She has given me all of my childhood photo albums, certificates of completions, diplomas, drawings i’ve made, a drawing someone made of baby me and the list goes on.
As a mother, I just cannot imagine doing this even when my kids grow up.
Anyone else?
Yep. All the drawings kids make when they’re like 6 and their parents keep on their fridge are now in a file folder in my office because wtf am I supposed to do with it.
Same, kinda. She stopped collecting after I hit age 8 for the most part. The stuff she kept after that is truly random. Like the order sheet for the school fundraiser, for example.
But it’s all mine now. I downsized it. But it’s still weird because I want to be able to look at my childhood things and remember a happy childhood, but all I remember is being confused and emotionally alone.
Lol I moved this weekend. During the process, I found 3 old journals in my dusty childhood bins that I haven't touched in several years. I was so excited to read them and remember what my childhood was like as I don't really remember a whole lot.
The entirety of all 3 journals was just pages upon pages of me complaining about how miserable I was. It was honestly jarring to read. I wonder if my mom read them, and that's why she didn't want my stuff.
My mom asked if I wanted that stuff (my mom is not the problem parent), said no thank you. She asked what to do with it? I said throw it away? No! I can’t! Okey dokey, I’ll just throw it away when you die then 😂
I feel like nparents go either way, in that they hoard everything or they keep nothing.
My parents are purge-obsessed and kept nothing at all. She often got rid of things when I went to school and suddenly, my toys and games and books were gone.
My mom goes on rants about how “no one can get rid of anything,” but she can.
I guess my nmom is a breed of her own because she did both. She threw a lot of my childhood stuff away but kept others. I honestly think she was buying me toys I didn't want for her own gain or something. I got back a bunch of creepy porcelain dolls then found out my grandmother collects those specific kinds. Were they gifts from my grandmother or gifts my mother gave me to make my grandmother jealous? I'll never know.
My mum threw a lot of my stuff out. I had this lovely painting of my name I did surrounded by colours at school when I was like, 4 or 5 maybe. I loved it. It was framed in a glass frame. She got rid of it and made an excuse saying she didn’t know where it was. We aren’t in contact so I’ll probably never get my childhood photos back.
My mother also played the "I don't know where it went" game. She said nothing as I looked through every room of the house! Diabolical behavior.
Once I was searching for a 1m high bear plushie my friend gave me long ago (which I kinda forgot about it but wanted to show to my bf) and I couldn’t find it. My nmom helped me search for it but while searching I told my boyfriend "I bet she got rid of it but knows I told her not to so she acts innocent". After a bit of time, I finally find it in a small luggage somewhere hidden. My nmom told me that I probably told my bf I was sure she had gotten rid of it and how sad she was that I didn’t trust her…
Like if you can guess I thought that maybe I had a valid reason to think that??
I also got strange porcelain dolls in the 80's when I was a kid that I think were more the things she never got in her own childhood than something for me because you couldn’t really play with them at all, they were more a decorative thing than a toy for that time. If I tell you the truth, that part makes me a little sad to think. I’ve come to a point were I put boundaries but I'm trying to let go all the resentment away. Is not easy but I think if they don't want to deal with it I can't be angry all the time and have to focus on my own mental health and start by letting things go. I have a family of my own and that's my main focus. The rest … one step at a the time
I'm also an 80s kid and I think this was exactly what was happening, which is very sad to think about. But at the same time, our caregivers chose to keep the cycle going instead of breaking it. I'll never do that to my own kids.
SAME. She often got me two of things so she could play with it, too. But never with me lol. She never wanted to play with me and always got a souped up version of what I wanted for herself (that I was not allowed to play with and she was into first/more/better)
My mom hoards. Heck she still has all of our children's books collecting dust and must in the basement and refuses to donate them. She cannot get rid of anything.
Same with mine, and she most often took it upon herself to get rid of my things and my edads' things. She kept her space and her things clinically organized and simplified.
YES! It was what she made her life revolve around. Without hyperbole, there could be no objects left on surfaces unless she put them there, period. Sweeping every room almost daily, vacuuming, wiping, dusting, cleaning windows, baseboards, anything visible. Washing everything fabric - curtains included, not seasonally, but weekly/bi-weekly... I never had my own space, no one did, it was constantly sterile. I completely relate. Oh, and her favorite chore is washing dishes.
That's so real. Mine still has an original Fitbit Zip and updates her status every day (or whatever that app it comes with is used for, I haven't had one in years). I was basically addicted to exercise in the past, with nothing but encouragement from her of course. I didn't feel right if I didn't go every day, and I was exercising 1.5-4 hours daily... the first sign of disapproval? I needed a ride. Then all at once it was time for an intervention. Life is just wild sometimes.
Definitely and she used to obsessively wash her hands over and over, there was as nearly always a smell of bleach everywhere constantly. I have horsing tendencies which I think is a reaction to stuff getting thrown out. Like clothing I bought out of money I got working part time if it was something she didn’t like or looked “too good” on me it would disappear with stories of it blew off the line and ripped on the fence or she “accidentally” put it through the dryer. I.E she just threw it away to upset me.
I feel that. I don't have a wedding story and I can only imagine how stressful that was, but any kind of attempt at socializing I had that she was also involved with, she always had to insert some negative event involving me as if it were appropriate casual conversation. It wasn't just that she had to be on top either, it was as if she couldn't stand the idea of anyone liking me, or even just NOT disliking me. Getting prickly and passive aggressive about me is her favorite go-to when meeting new people... I'm just glad those events rarely involve her anymore.
I'm so curious what actual healthy normal parents do.
My mom kept things, and then she died.
My dad kept more things, and he gives them to me.
Ugh, same. I'd be gone for a few hours and show up to an empty room and freak the hell out on her, leading to huge blowout fights. She eventually stopped doing that but only because of age
My nmom just threw all of my childhood things away. Didn't bother keeping anything OR giving it to me.
While I was at college, she threw out a lot of my things because she “thought they were my dad’s” (he lives there too, so either way she was secretly throwing away someone else’s stuff).
But since only my things were actually missing, pretty sure that was an intentional raid followed by a practiced excuse.
Note: they live in a four-bedroom house with an attic by themselves (they share a bedroom). Space was not the issue.
SAME!!! She threw away ALL of the books and dolls that I had boxed into the crawl space.
I know it makes me sad. I see other people my age online going through their mom’s closet and trying on their clothes from the 80s or whatever. My parents and grandparents threw everything away. Even the vintage baby clothes. Everything’s gone.
My nmom did this too when I went away to university. She threw away everything that I hadn’t managed to fit into my suitcase when I left. It was a symbolic washing of her hands with regard to me. She then moved the family to a smaller house which had no room for me. I was apparently dead to her for daring to have aspirations.
Mine too. I didn't even know normal parents kept their children's memorabilia. Damn, this sub is sobering sometimes (all of the time)...
No, I have no idea where my childhood memorabilia are. Except for the picturebooks, those my mom still has and I hope they won't be lost by the time she is gone. My dad gave me my first pair of shoes after he spraypainted them as a gift. It is one of my few treasures. I have maybe a handfull of things from before the age of 14. When I got older, I was able to keep a few things safe. Still not a lot.
Every once in a while my mom "cleans up" and calls me: "i have a box of your stuff". It is always filled with things that matter to her, and are from her childhood. She doesn't want to throw them away but is too lazy to store them. And we have to go through the box together before I have to take it home. She tells crap stories about every item and I have to sit and listen and ooh and aaah.
Every once in a while I remember something I had or made. Like a nice drawing or a piece of art. An old diary or a stack of letters from my friends. And I grieve the loss of it all over again.
When I was 15 my great grandparents died and I stole a bunch of pictures from their house at the wake because I knew my family was going to toss them or loose them.
It is sad that you had to be sneaky about it but I am so happy for you that you did it. My grandmother had a box with pictures and when she died it went to my aunt. A few years ago, her daughter told me the box is missing, probably thrown away. I wish I had the clear head at the time of my grandmothers funeral to take at least a few things.
Yep. She even sent me all my old retainers and baby teeth. The last time I was at her house, there wasn't a single picture of me or my sister in the house.
I do art. So does she. Guess how many drawings or paintings she displays that are by me? Now guess how many of her own paintings she displays? / / / / / / / / Answer: 0 from me. 33 neatly hung of hers, and 20 spread un-neatly on a ledge of hers.
Oh, yeah. She sent all that, too. Except for the best pieces. Which she destroyed. It's such a shame that society rewards their behavior.
It sucks that we are all here!
Omg!!!! When I moved out, all the photos of me were gone, from the fridge the walls! Everywhere! I’m an only child and it always make me uncomfortable of all the shrines they had of me….it was even creepier when they disappeared and my parents acted like nothing happened.
It’s almost like they had them up because they were supposed to. Like oh yes human parents have photos of their kid everywhere… but once you’re out the obligation is done so they can drop it???
Yes. My NM started cleansing her life of any reminders of her children, as soon as our father died. We were still teenagers, but she wanted us gone and erased as soon as possible.
I think since she had kids for our father, and he had the audacity to get cancer and die in his 40’s, she no longer wanted to pretend she was a mother.
That didn’t cause a lifetime of trauma. Not at all. 🙄
Omg I could have wrote this. The EXACT thing happens to me !! Once dad died, shit hit the fan. It was bad when he was alive but dang…. She was a monster after.
I’m so sorry that you understand how this feels.
It was so confusing for me because I needed comfort and love from my mother and she absolutely refused to give it to me.
My normal grief after my father’s death became “what’s wrong with you?!” and was pathologized as ”depression” by my NM.
That’s when my NM started the narrative that I was “mentally ill”, “unhinged”, “sick”, and I needed to be “locked up”.
I think my mom did this to like 3 different guys
My dad did a full renovation months after my mom died. It was so confusing for me. I still lived in the house.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
My NM moved us across the country after my dad died and I lost all my friends, my hobbies, everything that was familiar and safe.
All my NM cared about was herself and what she wanted. She never once considered that we had needs or feelings.
As far as she was concerned, me and my siblings were only inconvenient garbage she needed to dispose of.
Fuck. I’m so sorry. I didn’t physically go anywhere but everything safe was ripped away from me, too. That wasn’t fair of our parents to do to us.
I hope you are doing better now.
My Nmother kept absolutely nothing. I have no idea what she did with my childhood memorabilia. She most likely didn’t keep it, as I’d get a spanking for bringing home straight A’s.
My Nparents sold off virtually all my belongings (except for my unsalable, threadbare wardrobe) at a garage sale while I was at work. I was seventeen, and this occurred shortly before they moved away. My nine-year collection of MAD magazines was the biggest loss.
That also was the year I gained emancipated-minor status, never lived with my Nparents again, and rarely visited.
Something strange my Mum did was 'give' my huge panda that was my first stuffed animal and that I have heaps of pics with as a baby to the foster kids next door. No consultation to me about it... yet she kept all of my brothers stuffed toys and hers from a child. I was pretty upset about it. It was missing an eye and helped shape my imagination as a child....
Here's the weird part. I was cleaning out my brothers room as he had moved out and I had to stay with my parents temporarily, awaiting a personal loan approval.
I found the panda under his bed, she hadn't 'given' it away.. only lied about it. I don't know why she wanted to inflict the emotional pain but it was another nail in the coffin that made me distrust her more.
Damn, that’s pure evil. Sorry you had to go through that.
Do you have the panda now?
Hey sadly it is still there. Upon staying with them with my very young so, my Dad had physically assaulted me after I confronted Mum about some gaslighting. I was able to leave with some help and only took two cars worth of belongings and a removalist went to collect my furniture in the storage container. I didn't have much of a chance to comb the house for my sentimental items, trophies etc. I haven't been in contact with them for almost a year now, feels amazing but yeah, with some sacrifice. When you have a child though protecting them holds so much more worth than a childhood belonging. He has his own large panda which is cool also.
My mom has given me most of my childhood stuff. I’m shocked she had the decency to hang onto any of it. One odd thing she did was ask if I wanted an Easter egg I painted as a child, I said no thanks. She gave it to Goodwill then sent me a picture of it for sale on their shelf.
Yes, she did.
It is so weird when someone posts an exact thing that happened to you.
My mom gives my stuff away to other people and wonders why I care.
Depends on what she wants I guess.
When her and my dad finally split houses, every handmade ornament went to him, she didn't want them. She wanted "themed" trees, the other stuff was "tacky". Even though she's self proclaimed a "crafty" person and her answer to most things is "we can make it ourselves for cheaper!". Even the ones she made with me, I guess the memory doesn't mean anything to her.
But when she finally let me come get my stuff from the house, she had "helped" and packed it all for me. I only ended up with a few of my things, and I've since learned she was carrying my sketchbook around with her. I got it back.
I’m so uncomfortable with this topic because I haven’t processed it. My stepmom has given me back all the things I made my dad ever…. My mom, who has passed would never dream of such behaviour. It’s been excruciatingly painful for me to work through. She did it to my son, as well, given us everything back.
Just when I think "nothing shocks me anymore" ... like wtf? Why the grandkids crafts for grandpa too?? Dang sorry.
She thinks she has champagne tastes and homemade doesn’t fit in her decor. He’s only allowed one picture of my son up.
Not Mom (she died) but Ndad did this. Gave me every photo, painting, family heirloom because he was moving into his new house with his new wife. A few years after, he must have regretted it because he angrily complained that I had “taken everything”. You give your 40 something kid ALL of your memories, giving me the impression that you didn’t give a shit about them. And now I’m supposed to give them back? Um, no.
Yep. I’ve had all my baby albums etc since I was like 13. I never understood why she didn’t want them. She would’ve thrown them out if I hadn’t kept them. My kids would have to pry their baby books away from me. They can have them when I’m gone
My parents kept nothing and just threw most of it away. If i wouldn’t have secured my picture book from my gran after she died it would’ve been probably lost as well. I only have a handful of pictures of my childhood as they never bothered to take pictures of me and already lost some of the existing photos years ago.
My mom took a lot of photos of me, but never developed them so thus never printed / displayed any. (I had to pose for so many photos.) I have two photos of “kid me” that were not taken by the school.
I think she saw other people taking pictures of their families and thought she might as well do it too, but without any of the feelings/sentiment behind the gesture.
My mom didn't even bother keeping pictures of me as a child, and the only drawings of mine that she kept were ones that she decided to color and draw over. Even drawings that meant a lot to me, she'd steal, color over, then claim as hers or say she fixed it.
My mom did this too! I was super upset.
She never understood why I was so upset about it either. It made me feel crazy
I am pretty sure unless she has an intellectual disability, she understands. Just probably not why she did it. But she fakes not understanding why you were upset. I've no clue why. The lack of awareness never made sense to me either, but when I repainted every memory with her having full awareness, it all made sense. She's just a liar
I saved my own stuff In a big file folder. I saved it. The kid. For the mom. The same mom who forgot what hospital I was born in, forgot my first word and forgot to take pictures of me as a kid. She had 2 kids! With a 10 year age gap!
Poor little me
I imagine she kept mine to have people ask who that is in the photo so she can create a sob story about an estranged daughter for attention. I'm sure she also includes me in the count when someone asks and doesn't miss the chance to say that one of them refuses to speak to her in a sad tone.
Mother left all of my childhood photos in the house she sold and told them she didn’t wasn’t them. So my childhood doesn’t exist. When my kids ask I have no idea. I wanted to look at my baby pictures to see how closely my kids resembled me and I can’t. Just constant reminders of how shitty my nparents are
I’m so sorry you had to go through that! That is actually evil!
Yes, systematically over the years. I’m glad she gave me my baby book, but why doesn’t she want it? The last time I visited about 2 years ago, there was one group photo on the wall that I was in. Any other traces of me are gone.
She has two children, and my sibling is great, but I don’t understand why there isn’t room in her heart for two of us.
Same! :-/
She threw out all my actual belongings when I left hime at 17. She kept some pictures and various school certificates and such that she eventually sent me. My favorite part was when she was going to throw out my only remaining baby photos - and told me I was vain for wanting to keep them.
Like many of you, there are no photos of me in her house. But many, many copies in different sizes of the same photo of the dog I had to rehome for her.
Erased my presence from her home when I moved out. It is like I am an ex spouse she despises.
Yes!!
Childhood memorabilia? What is that? I couldn't even get my parents to buy a school photo and they certainly never pointed a camera at me. They either threw out or gave away everything after I left home, including everything I'd bought with my own money
Ha my parents keep saying they have a garage full of bins of my stuff (it’s not mine lol it’s theirs) and when am I going to come get it. I’m like I’m not picking up a bunch more shit I haven’t touched since I moved out 16 years ago just throw it away.
My mom is an organized hoarder. She keeps EVERYTHING but at least her house is organized and clean (the rage cleaning and employing everyone including house guests to do her cleaning is another story).
She has been trying to slowly give me all of my childhood stuff over the years (I’m in my 30s) as she begins to finally purge her home (we still have TVs purchased in 1999 in each bedroom of a $3M house). Artwork, my old baby clothes, old and outdated furniture. Becomes FURIOUS when I don’t want most of it and accuses me of being unsentimental, shallow. Her latest is trying to give me all of my clothes, from infancy thru 18, now that I have a daughter. I don’t have the room or mental space for my house to become her storage unit.
I had to have my siblings find it in her hoarder lite house and give it to me. Most of it was poorly kept and ruined. What was not were carefully packaged elementary school crafts I kept protected
I feel like I don't have childhood memories because the good memories kinda slipped away from my brain and filled up with bad memories.
Also they stole 22 years me without forgiveness. I just wish them stay rotten.
Mine gave me what few pictures she had of me and an absolutely stuffed shoebox of pictures of her and random stuff she likes: flower exhibits, vacation photos, etc.
Fun fact: There are ZERO photos of me after my dad died that I didn’t beg her to take or weren’t annual school photos. More confirmation I was never one of her interests.
Yeah she gave me everything when they moved. I was in my early 30s.
I was finishing university overseas and every monthly 'just saying hi' phonecall was them mentioning to me to 'get my stuff out of the house as we can't have it effect the sales value. The real estate agent said it needs to be cleaned out!'
What's funny? My parents are super clean people. Seriously, the house could have been put up the very next day. They had 5 things in the garage. At the time I had one box in the crawl space under the house. They HATED it was there.
I graduated which my Nmom ignored and told me the second I stepped back in my country to pick it up and I did.
The house took a very long time to sell and took several markdowns. House was in perfect shape, just never updated. 90s pristine kitchen. No open concept . Yellow bathroom shower/sink/toilet. No.ensuites. Electric vs gas heat. For years they had refused to updated anything past 1992.
Good thing my baby book was out of the crawlspace.
Your parents saved stuff of yours? If I got an award or even made something (which I always did because I'm an artist and have been since I could pick up a pen), my mom would ask me if I wanted to keep it. I don't have anything I've made since the age of 13-14 because I was trained to throw everything out even if I really liked it. Eventually, I just stopped fighting against the urge to make her happy and throw things out and keep everything I made out of spite. She would still come into my room and ask me if I still needed my stuff (collected items, art I made, awards, etc.). I think the only reason I'm not a hoarder is that now that she has moved away, I don't have a reason to keep stuff out of spite.
Yes!!!!
Yep, as soon as my dad died she gave me back every mother's day card or school project I ever made but promptly ensured that I would never see my childhood home or anything else I grew up with. The worst is that she gave me every single photo album. She has none of my baby photos, absolutely no pictures of me as a kid.
That reminds me to never speak to her again.
Omg my husband’s mom has been doing this recently and it’s pissing me off. She had to move to a smaller place and she keeps giving my husband all this crap like baby clothes and trophies. I don’t want this stuff and she tells my husband not to throw it away and will cry and freak out if he doesn’t keep it. 😒
No. My Nmom has hoarded most everything except for gifts given to me by my sisters, which Nmom always is trying to get rid of for me. But she still keeps things given to her for me before I was born from my dad's family; whom she has vehemently blocked all visitation and communication with (possibly illegally), and shit talked for decades. Make it make sense, Nmom.
I have my stuff and my brothers because they couldn't even be bothered to sort it.
Yup. All of the photos (She kept them albums, stripped all the photos out and threw them into an old suitcase) the things I had on the wall (Like the 'I know my ABCs' wall hanging she darned for me when I was too small to remember) basically everything that had any connection to me, as well as anything they had left that was connected to my sisters. She handed them off to me after I moved out the second time (When they kicked me out) and that was it.
She gave me nothing. She hoarded it in her garage until it was eaten by termites, and then proceeded to complain that she didn’t have any pictures of me.
Every.Single.One.
My nmom just gave me all of her memorabilia as well. Her old photos with her friends that I’ve never met, high school photos, wedding album, photos of my grandparents, everything. We’re on good terms because my mom seems to be narcissistic due to a lack of intelligence or something along those lines (she’s not intentionally mean, she doesn’t comprehend that her behavior is inappropriate or hurtful). I just take all of it and try to look at it like Swedish death cleaning. It’s less for me to sift through when she does pass. I have thrown out all of my old drawings except the cool ones I did in high school, photos of people I don’t know, and any bad/low quality photos. I still have a lot of organizing to do, I want to condense all of the boxes into one large album.
Sadly relatable. My parents had a birthday party for me once, after I switched schools, and I invited all my friends from the old school. It was fun, but also the last time I saw them, because she was not the type of mom to host playdates, or be bothered to drop me off for one either.
My grandmother did this, loved getting Christmas ornaments I made for them as a child back. Not.
My stepmonster did that to my son. He’s 8
No, she destroyed all of it. I am slowly replacing some dearly loved things. Finally got my stuffed animal back, and now am searching for other things.
Yes! I wonder why? Even the cards I gave her and my dad when I was young.
Holy crap, yes! I moved several states away, and I started receiving boxes from her in the mail. My baby book, drawings I did in school, all my junior and senior high report cards (she knows I’m not happy about reliving my grades), and all sorts of things moms keep. I even got my baby shoes. I never put it together with the narcissism, so at least I have something to pin my hurt feelings on.
Yes. When she left and abandoned our childhood house, she took nothing of remembrance of my brother and I with her. It’s like she erased us from her life .
Still demanded Mother’s Day cards and praise tho.
Yes omg
Yes! All my Christmas ornaments and photos. I thought this was a normal thing until I tried to give my daughter some of her ornaments and she said those were gifts for you! Apparently most mothers don’t do that.
I traveled for 6 months when I was in college and sent my mom letters and postcards. She gave me my own letters that I wrote to her. That seemed so weird to me so thank you for this post.
She didn’t even have my vaccination records. She had very little. I take better care of my pets.
My nmom gave me most my baby and childhood pictures and threw out the rest. I couldn’t understand at all why she would do this until I found this subreddit.
It’s absolutely wild that nparents seem to all act the same.
I’m slowly making sense of it all and have begun to heal.
Most of Reddit is toxic shit but this sub is a godsend
I gave my dad a binder of my own writing, copies I'd made of work from elementary school to present day, with a note for him as the first page. I got the binder back in a plastic bin full of my stuff a few years later. I think maybe my mother packed it without looking to see what it was, but it still stung.
Yep. Have everything to me and my brother. Kept nothing.
Yep all of it when I left home
We have multiple totes full of my husband's childhood memories. Breaks my heart his mom didn't want these things anymore. Mother's Day cards and all.
YES!!!!
My NMil gave my husband boxes and boxes of all of his shit as soon as we bought our house. As if boxes upon boxes of his teenage clothes weren't bad enough (saying I could wear his jeans, knowing damn well I just had a baby and gained 70lbs during pregnancy and no way in hell I could so she could dig at my weight gain that was used to grow her grandchild), this bitch gave him boxes upon boxes of MAIL from when he was a teen (not anything sentimental, bills like car insurance and cell phone bills from a decade ago - because throwing it out when you have a paper shredder makes 0 sense /sarcasm).
She even snuck in her junk in every box. Nothing of value. Only junk. So much so, our attic is entirely filled with these boxes 15 years later because we just had a baby/moved in/were juggling work + school and never had time to sort through it or quite frankly wanted to. I plan on renting a dumpster to dump it all this summer finally. So...not only did she unload this junk on us, but it's taken over our attic for years and is costing us $ now to finally rid ourselves of it. Thanks Pam, ya narcissistic bitch mother in law from hell....
But the stuff that's sentimental? The toys my husband hoped to pass on to our daughter's? Family memories and heirlooms? The things her son actually wants? "he can't have them", "she doesn't know where they are" or worse..."she sold them" (she's a multimillionaire and doesn't need the $, but breaking her son's heart is her favorite pastime).
Ugh. Resentment is an understatement. I despise that woman and am so so so glad my husband has been NC for 4 years because her boxes of junk NEVER ended. Every visit came with trash, as if her presence wasn't trash enough. lol thanks for the space to vent....whew, trigger unlocked 😭 🤣
She gave me a big box of my things last year. Yes she gave me everything she has…
My mom just tried to make me come and pick up this stuff and more because "this is what you would find when your father and I die and you have to clean out our house except you won't be there then so that is why we are giving it to you now." I never once said I wouldn't be there. It was always her just telling me I wouldn't...
My father recently gave me a bag of old things he kept from when I was a kid -- drawings, notes, creative things.. many of these 30+ years old. Certificates and awards throughout school, old report cards. ALSO many notes from me, dating back quite farther than I can remember writing these things, in elementary school. "Apology letters" to mother and father, saying I'm sorry for acting this way I'm sorry for yelling I'm sorry for whatever, I love you......" It makes me feel sick. With what I know now: It shows how one-sided everything was. I'm not saying I should have yelled at my parents, but there were reasons I was yelling, and no one else - THE ADULTS whose responsibility it is to take accountability - took accountability. The fact that my dad even kept these notes is sickening, why does he want to remember this? I certainly don't.
Nope, My mom kept nothing except photos, everything was thrown out or go even away save a few things which she kept of course. We were forced to give away toys as kids, she regularly cleaned out our rooms of anything she didn’t want to keep. I have one book and one stuffed animal I managed to hide and smuggle out of the house before she got to it. I have issues now with keeping things and trouble throwing things away because often I would come home from school and something important to me would just be gone. If I asked she’d say, it was junk.
Wow, this is exactly how both of my parents were
I'm not saying this to invalidate but maybe just offer a different perspective: I know plenty of people with non-narcissistic parents who have done this. A lot of people just believe that their kids are going to want it all one day. I'm not saying your mom isn't a narc, but idk if this in isolation is a narcissistic thing to do. Context is also really important though, and I'm sure being a narc that she didn't do this in a nice way.
My mom gave me all of my childhood things and didn't keep anything for herself. I visited her recently and she has photos up of my brother but none of me. When I asked about it she said she's just never owned any photos of me. I used to be a model, so that's just a weird lie. I trashed most of the memorabilia. I saved a couple things but looking back on my childhood is really sad for me so I don't care to keep the reminders. I have a couple photos of me as a kid and some diary entries to remind myself how far I've come.
No. This was all guarded as her property and if I wanted to see it I had to beg. After no contact something I mourn is I have no photos or moments of myself I didn't take myself. Not that she took many of me to begin with.
I feel this. Even though mine gave me things like school reports and awards she hoarded child photos. I did an autobiography for school once and “borrowed” some photos (this was before scanners and digital cameras) and I remember her being very clear on how I must return them. They were a few pictures of me, my brothers and her and dad (which were divorced by then).
Thankfully I never did give them back because it means I have one photo of my brother from when we were kids. He died in his 20s and I have just that one photo plus his work ID photo.
She however has albums and albums of us all as kids, all the official school photos. I will no doubt never see these again and that loss of heritage/childhood makes me so very sad.
She didn't see much point in documenting us so there were VERY few pics to begin with. I mean one albums worth over an entire lifetime.
I get that film wasn't as accessible as digital cameras but come on. Literally no effort.
To not even have those is a nasty blow. It's like my entire childhood didn't exist.
Yes! after our last fight (just before I went NC) she gave me everything - photos, keep sakes and even my childhood doll (I was happy to “save her” 😅). It felt to me that she did it out of spite… I was actually relieved to get these things back as I had already decided on NC.
My stepmom gave me all of mine
Yup. And gave me every gift I ever gave her.
Still salty she gave our vhs collection away, that was a gold mine.
My mom threw mine all away. She was angry I didn't come home on holiday breaks.
lol mom sent a relative to dump bankers boxes of report cards and letters from teachers. because of what a "problem child" I was.
Yep. My daughters and I had visited her on Mother’s Day, they saw their baby pictures and her baby picture on display and wondered where mine was. What she didn’t toss out already she dumped on me 10 years ago, didn’t even keep my baby pictures.
No, my nmom, threw all of mine out. Her words “I didn’t need it”
Nope. Mine kept everything, even toys that were gifts to me.
Somewhere along the way, though, she got rid of nearly all of it. Most of it was gone when I cleaned out her house.
No. She threw it away.
My MIL did this. It completely baffled me that she didn't want anything her son had made for her
Mine gave me all my pictures from growing up, all of my school pictures, my baby book, baby clothes... She only kept one picture of me. There are no pictures of us as a family because this family doesn't exist. Any drawings I made her when I was little, I have those in a folder somewhere.
"Family means everything" yeah keep telling yourself that as you make sure there's no evidence we fucking exist that anyone can look at.
My Ndad threw away everything in my bedroom after I came to my senses and moved in with my mom when I was 16.
Mine kept nothing and until recently I thought that was normal. They only thing they keep for awhile were anything made out of paper that could be filed like report cards. They’re very disorganized so when they came across it, they put it aside and gave it to me. But the pile was small. Only good report cards and just from those first few school years. No toys, no books, no clothing, no other memorabilia that a normal parent would keep. They even gave me all of my childhood photos. Who fucking does that?
at a certain point, i refused to accept more. she kept the stupid paper. she gave away everything i actually wanted, like the toys
Yep. Sent all of my photo albums in a box with no note when I was in my late twenties. Made me feel terrible. That was nearly 20 years ago and I still remember how rejected I felt. I confronted her about it and she told me she didn't have room to store them despite having a large house and plenty of storage. It was very much a passive aggressive action on her part.
Oh my gosh yes! My parents sent me everything like it was The plague
...wow. I never thought of this as a thing. Over the years my mom has given me all of the Beanie Babies we collected, all my high school yearbooks, all the newspaper clippings she'd saved (and even sometimes went out of her way to get) from my accomplishments in band or the community, my poetry (school assignments, not private stuff), cards I'd made her... Damn. :( Now I'm depressed...
Loooool omg yes. Yes she did this. Sooo weird
I have all that stuff too.
Yep. They moved out of the house and dumped everything on me. I have a storage unit I am clearing out over time, but more than one box of my keepsakes. I knew it would happen because when I was 16 my mother clears out the attic and just called my sister one day to pick up her stuff or she was throwing it out. I was lucky my throw out seçession happened during Covid, so she had to bring it all to me.
My NMom hoarded my things for as long as I was alive. I mean, before my dad & I started throwing it out (pending divorce), she still had old assignments from my school in the 4th grade.
I’m curious, why do you think our NMoms do this?
Nope she never kept any of my stuff to begin with ..I would love to have my class photos from elementary school (I know we had them when I was a kid) but she "doesn't know what happened to them"
Actually yeah, I didn't think much of it but it did give off light "get the last box of your crap out of my house so I can free up room" vibes.
Yep. My nmom gave me everything of mine that she could get to in her house before she died, and left her house and the contents to me. My n/edad over the past few years has given me everything of mine that he could get to in his apartment, including pairs of socks from when I was in elementary school to high school. The weirdest thing nmom gave me was the contents of the garbage can in my old room and her hammer which had been in my old room when I moved out. For context, my parents are/were hoarders, which just makes it that much worse.
My mom put it in her front yard and called me and goodwill pick up at the same time. Told me whoever got there first it was theirs. So, at least you have things from your childhood?
My mum saved none that. She said was unnecessary trash. My old childminder however I had over 20 years ago still has stuff I drew her and memorabilia and pictures me receiving pics and pics of every Halloween costume my siblings and I at hers. Mum always wondered why we hated the days we weren't at our childminder. My parents would never take pictures of us either except my dad has a few on his phone my brother but none of my sister and I
My mum destroyed all my childhood memorabilia and sold what she could :(
When our nmum died there was nothing in her house to show she’d ever had kids. I didn’t think anything odd about it until my friends mothers died too and they had stuff like you all say!
🤣🤣🤣 Gods I wish. She told me she sold her house 2 weeks after she had done so. She sold it to flippers. She just took what she wanted and everything else went in the trash. I lost most of my memorabilia from my time in the military and a few boxes of stuff from when my kids were babies.
She knew I had boxes that I couldn’t find when I moved out and wanted. It’s been almost 4 years and I still haven’t healed from that one.
My mum didn't even keep anything. She threw out my birth certificate at some point. Social services helped me get a new one (I was under 18 at the time and I'm disabled. They helped me get mine and my little sisters) And yet she has folders of memory's with dogs she fostered (she got banned from fostering or keeping pets now tho lmao) and photos of the pups she fostered up on the wall. Nothing of me and my sisters tho. There's not a single photo of me as a baby I can find at all. There's a few of my siblings but none of me. I had to hide my awards and certificates or she'd "take them to look after" and they'd never be seen again.
Edit to say: my mum is a horder too. She has so much junk everywhere of things she never uses. But kept nothing relating to my childhood. She even got rid of my dad's birth certificate too. We realised a few months after I had gotten mine and my little sisters so he came to me asking for help to get a new one without my mum knowing. Poor man
No. I’m glad my parents gave everything to me. Love going through the stuff.
Mine got put into the attic in a box that was then damaged in the damp. It had some of my best poetry and all my childhood art, I was devastated. But I do believe my mum at least wanted to keep some of it.
No, it was enough of a struggle to get my birth certificate and other vital records from her when I was getting ready to apply as a permanent resident in another country. She's hanging onto everything from a certain time my late controlling father wanted us to forget. My father also recklessly threw away lots of my stuff I left behind when I moved out, so I don't even know what's left. I'll find out after she passes. Having mentally ill parents who avoided treatment sucks.
My nmom moved and left behind all of our childhood photo albums. When I saw that I asked her if she forgot to take them and if she wanted me to mail them and her response was “ehh if you want”.
Almost all of my childhood belongings have been left behind in storage units that got abandoned because we moved so much, and couldn't take everything with us and I was always promised we'd be able to get our stuff back but it's been a handful of years and I know those bills haven't been paid so it probably got auctioned away
My husband mom did this to him when we got engaged. Not even married. I told him it's weird because it is weird. They also have 0 pictures of their kids when they were little on the wall. Weird AF.
Also literally the day after my Dad died she was bagging up his clothes. I asked to keep a cardigan (Dad loved a cardy and had one on most days). She begrudgingly let me take one and said “ don’t you be sat weeping and wailing over that”. she also told me to stop crying and pull myself together when we were waiting to see the funeral director a week or 2 later. Mind you she turned on the tears when they arrived got to have an audience lol
No, she refused to give me anything even keeping personal belongings. I have 4 photos from my childhood that an ex stole for me while we were visiting. And I had to pay off electronics that I had purchased on credit, but that she refused to allow me to take with me.
More like, she just threw it all away
This is an interesting question and making me think. I have an Nmom but I’m NOT an nmom. My mom gave me all of my childhood stuff she saved (baby book, report cards, photos, drawings I made etc) and I stuck them in my attic. My own kids are 18 and 20 and still live with me so I have all of their items I’ve cherished. This summer I’m going to organize and go through things, and I don’t know what the “right” thing to do is. My instinct is to ask them what is important to them and organize and keep those things. In addition to the things of theirs that are important or memorable to me. By nature I’m a minimalist and don’t want to be a hoarder or someone whose kids say why did they keep that junk for me to get rid of when they die. I also never want my kids to feel discounted or not cared about. Thoughts?
My mother got rid of some of my old school reports. At least that's what she told me. I think she did because she is worried that I was worried I was going to use them against her. Thankfully I still have a lot of doccos in ny possession.
Nope. I’ve got nothing, but that’s the price I pay for being on contact
My mother had taken my childhood things, without anyone knowing. The only reason I found out was because I found them in a room she decorated with antique stuff. She said that she would "eventually" give them back to me. They were things like my favorite childhood teddy bear and a beautifully carved rocking chair that my paternal grandfather had gifted specifically for me when I was born. The teddy especially was very sentimental for me, because he passed away.
She now has dementia. She has no idea where my things are and sometimes denies taking them.
Mine kicked me out at 11 after we moved to a whole nother country, and within two days threw out everything I owned after. As in, not even kept one thing/photos etc. bedding and all. And instantly turned that room into a storage. This was after my dad was arrested(and later let go due to his connections, billionaires are ass hats and he has diagnosed NPD with the ASPD traits which is shit, mom has diagnosed NPD)for abusing us. She also moved in her boyfriend and treated his kids like family while ignoring us completely. And I was pissed because I had an archie book comic collection worth over 200k today, really expensive gifts and things I wanted as reminders. It's no surprise I'm NC with her now, and i can't wait for the day I don't have to see my dad anymore.
My mother hoards mine and won’t allow me to have any of it, even my birth certificate, social security card, and savings bonds :/
Yes I just got all of it.
No, most of it went in the trash
I don't usually post here because my parents are not narcissists. I'm actually very lucky in that regard. But I thought my comment might be useful in this regard to show that it's not just something that narcissist parents do. About 10 years ago, my parents started packing up into separate boxes, memorabilia, drawings, school papers, etc. They packed these up into separate boxes, one for each of their children and each of their grandchildren and make them available for us to pick up. It looks like they did hold onto a few things because just recently she gave me my baby book. But generally speaking they they gave back to us.Everything that we had made or won or earned in school or sports. My parents are in their 70s, but started doing this in their early 60s, and I think that makes sense. They knew what it was like when their parents passed away and they had to go through those houses and try to make decisions while they were greiving. So, I think they wanted us to not have that burden when they pass, but also to let us decide what was important enough for us to want to keep and what needed to go.
Here is the difference - they did that equally for all of you, at a certain time. For us, even distribution did not happen. One child's was kept and the other child's was given back/away/destroyed altogether, depending on how the parent actually felt about us (which we all felt all along).
I'm sorry to hear that. I will say that my parents did not do it all at once. It was a process of years, and as far as i'm aware, we didn't all get our boxes at the same time. But still, I guess my thought that it's not abnormal for parents to pack things up and give them back to their children is still not on point because it depends on the attitude with which the parents do so.
Yup. The guy legally known as my father mailed me everything I ever made him. It was a big fat message: I do not want you to remember you. Your childhood is not worth remembering either.
Mine threw mine away despite knowing I wanted my yearbooks.
Mine never kept it in the first place.
Honestly, I wish this happened to me. All my old photos were trashed once the albums were full. None of my drawings went anywhere other then the trash. Diplomas were shown to family and friends before thrown into the trash. Certificates of completions were just pieces of paper ... yes thrown straight into the trash once seen. I would try to hide all of these things but mom would go to "clean" my room once a month and find everything. None of her old clothes in trash bags left in my room for years but my diplomas are open game.
The school stuff she gave me, she'd kept some in folders. Anything academic she had saved, big pressure in my parents house to get good grades.
My Dad gave me some old photo albums, and I took them to scan and save digitally. My mum was furious, as they were "her's". Like they're photos OF me, and I wasn't going to keep them anyway.
She left them at my dads house for years after they separated, only an issue once she knew I had them.
I haven't gotten any of mine but my mother dropped off all of my brothers "keepsakes" on his porch one day. Hospital bracelets, photos,baby blankets, etc.. He wasn't expecting it though since she didn't tell him she would be dropping it off. He threw all of it away. He didn't want it and clearly she didn't. She was pissed and complained to me about it for months. Why wouldn't she just keep them if they were a big deal to her?
My mom didn't even keep it to give to me. The only childhood stuff I have is stuff I saved myself.
Yep, all she could find in her hoarder house. She also gave me Xmas ornaments I made as a kid and picture ornaments.b
She asked me if I wanted them, or she’d throw them away.
To be fair (which is usually not my inclination when it comes to her), I’m the youngest child and I’m in my late 50’s. We were grateful that they cleared shit out of their basement while they were still able to.
My mom constantly gave away all the art we made. I was actually a pretty good artist - won little awards, had my art in the San Francisco Chronicle newspaper. She kept none of it. The only stuff I have I got back when my grandmothers died because she’d sent some things to them. She didn’t keep any photos either. Again, the only pics I have from my childhood came from my grandparents. Both of my grandmothers were hoarders, and my Nmom has always been proud that she’s not sentimental like them.
She gave me all my sentimental Christmas ornaments (including my first Christmas one), a box full of old school things like journals/report cards/worksheets, a few school projects, my baby book, a ton of old photos, some home movies, and an album with more photos and a bunch of my certificates and awards and things.
I think she has a small collection of things I made specifically for her in my middle school art classes (though I wouldn’t be surprised if they just broke and she never said anything) and maybe a handful of photos. She still has a few home movies I made in high school too, but judging by the state of the ones she gave me already, they’re probably covered in mold or heat damaged from being stored in the loft space of her garage.
Honestly though, I’m glad to have most of it (esp. the school things) because it’s helped fill in some memory gaps for me and also helped me illustrate to a few people how desperate I was for her approval/love growing up.
She didn't even give to me lol
I have my baby book and 3 school pictures. She never kept anything else.
Yep. She kept everything.
Then she put it out in the rain, uncovered, in cardboard boxes, and told me to come get it. It was hours away and mildewed/moldy by the time I got there... after being safe in the attic or my old room for 20+ years.
The hurt that caused.... It still can hit me.
I didn't want much, but there were a few things I would've kept.
I left it all behind.
Apparently, she may have junked most of it, but it looks like she kept and cleaned a few things. She presented one of my old dolls to my daughter a few years back. It was a fucking gut punch and the last time I let her give my kids things without first inspecting them.
Subsequent gifts have been 35+ year old plastic headbands that shatter when you breathe on them, things from my old room, and dollar store toys, regardless of whether my kids are interested in them or not.
I always kept the memorabilia that was important to me. My mom kept nothing and took no pictures. I don’t care because I don’t care about her. I actually would hate for her have some childish expression of love when I don’t love her at all.
My folks kept very little to begin with ha ha. But, after they spit in 2000, my mom did a garage sale and sold off all my childhood toys I kept (I was 21 or so then)...the highest priced item was $1... cheapest was $0.05. A green leather couch set like new, computer table, computer (Mac)...$1 ea. I was away in college and got home a few days too late. All my childhood toys were sold off for likely less than $5.
Sorry, OP, that sucks. Are you keeping what you got?
Yes, with one exception: she threw out this baby book/journal thing from when I was a toddler, because I guess something in it made her upset. Hiding the evidence lol. 🙄
Opposite with my family. My mother won't let me keep 1 thing, not even my favorite blanket. All my childhood stuff is just sitting there rotting, but she'd rather I not have it cuz she's so selfish.
TW maybe...
I'm just laughing an uncomfortable laugh. My mom literally burned it all. Keep something? Ha. She burnt it all to the ground more than once. She's such an asshat lol.
Mine refuses to let me have any of my childhood pictures. I had a recent milestone bday and my sister was going to make a photo board and she begrudgingly gave her my school photos but that’s it. She’s just dirty I went NC so she thinks that’s getting back at me.
Yes, all of mine AND all of my brothers.
Pretty much.
My mom gave me my baby clothes and even things like molds of m teeth for retainers. Like what am I supposed to do with these things? I'm pretty sure I left most of that kind of thing in the closet of what used to be my bedroom along with any school awards and sports awards because she also gave me all of those and never wanted to display those or have those in the house, so I never felt proud of any of them. Just shoved in the back of my childhood closet. I have no idea what would've happened to them since I left several years ago and the room swiftly turned into an office.
why do i relate my mom threw away all my childhood toys
She literally threw all my photos at my feet, when I was 8. (She initially took my photos just to use up the last few after taking a roll of the golden child.) And probably ripped up the ones with her in it. I didn't and still don't care. Less stuff to trash when I moved out. Ironically, she asked for a photo of me as a keepsake when I told her I was moving out.
My nmum regifted one of my remaining childhood books, it clearly had my name inside the front cover , to my daughter one Christmas
She got rid of my doll collection that I specifically put away when I got too old and we talked about one day when I get older how fun it'll be to see them all again. She won't tell me what she did with them or why they're just gone. She still has her own childood barbies and some dolls from my grandmother as well. But mine, all gone. Things she gifted back were for some reason - my framed high school photo at Christmas (?!) one year. And other things that I didn't want from when she downsized that she thought were "important".
Getting rid of my things without my permission really hurt. And her denial of it hurt, too. And to top it off, she threw it back in my face saying "well, what were you going to do, put them (the dolls) on displayyyy?!" Well, no but I also wasn't going to throw them in the trash like you did (or whatever she did with them). I honestly just wanted to look at them one more time for memory sake. And I didn't have boxes and boxes of stuff stored at my childhood home. I had 1 box of dolls I collected as a hobby. That's it. How can a person knowingly throw out something they know is meant something to someone and in that present moment what must be going through their mind???
YES! I was heartbroken when she gave me all these photos from my childhood that she claimed were “mine”.
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