User deleted post
🎯 so sad and so true. If anything, he will continue to whine and moan about his side of responsibilities and passive aggressively make OP feel the need to do everything, guilting her into being a slave to them both. OP needs to leave him alone asap. 21 but he’s mentally 16. He liked the idea of being a dad but he clearly never put any real thought into what it takes
Dude should’ve been more responsible if he didn’t want a kid.
A lot of the parents here started out being enthusiastic about their child, until they weren't and OP's boyfriend also seems to follow this path ... I bet that if he posted in here and he shared his point of view, you would have sympathy for him.
Plus this post is all too short, with nothing that tells us more about the reason as to why he dislikes his child. Do they have support? Do they have lots of broken nights? Money issues? Are they still partners who are able to spend some time on their relationship or just harried young adults taking care of an infant while feeling like co-parents/he feels like a co-parent?
Moderator removed comment
19d
How do you know he didn't want the kid? She said that he "Changed quick from being excited about the baby to telling me he wishes we never did and blames me for getting pregnant".
sounds like he liked the idea of a kid and the reality not so much
Tell him to get a vasectomy. You BOTH had sex, not just you. He doesn’t want kids? He needs a vasectomy. Birth control is something both are responsible for. So he needs to stop blaming you. It’s not your fault.
It takes 2 to make a baby. If he regrets being a parent what did he do to prevent the pregnancy?
The good news is, you love the child and when the child is 18, you will be 36 and can restart life again, you have time on your side
I wouldn't suggest leaving your partner, HOWEVER
If you do stay together, you will likely end up doing 90% of the parenting, his attitude won't change, there will be good days, but plenty more bad days, then years of that will ruin everyone's mental health, until you're posting on this forum about how you can no longer survive, and dream of escaping, when it's too late and daily routine has you concreted in life and too difficult to end the bitter relationship
I wish you all the best
OP absolutely needs to drop that zero, seems like he wanted the label “father” but never once sat to think of what comes along with it. He’s already stated his true feelings and highly doubt they’re going to change. Feelings may worsen as the child gets to the toddler stage etc, and so might the situation. Wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up running off.
Please see a therapist, and have your BF see one too.
Also talk to him about this, how you both feel, etc.
They are young, highly doubt they’ll be seeing anyone professionally
Huh? There is no age limit for therapy. Many children and teens, and even adults in their 20s see therapists or counselors.
We can ask OP how likely it is for them to see a professional, but usually young people confide in close friends. The dad does not seem at all interested in fixing things
Uh… how the hell did a 21 year old get a kid with an 18 year old…?
Blaming you, hating your kid, and taking shit out on you? A brand new adult who barely knows adult life? Sounds like every 20 something manchild who chases teenagers.
OP… this behavior is telling of him. You don’t sound like you’re in a good situation and I’d re-evaluate your relationship with this person.
Most likely peeked after high school and worked till he turned 21 and never did any actual life evaluation so mentally he still thinks he’s that age(not justifying it, just explaining)
Moderator removed comment
19d
Your comment was automatically removed. This measure is necessary due to trolling and brigading from other subs but there can be false positives. If the removed content is suitable for the sub, it will be approved by the mod team. Please do not contact the mods as removed posts will be reviewed in the order in which they are received by default. PMing mods will slow down, not speed up, the process.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Moderator removed comment
19d
Your comment was automatically removed. This measure is necessary due to trolling and brigading from other subs but there can be false positives. If the removed content is suitable for the sub, it will be approved by the mod team. Please do not contact the mods as removed posts will be reviewed in the order in which they are received by default. PMing mods will slow down, not speed up, the process.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
How dare he blame you for getting pregnant, you didn’t do it by yourself!! Yuck, he’s probably JEALOUS that you’re enjoying the baby, he isn’t, and he didn’t realize the hard work and sacrifices that came along with baby. He’s still mentally a child at 21, it’s probably best that he isn’t involved especially if he doesn’t help out. Last thing you need is to be a slave to the baby and him! These days the dads aren’t even trustworthy of being left alone with their kids. Protect your baby, focus and LOVE on yourself and your baby, now. Let him do what he chooses to do, don’t let it hurt you anymore. You’ve already suffered your heartbreak, screw him, he showed his true colors. He isn’t the only guy in the world, he’s a jerk to say these things to you especially at a sensitive time like this, you deserve better. If you need to live together fine, but I wouldn’t advise to have sex with him again, he don’t even deserve it, and God forbid you get pregnant again! Be careful!
Takes two to tango! Tell him to kiss your ass.
Probably having a bad couple of weeks and months, its a scary thing. Talk about it with him when, for whatever reason you are a bit happier i.e. a night out. You keep it inside of you, then dump it on the other one angry, but if you just wait, to have the talk at a better time, maybe in a couple hours, or in a couple days.
I'm pessimistic because my bd did this, and now I'm a single mom. which is still 100% better than being with someone who outwardly dreaded my daughter. I highly suggest you start looking into your child support and custody options as soon as possible.
An optimistic take like someone said before, I also suggest get couples counseling. Ask your bf what he hates so much about being a parent and see how you both can work around that. Is it free time, money, diapers, maybe you can rearrange the workload. If you want?
Im sorry he did this to you, and I just want you to know you're doing great, mom. You don't need anyone to make you feel so bad at this time. Just keep being a good mom, and he's gotta figure his shit out.
Do this, it is up to him to get his act together.
1 missing reply
You can't make this better. You can't change his attitude. What is probably already happening is that you're heartbroken.
Therefore, you take on most of the responsibility/care of your son because you think that if your boyfriend doesn't have to any of the diaper changes, midnight feedings etc., then he'll start loving his son. He gets to be the fun dad, while you get to be the overwhelmed mom.
This will continue. You will never get rid of that role. I've seen this happen so many times.