 F) to change the name of my business (maiden name) to their surname. How to soften the blow?

I (34F) am a cosmetic surgeon and I opened my practice last year. It’s been doing very well and I’m doing the planning now to open another branch at a neighboring state which is my in-laws’ state.

My husband comes from a well-to-do family (grandfather was wealthy) whereas my parents were immigrants and had to get their masters here again while already having a PhD from my home country. I barely saw my parents growing up so that they could house and feed us. My practice has both my mom and dad’s last names.

My husband is a great guy and his family is very nice but they value different things and have weird priorities. I wanted a small wedding in the US because I had another reception in my parent’s home country. MIL offered to pay for a larger wedding so that they can invite more of their friends but I stuck to the 50 people limit (which is a lot I wanted 30 at the beginning) because I wanted people my husband and I both knew AND loved to be there. I didn’t want my MIL’s stylist, her business partner or their family lawyer to attend. She eventually complied and kept meddling occasionally from then on. I never changed my last name but would unofficially be referred to Mrs husb’s last name. At work I still use my name to not confuse my staff and patients but also to honor my dad for everything he has done all my life.

Now that I’m opening another practice MIL wants me to use the family name as the brand. I told her it would create confusion and people might not know it was mine. I built a lot of trust, patronage and recognition using my brand so I don’t want to keep correcting people and to start from the bottom in a sense. It makes perfect sense and is the smart decision business-wise. There’s also some legal and extra paperwork to be done if I used a different name.

She said she is so proud of me and wants to show me off and also her family name is very famous around here so I might get more patients. She also joked that she should get some royalty for that too. Their surname is an old American name that back in the day used to do bad things (ie corruption and more). I do not want to use that name. I am south east asian, my staff are diverse and it’s something I am proud of since we do focus on ethnic and cultural esthetics instead of the generic white/european esthetics.

Im walking on eggshells here and i plan to let my husband deal with her. They always do a family dinner and I see her maybe once every 2 weeks and she always brings this up. Recently 2 of my SILs have been pestering me to do it too.

in relationship_adviceby ThrowRA323868

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Profreadsalot

Why are your family’s accomplishments not as important? To be perfectly honest, your business model is spot on. People of color are looking for you.

The BIPOC population will often go to dermatologists and cosmetic surgeons of color, because we have unique needs that often go unaddressed in white run establishments. Ex: “I don’t have the laser you would need. Why don’t we try a different (less effective) treatment?”

Then there’s “I’m not really knowledgeable about how to use acid peels for you. It will take a very long time, and you guys are prone to scarring. Why don’t I give you some hydroquinone?”

The worst is when we have a scalp issue, and they try and make us wash our hair daily. Tell me you’re ignorant about our needs without telling me you’re ignorant about our needs.

When moving to a new city, many people I know have sought out a dermatologist, aesthetician, or cosmetic surgeon who is of African, North African, Asian, Pacific Islander, or Hispanic descent, specifically because they have usually sought out the professional development, tools, skills, and experience necessary to address our needs.

Let your husband address this. That’s his crazy family, so it’s his responsibility. They clearly find their name to be superior, probably because it has given them advantages over people who don’t have a similar background. It’s a lose/lose situation if you have to defend your name to them, while they’re selling their name to you.

Good luck, OP.

The_Sanch1128

I have a long-time client who's a dermatologist. He says he catches hell from the big medical corporation he works for if he refers a patient to another dermatologist for the reasons you cite--but he does it regardless, "if that makes them more comfortable". He says his patients deserve doctors who are best equipped to help them. He's also only a few years from probable retirement, so he may be running low on f**ks to give about the almighty corporation.