My bf (29M) insists that I (23F) get Labiaplasty since he feels that it takes too much effort from him and the intimate act is not the same anymore, how should I tell him that it's not me, it's him because I do not feel like faking anymore?

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At least there's an optimistic message to all the young folks out there: it doesn't look like you really need to be all that smart to get into postgrad.

He's 29 and has no idea how vaginas work. That's a yikes from me, dog.

Lmao, your ‘lady bits’ aren’t ‘loose or misshapen’, it doesn’t work like that. Dump his ass and keep your labia as is.

There’s a less expensive, pain free, highly effective surgical procedure that has far greater longterm results.

All you have to do is to cut this loser out of your life and you’ll be surprised at how much better your self-esteem and sex life become.

my lady bits have become loose and misshapen from too much action

I'm sorry, did i miss the part where his dick was as large as a 10 lb baby wielding a chainsaw? That's not how any of this works.

I think the bigger issue is why are you putting up with this? You're in a miserable relationship where your needs aren't being met, lying to fulfill his and ensuring your needs will never be adderssed, and he degrades you and demands you mutilate your body for him for his own delusions.

I would hope surely you'd want better for your life and relationships than this?

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with my lady bits, you're just bad in bed. It's over, goodbye."

First off, obviously faking it was a really dumb idea. Don't do that again.

But this dude really takes the Cake for dumb. That is not how labia work at all. If he's so fantastically dumb that he thinks sex with a man will change the shape of your genitals, you need to stop having sex with him because it's not right to have sex with people who have such serious mental disabilities.

What sexist online forums has he been lurking on lately, telling him such dumb garbage?

Girl, you need to dip. And you need to be real in the future.

By breaking up with him!!! I can't even articulate how fucked up this is and how much this relationships is NOT worth a further single second of your time or energy.

never fake it again with a future partner. also, tell him how you felt all this years and get out of his life

What’s “loose” and “misshapen” is this guys brain.

OP, just be honest and tell him exactly what you've said here.

Then break up with him because the very idea of suggesting someone else get genital surgery for selfish reasons is fucking disgusting

There is another lesson here, besides not dating losers - never fake in bed. You are doing disservices to both of you. Think from his position - he thought he's a sex king, of course he didn't put anything effort, why would he if you acted like you were enjoying what he was already doing. Learning is usually happening on feedback. If you provide false feedback, don't be surprised if the outcome.

That said, he's taking rubbish. Just drop him. Find a good man and never fake again. Good luck!

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I (a woman) never faked it during sex. It's bullshit and sets a bad precedent.

Tell him the truth. He's underperforming and always has. You're just done with faking it.

PSA FOR THE LADIES: This is why I tell all my friends, NEVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, fake an orgasm with a man you are dating. You are wiring him to believe X, Y, and Z= ORGASM!! You can fake it with a one night stand if you want it to get over quicker because… that will get it over quicker but never fake it with someone you’re actually dating.

Only recourse at this point is to be honest about the past. Tell him you need more in bed. Also, I wonder why you felt the need to fake it? Was it coming from an insecure place of worrying he would reject you? We as women, are just as entitled to an orgasm as a man.

Girl dump his ass. You have to get part of your vagina taken off because he’s a shit lover? Don’t make the mistake of performing for a man again. You aren’t a fuck dill or masturbation tool and when you pretend to be pleased they never have to please you back or do literally anything. It’s unreasonable to expect it now. Tell him his dick needs work and to go get an extension implant because it’s just not cutting it anymore 

You shouldn't be with someone you can't honestly communicate with and you shouldn't be in relationships until you're ready to communicate. Now is the time to learn if you feel the relationship is otherwise worthwhile. In fact, now's the time to learn regardless. Speak up and leave or speak up and assert your needs.

“Are you suggesting that you have pummeled me so much with your powerhouse of a penis that it’s permanently altered my lady bits? No sir. That has not happened. That will never happen.”

He’s 29 and thinks surgery for YOU is the answer to him not feeling like it’s the same. Maybe he should learn how to perform.

If he’s gonna be ballsy enough to tell you you’re loose and misshapen, and doesn’t care about your feelings, stop trying to protect his feelings and tell him point blank he’s lazy and bad in bed. He deserves the shame.

Girl why are you being so cautious to tell him the truth when he didn't seem to care about insulting you and saying you need serious surgery on your lady parts? Tell him he's lazy in bed and it sucks, sounds like he needs to hear it

Leave him.

You could have the largest labia in the world, and that would have no impact on the sensation you feel.

Your boyfriend is selfish. He thinks he's fine and he doesn't care about your pleasure. He's trying to blame you for his own refusal to make you feel good.

He's also an ignorant misogynist. Vaginas don't get looser, labia don't get larger with sexual activity. Just like his penis doesn't get smaller from your vaginal muscles gripping onto his dick. 

Why are you still with a guy who thinks that labias can magically become loose and misshaped and can’t make you come? Just break up with him

Your boyfriend wants you to have surgery on your genitalia for a bullshit reason. You are 23 years old. DUMP. HIM.

The reason why he thinks that you're "loose" or "misshapen" is most likely because he watches too much porn and has death-gripped his dick to the point of not feeling pleasure properly unless he's essentially cutting off circulation to it. It seriously sounds like he has a porn-rotted brain with the actions you described coming from him.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. However, there is a LOT wrong with that jerk. You deserve so much better, girl.

First thing first that is soo stupid why did you even fake your pleasure to give him pleasure to begin with🤦. but still removing a part of your vagina is too much I say dump his ass you still have a lot of life ahead of you and you'll find someone who can give you the pleasure you want🤷.

"He insists that I get Labiaplasty to address my so-called physical problems." Hi, dump this useless AH. Just block him on everything and move on.

Tha audacity. Fuck that guy. Seriously, he needs to die alone.

I used to take much pride in how I can impress a girl in bed going down on her and used to brag about it. I didn’t know i was underperforming just cuz my 1st gal did the same “faking it” . I didn’t even know where the button is and used to just over appreciate my talents.

1 fine day after the whole day of discovering each others body during my 3rd relationship, she sat me down post coitus and explained to me what is what and how to take care of it !!!

It was like a slap across my face (for being a schmuck all this while) and I looked at her thing while she was explaining like a teacher and me her favourite student. :D

Weird I know, but the best lesson ever when it comes down to bedroom stuff.

Now I take pride in it with approval :D

This is why faking it is a waste of time. Be upfront and honest about what works for you and what doesn't. Don't be embarrassed to say what's good and what isn't. Certainly don't consider surgery to help an inattentive man's ego. This dude is encouraging surgery because he can't be bothered doing more than a few minutes of foreplay. I think you need a boyfriend-plasty

Sorry, I didn’t read the post, just the title. I’m so baffled by how an almost 30 year old would say that. If the roles were reversed, would it be appropriate to tell him to get circumcised for your pleasure? wtf is wrong with this guy

Ok I read it, please break up. I know that so many Reddit people jump to breaking up. But it’s been years and it doesn’t even sound like this guy views you as a sexual equal. You know what I mean? Like be with a guy who enjoys pleasing you and would never suggest that you get surgery to make your parts feel better for him. That’s insane. And you’re in your early 20’s. He’s not going to suddenly realize how unreciprocating he has been

He’s 29 bragging to his friends about sex. That would’ve gave me the ick.

32M here, dump him QUICKLY. I get that he’s older so you think he might know what he’s talking about, but anyone that truly loves you isn’t going to request you get body modifications, PERIOD. He belongs to the streets, find a real man that won’t put you down like this. And tell him to get a bigger dick while you’re at it.

Perhaps suggest that his penis has actually shrunk and he's the one that needs surgery. Then surgically remove him from your life for feeling that that was an appropriate thing to say to anyone.

It’s terrifying that he has a college degree

Babe… woman to woman.. drop his ass.

So u faked it for a long time and now he thinks something is wrong because u don't do it anymore.

Communication people tell him what u want and what u need of he doesn't want to do it then u break up and find someone who will put your needs first. Sexual compatibility is a huge part of any relationship

You are only 23 years old - in the absolute prime of your youth, and just from reading this, clearly not just educated but well-spoken and thoughtful - and this nearly-30-year-old man is insisting that you have a (wholly unnecessary) major surgical intervention (with all the very serious, very real risks that any kind of surgery entails, including but not limited to the possibility of being permanently maimed or even dying should something go wrong) . . . and literally his only justification for demanding this is not only ridiculous, but objectively and scientifically not even a real thing.

He is demanding that you have you doubtless absolutely lovely, perfectly normal, and most importantly healthy vagina carved up by scalpel or laser, because he is so staggeringly dimwitted that he thinks regularly, (supposedly) enthusiastic sex can somehow make the musculature in question "loose and misshapen". I'd love to know if he thinks that regularly exercising other muscles also makes them "loose and misshapen" or if he thinks this is magically some sort of thing that only happens to vaginas. Because I'm pretty sure that, if anything, regularly exercising a muscle makes it stronger and tighter. I won't even go into the whole "it was literally designed to push out a whole-ass human being and then snap back to size" part of this.

My point is: you're asking how to explain to him that it's not you, it's him, and the answer is that you don't.

He is nearly 30 years old and doesn't understand the most basic facts of human musculature and how it works. He is, however, disturbingly well-versed in misogynistic body-shaming rhetoric. He's a grown man hurtling towards middle age who thinks it's reasonable to insist that you have surgery because you've (understandably) tired of behaving like an over-the-top shrieking porn star in bed when he barely makes an effort to actually make you feel good.

Girl, you describe yourselves as having been together for "nearly two years". Time to reframe. You've been together less than two whole years of your life, and he thinks it's appropriate to demand that you carve your body up for him. Please do not waste one more hour of your time on him. He doesn't deserve you, he's not good enough for you, and it seems pretty clear that he never was.

You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it trying to explain things to a man with fewer brain cells than an orange cat. The only conversation you should be having with him is: "I'm sorry, but I cannot be with someone convinced that a mere penis can reshape a vagina from 'too much action.' It is difficult not to laugh at you, but less so now that you're suggesting that I get surgery because you don't understand how my parts work. Goodbye."

So u faked it for a long time and now he thinks something is wrong because u don't do it anymore.

Communication people tell him what u want and what u need of he doesn't want to do it then u break up and find someone who will put your needs first. Sexual compatibility is a huge part of any relationship

Please in the future, don't fake it, don't worry about hurting his feelings, he certainly wasn't worried about hurting yours with his ridiculous statements. If he isn't putting in the effort, tell him.

The absolute audacity of this guy, no self awareness at all...if there's a problem it's her and not his low effort ass.

Lol if he had the audacity to even suggest something like that, then you should have the audacity to tell him straight to his face "honey, you suck at fucking. Get good of get lost"

You need to gently explain that he needs to get a penis enlargement for this to work.

From all the sex and masturbating he has been doing, his penis has really shrunk.

There are no other options. Tell him you can’t have surgery every two years, because his penis will just keep getting smaller and smaller.

Voice it in a concerned and caring voice.

Me n me lady have 4 kids from her lady bits and it still feels the same as the first time lol it ain’t u

Honestly, you’ve been faking for two years and he was never good since day one, I bet he will not change. Tell him you’ll do the surgery if he pays, get the money for the labiaplasty and leave him. Use the money for something you like. He’s obviously not a good boyfriend, if he thinks you “got loose” it’s HIS FAULT and he should be able to see this. And NEVER AGAIN fake orgasms, why the hell you’re training someone to be bad? If it’s not good, it’s not good, he either gets better at it or you change partners. I’d honestly not even waste my time with this man!

Why would he “make a serious effort” to please you when YOU have already given him the impression that he IS already pleasing you? See when you start off a relationship with games this is what happens. You’ve painted yourself into a corner. Now there’ll be a big blow up if you confess to him that you’ve been faking. Always be honest up front and speak up when it comes to intimacy. Some people just genuinely never learnt how to please a partner. It’s NOT automatic for everyone. The fact that he’s talking about labia tightening shows he’s completely clueless about female anatomy.

Tell him you'll pay to get his dick enlarged if he pays for your labiaplasty.

Then say 'bye bye'.

He's a terrible person. You deserve so much better.

I would scream, call him daddy, and the usual talk

This is on you really, for putting on a ridiculous porn performance in the first place. 

Dump this loser and try actually communicating like an adult in your next relationship. 

Yea, he has no clue on a woman’s body. You need to be honest with him that you were faking it because you wanted to make him happy but that you need more from him to ACTUALLY be gratified sexually and it has nothing to do with the shape/size of YOUR anatomy. But if you feel like it, take him to your gynecologist and let him explain to that doctor what his concerns are.

I seriously doubt this is a lasting relationship. Sorry OP.

First off why are you faking? You can’t act like someone is doing a good job when they aren’t then act like it’s all their fault you aren’t getting it as good. Have you ever told him what you want at all? Start by actually having a conversation about how he needs to improve and he can do that. That’s a pretty good start. I’m not saying that he’s not at fault. 29 and not know how a vagina works is mind boggling but your sex life sucks because of you.

"Goodbye, I am breaking up with you to find someone who is better in bed and understands how vaginas work." This dude is not worth trying to fix.

oh girl i’m begging u get a toy or smthn u deserve better

Tell him what you told us. Vaginas don’t work like that and he needs to step up his game.

ETA - Although, I wouldn’t be having sex with someone telling me my bits were the problem.

Girl. First- he needs to take a class on human anatomy. Specifically female anatomy. What does he think the labia is and does he actually think a labiaplasty will change the size/shape of the vagina???

Second- you need to direct and blunt. Example: "Truthfully I have not been orgasming for a while. I was faking my orgasms to enhance the experience for you. However that was a mistake, I should have been direct about my needs. I noticed when I did fake orgasms you would put less work into pleasing me and you also would reach your orgasm faster. I am not happy with our sex life currently- I feel that oral sex is not reciprocal and then afterwards I typically do the majority of the work. This isn't a physical issue with my body parts- by the way a labiaplasty is typically done for visual purposes so it would have no impact on this issue. Can we talk about what works for both of us sexually so we can BOTH enjoy sex and reach orgasm?"

I'm gonna warn you though- he is going to get defensive. He will likely claim you're lying and that you didn't fake it because his manly-man brain just knows you orgasmed, he can tell. 🙄

In the future, communicate. Don't fake it. Don't settle for mediocre or bad sex.

Good lord OP leave this insecure sexually inept manchild.

Not to mention the fact a labiaplasty will do nothing for the inner "tightness or shape" as the labia are.. on the outside

Screaming crying and throwing up. Why does this man think that JUST his dick does more detriment to a vagina than a BABY?!?

I'm pretty sure surgery down there would worsen issues. There's a chance nerves could get cut, all for a surgery that's not needed.

All for his pleasure.

Yuck.

Yes, tell him the truth. He won't believe you but that's his problem.  The fact that he won't even try speaks volumes.

He's a misogynist and needs to be kicked to the curb.

Do not continue this relationship unless he's willing to change.

Baby, no. Just no. Leave now. You are a build a bear flesh light to him. He thinks he can demand risky surgery for his preferences?? And you need therapy for even considering staying with him. Leave, heal, don’t even consider dating again until you’ve learned all the lessons from this dumpster fire. 

Remember to break up over the phone and have either the police or large male accompaniment when you clear your stuff. Don’t tell him you’re leaving until you have all your ducks in a row; move in silence to guarantee your safety. 

Dump him. He's trying to make you feel insecure, the more gorgeous a woman the more they try to hold you back. Express you've been putting in the exact effort he's been putting to sex lately.

NEVER fake an orgasm or that your partner is pleasing you. This is why a majority of men are so bad in bed no matter age. My friends and I are all pretty sexual and the funniest thing is hearing how their man rarely pleases them but they put on a show and then I hear from the men sometimes when they have guys night at our house talking about how they know for sure their girl ain't faking and they are grest. 😂

Great sex starts with communication (try this with your new guy not this plastic bag of a human) and simply saying let's try this! I love when you do this! Can we try this instead? I don't feel much when that happens. I've learned from both men and women that each person is completely different with turn ons and offs. And porn is not an accurate representation of the population. None of my partners or girlfriends share the same turn ons so make sure you both communicate and reach mutual destinations with a great journey!

You sound like an awesome girl and there's nothing wrong with doing all the things you have for your partner to bring them pleasure but he should also be putting in an equal amount of time to make you happy!

Tell him to get a dick implant and see how he feels about that

I mean is this for real?! Does this 29M actually exist?! I don't really know where to begin from. "You got loose from too much action" and "labiaplasty fixes looseness" 😂😂😂😂😂😂 And this comes from someone who supposedly has higher education 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ (And I won't even go into the whole emotional and relationship thing). FML we really need a comet to wipe us all out.

In the meantime, dump him, and don't ever fake again in a relationship. Comes to bite you in the ass later, plus it's plain useless.

The true red flag is that being so wrong about how the human body works very probably comes from alt-right podcasts.

You both suck. He’s gone completely off the rails for suggesting surgery rather than talking through what’s happened first. You on the other hand only have yourself to blame for the bad sex you’re having since you decided to fake from the start. He thought he was firing on all cylinders, how was he supposed to know you wanted him to eat you out more if you’re faking huge screaming orgasms?

He needs to get his fucking head out of his ass about suggesting surgery or thinking muscles get weak from being used (does he think lifting weights will collapse his arms too?). You need to communicate your wants and needs instead of actively lying. You both need to stop self sabotaging.

I’m going to be downvoted for this comment but…this is why sex in your twenties is just not satisfying. Because women spend their time trying to feed male egos and fake orgasms. This is not entirely his fault. You lied for two years and told him what he did worked. So he keeps doing it. Accountability is on both sides. My suggestion to you is that if you cannot have conversations openly about sex with your partner, then you shouldn’t be having sex. Or be with someone. It took me a long time to come to this realization through maturity.

My suggestion is to have a conversation first and just talk. Don’t shy away. Your pleasure in sex is not insignificant. If at that point he won’t listen, then I would end things and focus on getting to know yourself better. Good luck 🍀.

Did you really have to come on here and ask? I think you should read wha you wrote and then ask yourself.

Tell him his dick must’ve gotten smaller 🙂🙃 he should get penis enlargement see how he likes it use the phrase “you’re dick must’ve warn down from all the action”

A man that cares about you enough to want to spend your life with him would not ask you to have a serious surgery for his own sexual gratification. I am not saying this with judgment - I have accepted worse treatment myself - but girl RUN. this is someone six years your senior acting like a child. You deserve better and I promise you will find it if you give yourself the opportunity

Time to tell him the truth. He has never made you orgasm and you aren't the problem, he's a selfish lover.

Quite frankly, you caused this issue by faking it and I suggest with the next BF, you don't do that. Some men need guidance and encouragement, because every woman is different on what gets them to the finish line. Also, his previous partners may have also fakked it, making him think he's awesome in coitus.

Tell him it’s his dick that has been whittled down to a shrunken nub from too much pleasure, he needs to seriously consider getting a huge dick implant

Ugh why does he even know what a labiaplasty is. My heart goes out to this generation.

I'm sure this is fake, but if not, your relationship is over. The only solution is to either go back to pretending or to tell him you used to fake it. Either way, y'all are done.

Big sister advice - dump him before you invest more into this relationship. He’s 29 and has a fundamental issue in how he operates in this relationship. Instead of approaching “the problem” with curiosity, he resorts to suggesting you have a body altering surgery.

This will only get worse and I can assure you it will show up in other aspects of your relationship. Run now.

DO NOT AGREE to the labiaplasty. There is nothing wrong with your body "down there". You need to tell him that those parts are not "loose", you simply realized that being vocal for his enjoyment is misleading him to assume your pleasure is really that good. You have chosen to pull back on the vocal feedback, and only let it happen if you actually feel that good, which you don't.

Honestly, sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is still important for alot of people. If the sex sucked, I wouldn't be able to sustain a long term relationship. The only "one night stands" I ever had were men that I liked enough to date, but didn't enjoy sex with. I don't think those count, though since I knew the person and liked them enough to have sex, but never officially dated them lol

This man needs to be disillusioned. You have somewhat created this problem by letting him think he was a sex god for two years instead of letting him learn how to work your body alongside your own learning of his preferences. Two years later... he thinks there's something wrong with YOU because he is still doing the exact same things but getting a different result. You need to just have an open conversation about this. You need to own up that you have been faking.

I don't necessarily think it's break-up worthy, but suggesting cosmetic surgery because you've been lying about how good he is seems really toxic on his part. Please carefully evaluate all the pros and cons of this relationship, including:

• does he do sweet things for you?

  • hold your hand (at home or in public?)
  • pick up little goodies that he knows you like?
  • offer to help you with tasks you hate doing?
  • let you pick the movie?
  • kiss you for no reason?
  • genuinely want to spend time with you
  • etc (things that make you feel loved and considered)
  • does he contribute fairly to the relationship?
  • pays for at least some dates
  • pays fair share of bills
  • helps with housework/laundry/etc

• does he show compassion?

  • does he notice when you've had a bad day?
  • does he try to cheer you up or at least just be present when you are sad?
  • does he let you voice your feelings without blaming you or making you feel like you're overreating?

• does he speak to you with love and respect?

  • NEVER puts you down over your appearance (weight, clothing, makeup or lack thereof)
  • Request for your help or ask when he needs something from you (or does he demand it)?
  • does he remain calm during disagreements so he can hear your views and work to find a compromise?

There are so many more things, but these are all big ones (at least for me). If he isn't behaving like you ate an equal part of this relationship and treat you like a beautiful woman with feelings and thoughts, then you need to break this off. You can't fix an asshole... and stop faking orgasms! Lol

Break up with any partner who tells you to get surgery for them.

Just immediately throw this garbage man out

He is clueless about women's anatomy and the fact that he thinks this should lead you to get major surgery is bonkers

Also a labiaplasty does not affect vaginal tightness?? Lmao he doesn't even know what he's telling you to do.

MEN WONT GIVE US ACTUAL ORGASMS IF WE KEEP FAKING ORGASMS. seriously, two years in and you're faking orgasms and didn't tell him? Unless he makes you fear for your safety, the only thing you're doing is stroking his ego. Stop putting his physical needs before yours. Companionship isn't about making sure someone else feels good all the time.

Like 100% I get it the first couple sessions, you're still learning each other's bodies. But he's had two years. You should have stopped faking at the 3rd session. They don't know there are issues if you don't COMMUNICATE

Throw the whole man out

Getting a labiaplasty isn’t gonna change the fact that he has absolutely NO CLUE how to make a girl feel pleasure because he obviously doesn’t even know that it’s normal and common for women’s labias to have loose skin. It sounds like you need to dump his ass because he has no idea how vaginas work and probably no idea how to pleasure one.

What....the FUCK... did I just read? Nah sis. He's saying this shit to hurt you because he feels inadequate now. He's probably pissed that he thought he was doing a good job then found out he wasn't. Honestly, that's on you but he's being an asshole about it. First, stop faking it for a partner. How are they ever going to learn how to please you if you fake that they're pleasing you? You both lose in that scenario. Second, that's not how our genitals work. They don't get "overused" like that. Even the record for the biggest cock on a human being can't do that much damage and I doubt this man is even close. So, before you dump him, take him to school and teach him that that's not how a woman's genitals work.

“Looseness” doesn’t exist because our hooha (idk if allowed to say anatomical words) is elastic. It bounces back to what it was originally and becomes larger when aroused/giving birth….he’s just a wimp and you should lose him

Major red flags here. I think the surgery you need is to cut him out of your life.