i hate learning to drive

VENT/RANT

Ugh I have no healthy family member that can teach me how to drive WITHOUT anxiety, and it sucks. Plus all my friends are also new to driving so I don’t want to intrude on them.

For context, I have my permit and have been learning to drive for a hot minute through a couple of lesson from an instructor, my grandma, and my mother. Every time I get on the road i’m pretty confident but then my confidence is crushed by weird rules my grandma NEEDS to follow on the road like i HAVE to be turning the steering wheel a certain way (I literally asked my instructor this the first lesson and he said I was actually doing good), I HAVE to be looking at my mirrors all the time (when i’m not changing lanes/merging/etc.) and the way she tells directions is very distracting. When we start driving it’s “oh, looking at the directions is going to be distracting to you so i’ll tell u them.” But when I ask “oh are we going straight at this light?” it’s “why would i ask you to turn, we are at the light??! I said we were going left is 5 miles!” (when i’ve told her idrk how to eyeball miles 😭😭 just answer the question!! Cause she’ll legit keep asking me “why would we turn here??!!” I was just making sure damn). Today she did all of this and it really stressed me out and then she blamed me for “stressing myself out.”

My mom has been okay with driving so far, it’s just that i’m a little distracted when we drive cause I try not to even be on the same room with her for long cause she’s just always so mean to everyone for no reason. So i guess she’s the best pick of the two 😭😭

Why can’t i just have a healthy family member, what did i do to deserve every milestone to be so fucking stressful??

in raisedbyborderlinesby LittlestBells

100%

19d

Mammoth-Twist7044

19d

i’m sorry you have such crummy options. car rides with the bpds* are a trap already, i’d be very stressed as a new driver trying to stay safe and manage your stress from your “instructor.” best of luck to you - as your actual instructor already told you, i’m sure you’re doing great.

LittlestBells

19d

ty!! i’ll probably just have to bite the bullet and drive with my mom, take the test, and then i’ll be good lol

breakfastandlunch34

19d

You can do it! I’m 34 and still don’t drive because I never learned for the same reasons. It’s been fine since I live in cities, but still, I wish I had learned earlier.

skatterskittles

19d

Same here!

FiguringOutDollars

19d

I just came to say although I was able to switch away from learning with my pwbpd, but I started there and I relate. Drove into a ditch on a relatively straight road while I was being screamed at since I was so nervous. Didn’t attempt to drive with my mom again until the day of my drivers exam. She had to come. She yelled at me for driving (only) the speed limit the whole way there… on mainly residential roads.

I’m sorry all of our most memorable have to be centered around some version of trauma. Hopefully driving will give you more freedom and the ability to get away when needed.

avlisadj

19d

Yeah…learning to drive with a BPD parent “teaching” you is kind of a double edged sword. On the one hand, it’s an absolute recipe for disaster. You’re stuck in a confined space with them, the stakes are fairly high, and they have absolute authority over you and know it. Plus, there are all sorts of rules they can arbitrarily enforce when things aren’t contentious enough! At the same time, once you actually get your license, you’ll have a degree of autonomy that will absolutely make your life better. Learning to drive with my mom in the passenger seat was absolute hell, but she enjoyed it so much that she’d frequently reenact the dynamic well into my 30s.

Anyhow, just keep your head down and power through the chaos. Getting your license is a game changer!

numberwunwun

19d

Oh man. This is why, at 35, I still don't have my license. I'm now paying for a kind, patient professional to teach me and it's been night and day. If you can, I'd recommend going solely that route.

I have literal cptsd flashbacks from my "lessons" with my dad.

MissFiatLux

19d

Learning to drive with a bpd is really hard! I had a hard time too and thought I was a bad driver for a long time because I was so stressed. The stuff they yelled at me about ended up being things that I really struggled to learn. I highly recommend just buying lessons if you can afford it! Once I purchased my own car and started driving on my own, things became a lot easier. One thing I really struggled with was merging from lane to lane on the highway. But now that I've been driving by myself for a little bit, I no longer struggle as much and actually quite enjoy it. Never give up and don't let their fear become your fear! I believe you will become a strong driver someday.

bunnylover726

My dad's a cluster B cluster %&#$, Mom's a waif

19d

My state required 50 hours with a parent or other adult in the car with you to get a license before age 18. I could not handle it with either of my BPD parents haha. No fucking way. I rode a bike and the city bus until I was an adult and didn't need parents to sign for me anymore.

My heart goes out to you- it's terrible and people with supportive parents just don't understand.

Mysterious-Region640

19d

What if you were to take lessons from a proper driving instructor? Does that change the rule at all? My personal opinion is that you should never take lessons from a family member or Joe Blow you just pick up all their bad habits not to mention some of the other issues you’ve run into.

bunnylover726

My dad's a cluster B cluster %&#$, Mom's a waif

19d

You need 8 hours with a driving instructor and 50 with parents, grandparents, etc. I agree, it's really stupid. I did the time with a driving instructor and my parents tried to force me to break the law while I was driving (!!!) I didn't feel safe that way, which contributed to me not getting my license until I was an adult.

AmItheasshole-393

19d

I was in the same boat, but there was a driving instructor in my area that taught me for ~250 dollars. You should look into similar services.

I wish you had a healthy family too, but this is the next best thing.

gracebee123

19d

Can a friend with a license and the proper minimum age, teach you instead? Honestly, if someone here lives near you, I bet one of us would be happy to teach you.

If you can go that route, no pun intended, then you don’t have to deal with the stress of being the driver under their coaching.

cathygag

18d

Would any of your friends parents be willing to let you cart them around on their errands for hours, or offer to drive senior citizens with the necessary valid license to qualify for hours to and from church or the doctors office?

spicytaterbean

19d

Just here to validate your feelings. I had to have a friend teach me to drive stick when I was in my 20s cuz learning as a teenager was never gonna happen. Good luck, and hugs if ya want them :)

Flourgirl85

19d

I didn’t learn how to drive until I met my now-husband for this very reason.

Do you have any trusted adults who might be able to help you out?

RevolutionaryBat3081

18d

My dad was a fucking lunatic when I was learning to drive (stick!). My Mom was a lousy teacher, but my Dad was on a whole different level, like actual flailing tantrums!

When I met my husband, I couldn't believe he could be so calm and clear while giving me tips about driving! I'm a much better driver since I met him.

Smooth_Criminal5678

17d

I’m scared about this too. I don’t really know what to tell you here, but just make sure you keep an eye on the training manual. I had to bite the bullet with my parents, sounds pretty awful but the payoff of being able to drive freely in the future is 100% worth it.

burnmealivepls

16d

Omg I always thought this was an issue specific to me. My parent's driving instruction caused me to get into a wreck that totalled the car and fail multiple road tests. Still haven't learned to drive.