I (M18) sent a break up text to my long distance gf (F19) of 72 hours. Should I have done it differently?

I met this girl during vacation and we spent 3 weeks together. She was also on vacation and she left to go back home (a city a few hours away) and I'm leaving today (out of country). I'm starting Uni in a few months and I know I won't be able to see her until next year.

I told her I liked her about 2 or 3 days ago on text when she began to ask me questions about my crush and all the answers started matching her description. She told me the feeling was mutual, and I was over the moon. However, we never officially asked each other out, so perhaps it would be presumptuous to title us bf and gf, but she grew up conservatively with the only knowledge of romance being from exaggerated romance movies, so she has assumed we're bf and gf. Immediately after telling me she liked me, she started talking about marriage in the future and didn't seem to understand that I wasn't trying to make a lifetime commitment so early until I explained it to her.

I thought I could be patient for a long distance relationship to work, until I realized I couldn't and that we were incompatible in many major ways. She's a social butterfly, I'm very asocial. She's religious, I'm not. We've grown up very differently and I don't think our lifestyles would complement. I sent her a breakup text (if you wanna call it that, even though we weren't bf and gf), and now I'm wondering what I could've done better so that she doesn't feel hurt by the whole thing. I mean, I'm her first experience with romance and I'm already leaving her after like 2 or 3 days. She hasn't seen the texts at the time of writing this. I realize this is my fault, so feel free to verbally abuse me as long as something useful is suggested too.

If it's relevant, I've had one short relationship before this around 2 years ago. She hasn't had any. I'll update when she sees the texts.

Edit: forgot the TLDR; I'm a girl's first experience with romance and I basically broke up with her after like 3 days because I realized we weren't compatible despite being the one confessing first. What could I have done better so that she doesn't feel hurt by the whole thing?

Edit 2: Update. She replied. All she said was "ok". No more, no less. I don't know if she took it well or took it horribly, but there's officially no going back. I'll post an update on my profile if she says anything more, but otherwise, case closed. Thanks for the comments, all.

in relationship_adviceby DjinnOfYourDreams

67%

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Equivalent-Board206

You're allowed to change your mind.. I'm certain she'll get over it. It would have been better to have at least called her, and maybe you still can, but it's only been a matter of days, so a text is enough.

Yes her feelings will be hurt, but they'll be hurt regardless.

DjinnOfYourDreams

It just feels really shitty from my end because she asked me once, "Do you really have feelings for me?" I said yes, because it was true, still is, but I feel like I lied to her. I'm really worried she'll take it as badly as I took it in my past relationship.

Equivalent-Board206

"Thank you for a wonderful 3 weeks. I'm so glad I met you and I'll always treasure getting to know you. I was genuine when I admitted that I had developed feelings for you. I didn't want to admit it because I knew I'd be heading home so soon and I didn't think I could handle a long distance relationship. After I told you and you were also interested I wanted to believe that I could have a long distance thing. But I can't. The thought of loving you from afar when I can't see you nearly every day doesn't work for me. I know this is shitty. You are amazing. You're warm and funny and beautiful. I wish I could wait, but that's not how I am. I wish you a better future with someone who is local or who can be better at distance than me."

Equivalent-Board206

Ultimately it really doesn't matter if she thinks badly of you. I know you'd prefer she didn't, but you're literally ending things with her. You're probably never going to see her again. You can admit that what you're doing is shitty and still let her down gently. But even if you don't, it's none of your business what she thinks of you.

DjinnOfYourDreams

she just replied and all she said was "ok" dude this is worse than her cursing me out

Equivalent-Board206

No, that's the correct response.

I know you're feeling pretty shit right now, but all breakups suck. Go for a run or eat a tub of ice cream or whatever else you do to get some dopamine. You did the hard, sucky thing that you wanted. You will both be fine

External_Abalone_771

relax, just never do that again with any girls in the future.

_Mr-NiceGuy_

Man to man, and as someone who has done this before, leading someone on and calling it quits immediately after is very cowardly. It’s okay, move on, grow from it, and don’t do it again. Before implying you have a “crush” or that you want it to become something, do your due diligence. See if you’re actually compatible, then proceed to start a relationship. You seem like a good guy, so learn from this experience! She may react good or bad to it. If good, then if she wants space or to cut things off, respect that. If she’s okay being friends, respect that. If she tells you off, you deserve it, take it, let help you grow so you never do it again, and be apologetic. Respect her, even after all of this. Hope all is well. Cheers!

DjinnOfYourDreams

Thanks man, you're absolutely right. I should've known that it wouldn't have worked out, but I ended up hurting both of us in desperation to see something become of it. I'll update the post since she replied.

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